Tag: transformation

The Wisdom of Trauma

The Wisdom of Trauma

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Trauma can be transformed . The energy of trauma can be changed. The work is upon us. The intention is upon us —- how to use our trauma.

This is exactly what Tibetan Buddhism has been focusing on—- transformation. And today I saw this in a movie on Gabor Mate.

https://wisdomoftrauma.com/movie/

Extremely powerful, beautiful and insightful, powered by Gabor Maté ‘s deep inquiry into his life and soulful voice no less.T

These are some quotes I picked up from the movie. Too much wisdom !

Working with trauma can reveal the beauty of our existence – we have lost sight of

Our job is to learn from our suffering

There’s Wisdom in trauma

Traumatic response is our imprint and not ourselves

We can work them through and become ourselves

Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens outside you

Trauma is a disconnection

Because it’s too painful to be ourselves

It becomes a lifelong dynamic when pple don’t know what to do with emotions

When you feel you withdraw

You don’t follow gut feeling

Create situations of risk for ourselves

Affect mid frontal cortex of brain

⁃ affect how we deal with emotions pple

When pain is there as a child, they don’t know who to share with as a child

They disconnect

Children don’t get traumatized when they are hurt

Children get traumatized because They are alone when they are hurt

They are overwhelmed

Babies need fathers and mothers brain to regulate their brains

They need to be held

When baby isn’t being held he is not attached to

They can be attached only physically

They need to be held

Child is desperate for a relationship

For trauma to happen you just need parents who let child cry

Fear of being abandoned

When you do stuff for other pple what are you doing to yourself

(Abandoning me)

You absorb their pain and manifest it

And your family can’t stand you can’t stand seeing it

Child have 2 fundamental needs

-attachment

-authenticity : connection to ourselves to gut feelings

A survival necessity

What happens when you have to suppress gut and authenticity?

Normal Society doesn’t allow anger

Child disconnects fr anger

Helping child love thru anger to modulate anger and confront anger and not to suppress it

Anger does not have to be destructive

Brutal to push down the rage to judge

The depression was a major success not a failure

⁃ not wanting to get out of bed

Having Pain showed you deeper into yourself how you were abandoning yourself

Addiction

⁃ A behavior pple find relief in Eg eating shopping gaming work etc

⁃ Why the pain

⁃ Choice or inherited : When pple r suffering they want to escape that’s normal

⁃ Huge emptiness inside and Use addiction to complete themselves and cover up using substances

⁃ A response to trauma

⁃ To heal addiction heal the trauma

⁃ Under traumatized persona There’s a healthy individual who has never find expression and relationships where authentic humanic could be expressed

Are we conscious and making decision based on full awareness or driven by unconscious dynamics developed as a response to childhood trauma

Then we are not free

It’s not what’s wrong with us but what happened to us

Rae Mate

It’s got to b my job to heal Hitomi bring out that light

I believe that the Purpose of Marriage is to go back to to original trauma which comes fr the family

I married a man who is so much like my father

I have to be me

I have to be authentic

My nervous system is so wired that if I m not authentic to myself I can’t sleep I m anxious

Gabor mate

My scientific address has to do with my trauma

I woke up fairly late in life

The message I got as a child was that the world didn’t want me so what do you do

You make yourself be needed you go to medical school

That was an addiction

Asthma

⁃ suppressed rage so that lungs are

⁃ steroid

Inflamed joint

⁃ steroid

Inflamed intestine

⁃ steroid

⁃ Stress hormones: cortisol

Illness is when part of organism works against what is designed by nature to protect you

Treatment is always to burn it destroy it

But what if we say, it’s here now: what is the teaching? What does it say of my life my relationships and especially how I treat myself?

Psychedelic

Get the conditioned mind out of the way

And look at exactly, deep into yourself

Cancer

Suppress anger

Not having to disappoint others

Check in with your body when you express yourself and do things that deprive yourself of energy

Feels good to feel

This boy just wants to be loved and accepted unconditionally

And he figures out how to be loved and accepted

If u don’t allow your fear to be there

You gonna be always working to get rid of it and you gonna keep working

Or you could say

Ok the fear is there I let it be there

There’s a shift

Compassion and enquirer

Truth is inside us we just have to ask the right qns

Shame of negative emotions and that you cannot be weak

We don’t respond to what happens

We respond to our perception of what happened

It’s with our minds we create world

And we always choose the worst ones

Brain jumps to automatically

It goes back to childhood -First time we are hurt

Trauma – we don’t respond to the present

We respond to the past

So who’s the one who doesn’t care and respect ourselves ? It’s me

Thats the beauty of healing

the learning when we reframe things n see source within ourselves that’s liberating

If u r feeling this way or that because someone did smtg then u r a victim

But if you see the source

You r the source now you r powerful

Under traumatized persona There’s a healthy individual who has never find expression in his life

If he sees that he is trauma informed

It is not about healing trauma or getting rid of what happened but helping the person expand so there’s space

When we are compassion with ourselves it changes ourselves our community and society

Everybody as a true genuine authentic self can never be destroyed

Spiritual work for us both

Healing and still healing in a relationship

Inspiring how he’s changed

We got older

We got freeier and better and better

Dynamic emergent process of confrontation with truth

Trauma involves lifelong pushing down a tremendous expenditure of energy to not feel pain

As we heal that same energy is liberated for life for being in the present

Energy of trauma can be transformed into energy of life

I find these words from the makers of this film so beautiful:

May this little wave that stirred so many ripples through our shared ocean of awareness give us strength to continue on this journey of learning, investigating, and healing trauma in our bodies, in our social structures and in our tender world. May we continue healing, lest we pass it on to the next generations and to mother Earth.  

With this film, we hope to make a small step towards creating a more supportive culture where our challenges don’t need to live in the dark, where vulnerability is seen as healthy and encouraged, where physical and mental health are treated equally, because they are one. 

We hold the vision of a world that breaks free of the cycles of trauma and becomes more open and inclusive. It all starts with us, truly. It starts when we allow our wounds to teach us about listening, self-love and compassion and to remind us of the preciousness of life. Then truth opens our hearts and our innate wisdom begins to shine through our wounds.

Healing happens in connection, it happens in community.

Moving IV

Moving IV

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Is this why I moved house?

I moved house because I moved.

“Your frequency is changing. And your frequency is what gives you gravity in the form you are aligned with, for there are many dimensions that you can exist in here. So when you start to shift, the relationships you are in will shift with you, some might fall away, but the relationships you are in will shift with you. And so too will the forms of your life. And these forms can relate to anything in your life – the place you live, the home, the amount you travel, the job you do, the places you like to inhabit, right down to more intimate things, such as food, what you put in your body, the amounts – things start to change, patterns start to change.” ——-Lee Harris

Yes.

The food I put into my body changed. Patterns changed. I started to pick up jogging and walking. My house changed and work changed.

I moved.

And things moved.

Moving III

Moving III

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One more sleep and we are moving out of Redhill.

Moving is an exercise of marie kondo——you are given the opportunity to decide what to bring along to the next phase of your life, what to let go.

First of all, I let my childhood presents go. The watch and belt I had since I was perhaps 5 or 6? The koala bear that Stanley brother brought for me when he went to Australia for his honeymoon, the tie I wore to Hwa Chong JC, the Mickey Mouse tin box mommy gifted me when she went on a Japan trip with Dad when I was in primary school?

I keep the McDonalds book bundle though , Qinzhi could use it. Is it 30 years old?

I decided to let my holiday diaries and keepsakes go. The first time I did what my heart willed and went to Hokkaido, doing what I really want. The first time I travelled with bf, and all the other travels together to Aussie and etc. I let go of the Disney keepsake.

I decided to let the perfume my husband then boyfriend bought for me go.

And the ribbon that was on the bouquet he gave me on our wedding day.

I decided to let my diaries go.

I decided to let go of the drawings I made

Inner Child’s Lollipop 2 Aug 2013
Happy Birthdae 2013/ Mothering Me

I decided. Then all the MRI scan pictures.
I let go of lots of cookbooks that famous chefs signed for me. And a book I wrote.

I decided to let go of the house.

We finally let go of the house on 10.10.2020

The key is I decided

Lol. Why did I even hold on to them in the first place?

To hold on.

For fear of something someday that I may need.

Attachment.

Holding on to a past. Some identity. Some part of me.

Is it difficult to let these go?

Not really. I hear the old me almost reverting back to holding on. But being aware now,

———

This is actually a pause, a gap

A bardo.

That I m in, i m in the middle , between my past and my future , then and tomorrow.

I want to use the opportunity of this bardo, this pause this gap, to make it good. I must have told myself —- try something different. If I held on, how about opening my hands myself up and letting go?

I tried 😊

And it feels pretty good 😉

I don’t need them now. I want to be in the now. I kissed them packed them and imagine a fire consuming them as they dissolve into nothingness.

Amazingly I don’t have as much emotions as I thought I would have —- to leave this house.

Thank you! For sheltering me protecting me through all times , most of all for giving me the space to grow and develop to become me now. I remember all the me in all of those times, when we moved in, when Qinzhi and HuaiHao were little , when I was in fear, sadness, pain and desperation, when I pursued my dreams and soar, when I cooked , when I penned down my thoughts , did raindrop therapy for qinzhi etc

And I honour these all. They allowed me to stretch my malleability as a person as I went through all these experiences and emotions. Making me who I am now. Acknowledging and accepting these all, and the space, I pack all of these into bubbles and send all of them to the sun and to light.

Thank you and goodbye 😊

Loving this —- now I feel more ready than before to step up to now and tomorrow.

I thank the universe for this opportunity.

“Life is designed to provide your soul with the perfect tools, the perfect circumstances, the perfect conditions with which to realize and experience, announce and declare, fulfill and become Who You Really Are. “——- Neale Donald Walsch

Moving II

Moving II

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Before I knew, it’s just a matter of a few more days before I move out of my flat.

That I day I texted teacher to let him know that the latest check done on the cyst looked good.

To which teacher says, “Although many people have supported you and you are in my prayer everyday, this is result of your incesante and continuous work of self analysis, questioning and acceptance of yourself and your history. Unpeeling one layer after the other and filling and surrounding yourself with love, light and the transforming life force.

How do I know? I follow silently your blogs.
Continue with your marvellous work and cyst will vanish completely.”

How does he know?

Teacher asked me how it’s been on my end and I said, “ 2020 went about so quickly we are into October already. Time seems to be speeding up as if it’s bent on moving us forward

Yet at the daily level it feels like life’s slowed down a little but details magnified for me. I didn’t do a lot on the work front but there’s still a lot of creativity popping out of me whenever I do, making me feel like I want to contribute more

I did more on the personal development front though

Everyday after the kids go to school, I have my own time doing a little reiki, meditation or watching k pop drama

I followed a lot more people who are down the spiritual growth path such as deepak chopra and the like and getting acquainted with what they preach , experimenting and seeing if the things they propose work

But the biggest discovery for myself this year through all these exposure is that we are capable of shaping our own reality

And often the creation happens in the moments we tend to let slip by

Relationship with my husband is still volatile. Seems like the unpleasant parts are more than the pleasant ones and there are many times I want to just let it go

But through it all —- although I still get lots of anger and unhappiness and dissatisfaction, I find myself gradually becoming more balanced , using these opportunities to look deeper into myself

I think I grew up pretty much through these

A few opportunities have come along for me to do more work

Might start a little agency of sorts to help small entities with marketing and content creation tying in my connections in a meaningful way

And if it happens, I want to call my agency “ Mind the Gap”

The gap might be what challenges people
But more and more, I see that the gap can be a creative space to make good

In Tibetan Buddhism , the bardo is where —- if we are mindful enough—- we observe and pause and catalyze a transformation

I have been putting this agency idea off even if many pple have asked me to start out on my own

I remember what I told Mr Ng，I told him that going forward I wanted to do things to offer my light, to offer warmth, hope, to inspire as I build my own brand. Slowly but surely it seems I m getting into the flow. The big picture is somewhat there. And I am approaching it.

But I m taking it slow and going with how I feel

Still feeling my way around as I m moving house on 10/10

Talking about this, i wanted to do a closure on our experiences as a family in this space. To honour it and to thank the space for protecting and sheltering us and to let it go

Are there any simple practices in reiki for this?”

Teacher probed, “Are you moving house?
Or do you just want to close a chapter?”

It got me thinking.

“Moving temporarily to be with my maternal family at marine crescent for half a year before we move again to my new flat at marine parade

It would be a closure of sorts right?
The opportunity came for us to move to a slightly bigger space – an upgrade fr 4 room to 5. The price is right and we sold it

It was afterwards that I realized the significance

I m given the chance to create and shape my future my reality.

What do I want? Where m I going? Who are the people I will meet? What will I be doing? Why am I doing these?

I feel excited! Like something bubbling in me!

It is because we needed it we sent out an echo and the universe responded

It also means we r ready somewhat and has passed a test somewhat as a family

It means to me that the existing space and all it carries —- our lifestyle habits attitudes mindsets we have applied on this space that have served us in this space

Is in need of an upgrade too
The old that has served us can no longer
I wanted to honour and give my thanks—- and I can move on

I also think I have spent (more than ) enough time living my past and allowing myself to feel like i have been victimised and at the passive end. When in fact I could have actively lived in the present, embracing the present rather than reliving the past and feeling sorry for myself gain and again. If anything, YES, you are right, I want to actively close that chapter, quite an important one I must say

U started off that chapter picking up pieces and putting things back in place for my family, on the surface to make everything look fine
Then I progressed to physical issues and emotional discomfort
Learning about the relationship between these two
Feeling angry and upset or feeling unjust and unfair——-pitying myself that I was the suffering one, the victim who has been affected when I didnt do anything wrong and had to pick up all the pieces
And then learning to work those emotions and feeling them in my body and learning to see that through it all, I actually had a role to play in the unfolding of events, I had a responsibility to bringing myself to where I am now, and that i made many choices without awareness and wisdom

Still if not for these, I wouldn’t have met wonderful people like yourself

And I honour my path and want to close that chapter, like a long holiday or a dream I gave to myself,
and move on.”

From seeing them as hurt to seeing them as gifts I can use to make a meaningful difference ——- with gratitude that the universe is keeping me in mind, blessed

What a journey!

“Wonderfully said dear PY. And so you should approach the clousre.

Give thanks to the apartment to have given you a home for all that time and experience. That you are start a new chapter in your life, and wont need anything from the past.

Then visualise the all the experinces and emotions in that apartment ( symbolically as an ‘All experiences conscious and unconscious’), pack and seal them in a silver bubble or as many as it takes. And send them all into the sun.

For those past experiences and thoughts to be permanently disolved for ever.”

Then I saw this

It seems like this pretty much sums up my journey

Learning to understand and accept that there is a greater wisdom out there and we are but expressions of his higher wisdom, grace and beauty. It’s a humbling experience and definitely transformative when you become from big or important and egoistic to small. Small is beautiful!

I can only be grateful and thankful for what I have been given and how the divine has worked on me though me with me.

I remember what Mr Ng said—— that only when we are ourselves and express our light we live our best versions of ourselves. Fetching that which is untinted by experience that un spoilt boundless free nature. We are light. The experiences have let me go through a process of peeling open or unraveling the outside layers and revealing my light.

Om ma ne pad me hung

Moving

Moving

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On hindsight, I realised I didnt know enough then when I let my flat go.

Its now—when people ask me, that I realise the meaning of moving.

My HDB Flat . We got this flat and then got married and had Qinzhi and Huaihao. We have been here for 12 years.

Was it one month back? We let it go—–without even knowing where we will be next.

It came from a simple thought, that the kids were growing up and needing more space, we wanted an opportunity to set things that were not so right—-right. For example, a proper kitchen. A proper bedroom, everything in place at the right place. it seemed something basic, but pretty difficult to find in land scarce and expensive Singapore.

We wanted to upgrade. To a bigger space, a quieter spot with less disturbance of traffic, with a more pleasant environment, with proper space for the kitchen, the living area, and bedrooms.

But now—-as friends ask me—–it began to dawn on me that it is much much more.

As in, it’s precisely because we need—— and we have called out ——-that is why the universe, upon hearing us, have given us the opportunity to move, to shift.

It goes to show that what we have now cannot serve us any more, whether it be the space, or lifestyle or how we have lived.

It means it is timely or the time has come. It means we are ready. As if we have passed a certain test. And we are elevating together————-as a family unit.

But interestingly, the new hasn’t come yet

And I also think it’s because we havent firmed up or aligned as a family, we havent concretised together —-as a family, what we want enough yet.

And opportunities are there.

In fact, I m thankful for the time, we have been given as a family to ink our realities together. What do we want together? What are we looking out for —together? What can we learn and how can we grow together—-with ease and with joy and happiness everyday?

Up somewhere in the air, there’s a lot of space, and opportunities we can harness for creativity and cocreating together—–within ourselves, as a family, and with the universe.

I am just thankful for this opportunity but just dont really know how to go about it.

Going with the gut feel I guess, and with blessings and inspiration from the divine.

And more opportunities came.

A friend has asked me to start out a business in the line of my passion—-vegetables! Its a whole new realm, something I have not dabbled before. I asked John about it, because he once told me my path is spiritual, and is here to help people.

Just as I have done, settling back to myself , back onto the home front with my kids, and this opportunity came along to allow me room for growth and expansion. More so, to create. To build. To put my thoughts into reality.

All along, I have been holding back, I allow myself to be held back, I create situations to hold myself back.

John has this to say: “you are given a mission to educated chefs and food industry about conscious eating, everyone keeps talking about selection of ingredients. but do they really know about the selection of ingredients? the selection of ingredients starts from soil. if soil quality is not good, ingredients remain superficial. If your soul can channel this kind of work, there will be a lot of such opportunities coming to you, because you are really doing good for society and earth. I really want this to experience this for yourself, there will be a lot of benefit If you do good, If you take on this mission to educate people. People who eat in restaurants are also families, if you can help them eat well, you will have a lot of benefit in future.”

I asked him further: it seems i just started to go spiritual and healing on my own and now I m going back. How do I know if this abundance is for me or just to check my faith in going spiritual?

His reply is great as ever: “what makes you think spirituality is separated from business or business is opposite of spirituality. Its how you drive yourself in an area such that people benefit. Spirituality is not separating from day to day mundane things. Its not separating yourselves high up away from people”

What is stopping me?
I asked myself. Maybe just — not stepping up to it.

Thinking I cant, I am not deserving, I am not worthy.

I have been shying away all this while. The Michelin experience was great to position me a t a level befitting of my calling. But it is not what I really want or is good for me, and so the opportunity came for me to bye it away.

And I realised. In me telling myself I cant, doubting myself, giving excuses of being not enough, I have created all sorts of circumstances to stop myself from rising to the occasion.

In health, I created circumstances of lack. Sub par. Emotionally and in my marriage too, I created my own sub par reality. If anything, the person who would take responsibility for this reality is me.

Out of ignorance, speaking to my lower self, reinforcing habits and not having had the awareness to look beyond or deeper, i have circumstances reinforced my habits and belief system.

I brought myself here.

And all the recent changes opened me up to a new path, its like light at the end of a tunnel.

I just couldn’t see back then.

But now, i have been the one to create these realities. And I take full responsibility for all the emotional upheavals and rides I have been through.

Time and money or life that has been lost.

Is there regret?

No, because that’s the way I learnt. The path I chose.

And now I find myself standing at the end of the road. And given a priceless opportunity to choose my future.

And choose I will.

A departure from how we learned as a family in the past————-

I ask for a house so full of love , so perfect for all of us, that will allow us to learn and grow with ease together. We learn and grow in happiness and in joy. A house rich in abundance of well being, vitality, great energy, peace, joyful, harmony, wealth. We have all that we need to bask in our abundance so as to share our light and the truth of our being, so as to inspire change and make a meaningful difference to others.

Simply by living our truth and our abundance. By being the living example of what life really is or means.

What does it really mean to be in alignment with yourself? To be authentic?

The following videos have been pretty instrumental in culminating my thoughts.

In essence, once our vibration reaches a particular level we would be like messengers translating a higher wisdom using our own language to our fellow earthlings

Now I know why I had the chance to see the bashar video!

Tasting Forgiveness

Tasting Forgiveness

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In two instances today, I felt forgiveness.

The first time I had it in an inkling. I didn’t think much of it. I felt like I wanted to do more of that.

Then afterwards, I felt it again. How about just letting it go ?

The spirit is light and chirpy, almost mischievous, naughty. I didn’t imagine I could be this.

How precious.

How does forgiveness taste to you?

Surrender x Believe

Surrender x Believe

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We know these words too little

I watched Michael Beckwith. And probably because of that—- I heard also the echo of surrender

It occurred to me- to surrender to this silence, even if I was still angry and frustrated—— still, surrender

Trust surrender

Since I can’t do much or anything else

Surrender

Believe in surrender

It means entering a space that allows anything and there’s no tightness or control over outcome. There’s space.

There is one other thing that came up, one reason why I have been going round—— what is that I was to learn?

Alot of people say , there’s something bigger than oneself at work

Which I totally agree

But my thoughts were that, I have been deciding and judging or acting based on my own world views experiences emotions and now I realize there’s a huge gap between what I think ( and these determine my actions and experiences in turn) and what is reality

For one, there is another’s beliefs thoughts emotions ideas perspectives to consider

There are other things bigger and smaller ones other my myself

And I have to leave some space for that

Believe

As I inhale Believe, I wonder why John asked me to.

But as I inhale Believe, messages keep popping up.

Today it’s : I believe there’s the divine , looking after me and all. Today more importantly, there’s a feeling of what it feels to rest in the divine . A feeling that alls well and I can rest indeed and not actively want to orchestrate anything because even so that orchestration would be out of a need or a lack or from a space that has limited awareness

I believe there’s divinity and divinity taking care of things

I believe I m (an expression) of divinity and so is everything that has happened . More importantly, it’s how it feels. It feels like again I can rest and accept, the sense of control is loosened and the sense of gratitude—- heightened

I believe, that divinity flows through me

Michael Beckwith’s Sharing

Michael Beckwith’s Sharing

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Had the chance to watch Michael Beckwith speak and he sharing a number of good points

Sometimes , a crisis happens ——To let us know we r living our life too small

Is there an idea of who you r going to be back at the idea of your head that you r postponing because u think it is not realistic

I had an idea that I would be very successful, having a reputation being somebody at the top of a profession or Creme de la Creme.

At the top

Very successful

Very wise

Very much consulted

Who people would look up to

And I have it all

Health and well being

Happiness

Joy

Success

Family

Wealth

Freedom

Blessings

Stages of soul development

1. victim consciousness: something outside yourself determines your destiny Eg god. There’s a big blame story . Life is happening to me

2. Manfesitor Consciousnesses : learn the laws of universe that thoughts r units of energy that transmute themselves into speech behavior experience —- we learn affirmations, declarations, decrees, creative visualization . Learn how to use imagination and take imagination realm back. Imagine a different kind of life . Beautiful wonderful Exercise of imaginary skills intention language until you have a sense of belief that life is coming up for you and not against you . pple become aware how they visualize the worst case scenario of what they didn’t want. People learn that they often pay attention to what they don’t want than what they want . You learn that life is on your side. Life is progressive. You learn how to manifest. Life is happening by me.

3. You become a channel for life to express itself though you . Unlimited power energy creativity. There’s yielding allowing letting go . Previously it was making things happen. Now it’s allowing. Localizing a cosmic possibility

By me- masculine

Though me – feminine

Reclaiming letting surrender

It’s about a part of you that is emerging- unfolding unfolding unfolding

We yield to it

4.

One with life

We are Emanation of this life just as wave is an emanation of ocean, sun beam is emanation of sun

Same quality

Omnipresent

Omniscience

Omnipotent

Moments in meditation or visioning that this separation between you and life dissolves and you realize your life is indeed the life of this presence

The luminosity of your own being

Light of your own soul

Taste your potential

More generosity creativity wants to flow through you

But it’s all without a sense of attachment

Moving beyond manifesting and wanting

3 Ideas

True Manifestation occurs when there’s a shift at the soul level

Soul wanting to be better rather than wanting something

Regular manifestation is just getting or feeling the inquisitive appetite

Individual soul is evolving

Oversoul is unfolding and bliss comes Bliss is the activation of our potential when we become more of ourselves

2.

We come here with an imprint and until we have come out of it we want things form an immature perspective

Mature wanting comes from clarity of who we are and what we are becoming and what we want adds to is delivering our gifts talents capacities

Things we want become an extension of an expression of our soul

True want comes from the depth of our being – the indestructible multi dimensional soul of who you are- I want to be the best me that I can be

When you expand your awareness the things you are trying to manage are handled

3. The Power is Surrender

Surrender is not raising a white flag

It’s coming into a space of non attachment not detachment

Letting the outcome form itself

Surrender to a joy beauty that is beyond comprehension

Surrender makes you powerful pliable

There has to be deep and abiding willingness

To heal your body

Begin with gratitude

Become aware

Spiritual Shapeshifting

Place attention on an area of your life which is working for you



Notice increase in power increase in energy

And then shift that energy into an area of your life which is vibrating slower

Move the wonderful energy to where is in need of healing and see the area becoming better

That’s not just skin and bones that’s vibration

Asking guides for help

Creating My Future

Creating My Future

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I was speaking to Sasha over WhatsApp sharing about what I have been busy with——It seemed mundane but the extraordinary popped out of the ordinary.

So after living in my flat for 11 plus years, we are moving.

Sasha asked me what prompted the move and whereabouts I will be off to?

I said I m not sure yet! will bunk in with my maternal family first and i guess i need to have a vision first before the house will come. so what an exercise in creating the future huh! and grateful for the opportunity

I told her that at first we wanted more space as the kids are growing up and some practices such as not having own space, await to be revised.

but now to me, it really seems as if its an opportunity for me to—as i write — create my future, to have an opportunity to set things right, or maybe just, live the way i want/intend,

And in a way that is as close to the way i would like, to be aligned truly to what i feel deeper down. maybe subconsciously i intended to change , so the opportunity came!

The universe is at work.

The universe heard my call to reinvent myself

And it came with this reply as we sold off our flat and the new space hasn’t yet shown itself

Coincidentally (but in life , really, is there coincidence?), I saw a webinar hosted by Unsinkable’s Sonia Ricotti. She put down some points to show how we can make changes and one of the exercises was, what is your dream?

Yes. We forgot to dream. And dream BIG we forgot.

We forgot to heed that voice in the heart, always relinquishing it further , replacing it with something we think work much easily. We forgot magic! We forgot magic can happen.

So this I wrote :

My dream

is to have a nice house facing the sea.

Nice spacious white house, with all the space and fittings, support and resources I need for holistic clean and green living. Living that does not give pressure or burden to the earth nor myself. This house and the lifestyle I pursue best expresses me and the deeper of my soul’s pursuits , helps myself become light , become a light being, and also my loved ones. Like never before.

My health is in the pink and rosy, like never before

The cyst has disappeared, the keloids gone.

And there are no scars at all, there are NO SCARS AT ALL, there is not any clue to their once existence.

I have baby like skin, soft and tender to the touch, I radiate light. I glow from within, I m peace and at peace and ease. There is harmony within me and outside of me.

Because I m reconciled with my past and all of its experiences, and i now use them consciously to help myself and others become better.

I have become a life coach in my own little way, sharing my experiences

I dig into my experiences and tell others how or what I have done to change the quality of it

My other love is making videos that expound the values and beliefs of TPY, i have created a brand for myself. Better than this, the videos go a long way to touch and light up another’s life, inspiring another to look within and to bring out a better and better version of themselves.

They accept their truth like me and transform like me.

I see how the universe’s resonance and synchronicity works it’s magic that when we open up others are invited too on the same journey to be our authentic best

I m earning enough if not more than enough to spend as I wish on myself and others. Wealth is flowing and I m grateful

I find myself material things that echo my beliefs – artisan, handmade, honest genuine and authentic buys that support me

It is the best ppart and really the best days I have ever experienced that will go on for a very long time.

I have reconciled all worries and fears. I understand how and why they have come into my life and I m aligned with the universe and its abundance, its expression, its flow.

I m skilled at reiki and in touch with the divine’s blessings. I reach out for ease and receive with ease. I m open to receiving and giving and is grateful and appreciative of the connection and support.

Relationship with my children, my husband and my father is great, like never before.

Everything is ——–Like never before

I take in all the goodness and savour and appreciate each and every inch of it, and I share it outwards.

I have become aware and even more

The second exercise is—-Write out your own declaration

And this is mine: I dont know why I m experiencing all these, going through all this, I still have not figured out why I keep getting stuck in all of this.

Again and again, and again.

Until when?!

My grandparents, my parents, probably my ancestors and now me. Is it not enough?!

YET! I do not believe I will be stuck in this forever, I BELIEVE I have a way out, and my kids wont have to go through all I have, I BELIEVE I know the way out to resolve and reconcile all I have, and all the health issues emotional issues, relationship issues, money issues, people issues, judgmental issues——-will be gone in a whiff.

Some other points she mentioned :

-Reprogram your conscious mind

its the thought you have about an event that is not resolved and holding you back

Awareness is the first step to transformation

every situation has a silver lining

doors to take you to next level are always there , to turn things around but you are not open to these

all you have to do, to reprogram your conscious mind is to ask yourself-what m i thinking right now

you become aware of your thoughts

they are just thoughts and we can change those thoughts anytime we want to

they are not reality

in one part of your life that is not working, what is the story i have been telling myself again and again ?

your beliefs are determining your results, shift to empowering positive beliefs

money flows freely easily from everywhere

-Reprogram your subconscious mind

-Elevate your vibration to above 500 level

like attracts like

positive thoughts attract positive things and ppl into your life.

let go of the past, they are just thoughts

it happened in that moment but now its just a thought

but we are living it over and over again and the body is still feeling it and doesnt know its not happening

the future is a thought too

the only thing that is real is the present

forgive yourself and others

connect to higher self

You have all the answers, they are there within you. amidst all the fog and chaos. you just need to quiet down and listen

Realising Me xxxiv

Realising Me xxxiv

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Its been a while! And bringing myself onto my bed to self reiki brought me lots of healing!

I lapsed into a deeper state after breath work and where did I go? But how nourishing it was!

How about writing the word love on my chest my navel my womb and pelvic region?

So thats what I did. And it was beautiful wishing myself well.

Mr Ng has been telling me about the wonders of EFT Tapping and recently I reconnected with this wonderful tool. And i thought, can i tap gently on my keloids too?

SO i just tried. Its a new thing I m doing to this and lets see what comes out of it.

And delving into pockets of silence, I found these inspirations:

1)Build a new relationship with the body

With the keloid, the cyst,

I heard myself say in the silence

The body is so because it has responded to the way I thought or believed. In building an new relationship I intend to mindfully build non inflammation harmony bliss peace joy balance happiness—-as far as possible. 

Because I deserve. 

So TPY build, build on the existing and build it on and with the keloids the cyst but also with the eyes the skin the kidneys the liver the stomach the intestines the pancreas the spine the brain the womb the nose the mouth

anywhere and anytime i find an opportunity and everywhere I want to improve on or heal or get a go at returning it to the state of equilibrium or optimum level of performance.

Build it with me and everything I have —— with intention with mindfulness and awareness 

Build the body to support my intention to further support my journey on this spiritual evolution 

Vice versa, as I find my spirituality, I help find a body that supports me 

2)How about starting my own business ?

Starting to sell something I believe in that worked for me and will work for or support another’s dream

Bf has always felt that I should start something and in my own space in the shower I thought how about this?

When I had a sore gum and refused to use the clinical mouth rinse the dentist recommended, I used natural alternatives such as thieves mouth rinse and copaiba to apply on the sore gum

When the dentist knew this worked, he asked if we could manufacture this and propose this combination to other patients 

I didn’t think much of it and honestly told him —- everything can be bought from young living

Recently i was disturbed and did not know how to go about telling SY about my feelings towards my contribution. I felt like I was giving directorial advice but not paid aptly

it bugged at me and I was unhappy and not satisfied. so i tried to open up a discussion

Then as suddenly yesterday, I thought how about getting a product and sharing it? It has to be something I believe in, has benefited me and will do the same to others. Lets see how it goes!

3)abundance and the power put back into myself

Realising limitless possibilities potentiality and what we can do

What I have could have been challenging for me, but these are the very things  people cannot take away and that which only I can appreciate in full

So my experience is something I can use I can translate into things that others can use 

5) “What if the story you’ve been telling yourself simply isn’t true?”—–Philip Mckernan

6) In the silence of the night I also thought of one thing, I really didn’t like it whenever the kids triggered bf n he got angry and he would shrug the kids out of his way and would retreat into his own space  

I felt my body resist in a particular way to let me know this is something I cannot accept

Many times I have ignored its call but yesterday it happened again 

HuaiHao wanted to play chess and he didn’t want to, HuaiHao insisted and pulled at his clothes and fell on him using his little body and weight as if to force him. But he stood up and shrugged away HuaiHao in force 

I didn’t like it. That shrug away is so forceful I hurt seeing it for myself 

Its rejection.

Why I asked? Why didn’t I like it?

The voice in me says that I didn’t like the action of him shrugging the kids’ pull in retaliation in helplessness and just retreating into his own shell

I have spoken to him so many times and I want to but I thought ——-Dear divine , why this this time and how can this be solved and improved not using my own ways?

Can I pass this to you?

Yes I will

I intend that this be resolved and like deepak chopra advised, cast your intentions out to the universe and trust it will echo back

And in the meantime I want to work on myself

Starting from what I dislike –

I dislike the action of rejection he performed forcefully 

I hate it

It reminded me of the rejection I gave to my mother at the ironing board many years ago that still makes me cringe with pain and —— regret

Mom apologized to me because I was throwing a tantrum , I helped her do housework so she needn’t work so hard when she got home from a busy day’s work

But mom would repeat doing the housework I did

I felt like my good intentions and care and protection for her is rejected 

Like she did not trust me

And I got really upset 

I flared up at the ironing board at her and she’s already at her wits end trying to hug me and saying sorry girl sorry sorry and she was crying 

I felt so sad but I was so angry I couldn’t respond 

This is something that is holding a knot at the belly area that I need to release 

Also his rejection and shunning and retreating into his own space made me deal with the kids on my own 

Every time he did this I feel like I m like my mother who had to deal with us and suck it up with no choice when father left us 

This needs to be further freed 

With awareness I release all feelings of anger upset frustration disbelief shock helplessness unhappiness of not being reciprocated and appreciated at the ironing board these are the emotions I have carried with me till today

Like after 20 years?!

These are also meanings I have attached to the incident and is not what mommy wanted me to feel 

But I have carried this baggage all the while

Then I intend and want to consciously release all the pain sufferings trauma disbelief hurt anger worry rejection feelings of not being loved of not being precious of great shock when father left us

I release also all the second tier feelings of undeserving of being small and unworthy of goodness feelings off being lack of confidence that came with these 

I release them all now

With awareness I know that my father did not throw us away and that we are not precious or deserving 

But these are meanings and interpretations I have made in that moment with what wisdom and awareness or intelligence I have 

I release them all

All these that do not serve me any longer

And I still feel like spelling these out to bf but this time I m just expressing to him and will leave the rest up to him not encroaching not enforcing 

I trust that in his journey that will be a time he will find these sharing useful both for himself and for us as a family

And in the times that I got impatient and upset that he’s still in his own space quiet, I discuss this with the kids, and let it be a learning lesson showing of how people manage emotions.

Qinzhi and Huaihao are so evolved they tell me dad’s having a bad day, in a bad mood and such.

Amazing tiny people these 2!

And when I see him still stuck, and i feel anger soar, I try and use this to invoke awareness or just allow awareness into this situation. I see that I have putting judgements and adding meanings. So step back and observe.