Tag: transformation

Inspirations from a Run (IX)

Inspirations from a Run (IX)

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(i) What cannot touch you

Ran and saw a couple friend who once tried to get my help into their business, but it all fell apart on its own somehow. This happened perhaps half a year ago.

I must have tried many times to do a reconciliation of what happened , for example, I thought of the Dalai Lama’s words-that sometimes not getting what you want is a stroke of luck. Or things like, they can’t afford you. Or, this isn’t meant for you.

And so very suddenly, it dawned upon me in my run, that business cannot touch me. Or intentions which have the purpose of money making, can not yet touch me-no matter how much they do not seem so on the surface.

With that realisation, which reinforced the need for us to be still to receive wisdom- I went on to look at the things that I have dabbled in and somehow, went apart on its own after a while -perhaps because these are not in lined with my own intentions.

And what are my own intentions I asked?

I recall John’s words many years ago that my path is a spiritual one. And I thought of the time when I was at my highest, I was sharing light- not mine, but of others, things like honour, passion, love, belief, things like this, I was sharing these outwards in stories, videos.

And of late, the picture in my mind was just being with people who told me stories of their lives and how they created and keep creating magic and wonders-for themselves and others.

So what can touch me? I asked.

(ii) Caught in middle

Don’t we all? Do this or that? Choose this or that? Which way forwards? Every moment of choice when we deliberate over something. We find ourselves in a middle position which offers some form of resistance and challenge.

The crux is how do we use this rather than be sucked in the moment or feel compelled and becomes a reaction.

When action is really what we are after.

Awareness awareness awareness is easier said than done when we are under the conditioned mind, subject to the pinnings of yesterday, today, others, experiences.

Is there any way we can use the moment of choice of opportunity? Use it and make it literally so, so that we do not create decisions that land us away from what we really want.

I say so because of late I feel so caught. And it is giving me headaches because I am in the middle or have not taken a clear enough stand.

A part of me is still stuck in the past huh

Looking at it, I have been given so many opportunities to do something different each time this same thing comes up. And so many times past, I did the same, which birthed and consecrated this new event, and I am thinking so hard what to do-and it all happens in the background, its consuming my energy.

Buddhist studies helped lots, to let me know that there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, the theory is enlightening and liberating. The question is how do we reconcile with the issue on hand? How do we apply this learning.

How can I breakthrough of this cycle I have been perpetuating myself in?

How can I get out ?

Perhaps, rather than thinking my way out, I could feel my way out. I want to transform this, transmute, this.

The laws of cause and effect was brought to mind in the buddhist course, if I want the effect of breakthrough out of this cycle, what causes do I apply?

Appreciate Now

Appreciate Now

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The horoscope page I follow kept telling me to appreciate the now and not get ahead of myself

I kind of understand

And it suddenly dawned on me that maybe I should appreciate what I have – more

For sometime I got a bit caught up wanting to find work

Did I really know the meaning of that? Can I still handle office politics and unreasonable behavior ? Do I really want to be in office space?

Sis said- “ everyone ‘s dream is to do what you are doing now”

It dawned upon me then that all these while at home time just passed and I haven’t really used time constructively

Some have used COVID to start something. Like a business or something.

Am I being too judgmental and harsh on myself ?

And yet I am lusting after all the FB explorations put out by “friends” envying their experiences on social media. I can’t say I am not swayed at all when I see these. Why? I had the chance to embrace these things once

In the days at home, I have mended my heart. My relationship with my husband. I spent time with my children. The mundane things- but THE most important . Days are simple and there is quiet joy. I am grateful for these even as I write.

But can I really or do I really want to step out of them to earn some and be embroiled? The opportunity cost of earning a keep- do I want to entertain that at all?

Maybe that is why I wasn’t able to find something . Because I want to be here.

If not, is there any other way to attempting what I enjoy doing whilst keeping the time at home to be at a maximum?

There must be ! The only thing that would let me step out- is to do interviews , and with A listers to talk about life and how they made it happen

Show me my dear divine!

What Do You Believe

What Do You Believe

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Watched INside effects: How the Body Heals Itself – https://rumble.com/c/KeithLeonS

And there was this question asked: what is it that you believe of your own health?

I tried to ask myself that- how and why did I create the keloids the cyst the little hole in the gum and sensitive teeth

And I came to the understanding – in the deeper ends of my consciousness, I have been adversely affected by the times when my dad had spinal operation, when my two grandmas had taken ill, when mom was taken ill suddenly, when mom’s brother and sister passed on suddenly

That explains why I was also worried to go to the doctor

In fact when I was young, I already had a fear of seeing the doctor.

I was always afraid there was something wrong and that the doctor would find something

It was a fear that I remembered since I was young

And how did that come about?

Was that even mine to begin with?

Did I hear it from someone or did I pick up that worry that fear somewhere? The closest or the one that came to mind with gor gor who had a similar fear.

And writing this now made me aware that I had been carrying this for so long

It made me wonder how I would have been – how my life would have been different if I had not one once had an ounce of this ? How would I have been?

And the fact is bf always reminded me of that? He always said to me ,” there is nothing wrong with you at all”

Because I thought I was not, my body also made me these times

That was how I created what I didn’t want

And seeing this made me want to start a new relationship with my body my cells

And not first without thankfully greeting my body and cells for always supporting me showing up for me renewing me rejuvenating me and healing me helping me- throughout all the times

And I invite my body my cells to embark on a new journey with me- one that speaks of great energy vitality perfect health and miraculous healing

And one in which I can do anything and everything I like with full support and credit given by my beautiful perfectly healthy body

Start now too, you you you you you you and you……

I start by running, being aware of my diet, eating whole foods , watching and observing my thoughts, chanting, sending love and light to myself and others

What is it you can do to bring you to that ideal place of effect vitality and health- therefore: happiness?

Inspirations From A Run (VIII)

Inspirations From A Run (VIII)

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I had a conversation with the anxiety and fear I have been feeling in the last few days.

HuaiHao said he could feel it. I asked him how and he said “ there’s like an aura of it on me, like you are anticipating something.”

The feeling diminished slightly – not actually significantly after my virtual interview with CXXX

I guess I didn’t want it. So I felt relieved after the session

I told my family over dinner – that previously I had been preoccupied with sending out job applications

And now that I receiving echoes I am seriously wondering what my calling is or how I want my future to be

And I am getting the jitters because I’m not familiar with this point enough – or as much as I want to

Now writing about this made me appreciate the fear or concern I have been harbouring

It was really asking me to pause and to have a think with myself

I was just fidgety and anxious, impatient and jittery

During those few days, I realised that the energy it was bring me is stopping. Stopping me from advancing

And I didn’t understand it fully then until in the run and now really

The first thing I did was to acknowledge its presence and simply say to it. Hello dear, I see you, I feel you, I hear you.

And it was a good feeling. The feeling was opening up to it rather than suppressing it not wanting to see it abhorring it

The. I asked what the message it had for me and the response that came along was –

It is a habit and a highly reinforced energy- over the years. And in a bid to caution me, to alert me of possible pitfalls and that I needn’t be fearful of it.

So there are two things here: an automatic habit of feeling fear that kicks in once I sense myself encountering something different or what I m not used to

The other is my response to this habit – while I have been always afraid of it, I can listen in to it and use it to my advantage

Another response that came was to use this energy. To use it and fully so, on something new like in a new venture a new project or adventure . For these are innately arisen to support and help me. And I could really use them this way.

And I asked what I could do to resolve the habit .

And I find myself saying thank you and goodbye to this energy. It has been with me for 40 years and I was fearful of it, when all it wants is to help me and support me

Helping me come to where I have.

And I find it moving from the belly to my heart and that was where I said goodbye.

It’s a wonderful conversation

Inspirations From A Run (VII)

Inspirations From A Run (VII)

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The intention was to get to know why the soul chose to come to earth? What was so attractive here that I wanted to explore so much I signed this contract?

I ask for the running practice session to help me find out.

And what did I hear ?

(I) to see and find out about light

All the times of perceived difficulty in worry and fear, each time I chose the way out – guided by light. I travelled in the direction of light once and again

(II) to find my magic my divinity

Each time of perceived difficulty worry and fear, I drew out from my core my being my soul my power my magic.

I thanked myself for keeping on – with openness, with the willingness to try , once again. To persevere and not give up. To stake on myself and believe I can

No I did not come here to worry about health, that was me gone off course. And i steer myself back

(III) the miracle body

Everyone of us has this miracle body who takes such wonderful amazing care of us , supporting us healing is restoring us to keep us going

The way my body heals is instant miraculous and magic

Our bodies perform magic once and again on is for us- because it wants us to know that we have a bigger purpose and a lot of things to achieve and accomplish. Our bodies want us to do exactly what we want to come here for and so they support us so unconditionally so faithfully so committed – with so much love

I thank my body I thank my body. Thank you for loving me!

(IV) the magic is if I m well you are

If I m facing light and feeling all the wonders of it, why wouldn’t my daughter? Why wouldn’t you? Or he? She?

One of the most meaningful things I heard from Lee Harris the day before in his free podcast was that when you run( or do something) , you are carrying the energy for another too.

We are all parts of each other. Fractals of each other.

If I am well you are too.

(V) so go forth and do what gives you joy

Without a care

Inspirations From A Run (V)

Inspirations From A Run (V)

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The intention today is to work with the divine to receive healing. To restore .

And this was what that came up in the run.

(i) thankful to be here

I’m thankful to be here , to be running now and to be seeing this. To be given this opportunity to be here now, to receive

(ii) nothing to do

When thoughts came, immediately there is this idea that “There is nothing to do, nowhere to go but here.

To receive.

There is no thing to do but just to be here and we will receive. I m certain.

(iii) healing comes within

Towards the end of the run, I asked myself about healing. What does my womb want me to know? That it is out of balance . And what can I do to restore he balance? To write !

The body is actually made to support the soul and soul journey and development

When there is inner clarity, the body works it’s best to support the purpose

(iv) openness

If I m here and an opportunity lands on me , isn’t that part of the flow? isn’t that a gift? Just as everything around me in the run is?

I have been looking elsewhere and thinking about something similar I have done always and remained somewhat close to the opportunity that has landed.

What happens when I m being open to this all?

David Foster: Off The Record

David Foster: Off The Record

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Teacher Stephan sent me a reply

“Dear Pin Yen, I feel for you in the pain and thoughts.

We are all equal young people, old people, all people and all need to be respected.

Without the elderly (parants, grandparents, great grand parants etc) we would not be here.

They not only had to care for their families and survive wars, famines, atrocities, injustice and so on…stoically survive and move forward through the uncertainty of life and time. Building our nations, economies and then meet so that we are born.

Did you know if we look back the last 11 generations or about 300 years. There were at least 4094 people who had to meet, give birth to a child which would grow up and meet someone else to face the lifes challanges, bringing children etc.

Where did they come form?
How many wars, famines, atrocities have they survived or not survived?

But also how much love, joy, dreams have they had and send to us down the line.

And how much strenght, endurance, courage and resilience have they left in us to move ahead in our lifes.

All we can do is to honore these gifts and take up their courage and strenght to forge ahead and make our lifes.”

And I saw Sasha’s send of this pix that I liked immediately and immensely

I wonder why

I am not sure why but I just wanted to watch this that I watched a while ago.

Particularly the part on Whitney Houston and the hit “ I will always love you”

“And I hope life, will treat you kind
And I hope that you have all
That you ever dreamed of
Oh I do wish you joy
And I wish you happiness
But above all this
I wish you love
I love you
I will always love you”

And this kind of sums it up.

The question and the answer is the same: love.

Inspirations From A Run (IV)

Inspirations From A Run (IV)

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The intention today was to have awareness so as to work with the divine or rather to let the divine work through me.

And the “child” seems to be the theme of the run .

(i) How did you run?

This little girl was running into my lane and the first thing that popped into my mind was: how did I used to run as a child? How did my running steps feel like?

I couldn’t place these at all. Maybe I didn’t really run. I don’t really recall myself running. Perhaps it’s from the care of my family or nanny, who were so protective of me and was afraid of me hurting myself in a run . It came as advice out of goodwill and I listened in and practiced it

I didn’t run

Maybe that is why I always did not enjoy physical education in school. I didn’t like running . It’s not my thing.

But I still tried to feel for that feeling of me as a little girl of about 4 or 5. How would she run?

Without a care. Without any density of energies . Like a squirrel. That light. That free.

When I saw this, I kind of felt that in my running steps.

(ii) Possibilities

Whenever thoughts came, whenever I saw a possibility a picture of myself, I acknowledged it and told myself to continue to open up – to possibilities .

I thought of the times when I closed in or centred on one possibility. Such as when I left work. At that time, I centred on that particular possibility and couldn’t open up to the others. It was my choice.

But now, I asked myself to continue to open up, to widen to see and to observe.

And to go for the best and never settle. To go for that one which would make the little girl ‘s eyes and face shine

(iii) inner child

I had such a wonderful session with the girl in me.

What would you say to the child in you? The you in you?

“You are so blessed little one. You have such a strong and wonderful support circle around you and so move forward and do what makes you sparkle.

I feel you in perfect health and there is nothing you need to worry about.

I feel and see how you are so loved by your family and people around you. Your husband devotes to you your children love you, your siblings look up to you. “

I wanted to hear what she wants. I kind of created with the girl by asking her what she wants.

At a certain point in time, I saw why I came here again. I was daunted, couldn’t see possibilities, gave up on myself and lost my power .

In fact I reprised that too. Once very clearly during my second year in JC, when dad lost his footing and I lost mine or rather , I gave up mine.

The other time clearly, when I gave up work in 2019 . I handled my power away.

And what would the little girl choose?

“ I just want to pass on this touching feeling or moment(s) as much as I can. The feeling of the heart warmed and energized, fueling myself to greater goodness . Feeling hope and hopeful and ready to charge , to be inspired and go for it once again. “

I think that’s my power. To find my power (back) and let others see their power.

How Can We Do Better

How Can We Do Better

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I was feeling really choked and muddled in the body and mind and I knew I had to write

I had to write to sort out my thoughts and to find a starting point again

The question is this: how can we do better? What else can we do? What is the direction I am heading towards? I need to chart my path.

With the passing of Ah Siong Hia, I feel it even stronger that direction of life is more than important. I feel it even more urgent that I know clearly what I really like want and need.

I need to get there.

More than staying in misery sadness fear regret doubts suspicion or anything else. I have done enough of this.

Accustomed habits and emotions that have weighed on us can consume us too easily . They had gravity in our lives. And over the years repetition has given them sustainability. But- why (are we) stuck in the rut when we actually know very well that we wanted the exact direct opposite!

We want peace and calm. Ease and joy. Comfort and satisfaction. Strength and clarity. We need awareness

Where is it we want to be at ? That’s where we put our energy and awareness at .

How can we work with life with the divine with ourselves to make it better?

The report card comes at the point of “graduating” from life

In the last few days there were lots that went around in the mind. Parents or elders , our younger generation and our own selves.

How can we make “graduating” easy effortless for everyone and not like any other “graduation ceremony “ that I have attended?

I thought for a while, it’s not how much money one has or not, how accomplished or famous one is——or not.

Then these words came into my mind:

No regrets

No grudges

Living life the very way your heart wants, gently. Doing things that make your eyes sparkle, giving hope and warmth

A clean open pure heart

Being in love

Only love love and more love

Everyday every minute every moment . To live love , in love. And to intend everything from it. Act out of it.

Be it.

I am reminded of what HuaiHao said this morning. We were lying on the bed and I asked him what is it I should explore.

He said “nature”

But “ not see it but be in it. Because seeing it is different from being in it”

I recall what Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche said, that the opportunity to begin again is in each and every moment “

Let’s try this!

And I just have to share this here again from teacher Stephan

“Just one of these bursts during the flight…

Human Beauty
Comes from
Love and Courage
For life

Have great day”

Inspirations From A Run (II)

Inspirations From A Run (II)

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It’s amazing how being in nature can be. It’s not just healing but feeling part of something bigger

(I) divinity

I was trying to contemplate again on the divine. A while ago, I remember I asked myself if I believed there is god or divine? And not just knowing but feeling god or the divine?

In the run this idea came again. The idea that if this intelligence is the very one that is making birds chirp and giving them their spectacular colours of green blue yellow, it must be the same one to make me sing with joy.

(II) In place

In the run I saw a little worm suspended in mid air held by such a fine almost next to nothing thread of a web.

If this isn’t divine what is?

And in that place it is in place. Even there hung in mid air.

And even now where I am, I am in place.

(III) no reason

The idea that there is no reason for me not to be happy popped into my head. The same goes for contentment, satisfaction.

With what I have where I am, is there any reason for me to not be content or joyful? But instead of feeling grateful I was always judging and looking at more, it was my expectations my wanting more that is creating unhappiness.

But while people are rushing for work, I am having the opportunity to be out in the sun to work for my physical and mental body, to hear these thoughts and to check myself.

Is there any reason I shouldn’t be happy ?