Tag: transformation

And the reason for my existence

And the reason for my existence

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

There’s something in 14 Peaks that calls out to me.

Nims speaks out the very things we once harboured in our hearts, the very things we held close to heart and pursued like crazy because we believed ——— but afterwards lost them to the daily grinds

And coincidentally, I went back to writing my column yesterday. The piece of writing is slated for Christmas and the idea of light and love came up. My Santa is Mr Ng, who made me see the light each time I went to see him.

I started writing and re-reading just two posts —— every time after I visited, I would write down faithfully the contents of the the visit : what we discussed and exchanged ——- I cried so hard. The nuggets of truth and wisdom I fetched out from then, those visits stand true today. And they are still useful for me. I reconnected with the truths he shared with me and I saw how much I was appreciated as a soul. He taught me how to acknowledge and recognize my self, how to be gentle with myself——-always, before I knew

I miss my teacher and is calling out for him from the depths of my heart.

Then I watched 14 Peaks

The combination worked I guess.

I went back to 2016. When I had the idea of getting Nic to be a Friend of Michelin. And boom, I got to him.

How is that even possible? There is every reason it would be impossible.

In 100 years the red book has been in existence, there is no Friend of Michelin.

https://guide.michelin.com/en/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

https://guide.michelin.com/hk/zh_HK/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

Seeing him on stage carrying out and expressing my belief—- that Food is made good with friends and in connection—— is impossible to describe.

The feeling you carry in the heart area is full and warm—— when you make the impossible possible.

No word can do justice to that feeling.

No amount of money too.

I went to bed. And got out of it in a matter of minutes .

I cut the quote on an upcoming video. If that could make the project possible, I will do it. The joy of making a video is impossible to describe too because that is what makes me come alive.

So I emailed the client with an adjusted quote and went back to bed.

And this morning, this morning when I woke and lay in bed, trying to be still. Beautiful thoughts and feelings came to me.

Those moments sitting beside the camera the frame, lights shining on the subject in front of me. The subject revealing thoughts emotions true to him and me feeling them—— because, with age, how different can we be. We run similar programs emotions albeit in different places and different points in life. We connect in the suffering that pain we all had a chance to experience

He or she might be talking about him or her but what I hear is about me. The moments in between —- working with what was released in real time, takes things out of me. It is work in process and expression at its best

That seat, right opposite the subject. Here is where and when I come alive . I live for these.

Why did I give it away so easily ?

The feeling sitting in that spot. I can’t wait to be back.

To use my gift and experience, to share light love hope warmth and delivering it my style.

This is my mission my purpose and the reason of my existence my being. It is why I am wired this way why I feel this way why I have experienced what I have —— all these were in preparation for me to do the work I am here for.

This is the first time I see things this way—— like a puzzle in place. A breakthrough and light of sorts—- i m wired this way because I need my strengths and weaknesses to do the work I do

And seeing this made me appreciate my experiences more.

I thanked my experiences once more and release all that do not serve me any longer —— out of my energy field , and I do so with much ease and grace, lovingly tenderly and I intend for them to move out at a speed fastest possible for my comfort and grounding

But more than release, I know for sure I would be able to use them in my work.

Mr Ng said to me: “you have always shared with me what other people say, what about you? What is your story? I want to hear your story. You should be in the frame.”

He saw the beauty of my beingness when I did not.

The reason and beauty of my being is to express. And when I do not do that, I could not come alive.

These two or three years when I left what I did professionally, a part of me stopped.

Where did you go —— I asked myself . And thank you for coming back. In fact, welcome back TPY——- I heard me say.

The feeling is the same that I felt seeing Nic on stage. The impossible had happened in a way to fetch me back.

And I could see now, how my guardian angels how the creator the source or god, has always been with me and in me———or else, how could I be here today saying this. At this time.

This time, it is the perfect time. Anything earlier or later would not have been.

And the magic in the essential oils —— Believe. And the affirmation I said every morning Michael Beckwith shared . He said to do it for a month and see what happens.

“I am available to more good than I have ever imagined . Let me co create a way of life with god that holds the insights and revelations the wisdom and intelligence that flows with time.”

I ask for support and all the resources on all levels to propel me in this direction of sharing my own light to the world. And it would be for the purpose of letting others see their own light and wonder.

It is Mr Ng’s greatest gift to me. He let me see the beauty of my light being . Always has been and will never go away.

And receiving that make me want to tend to this light I am born with privileged to bear and to share it outwards. To light another being.

Watching Korean travelogue “The Hungry and the Hairy” brought to mind that I once believed I was made for big things. I went to the best schools , had great results, was always ‘seen’ and ‘heard’. I made a name for myself. (Probably that was why I was so drawn to my ex boss SH, who also made dreams come true. ) But I gave up being big and decided to hide myself in small after Dad left us after Mom died. I hid my talents my wishes my purpose my mission along with those incidents. I stopped living me even if I m alive . Recently I had the feeling that I stopped myself when I left my last designation——- but now I realized I stopped myself even earlier.

No one else but me. I stopped myself from living my truth.

And I realized also, rather, I made the decision to not fall into another cycle of unhappiness with bf. I m no longer going to invest myself being upset. Been there done that. Enough is enough is enough.

I m going to live life devoted to protecting and sharing my light.

Is it any coincidence I woke up to these on 12/12?

For Qinzhi

For Qinzhi

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https://www.zaobao.com.sg/lifestyle/columns/story20211126-1217194?fbclid=IwAR0UDtIawcWfOWHQFH9NSSOVGXXG-0XqdYERP_qNFQg3R4NdahBnKYjd4QM

Shortly after psle, the parent chat group sent in an invitation, for parents to pen a letter to our child.

On the day the psle results are released, the teachers would give out the letters first before releasing the academic results.

I wrote this for Qinzhi

And I had the chance to elaborate on this letter in my column on zb. I wrote about how I started writing to Qinzhi the day I knew I became pregnant. 13 years ago.

And the feeling of wanting to write to her has always been there. I just wanted to record the littlest sweetest things I felt with her . How she grew with me. How I felt with her. I wanted to let her know everything so that when faces any situation in life, she knew why and how she is in this situation and she knows how to release herself from this situation.

I hope she would be aware of her precious gifts of intuition and perceptiveness and safeguard them like a heritage gem

I hope she would be that little bird not afraid to take on the sky or that little flower adamant at blooming so as to speak the language the intelligence and wisdom of nature

Sometimes I was worried if I would have been too honest to write out all my feelings. And I’ll be afraid that Qinzhi might not be able to bear the honesty

An ex colleague saw what I wrote and texted me that she really liked this warmth conveyed in the writing

I told her what I felt and she said, 😊你的女兒很有福氣能有你這個媽咪! 坦白是多麼難得的禮物啊. 沈重也是禮物啊❤️越難說出口的話，難得有人願意說，願意對自己坦白

And today in a reiki session, as I placed my hands on my body, I heard something.

I heard heartaches and that was why I kept having piercing pain in my heart and chest area.

At the navel and belly button, I heard a wisdom that says, don’t hold on to your mother’s unhappiness and be free.

I was acting like a righteous protective daughter wanting to stand up for mom’s sufferings.

And I see that in Qinzhi too . She always stands up to protect me from the little things like asking her dad to carry heavy things or massage me.

Qinzhi is echoing me and showing me how I have been.

I have been carrying my mommy’s pain for the longest time and it is showing up at my navel in the form of a cyst

And so I release all the pain and suffering of mommy that I have consciously and unconsciously taken on all these years.

I see that I do not need to be responsible for these feelings at all. I free myself from them and open up myself to the new possibilities and good and more than I have ever imagined.

When I went to my pelvic area where the keloids are I also saw the shame and guilt my father had.

I had taken them on – willingly, consciously and unconsciously minding them all this while.

And so I release them, and myself.

Interestingly, I have a lot of feelings of gratitude of late. And they allow me to be mindful that there’s no need at all to hold on any more grudge that exist between me and dad.

I happily joyfully release any grudges and other feelings of fear hatred anger frustration shame guilt that I have consciously or unconsciously taken on.

Om!

Running / Walking (ix)

Running / Walking (ix)

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Running today while using breaths to clean my inside presented me with something new.

When the breaths come to the heart, I saw how it differed from the last run.

When I used light to clean the heart and pictured it shiny the last time, light this morning cleaned what heart experienced.

Then the lungs the liver the stomach and intestines.

When I came to the navel, I saw crystal clear light at the belly button and a picture of a navel as a baby came up. Then me as a baby. Me just out of the birth canal, my looking at the world in wonder me crying in fear and fright, not knowing how when why what.

I gathered I absorbed fear from the surroundings and I saw how this precious crystal clear light cleaned me and the baby girl once again looked at the world in wonder and with curiosity.

Born again.

What a morning. To reinforce process and how it could have been different!

Heal

Heal

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In my self reiki session, I heard this thought: when you help others heal, you heal. When you heal, you (help) others heal.

Because others are a reflection of you, you see yourself in others. And also, when you heal, others get inspired.

As I placed my hands on myself, my keloids, i cannot help but thank them. The body remembers in its own way, mine came in the form of keloids and this capture of specific and precise moments in time recorded down things that were good for me, even though the times seemed daunting—- that I did not pick up there and then.

I saw myself in front of the hospital bed when dad had his spinal operation. I was that little girl.

What was it that I could not pick up? It was love I had that I did not know how to express but got translated into fear of losing at that tender age. I had to thank my keloids for storing those moments so I could see that light now.

What about the one at seemed to capture shame guilt?

When the family finance and therefore the family broke down and we were crumbling?

Where’s the light in those moments? And it has to be my stance of facing it together and standing as a family no matter how hard.

These things I could have processed but did not in those moments, they came in the form of keloids and stored these until I am ready.

I thanked the navel for connecting me to my mother and to my children.

The day before when I walked, the sky looked to me as if god is up there, I whispered my thanks and gratitude to my guardian angels who have walked alongside me with me in me . I felt strong choking emotions and a pain in my throat. Stay with these emotions and walk with them.

Be with these, let these powerful emotions move through you.

Healing is a beautiful amazing process.

I am so moved by this I saw @Michael Beckwith:

If you’re by yourself, say out loud: “I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined!” Now listen to yourself say it, don’t say it out loud, just listen to yourself saying: “I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined.” And notice when you said it, you heard it, but you didn’t listen to it with your ears. This allows you to see the invisible and to listen to the inaudible so that you will be a part of the beautiful spiritual fellowship that will do the impossible!

You are in partnership with the divine, co-creating a way of living, not just affirming what you think you want at any given moment. You are primarily here to develop a way of living that becomes so integrated that insights and revelations are occurring all the time. So then, you’re able to hold the frequency of that without them fading into memory. 

Now say: 

“Let me co-create a way of life with God that allows me to hold the insights and revelations, the wisdom and the intelligence that are flowing all of the time.”

Try this out for one month and see what happens!✨

Running / Walking (viii)

Running / Walking (viii)

by yellownblac ♥ 1 Comment

On my way back from running, while I was walking , I trained myself in the process further.

I chanted mantras. And got to understand why the process mattered.

I was also chanting yesterday and the feeling was letting my body my cells hear the chant or feel the vibrations of the mantras

But today! but today I had the feeling of chanting with all my cells and when I “got lost” or drifted, I invited my body to come back and chant together with me. It feels like I am ushering no motivating and we all have our heart on chanting. There is a certain feeling of fulfillment doing it together with my body with my cells.

And as I went on and on, and got to the keloids and cyst at the belly button, I saw that they (can) and are part of me. But I have never accepted them, much less accepted them as part of my body. I always saw them as something external and something I had to handle to resolve to remove.

I have never accepted or acknowledged them in a way

Then I saw this beautiful light shining through

And , and I can’t believe I m running. And who is the me waiting for me in the distance ?

I look back and remember I was smiling to myself at bedtime yesterday. A very awesome feeling. Smiling and smiley joyful for no reason

Running/ Walking (vi)

Running/ Walking (vi)

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I always hear this, from John.

He always says , “ it’s not the essential oil not the product, it’s the process. It’s the process.”

I used to be perturbed . If the protocol is there, why does he still say this? But I finally got an inkling of what he means this morning as I repeated my running challenge

He can prescribe a protocol of oils to use for any condition but different people would arrive at different results

Of course the physical conditions would vary but I realise also the importance of the process

As I ran , I kept drawing in the Sun’s light and energy into my body and my being , to cleanse my insides

On another day, what came though from the skies was not intense sunlight but a soft glow. Yet another, the day began moist chilly with little light

I did this everyday and even the process is different everyday. The process of breathing in and cleansing is different everyday .

The process is different because what I breathed in is different and so many more

And so the results will be different

Today as I ran and walked and breathed, breathed in light at the pelvic keloids, I saw the baby skin beneath and I heard something else—— that the keloids have been almost a shield for me all these years as I moved through it all. I might have been hurt more or less protected had it not been for the keloids who have come on this way to shield me.

Before I was ready to face the world with myself and the experiences that I have.

Now I m ready and I heard myself thank the keloids for being here with me all this while. This is certainly yet another step after accepting them as part of me —— something I realized yesterday in my run .

And so they say, 11.11 is a very special day and opens us up to a new portal of ascension and being.

May light be always with you.

Change

Change

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This is one word we come across every so often but one of the hardest (?) to execute or be aware of.

For example, I do not feel or know that I have changed or aged until I see my kids grow up. So it seems, change happens when we are least aware of it

This morning I thought this word of change echoed to me

I am curious how I will be if I continue to run

John once said that if I started exercising I will be a different person

I will become better

I am curious how I am going to be. What is the change?

Let’s do this experiment.

How will/can I become? And how will/can you—— become?

And I saw this quote – life is not about discovery, life is about creation. And you are creating it all, no one else is doing it for you.

Running/ Walking (iv)

Running/ Walking (iv)

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I woke up hearing a thought say: isn’t this the best time of your life?

You have all the freedom to do / create what you want/like, with little to no responsibilities outside taking care of yourself and your family.

Now is the time.

Now- what do you want to do?

Use this time.

When I ran , I hear myself say the things I want to do

I want to fly and be on SQ with my family

I want to upgrade my physical abilities and capabilities.

I want to uplift myself. To a higher vibrational mode.

I ran the route I ran on my birthday and thought of the things I wrote.

I saw a young couple taking their wedding photos. Would you see the sun because of some who came into your life? What about me. I saw someone canoe

I saw a tree that went out of its way—- it grew horizontally instead of vertically? How and why? For whom or what? How did we grow?

The days ahead are a blank page waiting for me to fill.

And I will.

Questions

Questions

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I have asking a lot of questions in my life.

First as a child. Then in my professional career as a journalist to people from all spectrums in life. Now I direct them to myself and the source the greater or greatest creator and to life.

It didn’t really come to my understanding how powerful questions can be.

I thought what was to be pursued were answers . I have been pursuing answers all along. Waiting to hear back with the questions I asked.

But John has been talking about asking questions, and its the questions we ask that matter. And now this I saw from Michael Beckwith

“You see, we have to ask powerful questions. If there’s an issue, you have to ask a big enough question for the Universe to answer it.

So behind every problem, there’s a question trying to ask itself. And behind every question, there’s an answer trying to reveal itself. And behind every answer, there’s an action trying to express itself. And behind every action, there’s a way of life trying to be born.

If a person is chronically struggling with finances and they’re asking, “Why is this always happening to me?” That’s a disempowering question. You’ve got to ask a bigger question like, “What is the nature of prosperity?”

Perhaps write it down and think about it when you go to bed at night; sleep on it. The Universe will start to talk to you; it is already talking to you.

The broadcast is already going on; it just needs your permission to come in. The answer tells you, “prosperity is everywhere, prosperity is energy, energy is never created or destroyed, it’s invisible. Look at the leaves on a tree. Look at the grains of sand. Look at the stars in the heavens. It’s everywhere. There’s no lack anywhere.”

Yet, your mind will say, “Wait a minute, I’m asking because I don’t have money or prosperity.” And it will come back and tell you, “I said I’m invisible. I’m infinite. I’m not a thing. So give what you have, give a smile, help somebody. Put yourself in a position to serve.”

And then that action becomes a way of life.

So, if you wake up thinking, “How am I going to serve? How am I going to give? How am I going to circulate?” Then the Universe will support you in that, and prosperity starts to flow into your life because you’ve asked the right question.

How are you going to serve today? First, write your empowering question down and see what the Universe offers you. Then share your story with the community and me.”

This called out to me.

I tried asking myself, because suddenly, all my work on hand stopped. First, slowly, I let go of one, then two of what I was doing currently. The last one I held on to, let me know that they wanted to end the contract at the end of this month. AT first I was taken by surprise, what was I to do ——-Starting back at the point of zero income?

I asked myself the questions mainstream society would ask, such as, how can you be living without any source of income? How are you going to retire comfortably and such? Driven by fear, worry, inadequacy.

What is the universe trying to tell me or do?

Then it occured to me that things, were, are speeding up. The last thing I held on to out of fear or insecurity is stripped off me literally. And I realise, the universe is giving me a pat on the back and giving me the support I need so that I can elevate into the new.

In the new, these old strings cannot be with me as they served me no longer. My time to enter the new has come and the very things that will impede me or what I hang on to, old values, system, judgments, ways of living, earning my keep, thinking etc, can only be left behind.

I felt like the time has come.

While I walked on my own, I looked at the things which held me back, fear, worry, shame, guilt. I located them in my body and walked with them, looked at them, breathed with and into them, thanked them for teaching me and keeping me on my toes and bringing me to who I am, and waved them goodbye.

Then I saw and was drawn to this lotus in a pond

Then before I knew, a shower descended.

Run or walk?

I ran in the rain. Took shelter under a tree and felt rain slipping in and it was truly like a blessing of sorts.

And it felt so good.

As i reread “How are you going to serve today? First, write your empowering question down and see what the Universe offers you. “

I felt touched myself. It sort like I am aligning to the universe’s rhythm, entering a flow of sorts. I felt a response or a resonance of sorts in the air, nodding in my favour, as if saying, finally you are back you have come.

And i understand now why a lot of works they shine bright with light are channelled.

Aligning with the universe or the source or the creator or god, what does it mean? It means first and foremost to recognise to acknowledge and to treasure oneself, as one and only, and a part of the source—–never born and never will die, has been and always will be.

It means not to understand that we are created in the likeness of god but to feel that way.

And Qinzhi said just this afternoon :”I feel that I m god but why am I here?”

We are messengers of light, blinking and shimmering in our own right, each time we shine and acknowledge that god in us, the world shines ever brighter and will be even more so, as we express our truth and be the best we can be, showing the good we are here for.

I feel excited.