Create a list of people that make you feel uncomfortable.
This may include people from the list of the first day, i.e. those who have pushed you to growth and have brought something meaningful to your life.
Here we are talking about the energy of discomfort.
It can be your relatives or people who are now far from you.
Your litmus test here is a feeling of discomfort, “I feel unpleasant.”
Including if it is not a constant feeling of communicating with this person.
For example, it can be neighbors, employees, bosses, family members, members of the government.
Remember that these people may trigger you, and at the same time, may also be your teachers or mentors.
My inputs
1. WY
2. JM
3. T
4. M
5. L
6. MY
7. QL
8. TJ
9. ZY
10. SH
11. LF
12. TC
13. YH
14.YM
15. PA
16. BL
*Phrase*
* “I use my conscious intention to manifest my dreams” *
*Mantra*
Sat Chit Ananda
Sat Chit Ananda
Audio
Recap last week what we learnt:
Abundance is unlimited and eternal
Mind and spirit work together to manifest Abundance
In silence field of all possibilities dwell success
Live from within
Desires are fulfilled quickly spontaneously effortlessly
We contemplate coincidence miracles coincidence and what we call Good luck
How long does it take for a dream to come true?
A dream needs plans and effort, all these spring from 3D world
In deeper worlds, dreams can happen in an instant
Actually luck is the result of awareness and intention
Having dreams spontaneously fulfilled is not result of luck
Living in alignment with soul spirit and source
When you realize source you can spontaneously fulfill desires and enjoy every day miracles
Envision an everyday miracle you like to happen in life
Body is wonderful tool to align you with spirit
Note how it feels helps u make creative choices to what you desire
I use my conscious intentions to manifest my dreams
My reflections:
What impressed upon me is this newfound understanding of getting oneself into the silence into these spaces between thoughts and to intent upon these silent spaces what we really want
I thought abt my experience of lucky coincidence
⁃ Getting Nicholas Tse to be the guest and to work on an opening dish
⁃ Getting Jolin Tsai to do a dessert dish
⁃ Getting the Nespresso deal
⁃ Reversing the cyst to be without any lit up and to reduce in size in a matter of a few days
If this like Chopra says——-is the result of awareness and intention and an alignment with soul spirit source, then what is aligned?
I look back at these miracles, and found ingredients in them:
Creativity
Connections or connectedness
Imagination and dream
Drawing from experience
Intention and intense attention
For a greater good or purpose
The everyday miracle I am thankful for will be
-peace at heart
-pockets of silence and connection with the divine or source
-food cooked with joy
-to be in touch with the miracle of myself and my body
-harmony and love, joy at home
-A state of no inflammation in my keloids and body, hence a state of peace and harmony
-a beautiful navel with no cyst
-love and care from my husband
The point about checking with the body on how the body is feeling or responding is great
Listening to this and cocreating with the silence in my sun lit kitchen is happiness , simple and pure
“I, (full name, last name), am starting a new relationship with money today.
Money is good, pure, useful and necessary for my prosperity and growth, for my satisfaction and abundance.
Money brings positive things to my life. The success that I experience in life brings me money and happiness, for me and my loved ones.
I deserve to flourish and have a lot of money.
Money is my friend and the value of my investments in it is growing every day.
Success and money accompany me, here and now.
I ask my parents, grandparents, and ancestors to the very origins of the clan, who had difficulties due to lack of money, to bless me and give me permission to live differently.
And I ask my parents, grandparents, and ancestors to inspire me to the very origins of the family, who lived in abundance and prosperity.”
Write this statement 10 times in your notebook by hand.
After that record yourself reading this statement with soul, expression and sense of attachment, i.e. sincerely, on audio or video.
This task is the longest in our journey, it can take about an *hour*. Before performing – sit comfortably, relax, inhale several times slowly and deeply through the nose and exhale as slowly through the nose.
Our brain learns through repetition and rehearsal.
Therefore, tune in to connect with what you will write.
All of this is necessary to harmonize your internal relationship with money.
Phrase
*Everything I desire is within me!*
*Mantra of the Day *
Ram… ram… ram…
Audio
We are born with everything we need for fulfilment and success
Often we measure love joy health vitality and other positive qualities by comparing ourselves to someone or something else
eg i have a good job but dont make as much money as my colleague
such comparisons stem fr looking outside for validation
Abundance is from within
with knowledge that you can access to seeds of Abundance at anytime
In every situation, we have new opportunity to find creative solutions for our prob, redefine priorities and explore options,
we begin to view our challenges more positively once we realise we possess the power to focus on new possibilities and possibilities for Abundance are endless
There are no limits to what we can have
Take the time to look at each situation that challenges face you
Phrase
Everything I desire is within me
Reflections
And in the meditation , I sort of saw or felt my soul evolving through the times
Hard times or challenged times did not come just this lifetime.
Throughout times, I have had the experiences of hardship and is trying so hard to evolve and not be defined by those trials and tribulations, I saw how the soul was evolving to become stronger bigger each time and now
It was more seeing it directly and observing it
And as I repeated ram ram ram, I saw how the soul grew bigger and bigger and how powerful it is, I saw it growing out of those times, releasing and being released from those times just with awareness
I saw the power my soul has
Boundless
Infinite
Limitless
I felt its power and energy in my being in my hands
I felt ME
I can create everything I want, dream, be
Totally.
But the contents of the day made me realize yet more things. As I read, I realised how much I disagreed with what is said about money.
Such as Money is good, pure…
Money brings positive things to my life
I deserve to flourish…
I thought of all the negative experiences I have had. Naturally I blocked it !
And I thought of Qinzhi
She just doomed herself thinking she can’t do math well
Why
When I read I deserve to flourish, I felt awkward inside
I didn’t wholeheartedly feel so this point and before
Why?
Why do I think I didn’t deserve? And probably I have passed these energetically to Qinzhi as well
Because dad had debts and defaulted? What else could I do other than ignore? In a way I judged him and discounted him already by choosing to ignore.
I didn’t really want to face it
Him and his debts
Face other people. And face this part of me.
But how about taking it up and repaying back?
My parents or teachers always taught us to return things that are not ours
But why should I take up the responsibility to pay it back?
Paying back: Would that be possible? I think so with the right intention. Nothing is impossible so long as you will and is open to it.
I now made the distinction between acknowledging this history vs having to be responsible for it. It doesnt mean that if I acknowledge I would have to pay for the debts like I have been! But in the past, I felt obliged or responsible to take it up——- yet another learned reaction! Acknowledging and honoring it is one thing, holding myself responsible for it is another choice
I now acknowledge the event and the impact it has on me and my family and probably my future generations
I acknowledge and honour it for the experiences it has brought me, the teachings and learning and even wisdom that has come to me because of these events
But I also honour the work I have and put in for the event and has learned from it greatly —— the importance of awareness and mindfulness , of creativity and intention in marking choices or decisions then and there, rather than being led to make certain decisions out of a learned mindset held together by society family and culturescape
I take the opportunity to thank myself for all that I have done and honour myself for my honest contributions
Having learned from these experiences greatly , I can say I have accepted them —— to a much greater extent than before if not in totality.
And I m ready to move on with these experiences. I believe o can do more good with these for the betterment of myself and others.
What a discovery and yet another bubble burst!
And all of these has come from the experiences I have had as a child and then growing up, entwined in the possibilities of ill managed wealth.
The second time I wrote “ I deserve to flourish”
I heard myself go—— yes, we all deserve to, irregardless of why when who what how
We deserve to and it is that unconditional
No questions asked
The third time I wrote —- I m starting a new relationship with money today—— I actually felt joyful.
How wonderful how joyful to have the opportunity to begin again
And it brings to mind that with awareness, we can ! At anytime
The fifth time I wrote this I thought of the bonus my ex boss promised me but till now hasn’t shown up and I haven’t gone after him either
Why? Now I know
I did not like the idea of going after others to chase for money
Probably people I could see how people have chased dad
By the time I wrote 10 times, my words were getting bigger. I was beginning to write with more intent, the words pure, good, those phrases that made me feel awkward, didnt bug me as much as before.
Just these words made me look at my views of money again and again. And I began to feel more and more relaxed and unbounded by money.
I remember Mr Ng said, he didnt think I am someone who had to worry about money.
And the fact is that I have been given opportunities to manage my father’s experiences and ill managed financial status and in a way, have gotten out of those poorly conditions in a way
How did I do it? Sheer grit and determination and taking time to build up what little I have.
And more so, I have created success for myself by positively attributing my good qualities in exchange for money.
That is my way of creating success and wealth.
I put my creativity gifts talents and hard work to use, channelling these to earn my own wealth and prosperity.
I look back at individuals whom i think are prosperous , like John and Mr Ng. They put their talents and gifts to good use too, to help people. And the money the wealth comes on its own 1 step behind to support the first intention.
I think I should keep focus on this.
To continue to do what I like and intent—-I want to write or create stories, videos that would give light, hope, strength and warmth to people. And create the TPY brand.
I also see that more and more I have learnt to put values on work I have done, asking for returns in measures that equate to the work put in, refusing to be taken for granted
Imagine me getting out of those poorly managed states relating to wealth totally——— mentally, inherently!
Today we will penetrate the field of all possibilities, appearing in the silence of meditation.
The unlimited power of the universe is always at your disposal.
By making intuitive decisions rooted in this unified field, you can express your deepest desires.
In your everyday life, if possible, continue to cultivate silence. Spend more time in nature, soaking up her beauty and watching how abundance manifests itself everywhere. Immerse yourself in the energy of beautiful music; uplifting and inspiring stories; optimistic like-minded people near you.
By doing this, you will see how the field of all possibilities is widely revealed in front of you to help your dreams come true.
Phrase
Today I embrace my potential to be, do and have whatever I can dream
Mantra
Sat Chit Ananda
Today’s task is based on the law of energy exchange.
Everything is made of energy. A person constantly exchanges energy with other people.
The first principle of this law is that balance must be maintained in everything.
If someone departed, then someone arrived. Energy does not disappear anywhere.
If you sent something outside, then something will return to you.
If you want to achieve a balance in everything, learn to give and receive equally.
Today’s exercise is completely devoted to the exchange, returns. And a turning point in our journey!
For those who asked me how to help a friend take part in such a marathon – this is the answer to your requests …
The Task
From today, you will be responsible for your own abundance group.
It does not have to be big. Even 2-3 people is enough.
Every day, you will conduct your group through tasks from 0 to 21 days, just like you get them from me and continue to receive.
Today you are just creating your group and send task 0 in it, and start on Monday the first day!
Audio :
Tend to inherit beliefs with whom we spend the most time
These philosophies become part of our subconscious mind
We function with subconscious mind programmed by others
We can release
Clear subconscious of all that does not serve us
True transformation :
attention or focus- energize
Intention or clear vision of desired outcome – transform
Change life to reality and that exactly what you envision
Crystallize the vision
My Reflection:
I drifted into sleep in the 5-10 min meditation
So deep and so peaceful and calming and I woke up in time to hear the bell which marked the end of the meditation
It’s just 5-7 min
But where did I go?
As I listened to this audio, it dawned upon me I had forgotten to dream
HuaiHao was building so many transformative LEGO pieces and he was role playing and orchestrating scenes acting out at least 2 roles
There’s so much dreaming and imagination at work
I look back at my work and think in my work too and in interviews in orchestrating videos there was a lot of envisioning and dreaming of what might happen
I had a lot of practice and fun
How can I support the growth of this part of myself since I have stopped work?
Maybe this is a good start
I embrace my potential to be do and have whatever I can dream
I want to be a recognized world class producer and create celebrated works that embody or exude love, hope, strength, warmth, peace, ease and give out light
I dream of becoming beautiful from within, healthy inside out and no longer acting or living out of the past
I dream of achieving an eternal state of bliss peace balance equilibrium and all my bodily functions are in harmony with my mind my psyche my soul
I dream of having a nice house full of love joy harmony happiness laughter good healthy food and lots of greens in my garden
I dream of becoming a thought leader and inspiring people to dare, to look back at their experiences——- to find out and to answer questions and therefore—— discover the real him/her.
And I thought of Qinzhi. That day she flared up, she threw up this in a fit of anger : You want to see the real me? This is the real me!
And I did manage to create a group, albeit a mini one.
The Law of Energy Exchange did its work——If you sent something outside, then something will return to you.
It’s just a matter of time when the returns or echo is visible to you.
Make a list, of people whom you consider to be prosperous in your family or environment.
These are people you personally know and have access to. They have achieved their goals in life, all or in part, are happy, or are perceived by you as happy.
*Phrase*
From this moment forward, I invite unlimited abundance into my life
*Mantra*
Aham Bramasmi
Aham Bramasmi
Mr Ng
John
MaxB
TedF
SY
KahS
Edwin
Stephan
Dalai Lama
Tsokyni Rinpoche
Mingyur Rinpoche
Khadro La
Sakya Rinpoche
Ling Rinpoche
AndreC
Reflections
As I wrote down Mr Ng and John it came to mind how wealth n success or prosperity can be linked to your intention and how your world benefits others
As I worked on the list, I rediscovered how many rich people I have interviewed in the past with Zbbz and why did I have the chance to speak with them ?
I thought abt the rich pple I interviewed ——-i was not sure they r all happy
Picked out a few and SY came to mind
It seemed like even if they r rich, i m not sure they r happy because they deem what they have ——not enough and is forever chasing the next
I thought of all the chefs I met in my life
They r creative and happy in a way when recognized but still pretty bounded by the pains n suffering in life n are not yet adept at achieving prosperity in mind and heart so at times they are happy, like when they have managed to succeed in achieving
I thought about the sangha and the wise teachers I met
Are they all happy? Maybe they have discovered a way to happiness but they do not enjoy the finer pleasures of life
These two sets of people, one with wealth and other set has mental wealth are at the extremes——- are they prosperous ?hmmm may not be
I begin to see 2 things
-I have sort of looked upon these pple I posted as role models in a way
– that John and Mr Ng whom I do readily put in the list have perhaps achieved some kind of balance in between life’s pleasures and prosperity in the mind
As I recited the phrase “From this moment forward, I invite unlimited abundance into my life”, I visualized how I m and how I would feel if I had my wishes fulfilled
My keloids are miraculously healed and I can see my skin
They are like a personification of the blockages of my mind and experiences that have not been sorted out
That if the blockages are removed n I have achieved that balance then they will be . They r an inspiration for me to look at myself and my blockages more deeply
The cyst is gone without any kind of intervention so amazingly
I find myself newfound as a healer and powerful as a healer
And my relationships with the two most important men in my life- dad and my husband – at peace harmony totally
I would be blooming with love and reinvented ———-my survival instincts having let go of the past fears and worry so deeply connected with survival
I had been so fearful and worried that I couldn’t have survived
And I would enjoy equilibrium relationships in my work and social life and exude exactly what I m- balance inside and outside , beautiful from within
*Mantra*
Aham Bramasmi
Aham Bramasmi
🌿
OPTIONAL – Write the answers to the questions below in your notebook or simply answer them yourself.
QUESTION N ° 1: What does it mean to you to be immersed in pure consciousness?
It means pure bliss! To go within to connect to my inner wisdom intelligence the all knowing that source which is exactly what gives life
QUESTION N ° 2: How can you bring this awareness into your everyday life?
Awareness
Intention
Practise!
Habitually coming into this spot or place of balance and source
Simply- Giving myself the space to experience it
QUESTION N ° 3: How has the practice of meditation helped you connect with your pure consciousness?
Meditation gives me Space
To settle or sort out thoughts
And to see them and therefore life as fleeting
And the anchor is something deeper
Then there’s the quiet and stillness in which intuition and important insights can spring forth
When I did the meditation I really wanted to go deeper and to seek that pure consciousness that is me
I felt it
Big broad and gentle flowing
Light
All encompassing
Powerful
It’s been suppressed and not showing in the past with all my experiences and it’s always there
With me
Just didn’t see it feel it use it
Audio
Collective unconscious – Carl jung
beliefs we hold r often based on what others taught us
Stem from Seeking for answers externally
Accepting others portrayal of how life is supposed to be
As we reconnect with our higher self
Delving within for guidance
We live life through self reversal detaching fr external messages
Living from pure consciousness or the unified field
As we contemplate understanding of Abundance,
we realize that our social conditioning has led us to believe there’s so much to go around
Finite opportunities or limited wealth, recognition, friends , love, joy etc
We project the idea that these r scarce and when they r gone there’s no more
True abundance is a natural Phenomenon, Pure consciousness includes pure potentiality, Anything is possible in realm of spirit
Self referencing; Self evolving; Self regulatory
In this realm you choose your presence and future
In this moment what r u choosing
Ask your heart
Mind n matter or pure consciousness exist in the gap between thoughts
Here is the foundation of all Creativity
The place where You can give rise to your desires without limit
Embrace your true being your higher self today
Leave the past behind, preconceived notions and social conditioning
Tap into universe of mind pure consciousness
How have others thoughts n beliefs shaped you and your circumstances
What have I been choosing
What new choices can I make to help realize my new goals
From this moment forward, I invite unlimited abundance into my life
Draw notes, checks, stocks, bonds, notes, coins, and any other means of payment in your beautiful notebook.
Draw so much to pay off all the debts and expenses you wrote down yesterday. 😉😉
Now you have complete freedom to create and draw a solution. We draw in order to make it possible to pay for everything you need in the universe!!!
*Phrase*
Today I focus on what I want to attract into my life
*Mantra*
Sat Chit Ananda
Sat Chit Ananda
existence consciousness bliss
Reflections
As I draw, I discover
I wanted to draw the strongest currency and have it in the denomination of 1 million dollars
Somehow I m attracted to purple
And when I colored it a turquoise I found out why
Money in my life has been about debts, separation, fear, worry, inadequacy . Misuse, lack , unwise decisions
I associated money or wealth negatively as a result of my not so happy experiences. And I gave money a less than happy meaning and it has shaped my state of wealth too!
WOW
But as I coloured it turquoise , I came to know deep down there’s this wisdom in me ——- knowing and wanting it to be a currency to heal and i intend it to be for all things good
The zeroes i coloured according to the rainbow 🌈 colours and they signify abundance and anchor from an infinite source , happiness, light, healthfulness, healing and creativity. And every time I come into contact with money, I want to honour it this way.
Perhaps I have shut off money because of those experiences and in drawing and coloring it feels as if something has been let loose
I understand that my past experiences do not write the script or denote my future
And open myself up to the infinite possibilities of abundance ahead !
I take the chance to release all these interpretations I have gleaned and made from the past
Then I drew 24carat gold coins but in the shape of love
I want and intend wealth to come to me in love and appreciation of my gifts and wealth to be devoted to creating peace and goodness
Then I drew stars of gemstones of different colours shiny and happy
To receive in happiness with pleasure inspiration and joy
I thought about what it means to open up to receiving again? How to open up? Am I closed —— without even knowing?
Have i been unconsciously blocking anything out? Yes and on many levels
Subconsciously telling myself i m not worth while or do not deserve ?
or that I m lowly or still living in that shame guilt cannot lift my head up life from that certain past, but thats not me, thats my father
Audio :
what is reality?
is it what we can experience with our senses. or is it something deeper?
consider: just because we cannot see or touch smthg doesnt mean it doesn’t not exist
it simply means we cannot experience it in our 3 dimensional world
the same for Abundance
limitless love unbounded joy optional health
just because u r not experiencing what you desire doesnt mean it cant exist for you
we live primarily on the physical plane which has form or substance or matter
some see lack
others see Abundance
some feel Abundance
others feel limited based on certain messages they may have received in the past
we often feel reality as changeless yet matter and form change
what then is reality
as we exist in the physical plane, we also live at the level of the mind
the mind perceives things reasons n evaluates
is potential energy and so we can change our physical world by changing our thoughts n beliefs
beyond the mind, resides the spirit
the part of us that is eternal unchanging and imbued with pure unlimited potential
tapping into this potential can allow us to manifest miracles
the world is a construct of our interpretations: our words thoughts beliefs create specific results in the physical world
Abundance does not spring from external source but fr within, from thought intention attention expectation
you as r a powerful creative being can change your perception mind reality by transforming thoughts and expectations
you can begin to speak and understand nature’s language harness nature’s its infinite flow of energy information intelligence and experience the bountiful spirit that is your birthright
Debt on a bank account, credit cards, loans, debts to individuals, court debts – all of your debts, of any kind.
No need to record the amount, only to whom and for what.
O credit card
P credit card
Insurance to A
Insurance to O
Insurance to G
Insurance to N
Medisave contribution
Tax payment
Payment thru CPF for house
And after that make a list of all your monthly payments.
O credit card Jan – Dec
P credit card Jan- Dec
Insurance to A
Insurance to O
Insurance to G
Insurance to N
Medisave contribution
Tax payment
Payment thru CPF for house
YL purchases
Food purchases
Clothing for kids
Purchases for myself
Therapies
*Phrase*
*I create my personal abundance from an infinite source *
– – – –
*Mantra*
Aham Bramasmi
Aham Bramasmi
Answer the question, “What does abundance mean to you?” If you want, you can write the answer in your notebook.
Reflections:
Abundance to me, is
-effortless 取之不尽用之不竭
-freedom to tap from infinite source at all times
-effortless health, vitality, longevity, well being at all times
-happiness and joy without reason at all times
-peace and ease with our reason at all times
From the Audio recording: Inviting Abundance into your life needs just awareness, intention, silence
Open mind and heart to possibility of whatever you want in health and Abundance will flow to you
What would i like to have more of in my life:
-increased and improved awareness and intuition
-Expanded consciousness and therefore intuition
– improvement of understanding of life or truth with awareness and insight
-opportunities to be with great teachers and messengers or communicators of wisdom like the Rinpoches
– wonderful opportunities to express my gifts , whether it be in writing or to create videos or works to share light warmth give strength and let people discover
-create Great Health like never before: healing my keloids, Ca 19.9, cyst completely naturally
-create Peace Balance Love and Harmony like never before
-create Great relationships and connections like never before
-create Success and Wealth like never before
I create my personal Abundance from an infinite source
Inside, Wim Hof spoke on his trauma that haunted him because his birth and presence wasnt expected and he was delivered in a cold passageway.
It is no wonder then that today he has become truly a man in the cold and has found a way out to manage or work with the cold—and that is by breathing.
He became someone who isnt afraid of the cold.
He isnt only inspiring but he made magic—out of himself and of pain.
I am intrigued and very drawn to people like these who show with their life, what magic can be, if you persevere and never give in, or give up. What strength do they possess?
It brought upon me once and again, the significance of turning pain and traumatic experiences into something useful.
I had seen a few video clips of this man and my family follows his breathing technique of late.
But how did this inspiring man get here?
Why, as with all others, it was pain and trauma that led the way for him, and in turn, he searched and experimented on himself and proved that this is not unique to him, but others, so he paved the way for many, to breathe their way through challenging times.
It also brought upon me the very idea that we will find our peace in the very thing that brought us unbalance in the first place. Like Hof being upset by the cold he was delivered in, and he delivered himself (working) in the cold.
I tried to think about myself.
But met with a little bit of a stumble, its ok, I’ll leave it here for a while.
And Hof says, “the cold forces me to get deeper inside.”
I look at myself again. All my experiences have been forcing me to get inside as well. Reliving, processing, transforming.
He said one thing, “Just breathing and believing (you can)”
I l-o-v-e love love this quote by Japanese writer Haruki Murakami.
He says, “ I always thought that people grow old gradually. But no, people get old in a flash.” Aging did not come from the first wrinkle, not the first strand of white hair but from the instant you give up on yourself. Only people who do not give themselves up, not find old age. Aging might come in numbers but not his or her aura. The heart of a child can stop one from growing old.”
Getting old in a flash—— I can certainly resonate with that.
As I read this quote, I recounted how my heart hardened in an instant, how I coerced myself to do things that might not be me, how I bit my teeth and forced myself into positions.
In a flash certainly.
So much journey so many experiences, processed in my mind —— in a flash.
How old have I grown in a flash?
As I saw these flashbacks, I want to offer much love and light to the girl who grew so old so old in those flashes.
But I look at my face.
It does not give any clue to what depth and breadth of life’s experiences I have gone through.
So many times I have done interviews with top CEOs and talents in their respective fields and they would talk to me in a condescending manner. They were obviously disturbed a young girl like me would be sent to speak with them.
I hated their look.
I m older than you think —— was what went on in my head.
But now, I love my face even more.
Huaihao always holds my face with both hands when he is drowsy and about to sleep and would caress my face.
I love how his small hands fit and hold me together. It’s almost like my brokenness instantly puts itself together.
That’s the power of his little hands.
I remind myself to be a better person and to do better because I have him and I want him to be proud of me
As I carried these bags I want to go back to the times I carried the heaviest things and did not feel anything
The weight of my father’s debt
The family’s survival
My new work and it’s demands
My siblings
Being mother or anchor to my family
My own life
I actually want to go back. Ha
I want to go back —— to offer lovingly, sunshine, wind, rain light to that girl who has hardened up and chose to take everything on, out of love and responsibility for the family —— and yet, is angry at herself
I want these elements of nature to support her heal her listen to her caress her love her hug her
And I saw her hold up her head and nod—- feeling more ready and supported ——- even if the burdens are still the same.
She knows she is supported greatly
And as I m typing this in this bus, I saw a globe of orange
The sun on his way up
So magnificent I want to cry
So beautiful
And I m here to witness it
And I have the chance of experiencing its power might and light ——— after all
I want to soak up all its goodness all the light all the wisdom it embodies
I want to gift it unto myself
And because of these little changes I have made to my life, everyday becomes a practice. And everyday you derive different understandings from the practice. Like a distillation of sorts.
And today I realized how important Stephan’s sharing is: On the part of Guan Yin
Having her and many versions of her on my navel- the symbolic significance is that I m a bodhisattva
Without being arrogant or prideful , this is exactly what the Buddhist teachings are saying
Everyone is a Buddha
And CAN be a Buddha when we realize the essence of life
Emptiness
And emptiness EVEN AFTER all experiences, pain, suffering, happiness, exhilaration
Or the willingness to become like an open empty vessel again
Finding peace with oneself with others with life
Remembering this, just knowing what Stephan said of the guan yin at the navel gave me a lot of power and strength
That I should use it to motivate myself to greater good
And never give in give up easily
To always seek out another way another way another way ——— there must be so many
That I m more and can be more than what it seems or I am now
It gave me a powerful shot of wisdom in an instant and can guide me to making all the big and little choices in life
Knowing that she is listening to me
Supporting me
WITH ME
And makes me want to work harder to realize myself
Like —— wanting to model after her and be a better tpy
Truly shiny truly peaceful and joyful at heart
914am on a swing Telok Ayer:
I just had a back bend yoga session
And in the midst of it
I actually felt like crying . Feels like things are surfacing
Pain and suffering actually.
Could have been the Heart Sutra Mantra or some gatte gatte prayer they played in the background as we went through the poses
The instructor is opening my body up and a terror really.
Now as I write, I know why! Well the force he is using to open me up in yoga poses, made me KNOW all the force I applied on myself and
I just teared up
I couldn’t and wouldn’t even know how much a terror I was onto myself until now
But in the session, I want to open up and I did, amidst all the pain
It was a nice experience feeling yourself being lifted and pivoting on the navel
How much support has it given me all the while without me realizing
It’s terrifying to do an inversion even if you are on the ground and you are just bringing yourself backwards
I feel like I m only supported by my head and I m not balanced and any other movement will have me break my neck
I tried to look into the instructor’s eyes and to find trust
I couldn’t bring myself to
And I kept asking him to put me down
Bring me back
I say I m falling and he says no: “You are just afraid”
And I remember Stephan say, “do not be afraid, have no fear”
Then my thoughts drifted to yesterday, I have let some crockery to dry on the stove and my husband got so mad he said stupidity comes out of this.
He had told me that water not be put on the stove, because in fengshui, water and fire should not clash.
But what’s the big fat problem with leaving some dishes to dry on the stove?
I tried to explain that I have always let the dishes dry and in an hour or so after being air fried by wind, I would put them on the dish rack
He refused to listen and said, stupidity comes out of this.
I think my tears were coming out of every single body part, but I cannot let them out at that instant. Why? My kids are with me. Huaihao is close by. Can I let my temper out like he did?
I choose not to.
I acknowledged my anger and later I knew, they were not just anger but hurt.
I m disappointed beyond words
Yes it was a moment of anger no doubt on his end but you do not do this loving and appreciating and respecting a person
And what do I do?
My divine, what do I do?
I went to him to ask for an apology. Then the next day, I lashed back at him.
I did not disrespect him even if he was smoking, not a graduate, a poor man then. I turned his life around. He quit smoking, I got him a proper job I changed his diet. I gave him a lot of love.
In fact I had full respect for him.
And even if at home he did things that appeared not sensible to me, I did not say he is stupid.
And after doing so much for the family, for him, I got heartache in return and a lot of it.
How much hurt have I experienced ? Is it not enough? And what made me most angry is that I always fall into this after healing , or after achieving some sense of peace and balance. Feels like all of my effort is thwarted in a flash.
I did not come into a relationship for hurt.
I decided to reiki myself on the swing
I said the gokai
And today it’s meaning is yet a bit more different
Just for today
I do not angry— it also means finding other ways out other than being angry
It means you can explore because angry is only one possibility and
I know I can do more
I do not worry
—— what are the other things I can do, they are many things I can do besides worry , such as yoga reiki meditation breathe
I m grateful
——- being able to sit here and having these thoughts
I thought of HuaiHao and the pinky love
I always told him to send it out should he sense someone in need
I thought I needed that v much now to envelop myself with this
I ask the divine to nourish me comfort me
And then I saw a cockerel
Is that the divine?
I take it as so because it brought a smile onto my smile
I ask it to come close if it is and I closed my eyes
I think I m heartbroken
I felt the pain
How can love once so sweet turn into this ?
Too hurtful
Then I heard a pecking
And there it is just next to me
The cockerel! As if to offer me some companionship
And I felt like vomiting
So many things crowded at the chest area
Wanting to come out
And I saw myself using the crystal like a pen on the cyst
I was doing self reiki, and thought, why not use the crystal and write om on my tummy?
There’s a space there and it’s calling out for love and nourishment
I used the tip of the crystal like a pen, to fill the space with just this and the magic
Then I carried on walking.
When my soul is in need, it is always food that rescues me
It’s as if they are calling out to me and I’ll just walk till I stop
Is it this stall?
I would linger in front of it
Not that my heart wills
This one
These simple fare made by hawkers, by humble people rescued me
Most of all, a bowl of hot red bean soup boiled to tender softness with brown rice and peanut. With every scoop you could smell fragrance of the brown rice and it brought me back to the time I was a young child and nanny would cook brown rice porridge for me.
Soft textures have a lot in there . Maybe that is why I am so drawn to them.
Soft textures require a lot of work, thought, technique, experience, emotion, love and above all, strength to execute
Strength to restrain and to be less to be more.
It’s inspiring to me because I m learning to be strong sure balanced yet soft. I have no wish to harden up or be jaded and allow myself to be let down by disappointments in life by people——- who may lack the wisdom and acted in the ways they did
I am going to continue on my path to cultivate myself and use these as exercises for me to flex my muscles ——- at being soft
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