The set is waiting for the newsmaker or the interviewee to tell his or her story
And I don’t mind that I m waiting so long just to do the interview. I also do not mind that the money isn’t good.
It means I like this work.
I begin to see no dream —- of me taking helm of a magazine and steering it . It will be a magazine exemplifying goodness wellness and has information about living an abundant spritely life.
A few thoughts came to mind:
I have been using what I know to balance myself back in the recent shocks I experienced
And I managed to
And I m gaining confidence about this innate ability
I have been feeling that the words I repeat are keeping me in the old. It means I haven’t been ready previously but now I know I am. Maybe , not maybe but I should start a new commentary.
Instead of saying to myself to release all the fear shame guilt in me, I m beginning to see myself bye away from this and beginning to love saying —- let’s build and create health, happiness, vitality , healthfulness, longevity
And I hear kyron’s message
Release or drop everything that was ever taught to you
Drop everything that defines you is about you
Drop it
You will not survive well in the new if you have energies of the old
Come in fresh without any of the baggage of what you think is right and wrong true or false
Everything you have been taught has been in the dark room
Stop deciding what others think about you
Drop the perception that you need them
The old tools don’t work anymore
Do not let the past dictate the future
Don’t let the disappointments of the past pace into the future because things will change
Learn to relax with life
2 steps forward 1 step back
There will be things that will derail you but don’t be discouraged
You don’t take on others problems and let them bog you down
You are the light of this planet don’t let anyone put it out
Set aside all the anxiety the fears and let your feet be washed
Think higher
Reboot into enhanecment not surrounded by processes of old energy
I asked my kids. Qinzhi said , to live is to learn. HuaiHao said, to live is to be free. And they are but 12 and 8.
Then HuaiHao said, “ you should do what you like. ”
I said that I like to do interviews, write , listen to people’s stories. Do videos.
I told him what it means to be free. Comparing my life previously when I was working till now, I can now choose what I want to do or not do- I certainly feel free-ier even if I m earning way much lesser
And he asked, “ don’t you like to be with me?”
And I said I was waiting for him to ask me this.
But am I living my life? Doing what I want? Am I living my truth ? and is at peace with me?
I saw this quote by Michael Beckwith, “ if you don’t do you, you won’t be done.”
I watched a Korean drama and in it and old granny told a young man “we all know you have had a tough time and we all appreciate how you go around helping people but go and live your life. Eat good food and be happy. Then you will be happy and your loved ones will be happy.”
In this video, kyron talks about dropping the karma we all believe we have. About stepping out of what we were into the new.
And yesterday in my shower, I thought of something ——- everything can be forgiven, not just this lifetime, but everything and on every of my existence.
Why?
Because I am alive.
And the others isn’t at all important. Looking at the clouds drift by made me think of something- is this living ? Have a started to live? Am I living my life?
What is to live?
I probably passed through days previously, I was doing things for my family, for anyone else but me. And I saw this just now:
From Trinity Esoterics this morning:”The biggest power move you can make on your enlightenment journey is making the shift from knowing about spirituality to living spiritually. Your seeking is a wonderful thing and for many of you a precursor to your embodiment, but ultimately it is your beingness that declares who you really are. Knowledge is often a precursor to action, a springboard, if you will, to how you wish to be.
Simply put, reading about love is wonderful, but one loving action allows you to experience yourself as the love, and it is the expression of those spiritual traits you are really seeking.”
Hear us when we say you do not need to wait until you reach some level of attainment in order to live your life in an enlightened way. Every demonstration of love, every prayer, every moment of gratitude, every observation of beauty, every word of encouragement to another, every peaceful choice, every kindness – all of it is spirituality in action. What we wish for you to know is there are many, many of you on the planet who simply express who they really are, beautifully and consistently, without any knowledge at all of the ascension process, and that makes just as much of a difference as the actions of those who have studied for their entire lives.”
Do you see? The prep work is valuable but don’t get stuck in the habit of being a perpetual student who never quite feels ready to apply their knowledge because the world needs you and your loving actions now, and there is also great joy for you when you allow yourself to step into the experience of being who you came onto the planet to be.”~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young.
it is ready to find the new frequency, start to activate that part in you to find the new frequency and revitalise what you have
When you speak things out loud with intent, the cells understand
Affirmations are the quickest way to change your reality at this moment in time. Whatever you tell your body, it cooperates
Affirmations tell what you have
Be I m
I m love
As you speak out loud with intent everyday, there is a process in the repetition
Start talking to your own self your own cells
I m an intuitive that helps people on the planet
I m one with god
I m so well loved by everyone
Affirmations are not wishful thinking , but a statement of truth
Words are frequencies, statement of intent are energies, they are absolutely powerful,
Prayer works, meditation works, this is quantum physics
the energies you can create simply by stating things to yourself in the air, and have them out loud
If your system hears them through the air, through your mouth
by simply
I am kind
I m loved
I m healthy
I m full of vitality
I m creative
I can heal myself
I m a most sought after world class writer and content creator
Your body will hear this
This is the beginning of change
Go back to the beginning, what did you do? what were the processes you got good at and you find the place that worked for you?
Start it again.
Practise
Did you remember you did it for the first time?
The more you practise, the better you get.
Higher consciousness and becoming quantum
See the magnificence of who you are, you have so much control over your own chemistry
it wants to listen to what you have to say, what are the affirmations you would say to your body,
Besides i am healthy, get specific, i m not in pain, i m never going to experience xxx again, i don’t need to, there’s no reason for it, your find you have more control over your body even those things medicine tell you you cannot do
my blood is clean, my blood is happy, my blood is balanced
the energy caused by these energies will be anything you have never seen
go back to basics, push, stop waiting, its time to act
do you realise who you are?
to receive this message? do you know who you are? you have a piece of god inside, so many of you are your own ancestors, you have been thru this earth history
do you deserve to be free? to have all those things back you thought you lost?
In a stargate meditation session Connecting to the Inner Child, I saw myself – perhaps at 4 or 5 years old
Alone
My parents were not with me
Even though I knew my nanny with me
I was simply seeing myself alone
It’s a very deep sense of being alone that stayed with me for a few days. As if it kept something inside wanting me to delve deeper in
I stayed with this feeling for a few days before penning these thoughts down
Why am I alone ?
Why do I not have support or love or care around me? Even if I have parents?
Why are you not with me?
I heard the little girl say.
There’s anger frustration hurt unfairness perhaps even jealousy of another child who has the love of their parents
My conscious mind interrupted and explained to me that
– my parents had to work to earn a living to give me the best they can such as letting me take up organ lessons and having to pay my nanny for monthly childcare fees
But that’s not what I want—- the little girl said!
-they probably were not as evolved to see and attend to the extremely sensitive needs I had as/even as a child
I rationalized to myself and the little girl.
And I realized how very different I m—-I sort of saw the high level of consciousness I had even at the age of 4 years old
Wow
It felt like I had such a strong need to connect and express myself
My young parents who were parents for the first time , simply weren’t armed to deal with or manage me
It makes me reflect on myself as a parent- Much like how we are not armed to deal with Qinzhi and Huaihao now
It brings me to the point that evolution of humanity to a higher level of consciousness is going faster and faster
And staying in the old or it is important to see how much of the old we still harbour and can change out of —- is imperative so we do not cause unnecessary hurt to our next generation
Also, even if so many years have passed, I touched upon the pain of humanity drowned in unawareness and so repeating unfortunate circumstances are still everywhere
I think these really are the messages brought out by the inner child who kept tugging on to me
The pain she felt as a child and even now – after so many years
And what do I find myself say to her?
I m sorry you suffered little one
I can feel the pain and hurt
But really- this is not all of life!
I know how You came with so much expectations optimism happiness delight and hope , wanting to carry your expressions consciousness and light to the world but met with such intense disappointments hurt pain and suffering along the way
It has been hard on you
I know
(And I realize just how much the little girl needs —-love
Love and a hug is all she needs
Perhaps my children too
When I hugged her, she cried so hard because she is finally heard and understood this brought me so much tears too
And after all the crying its good to see her smile again
And it makes me think of a line in the Heart Sutra- 不生不灭不增不减
There’s no birth no death
Nothing increases or decreases
Like the very spirit we are made of and in us )
You have been so awesome all this while, you put it up so well and did so many wonderful things
Throughout it all, no matter what time, you always continued to put forth hope consciousness and light in you
Always always pure and true to yourself
And I am so very proud and blessed to have you
Continue to do what you do best
This really is the meaning or purpose of your life
To radiate Hope, share consciousness and light outwards
I recall John’s words when I shared some of these with him a while ago, the pain of humanity repeating in unconscious states got to him and he reminded me to shift my focus, mindful of your emotions
I think it might have been too ambitious to save the world – just as the little girl in me has been too eager to see so much of everything
But as with life, how about starting off with myself and the little girl?
To be open to the possibility that others can be them and we do not have to put a label or judgement on their lives – suffering or not, right or wrong
To be open to the possibility that I can start by steering myself closer and closer to light and wonder simply by being mindful for as long as I can
To continually uplift myself take care of myself – body and mind to a state of balance and equilibrium
I think I can contribute greatly just by making myself whole and expressing myself truthfully
I think I can contribute the most when I am truly me and the best version of me
Little girl, thank you for the inspiration! You have been so very awesome and I m so very very very proud of you!
And I see this!
“September Energies: Cross-Connecting to Atlantis”
The 9D Arcturian Council, through Daniel Scranton
We are so very impressed by the way you all have handled the energies of August, and we are very excited to see what you will do with the energies of September, a month that includes an equinox, a balancing of the scales. Many individuals on your world have felt out of balance in some way for quite some time, and more importantly, many individuals have been triggered to specific traumas in previous lifetimes that they are cross-connecting to, but also unaware of the fact that they are accessing those past life traumas. And that’s where the September energies come in to play.
You all need some soothing, an energetic bath to cleanse you and to help you to release those stuck energies, those traumas, those emotions you either couldn’t or wouldn’t feel in those previous lifetimes. And so, the energies of September will be supportive of the final release, the final letting go of the heaviness of those traumas so that you can move into the December solstice clear, open, and ready to receive the next download of energies that will take you into 2022.
This has not been an easy year there on planet Earth, because so many have felt disappointed for one reason or another, and that disappointment is not just about their own experiences and lives. People have been disappointed in other people, and this has created a chain reaction that has taken you back in a sense to Atlantean times. In Atlantis many of the humans could see the folly of the ways of their fellow Atlanteans but could do nothing to stop what was already occurring. Many felt powerless to put a stop to what was the decline of Atlantis that would ultimately result in its destruction.
So many people on Earth right now feel that way for a variety of reasons, and so those Atlantean traumas are just some of the ones that people are cross-connecting to and needing to release and heal once and for all. The September energies will do more than just balance you; they will also support you, help you to cleanse and heal so that you can move on from the weight of past life traumas that you are holding in your root chakras, and you will be able to relax when you open yourselves up to these energies.
And you will be able to feel your emotions more clearly and choose which ones you want to feel, and that is something that many people on your world have yet to experience in this lifetime. It is huge to be able to choose how you want to feel, instead of walking around and just getting triggered over and over again. We want this for you, and we know that you want it for yourselves, and so we are happy to participate in the delivery of the September energies, and we know that those of you who are sensitive and are open will be catapulting yourselves forward as a result of what you are about to receive.
I have been asking myself the question: how do we heal shame and guilt?
And I saw some interesting notes, talk about synchronicity!
Can there be coincidence in life?
Look at the messages i picked up along the way? Too beautiful and , coincidental!
I am reminded of one of the messages the community shared on this point
Guilt and Shame associated with lower back, root and sacral region—>affects imunne system, health issues, autoimmune prob, allergies,
Guilt and Shame, happening in our mind, creating mentally, your own story, you are running it and watching it, if keep doing this it does not serve any purpose, just feeling himself or herself, habit of looping and imagining, paying back with guilt and shame and hitting yourself.
Causes diseases, doesnt connect you to present,
Duality, another version of you , at war with yourself
immune system starts to get worse, neurological issues, autoimmune coz at war with yourself.
Things that have happened already past, there’s only present,
cannot change past, but can change present, then change past and future
Power of present, change in the present, past and future will change
we can connect with ourselves to present
dont connect to past anymore
you have power to change, in present power to connect and conceive
Release for back, inhale, got to cellular receptors, change vibration of being, release what baggage you are holding
Transformation: apply front and back, dont like the way you think, inhale
Royal Blend: Rose, Ylang ylang, royal Hawaiian sandalwood, jasmine, works instantly, apply front and back
Present Time, inhale , apply front and back, forehead
Aren’t they all answers for me?
Today after the rain, we went out walking. Was chatting with bf on healing. I asked him about his sessions and he shared some bits here and there, such as being led to a scene of the past and feeling what the younger self of him felt , what he would tell the boy.
I tried it as I walked. Applying these to my own experiences and I went back to the day before dad left. We were asked to get into his bedroom and dad said he had to go,
I asked myself how I felt-in there.
Apprehensive , lots of fear, what about us? Are you abandoning us? Is there any future? Are you leaving mom to this? How can you leave us -this way? What kind of father are you to be doing this to us? Do we deserve this at all?
There’s also anger, frustration, hatred, helplessness at how things have come on. All these were not expressed by the girl that was me.
Instead I saw her, sitting there, not really daring to face up and not wanting to hear what’s next or to know what is going on?
I shut down.
And if I shut down then, can I blame my dad for choosing to shut down too? Those ways we went–they seem to be the very ways we can afford with what circumstances and wisdom we had.
Instead of saying all those things, I shut down. And I allowed and consented to dad’s decision.
I actually allowed it and consented. This was my understanding as I walked today. At that time, by not saying anything, I have actually made a decision, I consented to letting him go, and taking up responsibility for and the uncertain future come what may!
Wow, what a realisation.
Wow
My soul chose it this way, and shouldered and soldiered on in the later years. Why I asked? Was there something I needed to learn? I thought about the concept of soul contract, like how we chose the people we were to meet before we came into this very existence for a certain fulfilment. I am proud to say then then my job is done and I tear away this soul contract with the soul who is my dad.
I think with this i can start embracing a new relationship with him, all over again, picking up from where we left off and I see myself being brought to the sandy beach or playground by dad.
I was asking myself how to heal guilt and shame, and i thought of a few ways, besides using essential oils to support and release, offering light to the areas of the body harbouring these and breathing in to these points . I thought of also building a new relationship or simply just making new experiences and memories with my father.
And to the girl then what would I say?
“辛苦你了。谢谢你！”
It been hard on you . Thank you for doing all you have done.
I remember – Mr Ng said it to me too.
And I m so proud to have come to this point.
As I walked, birds begin to swirl around playing in/with the sky. I am always touched by this sight. They reminded me of the time i was in the maldives and a server at The Alila told me this as he served me ice cold water at the sun deck.
“What is your name,” he asked.
“Yen, it means big bird”
“I think if you do what you like, you will be like flying in the sky”
Its so beautiful and so wise, it says so much. And later on, I have always, whenever possible to go on to include birds in my video works–to thank myself once again, for doing something I like.
Interestingly, in my shower I silently worded one of the above I saw by koya webb: to invite people places experiences that will support or uplift me
In the afternoon, HuaiHao was going to raindrop me as usual but my bottle of 3 Wise Men fell and broke
The essential oil spilled on the floor and not wanting to waste it. I was desperately trying to use both hands to wipe the oil up and to apply them- and the next moment, the word anoint came into mind.
Rather than getting angry or feeling like the oil is wasted, I m a breathing walking 3 wise men now.
It’s rainy today but the lessons while I get walking are amazing
. Allow
Had big and little tensions in my head as I walked and I learned to walk with them. What is in them? What constitutes them? What message will they bring for me?
And as I practiced allowing , the tensions moved and soon after were gone.
I use this to practice allowing and openness this way.
. Opening Up
And to keep expanding and push open the boundaries of my heart so that anything— and everything is allowed
. No need to conclude
As feelings , pain , tensions come and go , I saw that maybe we needn’t have to make conclusions why things are so
Can we just watch observe and allow? Maybe it might help more. And this brings me back to the Tibetan schools of meditation on turning everything into a support for awareness practice or meditation.
Because when we go in and work with any thoughts, we get entangled and it take so much more to snap out.
Because even if we tried to make sense, it might be just one point of view—- our own, which has stemmed from our programs beliefs prejudices—- and so even if we tried to make sense , how accurate and how close are them to truth and reality would our decisions be? At most, they are judgments.
The way to freedom might really be to just observe without attachments.
. Be free
The birds played fly in the sky. Circling close by around me above me
Like a reminder of sorts: you can be free too!
It brings out the possibility of goodness we all yearn and want to work towards but somehow sometime gave up in life
. So Tiny
These birds are so tiny
The sky so vast. But they did not give up on flying even if so
Why – do we even think of giving up or succumbing ?
. Mind and Breath
I come to appreciate the connection between mind and breath.
So subtle yet so obvious
When the breath is regulated the mind is clear. It is when the breath is messed up, the mind follows with confusion.
Sometimes, the mind is confused , and the breath messes up. Then get into a cycle marked by imbalance.
To get things back into balance, we can either start by clearing the mind or regulating the breath.
I tried with the mind- to sort. But thinking can easily lead to overthinking and the brain heating up.
So bringing the mind to the belly May be a good starting point
And if we persevere and bring awareness to this practice, we will reap good results.
We will and we can!
Trust the self !
. A word on soul contracts
“Thus before incarnation, you met with those souls with whom you had negative patterns to clear, and they all agreed to meet with you at certain times during your incarnation and thus be with you, and mostly would come in the role of challenger and also supporter – whatever role is most necessary at the time, for you own highest soul growth and good. For indeed the soul remains pure, as the Divine Created it – it is only during incarnations on earth, that the soul adopts certain actor’s roles and thus plays this out, and thus the persona attached to it. Yet, the persona and the roles which are being played out, are not the purest truth of the soul. Unless the soul wakes up completely and then authentically starts living the highest soul truth. Remember, that even the agreement to meet with you, to dissolve such negative patterns created in other lifetimes, indeed are acts of pure, unconditional love. They would not have taken on the roles if it was not out of purity of the soul’s intent and indeed unconditional love. ” Copyright Applies: excerpt from a Soul Reading done by me.Judith Kusel
I recalled what I said to Huaihao yesterday night before we slept. I said that the moon is on my left at night and so is the sun in the morning, how nice is that to be with the moon at moon and the sun in the morning? And when you look out, lying down, its the skies you see, lit by moonlight.
How easy is it? To find a unit like this. The unit finds you.
This morning I wanted to do some kriyas, and I did. Then reiki on myself. As usual, like how my teachers did, to set an intention and to ask the creator or angels or the gods who have been supporting me to preside over this session for healing and for myself.
When I moved to my heart center, understanding and realisation came to— me.
SH’s words of stepping up to take care of his daughters came to mind now that J is unwell. That sentence hit me when i heard it but i couldn’t say how and why. Until now in this session of self reiki. And it made me realise how powerful this session is and can be.
I was triggered not knowing until now.
I was in a similar situation. Mom was sick in hospital, in ICU as well, and that was when I needed direction, care and support, or love or security, —-I and probably my siblings wanted that —-so very much, even if I we did not verbalise it, dared not verbalise it, didn’t know how to verbalise this.
I remembered Mr Ng’s words: Always ask yourself—-why did this affect you? trigger you? what is it in this that is so affecting you? For other people this may not even matter. Because, just because you have something in you.
And so I have.
I find myself wanting SH to step up and do more, and asking myself if that is what J wants. Then it dawned on me—this is what I wanted in my time of that situation.
It does not matter what SH does or what J wants, TPY. I heard myself say.
Its what I want or wanted.
I wanted my dad to step up but I didn’t get that.
He failed me. He failed my expectations of him. I expected highly of him. But he didn’t reach my expectations. He didn’t take good care of mommy, he didn’t love her honour her appreciate her, he left it all to her and went away, when she passed on, i shouldered lots. He did not step up when I needed it most. Instead I had to cover for what was lacking. He didn’t do what I expected him to, what I expected him to.
He failed me considerably.
And I am ashamed to be his daughter I heard myself say.
That was what I felt then.
And I feel ashamed of having that feeling. I didn’t own it honour it. At that point in time.
And now I have come to.
And THIS, is BIG for me. This feeling then and now seeing this realisation.
And I have come to realise that what I did was to go on to cover up for this lack in my life as best I can. At work I went on to be the best and clinched the top position whenever I could, in person I made myself the goody the model I kept to standards and did the best I could—— even if I couldn’t and didn’t want to
Not knowing that this all stemmed from this lack.
And because the motivation was to cover up, to make up for a less illustrious past, I just couldn’t be proud of my achievements no matter how good how shining I was in my field. I was tired out because when I abandoned myself when I chose to adhere to standards or let some others have their way
Even if I were at the top, I was not proud of myself. Even when all were happy, I was not.
The motivation was just so wrong. To begin with. It was borne out of a lack and resulted in a less wholesome or fulfilling effect.
I heard myself rant at my dad for failing me, I ranted at him for his choices and I said all the things I might have some 20 years back, for failing me disappointing me, shaming me.
And that was me then. At that age with what knowledge of the world and what little wisdom I have.
In my habit, I tried to rationalize and go on to understanding my dad and why he did what he did. But do I have to really? As me at that point in time.
I took some moments to experience these and to allow them kin my body. All these that were not expressed or released then. I took the chance to allow them honour them. And—- let them go.
These realisations were huge. In a seemingly normal session, but so so so powerful. I thought of the headaches and mind fog I had.
I had been triggered unknowingly. And set myself into a state of dis-ease.
The old, it has a certain flavour in the mouth, something deep and difficult to rid of in the breath. In the mind, they arise as headaches, fogs, confusion, dis-ease and tiredness. And a feeling of blockage and inability to feel or numbness.
What was it? I kept asking.
And thinking wasn’t good.
Having a space to emptiness brought me answers and much needed relief and understanding to my pain and my needs.
Logically, I knew that my father had to make those choices because he only had those tools. Because so did I. I made those choices I had out of what little understanding I had out of the situation and —so did he.
If I wanted a way out badly, so did he.
For once, I felt I have succeeded at transcending and overcoming that hill of an experience. Like I climbed over a mountain.
I choose to forgive myself and to release all these ill informed or unwholesome intentions and actions and whatever has resulted from it all.
I give myself the opportunity to start afresh and in emptiness.
I m grateful for this session and this opportunity and I want to for once, right it. Too grateful and privileged to have the opportunity to restart, kickstart!
And now, I m and want to begin to be proud of myself——the point I start living and acting out of what I really want for myself, not because of the programs of habits or under the effect of experiences .
And i happen to see this: To deal with anything is to engage and entangle. Endless.—from John.
Sadhguru:”don’t make conclusions in your life”
It reminds me of what John says, “keep things open, once you make a conclusion, you collapse into only just one possibility, “
And so, I understand I have come into this because I wanted to be these situations to learn from them. And now, I cut away all karmic ties and connections, all spiritual contracts that I have made before this time.
Moving into my flat? It’s one month ——- but seemed so long ago.
We moved and the kids finally have their own rooms and slept on their own
And I finally have mine – after 12 years
It’s a unit you can wake up with the rising sun and fall into sleep under moonlight .
Welcoming sunrise and it’s spectacular display and the glow of the moon at night.
There’s something magical about this.
It sort of closes in on the gap between man and nature or the cosmos
It makes you feel one with the cosmos, like you are in it, part of it that makes it whole
It is empowering
Observing this even if they were just minute moments
Very sweet
It’s where you could see far away into the distant with unblocked views
Then we worked things out
Bf told me about his sessions with a certain Glenn who helped him see how his childhood experiences culminated in his world his views his being today
I m truly glad because he has experienced an opening of sorts and can see better
Bf apologized to Qinzhi and HuaiHao and shared with them how his experiences as a child made him what he is today
HuaiHao couldn’t really take his apology- shortly after hearing from his dad, he asked to go to toilet
Then told me, he wanted to leave because he wanted to give space to his papa
Qinzhi was on the verge of breaking down but managed her emotions
I spoke to her after and she is like, “ now you finally know you are wrong ?”
One day we were out walking and a kid on a bicycle fell
Bf went all out to help the kid and even stayed on to ensure he is well
I didn’t even want to see it
I was disgusted totally by his actions and angry
I thought of the time HuaiHao was knocked up into the air by a bicycle or each time HuaiHao fell , he always left HuaiHao and me and left in anger
I was thoroughly enraged seeing that he helped anyone but his son
I was totally thrown into the past seeing this
And I lashed out at him with shaking voice
He kept saying – it’s all in the past, why do you bring it up
He says it’s because I haven’t healed and that’s why I m triggered
Obviously !
I asked him to shut his trap and just allow me to snap even if it’s at him- those are the emotions that were suppressed at that time
Emotions that wanted to be out but couldn’t because I had to attend to HuaiHao
There was so much anger and hatred in me
I hated that he as a father actually responded by being oblivious to his son’s plea for help
I was so so mad
The incident was a trigger and had me zoom back to the past and released some deep emotions
Another big episode hit at me too
And that is J
One fine day she texted me saying things like she finally understood what I was saying
I thought it was a conversation we had that inspired her
But then a series of audio messages came on and sent me looking for help for her
She’s finally sent to hospital and has been in intensive care
What we figured out was that she’s had some autoimmune issues and the Covid vaccine sent things up into a mega flux and overthrew the system. And I hear that in the hospital she’s been calling my name!
all through those days, I find myself in deep shit
First of all a common friend we had who was a reiki teacher picked up that J was picking up my subconscious and feeling my pain
That set me thinking
Was I in pain subconsciously so much that another could pick it up
Well possible
But i felt a lot of fear and uncertainty and confusion
And is this hers or mine?
Obviously maybe some is her because I too was thinking of her and in that way connecting with her
The reiki common friend listened to me and says this is transference – that is, I was triggered by an event on the outside and this resonated with something in me
And I went back to a past
That was a pretty challenging time for me
I find myself gasping for air and feeling indigestion
There was a day I felt so low it feels as if an evil force has overtaken me
I couldnt lift my eyes to speak to others around me naturally. And I was afraid they would see through me
And I just felt that I couldn’t enter into the atmosphere they are in no matter how hard I tried
Then this common reiki friend we called me one day and asked me to go into J’s consciousness and to motivate her out of her depths
I was fearful first of all
Am I skilled enough to do this? Do I still have the capacity to in my state of less than optimum grounding ?
In the end I did what I could and want to- and wrote a letter for her
In that I was tracing out how we connected- and we did because she believed in me and helped get celebrity Nicholas Tse into the Michelin gala in Macau and supported my initiative to get yongey mingyur Rinpoche to talk about mindful eating on the Michelin guide fb page
We connected when I invited her out to lunch knowing she’s going to quit
We connected when she brought me to see this common reiki friend after knowing that my daughter has experienced seizures and is need of emotional management
We connected when I saw her lunching with her ex and she would be eating alone while her ex is in phone calls
Even if we did not speak. We connected —-somewhat somehow
That truly is the power of connection and of the mind
Fast forward to now, shortly after she’s hospitalized her ex came to know of this and would call me everyday to ask for updates and to express his feelings of distraught
So I was in between them
I asked why- and my answer was that a while ago I actually believed I could be their bridge and helped them connect
In fact I had done that
In the phone call at P90 her ex passed the phone to me and I told J her ex said that the best person he had met in his professional career was her
And I said the same thing to her during our lunch
I performed the function of a bridge
And now so I release this intention I had sent out- totally
And now I release !
And I have nothing to do with their lives their futures their pasts anymore
Thank you for the opportunity and trust for having me being involved previously- I learnt a lot!
And this session with J, actually gave me an opportunity to look into my past my fears my experiences and emotions yet again
And really to honour them to be thankful for them
To know – they are actually gone by and can no longer have their grip on me
But the mind ‘s habitual grasping and looking back is creating all this
I cleared another layer I can say and I m more open and wider
Through this all, I intuitively bathed with crystal salt and essential oils to uplift myself
I trusted my oils
I trusted my self
I did my very best on the awareness front and used whatever blur as a support for mediation and awareness training
I was in between highs and lows
And I reminded myself to be in the present and prayed and chanted mantras
A few texts pieces I saw helped me
Like this
From Native American elder Steven Charleston this morning:
“Go to the Source. Whenever you are anxious or afraid, whenever you are angry or hurt, whenever the world seems like chaos and the task before you long and hard: go to the Source of your faith.
“Within each one of us there is a spiritual center. Like the heart beating within a body, it is the tireless engine of hope that nourishes your soul and gives you the energy to carry on. It has grown over the years, getting stronger every year you have believed. Now it is there for you when you need it.
“Just close your eyes, whisper a prayer, and enter into the silence. Stay there, alert, but calm, open to receiving the renewal and healing you need. Go to the Source. It will not fail you.”
I did tapping to release anxiety
I took lots of long walks and thanked the sun for its light and energy and strength
What was in the past that I havent resolved? I asked?
It’s habit and negativity and gravity
And the not wanting to let go of it- for believing that I do not deserve it that I should be stopped
I realized I rather had myself in the past and kept myself from embracing possibilities in the unknown
Huaihao’s not wanting to go to school today had me thinking
He didn’t want school because he didn’t know how to react to his classmates who commented that he was funny at presenting . Nor did he know how to say no to his friends who wanted his book
I spoke to him with much force until I was shaking inside
I didn’t know too- so why did I judge my kid for avoiding too
I couldn’t have done otherwise
And that was a learning lesson for me
As I spoke to HuaiHao and tried to sort things out for him
I sorted it out myself
I told huaihao –
-that if he cannot manage then ask teacher or a higher authority for help
-that we do not have to mind others voices and just go on doing what we are best at, it’s too silly to be stopped by others unfounded comments
-that if others cannot see what we see, it is because they are seeing things from their point of view and are not at the same levels with us
So we will continue to be grounded and to do what we want and what we are best at
I almost cried saying these things
It’s not for HuaiHao but for me my good self
How many times have I allowed myself to be stopped and to give power to others’ thoughts and putting others before myself?
How many things have I lowered myself and felt lowly of myself even if I was so good at things I do even if I were the best
That day I asked HuaiHao what is his dream and I told him what is mine
I want to do a Netflix chefs table series on Chinese or simply chefs in the Asian region
I want to see my name in the credit list
I want to interview the chefs by myself
I want to go do stories that touch people to tears and inspire them to change- like how I have myself I
Want to give people the feeling of Hope —— even if it was a glimmer
I think in doing this, I heal creatively
using my own way using what I have and also inspire others to think about healing or inner work
And thinking about those few days I experienced the mind across spectrum, I know there must be a reason why
And I experienced the power of connection . It was a lesson through and through in connection and how the powerful mind does that in the twinkle of a pure thought
What does it mean to be connected?
Beyond a physical phone call, meeting face to face, connection is so much more
It’s karmic connections
It’s that person coming to your mind
It’s you thinking of another
Feeling another
It stems from the heart and soul nowhere else
To learn this is great privilege and there’s definitely a reason why I m learning it
I realized too that I have set an intent of bridging 2 J and SH and released this intent I set in a certain point in time
And I saw how my own actions brought inflammatory responses to my keloids
How I made them inflamed
The idea about my level of consciousness creating them came to me
And so, it’s to uplift myself to another state or level because in that level the keloids and cyst would not be there
And all I have to do is to keep doing the new
Taking walks
Practice mindfulness
Eat well
Fast
Live well
Breathe well
Be free
Tap into my EOs for support
Continue to write
Continue to do videos
And so tune in consciously to a higher frequency or vibration
It makes me rethink the times I doubt myself
What would have been me if I haven’t doubted myself that much?
Hell is in the mind and so is heaven
We have the power to steer ourselves to goodness and to access the depths of our souls
We have that power ,
In fact always and especially so when we have clarity or awareness
You are no longer your past. Your past colors you, informs the choices you may make, influences how you will feel, how you will see, but you are no longer your past. You are your now and your future. You are your now and your future and releasing your past requires courage, learning, experience, practice, and none of the above. For courage, practice, learning, experience may be the doorways through which you are able to release elements of your past. They may be the final part of you required to allow the past to release so that a new future can be born.
And this
At this stage of our growth and evolution the incoming energies are working to trigger our personal limitations, old behaviours, and unhealed patterns. This is an uncomfortable process which can leave us feeling exhausted and frustrated as the urge to take action and move forward grows. If we learn to welcome in these energies and allow them to anchor within us, we are better able to navigate the triggers and open ourselves up for healing. When we step out of old patterns and let go of limitation, we can claim our power and the energy needed to birth a new reality.
You may still feel stuck between what is known and what is yet to come into form. While in this process it is helpful to focus on the areas in your life that need attention and change. The incoming energies are supporting imagination, creativity, and innovative solutions. As such take a moment to pause in the busyness of your life and tune into the possibilities that can shift you into the new.
The story you tell in any area causes you to experience life as you do. You begin to feel your Power more fully when you commit to looking at where you are thriving rather than merely surviving. Do this very consciously, and you will be fine-tuning your focus as you tell yourself and thus create the story of your life.
And this!
“Feeling Strange Energy or Pain”
From a session with Dr. Peebles, through Summer Bacon, July 28
Q: “How can we support our bodies during this phase of transition and transformation?”
You can get outside, get some sunshine. Understand that you will feel some interesting pains and vibrations coursing through your body. If you feel such things, just simply allow for it to be. Go with it, and breathe through it. Very much like you would if you were to be – whether you are male or female – if you were to be giving birth, you would be breathing through that experience.
You would realize that there’s an energy, a force that’s at work, called a contraction, that is very productive if you allow it to be.
Some of the very difficult troubles with childbirth is the resistance to the contractions, because they hurt. But if you go with it and you allow for it to do its job to pull the baby out, you would find that the contractions don’t last as long.
If you can see these experiences physically, emotionally, and spiritually as being contractions that are bringing you into the 5th Dimension of the understanding of love, then you would just simply take a nice deep breath as it comes in.
Relax, release, surrender. Blow out. And allow for it to just simply pass through you. You can feel it, if you like, going down into the earth through your feet, or you can feel it going up into the heavens. And you’ll feel one direction or the other, as to what is right for you.
So it’s a matter of working with these energies.
Of course, if you were to have anything that is really difficult and really painful, God bless you indeed, of course do lots of prayer and ask for assistance. No question about it. It’s all right to ask for assistance. It’s not a sign of being weak. It’s a sign of courage and it’s a sign of knowing and acknowledging that you are worthy of love and attention.
The thing for human beings is that you tend to go into the pain and hold onto it. You say, “I am in pain, it hurts, and I’m angry, and I’m tired, and I’m depressed, and I’m this and that.” And you own it by saying these words.
You could say, “Ah! Interesting, I have some pain here. Let’s see what it’s about.”
It takes courage to do this, to stop, and to really take that moment, when you’re at the office, at work, or whatever it might be. You’re standing in a grocery store – have the courage to simply close your eyes and breathe deeply, and exhale, and feel it and go with it.
Because it can hit at any time, it really can.
It’s important to realize that, yes, well, I look a little silly here if I’m doing this out in public, but how much do you love yourself?
“Forgiveness is one of the most healing expressions that can assist us to reclaim the wholeness of who we are. And yet it can be the most challenging aspect of our evolving.
“Gathering back the pieces, owning our own soul expression, allowing ourselves to truly feel that which our body has held, takes us to the realms of deep empowerment. It’s layered beyond our knowing and yet is as accessible as our breath.
“Are you deeply ready to honour that place within you and nurture those wounded facets of your heart? Listen to that which you repeat, for it is the key to your freedom. Walk in the light of all you are, its time, you so deserve to feel the freedom.
“Loving you into wholeness this and all days, dear one.”
“In this moment, I allow myself to feel the unconditional love and support that surrounds me.”
~Excerpt from Galactic Light Code Monthly, through Wendy Kennedy
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