Tag: Wisdom

Feeling The Divine

Feeling The Divine

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Do you think/know/feel there is a greater/bigger hand up there with a plan?

If so, what is the relationship with this hand?

I kind of was asking myself the question a lot of late

Quite a number of people around me talks about a divine a god a creator who has a plan for us all. But this isn’t something you get to know by instructional knowledge. It’s something you feel for more than anything else.

2 days back as I was walking towards my hairstylist’s , I thought to myself , what plan is in place and is getting curious.

“I must be following your plan right? I heard myself say. There must be a reason for this.” As I m walking it. I mean I kept seeing these numbers 1111, 222,1221, 1414

Content around Angel numbers say these are messages from the guardian angels and it means you are guided . I sometimes wonder what is the path

This morning in my run, I asked what god or the divine wanted me to know right now.

And I asked myself to open up to this run.

And the response that came back was, “ let go”

I realized how much of a control I am and how things were tough because I exerted control or wanted to control. And how things changed whenever I let go.

For when we have the idea to control, we are using our limited awareness, capabilities capacities to reach something . And that could a diversion or a thwart to the bigger plan.

We close off all other possibilities when we have the eye or mind for just one. The world becomes smaller and we coop ourselves there

While it’s not difficult to see this, it can be complex when we want to practice this . The habitual pattern of clinging and wanting to do something is often called out . And with the reinforced habits of having controlled, it’s way easier to choose control over letting go again

On another note as I ran, I tried to feel for my core and found something propelling me. That’s what beneath the breath, the support for my breath. The only thing I really have. That’s life force or divinity — that which is always propelling me forth.

ITS there!

I try to keep all else away but that in my awareness and to feel it . It is always with us, but with all perceptions beliefs values emotions …layered upon it ,

How many times have we heard—- that we are expressions of the divine and how the divine is in us ?

And do we believe this or know this? To establish this knowing , I think- start feeling. Just feel.

The Heart of the Vajrayana with H.H. Tai Situ Rinpoche

The Heart of the Vajrayana with H.H. Tai Situ Rinpoche

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This event is a special opportunity to receive teachings directly from His Holiness Kenting Tai Situ Rinpoche, the Supreme Head of the Palpung Monastic Seat and the living root guru of Mingyur Rinpoche. Tai Situ Rinpoche will teach us about the perfect, incorruptible true nature of all sentient beings and other essential points of tantra.  

Tantra=ONE ASPECT OF THE TEACHING OF LORD BUDDHA WHICH REPRESENTS THE ESSENCE OF ALL TEACHINGS OF BUDDHA

Heart of Tantra= go back to aspiration of buddha 2600 yrs back when he attained buddha hood in bodhghaya under the bodhi tree

every sentient being in space – from highest in gods to lowest of all living creatures – has potential

Each one of us is capable to be absolutely free and capable of attaining buddhahood

We are all equal in potential to be free and develop our inherent essence and ultimate nature 

Definition of Tantra

-ultimately at all times and beyond times, nothing is happening and nothing has ever happened to anyone and anything thru out the universe

-it means relatively, all kind of countless immeasurable things are happening to everyone and everything throughout the universe, relatively. 

-to identify these things that are happening to all of us, in our surroundings, this reality has to be personally addressed to understand by each of us

we manifest our body our speech our mind

as long as we live in this body, this perception and state of mind is relevant in our mind

all kinds of expressions including speech manifest from it

mind is the control

but sometimes when mind is not clear, it can become slave to our speech emotions thoughts

if we indulge in our physical habits, our thoughts and emotions become immature because definition of indulging is more than necessary and not essential

Heart of Tantra= make us efficient for our sake and everyone around and everything around us

the whole world entire universe is our bigger body, interconnected with our body

speech= expression 

mind at ease: that mind which is content that i m ok, he is ok, all is ok, it becomes less overwhelming : that is basic contentment

when we have this contentment, we can handle everything , our own shortcomings sufferings and others’ more efficiently

otherwise we make things worse for ourselves and others

you don’t have to do anything to make things better for anyone ultimately

because ultimately it will be perfect

relatively we experience so many things, it may not be perfect

practise of silence

temporary stop : overcoming the imperfections of our speech; just calm down and relax

you physically don’t indulge with anything

no chance for physical activity

gradually we progress

a good practitioner: clearness of mind will resonate thru clearness of speech and clearness of activity 

maintain this then we progress and in a way that perfect action and speech and thought become a natural second nature

we all have bad habits, but that is not human nature

human nature is perfect

human shortcomings thru practice and cultivation the perfection and goodness and correctness becomes second nature, closer to ultimate primordial nature

all obstacles obscurations are relative and temporary and but the outcomes of past imperfect intentions and actions, therefore one has to purify those outcomes of the past 

ie past karma 

karma in sanskrit means activity

all is interconnected and interdependent 

what can we do?

the sacred words are called mantra which are the sacred method to realise the essence of the mind which manifests through speech and activity and action

ie 

three kaya

dharmakhaya: the ultimate primordial essence of buddha all buddhas. The Body of Truth. The ultimate body, the absolute.

  • Sambhogakaya: The Body of Enjoyment. …
  • Nirmanakaya: The Body of Emanation.

ultimate essence of your mind is most important, appreciate understand uphold cherish it don’t let it be contaminated relatively

Magical Europe 22 (II)

Magical Europe 22 (II)

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24 dec

On the eve of Christmas, we headed back to the Domquartier and visited the Salzburg Cathedral (where Mozart was baptized ) and visited St Peter’s Church. We lighted a candle here on bf’s initiative.

It felt lovely seeing the candle lighted – it is as if the light is warming up my heart

I pray. I ask for all to be always inspired and warmed. For all to always be guided and protected. By light.

Our own- light.

We had a vegan lunch before heading to the Schloss Concert at the Marble Hall Mirabell. The time here listening to the pieces made me aware- I came to Salzburg to come here to listen to this

So it was for this I came. I could have some connections with this place the music. And I have come again.

That was why Salzburg was picked. There was no accident

Balance

Balance

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In my shower, I found (out about) “balance”

I was wanting to look for some form of a restoration of balance with this shower. And as I said it out, I asked myself what if this is the balance I have been searching for?

The body is always on my side, constantly working out the best possible way to harmonize everything and with everything. Even if we do not see it this way.

I know – the body IS working hard to work things out for me

I believe.

I was inhaling the Believe essential oil and asking myself what do I believe?

The answer is here right above

What if the discomfort I am feeling now is balance? The keloid that is inflamed is balance? So is this feeling of ecstasy and excitement seeing this point ?

It is all the body’s best effort at balancing in quicker than quick time

And I move from a state of balance to another. Even if I think that I am in imbalance .

I see how perspective can ground me or unearth me. I see how in so much time have I been looking at things in negative light and in so far, chart my path this way

All my doing.

And seeing this gave me joy. I m SO thankful for that brief state of stillness I have been in , without which this glimpse of truth might not have been distilled

And I see my body in new light. I thank my body and I love my body even MORE for loving me more unconditionally

And I want to shout this glimpse of truth outwards so that more and more of the me-s out there can see how much balance they are (and have been) in , yes, all this while.

I m light – yet, I am looking for light

My anchors

My anchors

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These kept me alive and brought me back to centre.

The lessons are manifold.

It’s about feeling.

Feeling completeness, wellness, whole, joyful, peaceful, acceptance, beauty, trust, love——rather than the opposites. No matter what. It is to be undeterred.

I re read this again and found some answers

If money was not an issue, and indeed so thanks to my husband. I would love to be out in the sun everyday, do yoga everyday, go for classes like sound art therapy and explore healing modalities. Yes, I would love to do it and share it outwards.

I would love to travel and see for myself, experience, capture for myself—–beautiful people, hearts, food, water, air, environment.

I would like to center more and more, I would like to share my experiences outwards. I would like to express my light and the divine in me.

And what about you?

Running / Walking (xvi)

Running / Walking (xvi)

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Ron gave me the St Benedict medal. Sasha asked khenpo dorje to do a divination and the reply was that “u hv a astral flotsam attached. Not too serious but definitely disembodying. U ll be fine!💐🌺🌸💐🌺🌸”

And Sasha’s advice was

“Yes these entity-things can try to drain yr energy & shape-shift around u … so u r probably feeling what its feeling! They r like giant mosquitoes that inject their own emotions & drain yr energy. The practice is to Be Yourself as much as u can.Really they can be easily removed”

The practice is to be yourself

Well I was searching for myself – and for that matter , searching really hard of late. And this learning had to come to really drive me down to getting every wee bit of mySELF out

I used to be a really sensitive child

My nanny would say, if people wanted to share red eggs celebrating a baby’s full month of being, and they showed the eggs in my face I would cry non stop or get a fever

I recall having lots of talisman burned waters in my childhood

That day when I shared this with Helena, she said, “ maybe this is the real you but out of fear you blocked it- and blocked everything out. But maybe you could use this in a way to help yourself and others. Learn to shield yourself and take only what you need. Practice !”

She asked me，” actually what are you afraid of ?”

Now as I try make sense of it – The feeling is almost as if fear is part of me. I have grown so accustomed to it it constitutes my identity

But really – what is TPY like without fear? Who can she be?

I told Sasha I must be at a low and she agreed because “that ll be when they attach Positivity has a kind of natural buoyant energetic protection.Low thins out the energy …”

I know.

And I learned a lot about myself from this episode

The message that came through in the run was “ you asked for expanded consciousness didn’t you?”

Yes I did and this is one instance where my consciousness is expanded and can feel a bigger spectrum

But like Helena said, be conscious and learn to shield yourself from anything that affects you

Like Sasha said, “ be yourself”

As a child, I was always carrying a lot of fear, I was afraid of the dark and mysterious . I always had my imagination wild and created more fear because of that- estranging myself further from reality

Carried by fear carried in fear, I lost myself.

Totally lost it.

Ula said,” i guess you need love to you & your family..bcz i think you had lose some feel of love”

I asked for the reason of my existence and 2 days before we went to the beach in the evening

I was happied out. I haven’t felt that simple joy outwards from the heart in a long time

Seeing how the kids had fun and played with water with bf, I got my answer.

These folks in front of me are my reason. I thanked the universe for hearing me and replying back to me

And today after my run, I saw bf bathed in the sun walking towards me

He is my reason – that boy who loved me loves me knows me through and through and anchors me

And interestingly this time, with the knowing of the divination, I kind of felt quite at peace

I told myself to create a lot of space – when the space becomes really big, anything in that is dwarfed in smallness

And I drew notes from my learnings from Tibetan Buddhism practice- awareness. Just be aware

Sometimes I felt so sad and HuaiHao asked me, why are so so sad? I don’t have an explanation for him

Sasha said I could be feeling not me

And I was actually chanting a lot and dedicating the merits outwards feeling a lot of compassion for other beings and being grateful that I m in a position to chant and dedicate

I know that I did not do anything wrong and so I will be safe and protected

Most of all each time I trust the divine and protection is with me, I get goose bumps

In all of this practice, patience and openness is helpful. I recall all the Angel numbers that I kept seeing: 11:11 444 12:12 and the like , apparently it is a sign that I m travelling on the right path

Even at my level when things felt so out of place I kept seeing these

I suck out the very essence of light in me to venture forward. I trust that I can heal myself I trust and have faith in my own light

And I m most thankful I have so many supportive circles around me and most of all, I have Guru Rinpoche and all these wonderful mantras to anchor on

And, and -the sun was brilliant today. Sharing it with you.

Do The/This Day Well

Do The/This Day Well

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Because I didn’t. So I got to discovering this. and a collection of thoughts below.

The Heart Went Wild

We were heading back from our walk and I was panting

Bf remarked if I was ok because we were just brisk walking

I said now even if I brisk walked, I was panting less than the days before when I was doing nothing but panting and frail and weak and fatigued

And he said, that is because your mind is lost and your heart doesn’t know what to do

Your mind went away and did not give instructions to the heart and the heart went wild too

Wow

And he hit the mail on the head. The heart went wild, went everywhere and nowhere.

I was LOST, big time

I got impatient trying to find something to do

I sent out resumes

And didn’t get replies

I tumbled into a very low low

I completely lost myself and couldn’t steer myself anywhere

For a while I didn’t know what I want and worse nothing really could motivate me or anchor me

Qinzhi was so right

She said ,” you look like you are so down with life “

And I worried her

Then yesterday when I felt better, she said, “ you look like you found something you are passionate for “

I told bf this and he asked me what I found.

Heal Thyself

I said I found – again this reminder – I can heal myself

Just today walking and chatting om ah hung – Guru Rinpoche ‘s mantra brought me newfound wisdom

I went back to the sacred cave in tso pema and saw Guru Rinpoche in his cave

I was kneeling before him and trying to feel his presence and blessings

It’s a very special feeling

Feels like there’s something else that touches you through and through in the air

Actually I kept asking for healing and blessings and today I understood that my prayers were heard – even if I thought I was not heard

I asked for healing and I kept going back to the past to check on myself and when I went there I always saw or found new things about myself

Yes there was healing

Power

And I also realized how much of my own power I have given out

Each time I looked outside for advice, I went out to look for consolation, I gave a bit of my power away

But- Each time I engage in initiatives to do something for myself engaging and ascertaining my power I feel good

Show Up for Today

And I didn’t couldn’t show up for life in the few days that I was not well

Do Today Do Now

I was thinking big! My purpose in life, the meaning I can derive . And I got even more lost

But just now ! The message I heard was- just look at tomorrow or even now . Do the day well. Make every moment of the day joyful, easy, effortless, happy, healthy.

And the bigger things will come

只要过好每分每秒，未来的都是生命的花红

If you make each moment count, everything that comes along is a gift from life

Running / Walking (xiv)

Running / Walking (xiv)

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Jogging and using it as an opportunity to open myself up to the universe ‘s messages

And as I ran I heard this: open up like a baby with open arms, smiling. Open up like a flower a smallest leaf. The natural tendency is to open up.

But with life and it’s events , we close up ourselves in or with fear . You close yourself off to whatever the flow brings . You close yourself up.

And this is an exercise that is on going.

There were so many instances my mind ran off somewhere and I had to call it back to the now. Just stay with what you see now and keep open

Open open open. Be here , is it about surrendering to the moment? Offering one’s consciousness to the moment?

We try too hard. And too often.

Be here — now.

Observe this silent hand at work. Trust

And I somewhat tasted bliss – of being in the now. Now is what you see where you are, here, anything is allowed and the possibilities are endless

Yet we keep occupying the now with lots of things

Running/ Walking (xiii)

Running/ Walking (xiii)

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Listening to Joey Yap these 2 days inspired me in two ways

He said that if you wanted something, it’s not the wish you made that makes it possible but the steps you take . When you take the correct action, you do not have to keep your eyes on the end result because you get there.

It’s the steps you take.

Second, he talked about opening up to grace. And that we have notions about what is grace. Like this is grace or healing and that is not and in so we could not see what has been given .

This brings me to the point of me realizing this point yesterday during the run—— that my body actually has healed the keloid over and over again. If this isn’t grace what is????

YET I failed to recognize it. And time and again it has stood by me. Mended me.

Today in my run , I found something else.

That me of all people must have at one point in time believed that I m lesser, lesser than beautiful.

It could be a time when I was fat and obese and there were well meaning people around me poking at me in fun ways to make me watch my diet but I took it the wrong way.

And in an instant, I of all people put an energy on myself as I too, believed in that.

I believe and grew to become ugly somewhere, my esteem and confidence bruised

I did away with my fleshy round face and rosy blush cheeks

Today in my run, I actually saw this for myself. And how I – of all people stopped myself and limited myself and subjected myself to a lesser state

But seeing this was liberating, I came face to face with the little girl I was and she was crying.

“Why did they say those things to me? Am I not perfect beautiful cute?”

And I said to her, “ forgive them! They said these things as passing remarks. They did not know how to express better. They still loved you anyway.”

Let them go and that intense energy you subjected yourself to- dissolve into nothingness

“You are beautiful as always. Find back the blush the rosy cheeks the round face. Don’t give them up just like that.”

And for once, I found the keloids scar beautiful. They were a testament to how much my body loves me, stood by me , and beautiful because of this story of knowing

I love you TPY. I really love you!

Walking/Running (x)

Walking/Running (x)

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Its been a while since I picked up running 3 times a week. Although each time the route is the same, the process is so different.

What has been different is that H has been coming for healing sessions , energy work and I learn things each time. During the first session, her pendulum wouldn’t move on top of my crown, with energy work, the pendulum always moves in a vibrant fashion . But in subsequent sessions, in the beginning, the movements were small. My vital points were always wanting of movements and energy.

It is no wonder I felt low down and out. Not in the flow not connected.

Thoughts in the night

I have been drifting in and out of sleep at night with thoughts, such as: I have been “managing the keloids ” for the past close to 10 years, is it not enough? Not enough scratching itching inflammation?

Enough already?

I asked myself- or my higher self asked me—- in the middle of the night.

Peeling of layers

Today I peeled off another layer about the keloids.

Whilst walking back after the run, I peeled off another layer. The most recent realisation saw me seeing how the keloids were a shield and a protection for me.

Today I asked why I needed the protection?

The question is: do i still need protection now? The next thing that came to me was that I actually have support layers around me, whether it be family, an essential oil community or healers and people I could reach out to.

I am no longer that little one that needs protection, or -layers of protection.

The next thing I saw was that- the keloids were a shield and protection I desperately put up- in the time I need. There were these moments in time when I could no longer take any more. It was like the waves of life were coming at me. And I must have felt like I needed to block these out, and in a bid to block out whatever that was coming – I could no longer care if it’s good for me or not—- I needed a shield of protection. I needed to hide behind this shield this protection.

Today I saw how used to”shielding/protecting” myself from life I have become accustomed to. The shield and protecting is already happening unconsciously running automatically. In the same measure, the same “reflex”action, this habitual action and mindset, I block myself out of all receiving. Of all good things of all life.

Blocking out has been my habitual act I have become so used to, it happens without thinking.

Surrender

Surrendering is easier said than done. That day when I ran, I tried to work on open awareness. Basically just be aware of everything and anything around you. I felt like there was content in the atmosphere and I just wanted to allow the self to be open to this. To let the divine take over.

Whilst running today, I tried to open myself up. To allow, and to open up and allow. How do you push or let your self be aside and let the divine take over?

What is the feeling of stepping aside? Of putting your ego away in everyday life, in relationships?

Yoga

So many meaningful things felt during the yoga session on Monday. Teacher said, “find a place space for your breath – where it hasn’t gone to in your body. “

At the end of the session, I felt myself in stillness, in that place, there isn’t much movement, and you don’t really want to move. And after I left the studio, I wanted to keep that stillness somewhat. Trying my utmost to not disturb that sensation.

What I like

I told H about how Kim Robinson sat me down and used lipstick on my lips and told me , “Yen you have the most beautiful lips.”

I teared up. For he rescued me in that time of need. And till now, I remembered that moment even if he might not remember me. In my work previously, I have had the honour and privilege of meeting with angels like him, it was as if divinity is speaking to me through them, cherishing me motivating me, energising me.

It is moments like these- I felt connected to the divine. And in the years I have stayed away from work, I kind of lost grip and slipped away from these precious connections.

Getting back to work

I asked bf for support if I was ever going back to work. And he asked me what that is. I described to him how he could leave home without a care and to be devoted to work. Even if the kids were not well, he does not even call back to check on them. And that is because I m holding the fort at home.

And he got it. I asked if he is ready to commit to holding space and the home like this for me, when I get out to work. And when I do, I will have no reservations. I have been storing energy in the past 3 years for me to fly when I get out there.

Reflection

Saw the moon walking back and I instantly and instinctively turned to find the sun, in the opposite direction. Like resonance.

See the moon and you know where the sun is. As in what we see in our lives everyday. As above, so below. As with in, so with out. As the universe, so the soul. ― Hermes Trismegistus