And then I set the intention- to come back to center to a place of balance. And soon I was running and visualizing the ball of sun this morning at the root chakra
Today I just did that throughout the run
And amazingly this came out of it
I visualized the keloid – the patch of it dropping away. Revealing and exposing the tender skin beneath
That’s me!
So all along I have been putting on a pretense ? Or at least, living life not being me and under a mask?
I have been hiding haven’t I? I was being someone who isn’t me in big and little ways. I allowed that and it hen I judge myself.
The ways I have not held on to me flashed by. Saying yes when I should have said no. Not acknowledging my needs. Giving another the opportunity to lord over me. Suppressing my feelings….
And who is me?
The idea of deserving came along. Being worthy- just because.
Teacher Stephan also asked and reminded me- who is the most precious?
I asked the divine to show her to me and to guide me to finding her.
I had a conversation with the anxiety and fear I have been feeling in the last few days.
HuaiHao said he could feel it. I asked him how and he said “ there’s like an aura of it on me, like you are anticipating something.”
The feeling diminished slightly – not actually significantly after my virtual interview with CXXX
I guess I didn’t want it. So I felt relieved after the session
I told my family over dinner – that previously I had been preoccupied with sending out job applications
And now that I receiving echoes I am seriously wondering what my calling is or how I want my future to be
And I am getting the jitters because I’m not familiar with this point enough – or as much as I want to
Now writing about this made me appreciate the fear or concern I have been harbouring
It was really asking me to pause and to have a think with myself
I was just fidgety and anxious, impatient and jittery
During those few days, I realised that the energy it was bring me is stopping. Stopping me from advancing
And I didn’t understand it fully then until in the run and now really
The first thing I did was to acknowledge its presence and simply say to it. Hello dear, I see you, I feel you, I hear you.
And it was a good feeling. The feeling was opening up to it rather than suppressing it not wanting to see it abhorring it
The. I asked what the message it had for me and the response that came along was –
It is a habit and a highly reinforced energy- over the years. And in a bid to caution me, to alert me of possible pitfalls and that I needn’t be fearful of it.
So there are two things here: an automatic habit of feeling fear that kicks in once I sense myself encountering something different or what I m not used to
The other is my response to this habit – while I have been always afraid of it, I can listen in to it and use it to my advantage
Another response that came was to use this energy. To use it and fully so, on something new like in a new venture a new project or adventure . For these are innately arisen to support and help me. And I could really use them this way.
And I asked what I could do to resolve the habit .
And I find myself saying thank you and goodbye to this energy. It has been with me for 40 years and I was fearful of it, when all it wants is to help me and support me
Helping me come to where I have.
And I find it moving from the belly to my heart and that was where I said goodbye.
Gift from nature at the end of my run. How beautiful.
(1) Light years ahead
May anyone who sees this be inspired by the light captured this morning to go forth and activate your path
(2) Big and Beautiful
The chinese way for the word beauty is 美, made up of 羊 （sheep）and 大 （big）
This morning as I was running , there was places which were more open than the others
And like this
And the expanse is beautiful. Space is beautiful. And it brings me back to the word 美. The word is supported by 大 or big below. And it says quite a bit about beauty. Big is beautiful
(3) Wisdom of the Sun and Moon
I have been writing this for a few days now- 智慧有日月同光
It translates to having the wisdom of the sun and moon. Or having the wisdom or intelligence of the universe.
And I kind of paid attention to that as I ran. There is a small window of seeing the sim and moon together. If you did- at any point in time, celebrate! And I thought of the times where I made decisions like that. I want to make decisions like that.
I can’t help but thank the new moon for her companionship at night and the sun for showing it’s brilliance this morning.
It’s so beautiful and to witness this is bliss.
And when thoughts came, I reminded myself to just be here, to stay here with this beauty that is here.
Be here and listen in on the divine. What does it have to say? What is it saying to you?
I was chatting to Widya at midnight and I felt good.
It made me think why.
I was running with the sun’s beam on my everywhere and it felt good.
The sun is a good on its own
And it dawned upon me that if we shine and be like us – very us, nothing but just us, every moment, we would be bright and brilliant, we would be a good for everyone everything around us
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