Tag: Soul Evolution

And so, why did mommy choose her path?

And so, why did mommy choose her path?

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

One or two days ago, it came to my knowledge that perhaps mom did want to punish dad.

By choosing her path to remove herself from his life —- using her own.

It was a big decision.

Sure it was because all was too hard for her to bear. The pressure of having to shoulder it all stand up herself for all show up all of her for all, on her own. It required so much of her that she buckled and decided it was enough.

My understanding was this until a while ago.

Because of my own feelings I felt , the withdrawal symptoms I had , the passive mode, the restraint the reserves I found myself having. A part of me fell asleep. Shut off shut down. It was every bit a punishment for all.

For myself too.

Then I realized mom —- perhaps she really wanted dad to experience regret .

And why would my life lead me to feeling these?

If anything, at the least , it would be to steer my away from her path, my family’s path. And to practise consciously consciousness and conscious choice.

The one thing I kept hearing of late is that we chose to experience human life. We chose to come here and everything we see and go through is a path of our choice reflecting our free will.

Anytime we want, we can walk away from it all. And choose again, according to will.

And so what does my soul want?

To let me see for myself the truth by experience and feeling?

Yesterday I was tuning in to kyron and he said this: in the feeling is the teaching.

There is no other way to learn , nothing more convincing than feeling it.

My soul wanted for me to know how what why in all honesty

My soul wanted me to know I am still living in mommy’s shadow and loving the remnants of her life her love her fears her regrets

And is it any coincidence that I came across this that would call out to me?

https://ancestralhealingsummit.com/program?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=3386160&utm_content=02AncestralHealing04_22%20-%20pre_summit_confirmation&email=pyby1979%40gmail.com&contactid=9463061

That was why I keep having so many fears I kept stopping myself and how I came so close to her path

Close enough for my soul to use this incident to wake me up

Stop already. Start living already

And then, of course, to learn love and forgiveness and compassion—- perhaps for myself more than anyone else and ——make a different choice.

And even if I want to, I can’t yet dissolve the pain I experienced. It is still there.

And I tell myself to let nature take its course and just be, be with the feelings I feel. And I see this :

𝗧𝗮𝗼 𝗧𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟲𝟰, translation by S. Mitchell

What is rooted is easy to nourish.
What is recent is easy to correct.
What is brittle is easy to break.
What is small is easy to scatter.

Prevent trouble before it arises.
Put things in order before they exist.
The giant pine tree grows from a tiny sprout.
The journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath your feet.

Rushing into action, you fail.
Trying to grasp things, you lose them.
Forcing a project to completion,
you ruin what was almost ripe.

Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course.
He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning.
He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.
What he desires is non-desire; what he learns is to unlearn.
He simply reminds people of who they have always been.
He cares about nothing but the Tao.
Thus he can care for all things.

And there’s another suggestion just the way I thought

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QjbD0Mo0wkk

Thank You and Goodbye 2021

Thank You and Goodbye 2021

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

My new year wish for 2021 came true.

“In the brand new 2021 ahead, let us mindfully breathe and experience the power of the breath. May we connect at a deeper level with our body and soul. Through this, (re)discover our innate intuitive abilities, our dreams and the richness of our experiences. May we always find beauty, hope, warmth and peace. May we be gifted with open mindedness, possibilities, inspiration, goodness. May we use each and every opportunity to speak our truth and chart new territories with grace and wisdom. Everywhere, let there be magical, healing experiences of light. I know that we will be always be guided, protected, and blessed. We’ll shine like never before. Happy 2021.”

Right till the end

Honestly I didn’t know if I have feelings of thankfulness for 2021. What I discovered of late seemed to erase whatever gratitude I might have in me.

I slipped into a low. It was as if a part of me fell asleep.

I struggled out of bed on the wee hours of the last day of 2021 to capture my thoughts

I wanted to . I felt it was the only way for me to get a handle over myself after my discovery

I subscribe to the logic that we manifest and choose things in this life.

Did I really choose this surprise discovery? What and how in the process —- made me manifest this?

I want to find out.

I asked god and the divine – what is it that you want me to know? Is it the feeling of deceit and betrayal? Maybe, so as to know the full spectrum of emotions ?

I felt like after so much effort, my attempts to steer myself away from my parents experiences have been futile

In the end, I came to experience deceit and betrayal and dishonesty like my mother have. She chose to give up on despair

Now the turn is for me to make my choice – and I m sure I deserve nothing less. So why should I crinkle and buckle under this?

And I should not give all my pursuits away because of this. This discovery shouldn’t have the privilege of robbing me or erasing anything else that I have been putting or planning out. No. I shall not be stopped

And is it about forgiveness I have to learn ? I came to realise and uncover that I have been angry at myself for submitting again and again

For not heeding my gut and internal feelings and to keep dishing out chances

Beyond forgiveness for another, the lesson seems to be forgiveness of self

I recount what I learned awhile ago

Affirmative statements of forgiving others and the self who have consciously or unconsciously intended and afflicted harm onto myself and others

I thought about this dajiujiu sent

Please look at the speech that was read two days ago by the Pope.
Regardless of religion, see how Pope Francis has beautifully written about the family.

FAMILY, PLACE OF FORGIVENESS …

©️ There is no perfect family.
©️ We do not have perfect parents,

  • you are not perfect yourself.
    We do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children.

©️ We have complaints from each other. We can not live together without offending one another.

©️ We are constantly disappointed. Yes for so many reasons at different times we are disappointed with one another.

©️ There is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness

©️ Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. No matter the offence or who is the offender, without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil.

©️ Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick and unhealthy.

©️ Forgiveness is the asepsis of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart. No sin is too big to be forgiven.
He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul and cannot have communion with God.

©️ Unforgiving is evil and a poison that intoxicates & kills the one who refuses to forgive.

©️ Keeping heartache of unforgiving in your heart is a self-destructive gesture. It’s autophagy.

©️ Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill. And they will suffer in two ways.

For this reason, the family must be a place of life and not a place of death; a place of forgiveness, a place of paradise and not a place of hell; a healing territory and not a disease; an internship of forgiveness and not guilt.
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has brought sadness; of
Healing where sorrow has caused disease.

A family is a place of support and not of gossip and slander of one another. It must be a place of welcome not a place of rejection. Shame to those who plant evil about others. We are family and not enemies.

When anyone is going through a challenge all they need is support.

¤ By Pope Francisco

And this, this uneventful discovery——seemed like a trial for me to show me what 2022 will be made of

I faltered slightly when I first knew of this uneventful discovery. But I stood my ground and found my footing . And I know I have passed the test

Wow 2021. What a twist at the end and what a surprise you have handed me now. And I know this too shall pass and I will ride through this unscathed

I thought about emptiness — that I could use this as an opportunity to practise and for mediation of emptiness and impermanence. To take it as if I am watching a movie perhaps.

I tried to associate myself with these thoughts to anchor my mind

The fact is this disturbance this shakeup makes me want to search deeper for a place of calm and balance . Where is it ?

But it is a fact that this discovery has taken a toil on me . Much as I felt so tired and so torn, I want to continue on my path

That was my intention and it was what made me go for my second jab. I want to call back my life and the things I love even with Covid

I m ready

I thought of my reiki teacher Stephan . And he WhatsApp me this: “Dear Pin Yen, indeed I was thinking of you yesterday. Move from your mind to your heart, your gut, feel your feet in the earth. Trust in your steps, but be tactfull. Does that mean anything to you?”

I can’t help but laugh at the point of being tactful

And to which I replied : “ Very much so teacher dearest! 2021 gave me a shock at its tail where I discovered that there had not been complete honesty . And I uncovered how much anger I have for myself too. I learned a lot these few days. And I asked myself – in fact I m curious how I manifested these all. I want to know.

Just- What did the source want me to learn in this twist it delivered to me?

Forgiveness? The spectrum of emotions ? Getting closer to my heart?

Recognizing my self and my precious TPY who deserves nothing less but the very best

And indeed I went to place my feet in seawater to feel the earth

I just went for a sound bath and slept like a baby

The therapist sprayed some mist which is intended for one to feel self love. I smelled the sweet scent of it

And I was happy with myself for doing the best I could for myself and my family

And still will, not give up love. I thank you!!!”

I thought about the December energy update by Lee Harris and he said something like arising fire energy, a deep remembering of our ancient energy, breaks and sharp cutting ties and gifts of magic and the heart. I just didn’t think it would be so abrupt

This turn. But as with life, nothing falls short of surprises.

He suggests we try and capture ourselves with 2 questions

What are you grateful for in 2021?

I am grateful for the healing inspirational energy giving sunlight

I am grateful for the breath I breathe the life I have

I am grateful for all the healing I have experienced

I am grateful for Dr Loo who has written letters to help me children not vaccinate

I am grateful for all the nice people who have popped into my life and given me a hand

I am grateful to walk and run and to have the opportunity to pick up running

I am grateful to be in touch with teachings from all the spiritual masters and teachers

I am grateful to myself and my body

I am grateful for huaihao and QinZhi and my support system made up by my nanny and my family who loved me unconditionally

I am grateful that QinZhi and huaihao got into the schools just below our flat

I am grateful for my wisdom my beautiful mind and heart

I am grateful for myself

I am grateful for this discovery which freed up the real me the life force in me

I am grateful for my father and I am grateful I have the sanity to build a new relationship with him

I am grateful for knowing and recognizing that I don’t want to be stopped by my husband anymore

Or for that matter by any thing of the past any person any ——thing

I am grateful for meeting my inner child and for all the big and little realizations or messages the divine sent me

What are you calling forth in 2022

I call for a new relationship with myself! With TPY.

I am calling in open mindedness and love and compassion like never before

I call in more and more, these beautiful pockets of quiet stillness inspiration

I call in my connection to the divine to my masters my angels

I am calling in my truth as I always have been and is gifted to my soul many lifetimes and in this life to be with me

I am calling forth consciousness and awareness

I am calling in my ability to manifest my wonderful future and the days and moments all inI

I am calling forth the most inspiring and beautiful traveling experiences

I am calling in love and lots of unconditional love to be showered on me because I deserve and this is my birthright

I am calling in lots of wonderful opportunities for me to express my gifts my gratitude my love my soul

I am calling in vitality great energy great health abundance of wealth like never before

And therefore calling forth my wildest dreams

I m calling in and calling forth my intuitive abilities and capabilities , my innate potential to be expressed by the talents and gifts I have, in a way I m familiar and comfortable with, using my experiences to share outwards the light and love , warmth and hope I have received

I am calling in and calling forth all of my guardian angels, the source the creation the divine , and all the resources and support , all the inspiration and light, all the energy I need to carry out the above

I call in and call for protection blessings support love to be showered upon every cell in my body every inch of my soul at all levels of my existence

I am calling in my life force my source energy and connections .

Thank you and so it is.

In the new fairy moments ahead, I have called in and called for all these wonderful opportunities, resources and support we need to be unreservedly you, me, us.

To be mindful enough to free ourselves from any restrictive programs or mindsets.
.
We miraculously discover, BE(COME) and ground in exactly who we are and what we are born for.

In doing so, celebrate and express our innate truth, gifts, talents. In doing so, share our light.

2022, you will be sparkling magic. Thank you—- in advance.

What is it that you want to illuminate?

What is it that you want to illuminate?

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Loving alcazar’s message

https://www.thestargateexperienceacademy.com/christmas-2021

How fast you change is up to you. It is so easy to allow the energy of depression to be in your life.

But where do you put your energy ? What is it you wish to illuminate? What is it you wish to emphasize? What is it you wish to bring forth in your life? Put your focus on raising your vibration. Put your focus on living and allowing —— so that the separation that manifest in the world becomes less so in your life.

Drop the judgment on others and more importantly the judgment that you may have on yourself

You are powerful creators. You can create new realities

Running (xi)

Running (xi)

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Woke up bright and early on Christmas morning and saw this

How beautiful! Put on my active wear at the fastest speed wanting to chase the sun

This morning, I tweaked the process a little just to see how it feels. Instead of breathing in and flushing light out through my vitals, I just absorbed the light into me. Somewhere at the navel, I went to the time when I was a kid, and the navel was beautiful. I saw myself drinking milk from a bottle on the floor , my right leg crossing and resting on my left knee

I went a little deeper.

How does it feel? I asked.

I felt a lot of love. It was when everything was simple, and there was no concept of many things and everything. A void in conceptual terms and everything was of feelings. Direct and not complex. I allow myself to feel that a little more and carried on my run.

Breathing in the highest light for the upgrade of my cells, my being my soul.

May this light of Christmas warm you through and through . I intend that the days ahead, filled with light———- be merry and bright!

Running (x)

Running (x)

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It’s been a while after the first sinovac jab and I m back running .

And the message that came through: what if, there’s nothing to heal?

Can we entertain this thought?

What if there are no keloids no cyst no inflammation no pus no fear no shame no guilt. How would I be running?

And I picked up speed and ran.

Like the way they ran in movies. Legs high I the air.

Then I forgot my phone password and remembered and saw this quote: live , as if you are already there.

And the reason for my existence

And the reason for my existence

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There’s something in 14 Peaks that calls out to me.

Nims speaks out the very things we once harboured in our hearts, the very things we held close to heart and pursued like crazy because we believed ——— but afterwards lost them to the daily grinds

And coincidentally, I went back to writing my column yesterday. The piece of writing is slated for Christmas and the idea of light and love came up. My Santa is Mr Ng, who made me see the light each time I went to see him.

I started writing and re-reading just two posts —— every time after I visited, I would write down faithfully the contents of the the visit : what we discussed and exchanged ——- I cried so hard. The nuggets of truth and wisdom I fetched out from then, those visits stand true today. And they are still useful for me. I reconnected with the truths he shared with me and I saw how much I was appreciated as a soul. He taught me how to acknowledge and recognize my self, how to be gentle with myself——-always, before I knew

I miss my teacher and is calling out for him from the depths of my heart.

Then I watched 14 Peaks

The combination worked I guess.

I went back to 2016. When I had the idea of getting Nic to be a Friend of Michelin. And boom, I got to him.

How is that even possible? There is every reason it would be impossible.

In 100 years the red book has been in existence, there is no Friend of Michelin.

https://guide.michelin.com/en/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

https://guide.michelin.com/hk/zh_HK/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

Seeing him on stage carrying out and expressing my belief—- that Food is made good with friends and in connection—— is impossible to describe.

The feeling you carry in the heart area is full and warm—— when you make the impossible possible.

No word can do justice to that feeling.

No amount of money too.

I went to bed. And got out of it in a matter of minutes .

I cut the quote on an upcoming video. If that could make the project possible, I will do it. The joy of making a video is impossible to describe too because that is what makes me come alive.

So I emailed the client with an adjusted quote and went back to bed.

And this morning, this morning when I woke and lay in bed, trying to be still. Beautiful thoughts and feelings came to me.

Those moments sitting beside the camera the frame, lights shining on the subject in front of me. The subject revealing thoughts emotions true to him and me feeling them—— because, with age, how different can we be. We run similar programs emotions albeit in different places and different points in life. We connect in the suffering that pain we all had a chance to experience

He or she might be talking about him or her but what I hear is about me. The moments in between —- working with what was released in real time, takes things out of me. It is work in process and expression at its best

That seat, right opposite the subject. Here is where and when I come alive . I live for these.

Why did I give it away so easily ?

The feeling sitting in that spot. I can’t wait to be back.

To use my gift and experience, to share light love hope warmth and delivering it my style.

This is my mission my purpose and the reason of my existence my being. It is why I am wired this way why I feel this way why I have experienced what I have —— all these were in preparation for me to do the work I am here for.

This is the first time I see things this way—— like a puzzle in place. A breakthrough and light of sorts—- i m wired this way because I need my strengths and weaknesses to do the work I do

And seeing this made me appreciate my experiences more.

I thanked my experiences once more and release all that do not serve me any longer —— out of my energy field , and I do so with much ease and grace, lovingly tenderly and I intend for them to move out at a speed fastest possible for my comfort and grounding

But more than release, I know for sure I would be able to use them in my work.

Mr Ng said to me: “you have always shared with me what other people say, what about you? What is your story? I want to hear your story. You should be in the frame.”

He saw the beauty of my beingness when I did not.

The reason and beauty of my being is to express. And when I do not do that, I could not come alive.

These two or three years when I left what I did professionally, a part of me stopped.

Where did you go —— I asked myself . And thank you for coming back. In fact, welcome back TPY——- I heard me say.

The feeling is the same that I felt seeing Nic on stage. The impossible had happened in a way to fetch me back.

And I could see now, how my guardian angels how the creator the source or god, has always been with me and in me———or else, how could I be here today saying this. At this time.

This time, it is the perfect time. Anything earlier or later would not have been.

And the magic in the essential oils —— Believe. And the affirmation I said every morning Michael Beckwith shared . He said to do it for a month and see what happens.

“I am available to more good than I have ever imagined . Let me co create a way of life with god that holds the insights and revelations the wisdom and intelligence that flows with time.”

I ask for support and all the resources on all levels to propel me in this direction of sharing my own light to the world. And it would be for the purpose of letting others see their own light and wonder.

It is Mr Ng’s greatest gift to me. He let me see the beauty of my light being . Always has been and will never go away.

And receiving that make me want to tend to this light I am born with privileged to bear and to share it outwards. To light another being.

Watching Korean travelogue “The Hungry and the Hairy” brought to mind that I once believed I was made for big things. I went to the best schools , had great results, was always ‘seen’ and ‘heard’. I made a name for myself. (Probably that was why I was so drawn to my ex boss SH, who also made dreams come true. ) But I gave up being big and decided to hide myself in small after Dad left us after Mom died. I hid my talents my wishes my purpose my mission along with those incidents. I stopped living me even if I m alive . Recently I had the feeling that I stopped myself when I left my last designation——- but now I realized I stopped myself even earlier.

No one else but me. I stopped myself from living my truth.

And I realized also, rather, I made the decision to not fall into another cycle of unhappiness with bf. I m no longer going to invest myself being upset. Been there done that. Enough is enough is enough.

I m going to live life devoted to protecting and sharing my light.

Is it any coincidence I woke up to these on 12/12?

Deep Release

Deep Release

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“The deep releasing of all family soul contracts, all fetters and ties and deep clearing and release at cellular and DNA levels, is now occuring.


You need to ASK for this, as you have free will and choice and has to do with your physical family and embodiment in the Old Earth.


Thank them for the soul lessons in mastery.
It is indeed an act of pure, unconditional love.


As you are ready to step into fullness and truth and fullness of your new embodiment as one, in the New Earth, and the Eternal

Now, you are attracting your new soul family to you and those who now are as ONE with you and thus in ONENESS cocreate with great love and within the Divine Law of One. Sacred and sanctified.”
Judith Kusel
http://www.judithkusel.com

For Qinzhi

For Qinzhi

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

https://www.zaobao.com.sg/lifestyle/columns/story20211126-1217194?fbclid=IwAR0UDtIawcWfOWHQFH9NSSOVGXXG-0XqdYERP_qNFQg3R4NdahBnKYjd4QM

Shortly after psle, the parent chat group sent in an invitation, for parents to pen a letter to our child.

On the day the psle results are released, the teachers would give out the letters first before releasing the academic results.

I wrote this for Qinzhi

And I had the chance to elaborate on this letter in my column on zb. I wrote about how I started writing to Qinzhi the day I knew I became pregnant. 13 years ago.

And the feeling of wanting to write to her has always been there. I just wanted to record the littlest sweetest things I felt with her . How she grew with me. How I felt with her. I wanted to let her know everything so that when faces any situation in life, she knew why and how she is in this situation and she knows how to release herself from this situation.

I hope she would be aware of her precious gifts of intuition and perceptiveness and safeguard them like a heritage gem

I hope she would be that little bird not afraid to take on the sky or that little flower adamant at blooming so as to speak the language the intelligence and wisdom of nature

Sometimes I was worried if I would have been too honest to write out all my feelings. And I’ll be afraid that Qinzhi might not be able to bear the honesty

An ex colleague saw what I wrote and texted me that she really liked this warmth conveyed in the writing

I told her what I felt and she said, 😊你的女兒很有福氣能有你這個媽咪! 坦白是多麼難得的禮物啊. 沈重也是禮物啊❤️越難說出口的話，難得有人願意說，願意對自己坦白

And today in a reiki session, as I placed my hands on my body, I heard something.

I heard heartaches and that was why I kept having piercing pain in my heart and chest area.

At the navel and belly button, I heard a wisdom that says, don’t hold on to your mother’s unhappiness and be free.

I was acting like a righteous protective daughter wanting to stand up for mom’s sufferings.

And I see that in Qinzhi too . She always stands up to protect me from the little things like asking her dad to carry heavy things or massage me.

Qinzhi is echoing me and showing me how I have been.

I have been carrying my mommy’s pain for the longest time and it is showing up at my navel in the form of a cyst

And so I release all the pain and suffering of mommy that I have consciously and unconsciously taken on all these years.

I see that I do not need to be responsible for these feelings at all. I free myself from them and open up myself to the new possibilities and good and more than I have ever imagined.

When I went to my pelvic area where the keloids are I also saw the shame and guilt my father had.

I had taken them on – willingly, consciously and unconsciously minding them all this while.

And so I release them, and myself.

Interestingly, I have a lot of feelings of gratitude of late. And they allow me to be mindful that there’s no need at all to hold on any more grudge that exist between me and dad.

I happily joyfully release any grudges and other feelings of fear hatred anger frustration shame guilt that I have consciously or unconsciously taken on.

Om!