Tag: transcendence

Peeling Off The Layers

Peeling Off The Layers

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W came over to the east and we did grounding by soaking our feet in the waters and letting the waves splash at us.

She wanted to collect some seashells and she did. Then we just sat down for a chat.

I asked her what was the root cause of the keloids and she asked me back how I feel about them.

Amazingly the day before, I went into Lululemon and while trying on a pair of shorts, I saw my keloids squarely and I saw them as a protector or shield for my genitals. Or the most private of me, or the essence of who I was.

I told W that. I said that the keloids came about somewhere at the point Dad left the family. And he had to run away to hide. And we had to hide too.

The keloids were like a shield of protection. For me, at that point in time, in a time of my NEED. And seeing this made me thank the keloids.

I was able to say I love you and thank you, please forgive me for all the mismanagement and I m sorry it took me so long to see this.

And seeing this opened things up a little for me. I was able to say thank you to the keloids for this act of protection, to my body and my cells, for doing all they can to provide me with this emotional support when I NEEDED it.

And I was able to comfort myself and remind myself, “But TPY, you are no longer that helpless alone little girl now in need of any help. In fact you are so supported by your family and friends, essential oils and the divine always. You are no longer that little girl now.”

And I sort of gave that little girl in me a hug and love.

“In fact you have amassed so much on your own, built up so much on your own. You are not helpless you are in fact bigger than you think and know. And you do not need that shield of protection now, you can stand on your own, with your support firmly with you, in your own right in your own light, in your own power.”

I also asked W about the cyst, and I told her that came about shortly after Qinzhi had seizures. There was a lot of fear, a lot of anger and frustration at my husband whom I felt hurt Qinzhi and hurt me. Us. And W suggested talking to my husband, imagining him infront of me and me releasing all I want to say, instead of keeping it down. I did that at bedtime and was really exhausted. I fell asleep halfway.

But I sort of felt that in sleep some more work was done, communication and such. And I kind of saw another feeling of hiding in my half awake half asleep waking hours

There’s like a little girl who is fearful of taking on the big adult world and really afraid of life because dad the protector is not around and soon after dad came back to us , mom passed away. A little girl looking up at a big big world.

The thing I really wanted to do then was to get away from it all; but in reality I had to show up for my family at that time even though I was so afraid and helpless. I couldn’t see light I couldn’t see that I have tools and support around me that much. Even though there was, I wouldn’t feel it confidently.

And there’s the guilt and shame my father carried in him towards others and towards us. Although I did not know exactly what happened the gravity of the emotions was so much it rubbed off me. I carried his negativity and I thought I had to continue living in fear, in guilt and in shame for what his choice of actions. It was as if living this way was redemption.

I guessed I carried those apart from my own questions and unhappiness of – why if I didn’t do anything wrong I have to hide?! I was frustrated and angry.

There’s so much layers! Sometimes you think it’s healed but it’s not yet! So I was really itching at the keloids to get out and get away! The essence of me really want to get away from it all, to escape and run away.

But today when I wake up
The itch patch at my back has gone down quite a bit 😊

And I think it’s such a miracle !!!!

The Power of Visualization for Awakening: The Heart of Tantra with Mingyur Rinpoche

The Power of Visualization for Awakening: The Heart of Tantra with Mingyur Rinpoche

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Buddha gave 3 wheel of teaching

1)Based on four noble truths

Suffering yo be recognized

See cause of suffering

Way out of suffering

The path

2)loving kindness compassion and buddhicitta

Intention

Practice – wisdom and method

5 methods: 5 paramitas: generosity discipline patience effort meditation

3)buddha nature : enlightened goodness inherent in us: all of us are perfect

The original purity

Dharmakhaya

Pristine awareness

Clarity

Luminosity

All of us has great quality has awareness love compassion powers

We need to recognize and discover

If we have ten qualities

We always see or exaggerate the one negative qualities even if we have nine good qualities

How to experience and recognize our innate quality our pure awareness

Buddha: You all are Buddha and have enlightened nature. How to recognize this?

It is as if you have a house and the land, beneath house is a treasure. But you don’t know. You struggle to live your life.

But actually you are a v rich person

One day you met a treasure hunter and recognize that you are a rich person.

You might be surprised because you struggled to survive. All this while.

Treasure hunter says you have treasure under your house and discover with you the treasure underneath

And exchanged some for luxury

Who is richer

The person who don’t recognize he has treasure

The person who recognized he has Treaure and exchanged some for luxury house

Both same rich

Problem is he don’t recognize he has treasure

We all have treasure within ourselves

Basic innate goodness wisdom skills potential —- your true nature is Buddha but you don’t recognize or not yet discover this enlightened quality within ourselves

As we recognize more, we become more free

We create our suffering and reality based on our ignorance and the reality becomes solid and we trap ourselves with our kind speech etc

Samsara is nirvana

Suffering doesn’t exist

We are perfect

But in the reality of suffering we create we can’t go beyond time impure body speech mind environment or obscurations

How to discover our treasure our Buddha nature within ourselves

In vajrayana tradition there are three ways to discover the enlightened nature within ourselves

⁃ developmental stage : we use imagination as path. With imagination which is v powerful form shape colour ie working with body

⁃ Completion stage with concept : working with subtle body working with speech the essence is breath or energy which exist thru body. Nerves nadi or channels : things loving inside nadi is cells or essence of energy bindu. Rhythm of moving and change is prana

⁃ Path of liberation: completion without concept : 5 levels in Tergar : working directly with mind and awareness with thinking feeling habitual and essence (or true nature of ) mind

Focus on developmental stage

Using imagination

Whatever we do in our life we have to use imagination

There’s some kind of image speech sensation belief in imagination

These four constitute imagination

Olympic athletes use imagination in training

Grow muscles by imagination- imagination running

Some pple can’t raise hand, imagine can raise hand and really can raise hand

Imagination can come true and become reality! Power of imagination!!!

In developmental stage, use imagination as path

Use enlightened qualities with imagination

We all are Buddha have immeasurable wisdom skills potential compassion all with you but none of them are manifesting with the way we look and manage our problems

All problems or obscurations are temporary so don’t worry!!!!!

Maybe you don’t have wisdom skills potential compassion now but you can IMAGINE! And become Buddha like!!! What Buddha see do feel!

Look at all beings with the eyes of a Buddha , with wisdom beyond concept

Imagine white Tara – wisdom

Fake it till you make it

Use concept to go beyond concept

Actually not totally faking because at essence level you are Buddha

In practice imagine you are Tara and share the light to heal and purify all beings

When you imagine deity, it’s like moon reflection in lake is empty form

Ie emptiness but emptiness doesn’t mean nothing

Emptiness is fullness or potential

You get refuge

Real refuge is connecting with the Buddha within ourselves

Taking fruition as path ie just thinking that I m enlightened

Awareness: because without this you can’t concentrate on the deity and his qualities

Pent Up Anger (II)

Pent Up Anger (II)

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I was trying to figure out what was making me feel out of balance this last few weeks.

I knew something was off.

And bit by bit day by day as I took time with my feelings I began to unravel a bit more.

The closest understanding I got to was that I was triggered and my body bounced back to a certain past.

There were lots of triggers in the last 2 months. Before and during the Swiss trip and after I came back.

And everything worked together and culminated into the feelings of blockage of stagnation of difficulty

And I did clear away quite a bit of emotions each time it was difficult

Today I understood where my body spun back to

With HuaiHao getting COVID and bf abiding with his usual behavior of not lifting a finger to help and keeping with his practice of being away, I went back to all the past times when HuaiHao was not well and I was alone. Having to shoulder it all.

It was difficult because it was an accumulated pile of those emotions of anger frustration even hatred

Most of all it is being alone and having to shoulder it all

It brought me back to all of the times when I had to shoulder it all by myself

It brought me back to all of the times that I knew my mother was shouldering it all

I could not see how love of the other party – of someone who claims love you- of someone you love – can bring this immense intense loneliness helplessness frustration anger and hatred of having to shoulder it alone

Left with no choice was the thing. My mom was left with no choice and I now do not too

I did not think any amount of love can do that

I simply couldn’t reconcile this with love

My body went back directly to the times I was alone fighting it all using my only might and my all.

I was panting breathless I couldn’t speak I couldn’t eat I couldn’t digest I could breathe well

It was trauma through and through

It was—— as if the sky had come down

How can this be love? I thought and couldn’t get pass this point. I stopped.

Coming to this point this understanding made me see why I had to encounter this episode

I take it that everything is happening for me and the universe wants me to see this clearly

And I now have.

It is inevitable to be experiencing this because I have not gotten past this to understand or frame my past experiences in a way that would help me

I have not healed so to speak and so events would have it that I circle back to this to know that—- now isn’t the past.

And the fact is that ——my mom and me- we took it on, all. All the responsibilities. When we have the choice to not bear it, we actually took on the choice—— not no choice—- to eke it out

Simply because our hearts would have it this way

We did not take the easy way out but did real work of ekeing it all out with what little we had using what might and strength we had

And we better be damn proud darn proud of ourselves

For we did have choice!

We had really. And we chose with our heart and conscience this way out for ourselves. For our children.

The decision would be what our hearts would feel at peace with.

And it seemed inevitable that bf would do what he did. He had to do what he did or if not I wouldn’t be able to see that I and mom had a choice.

I can only wish that he felt at peace with his choice now in the past and in the future.

And in that I release all my feelings of anger resentment frustration pain hatred I release my body from the trauma of this all and I take back all my power.

Walking (ix)

Walking (ix)

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I was walking in the sun

Breathing in to my navel and sacral

Breathing in fresh air and releasing whatever anger pain frustration guilt shame there might be

And something wonderful came up

Be Proud Of Dad

For every time it hurt and shamed and pained me each time dad asked me for money

I suddenly- yes suddenly, know that in this persistence is an honor of a person wanting to fulfill his promise to others

If I recount properly, dad made a mistake out of ignorance and in that he promised to take responsibility and to take up payment

And payment has been for the last 20years at least – for as long as I know

This is not easy persistence or perseverance

Anyone else could have taken the easy way out to default

But my dad continued to persevere to uphold his promise and to make good his error

To right his wrong

If anything I should be very very proud of him and very very blessed and I want to tell my kids about this story of keeping a promise.

And with that line of thought, I asked the universe for help so I could dad in any little way I can to make him feel better

What If There Was Nothing To Heal

I have been thinking about this for a while. What if there is nothing to heal. If everything is happening for me and that I m guided by the divine always. And throat everything that I need is taken care of by the divine, it is about accepting and living with what I have.

And there is—- nothing to heal.

What would be I be. How different would I feel ?

Having this faith

Keep Your Vibration High

Keep Your Vibration High

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It’s been a few days since I started my day early with a set of warm ups to awaken the body

And I listened to the Grow Younger affirmations by Tapping Solution as I did the simple exercises

And it dawned on me in the early hours of the day—— that all I need to do is to keep it high

Keep the mood the state on a high

Keep the vibration high

And naturally the good things come

There is no need to send out job applications or manoeuvre in anyway , change anything drastically

Just move and keep moving and loving the energy

Swiss London 22: Divine in me, with me

Swiss London 22: Divine in me, with me

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These few days traveling with dad made me see how real aging is.

Or how real life is, life that doesn’t wait for anyone .

There were so many instances or moments of negativity. And they made me aware of fear and doubt.

And they are opportunities to let me snap out and to choose a vibration or frequency that I want.

Lots of practice

And there is an emerging thought- to surrender and let it flow. Not control. To know that all is well. And to trust the divine.

I also have a lot of compassion for dad. A very simple man who has no tools or techniques or guidance on life or asking for life what he wants. He passively just takes everything in his stride. And to understand that life is destiny or fate controlled by the heavens.

I try to share with him what I learn on affirmations and manifestations as much I can.

I learned about capacity. And the capacity of myself that would be important. To build myself first —- and in such a way so I can help others.

When I did reiki for myself this morning, I heard myself say- The divine is flowing in me. In my hands and fingers. In and out through my eyes, my mouth my words, emanating from my heart.

Rest in the divine.

Dad is a kind man.

We (have) moved

We (have) moved

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I went to bed seeing a clear sky and an occasional plane heading towards Changi.

I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the moon to my left. That was at 430am

What joy! Immense joy at that!

I went back to bed telling my husband about it. How magical is that?

There’s movement in (seemingly) stillness

And we have moved so much so far along. Why are we still carrying whatever baggage on us?

Drop it already. Whatever —— has passed us by! Drop it drop it drop it!!

We are already in the new. The now.

At 630am when we rose, the moon went further right till I had to bend to see it. But in its place when I saw it at 430am, Mars the red planet was there.

I told huaihao about it and showed him the celestial objects using the app. And he could tell me more. Like Jupiter being super gaseous and has 3 moons and experiences super typhoons. Surprised why he knows and remembers, he says he reads and shows me the book.

So in love with this morning!

So much wisdom in nature! Thank you, give me more 😊

I Am Not in Here

I Am Not in Here

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This must be one of the most beautiful words ever said

This great being transitioned on 22 Jan 2022 at 0000 hours

I Am Not in Here
By Thich Nhat Hanh

I have a disciple in Vietnam who wants to build a stupa for my ashes when I die. He and others want to put a plaque with the words, “Here lies my beloved teacher.” I told them not to waste the temple land.

“Do not put me in a small pot and put me in there” I said. “I don’t want to continue like that. It would be better to scatter the ashes outside to help the trees to grow.”

I suggested that, if they still insist on building a stupa, they have the plaque say, “I am not in here.” But in case people don’t get it, they could add a second plaque, “I am not out there either.” If still people don’t understand, then you can write on the third and last plaque, “I may be found in your way of breathing and walking.”

This body of mine will disintegrate, but my actions will continue me. In my daily life I always practice to see my continuation all around me. We don’t need to wait until the total dissolution of this body to continue—we continue in every moment.

If you think that I am only this body, then you have not truly seen me. When you look at my friends, you see my continuation. When you see someone walking with compassion, you know he is my continuation.

I don’t see why we have to say “I will die,” because I can already see myself in you, in other people, and in future generations.

Even when the cloud is not there, it continues as snow or rain. It is impossible for a cloud to die. It can become rain or ice, but it cannot become nothing. The cloud does not need to have a soul in order to continue. There’s no beginning and no end. I will never die. There will be a dissolution of this body, but that does not mean my death.

I will continue, always.

Excerpted from Thich Nhat Hanh “At Home in the World: Stories & Essential Teachings from a Monk’s Life” (2015)

I have all that I need

I have all that I need

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Was at a low I was familiar with.

Like something pressing on me , takes some effort to breathe…eyes wanting to close. Just can’t find energy . Slightly dizzy.

And, and….. no matter how the sun shined down at me, I didn’t really feel it. The wind seemed to brush me by. The rainbow that showed up didn’t brighten me up. I feel like I am trapped in a bottle of sorts

Only that—- tears just find their way out like a canal overfilled, anytime

But some where in the walk this morning, I heard things like—— look at it from a longer perspective, maybe this is karma and I am receiving what I gave out previously

It takes 2 hands to clap. Take responsibility for your own actions

Obviously if I am receiving this now, I must have sent out something in the same measure previously

I was in a victim mentality

And how did I manifest this? I looked up at the sky it’s so blue so open and , and how did this openness bring me to walk the path my parents walked before? How did I do this?

I heard the reply in john’s zoom on epigenetics. In which he mentioned , don’t think that if your mom has cancer you get it too. Unless you live breathe eat sleep in the same manner.

Did I live like mom? Think and feel like her?

If I did, now is the time to change.

Miraculously somewhere on a shower, I heard an inkling of an idea: why don’t I pour my efforts to create love instead? Instead of this crippling victim mentality that is sending me down?

Why don’t I create opportunities of love and care instead?

Why don’t I be responsible for my own happiness ?

Like Mingyur Rinpoche says: obstacle becomes opportunity; problem becomes solution

I have all I need

There is nothing I don’t know

Yongey Mingyou Rinpoche’s New Year Message

Yongey Mingyou Rinpoche’s New Year Message

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https://m.youtube.com/watch?utm_source=Tergar+Meditation+Community&utm_campaign=60a1d2d33b-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2021_12_23_02_31&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_f80b35b3a8-60a1d2d33b-227064369&mc_cid=60a1d2d33b&mc_eid=feaea6411e&v=bhf1uNvezCM&feature=youtu.be

Obstacle become opportunity

Problem become solution

Take everything as your path