I woke feeling and knowing I want to start a new relationship with myself—— with TPY

If there’s something I want, it will be this.

To be anew like a fresh piece of white paper. With no preconceived ideas and notions about what is and not , what can and cannot, what should and should not.

Huaihao came to kiss me good morning and say happy birthday this morning.

I woke up

😊

I rose and did the usual routine. Prepared ningxia red and the supplements and breakfast for Qinzhi. It wasn’t a chore but every chance to make her better.

Then I find myself at the beach doing a run.

With each breath I clean the insides and the run became slightly meditative in nature.

As I cleaned the area of the keloids the cyst the intestines I thought about the doctor’s appointment. No I do not need that!

That and the whole set of rules ideas fixations on how I lived my life, taught to me by people and their experiences and expectations. Impressed upon me by my experiences and circumstances, I thank them all for bringing me to where I am so I can say – that’s enough and from now, I want to start living as TPY and start this new relationship of figuring things out through the eyes of TPY, with as much awareness and as little of others’ experiences as possible.

So that I can experience myself! I think that somewhat answers my question of what it means to live.

If you don’t do you, you won’t be done. So—-are you who are you?

And I find myself seeing the clouds nearing the sun, as I did a time lapse of the process, I saw for myself how the clouds let the sun’s rays come thru.

Then sun is always there. Yet we are not always aware of its magnificence. We often cannot see the sun until there is something like a cloud which comes by and allows a contrast somewhat and that’s where the rays of light become obvious.

So it seems like we need the clouds to see the sun. We need something to see ourselves in and the very stuff we are made of.

And while the clouds are here, do we have the awareness that there are here to help get a clearer perspective? And we can remain impartial to them ?

Do we have the patience to wait for the clouds to pass by to reveal the sun which is always there? The sun in me as in you.

Let’s start anew, afresh! I am thankful for the opportunity!

I remind myself to be with the new,

To use my intuition and innate abilities and understanding to move forward

To use my skills and capabilities in the highest good to serve and for the betterment of myself and others

To be kind and compassionate to myself

To relate to myself as the most precious

To learn new things visit new places

To have new works that share light wisdom and wonder

I want to experience magic like never before

On this day, I honour myself and all of which I have experienced, all of whom I have encountered. I thank you all and most of all myself.

On this day, I want to embark to the new with the things I learned. Take flight and soar like never before.

Then dad called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday and so did my brother and sis

My nanny came last 2 days back and cooked me gado gado and gave me ang pows and oranges

In the evening, dad sis and brother came and we had dinner and cut a cake.

When we were singing happy birthday, dad and huaihao sang the loudest and I kept looking at huaihao and he kept looking at me. At bedtime he said it was because its my birthday so of course he had to look at me.

And I told him that i almost felt emotional and want to cry and i felt like if i continued looking at him, we were almost locking eyes,, he would too.

To my surprise, Huaihao said, “let it out, don’t keep it inside, emotions are like the clouds and they will be blown away by the winds. So let it out, don’t keep on to them.”

We chat. Huaihao was saying happy birthday to me —with so much love and i felt so cherished —-at almost every juncture he could find. He told me about how he planned for my birthday.

“I told papa that mommy’s birthday is coming tomorrow so what should we get? Then I said mommy likes to write so maybe we can get a book. We went to Popular but did not find anything nice, I told papa, can we get something better for mommy?

Papa said, ah i know where and we went to this high class shop at raffles city! first of all, i chose the colour of the cover to be pink, (why didn’t you choose yellow?) because there was none, and i m like , how can there not be yellow? then i chose the flap to be yellow, the button to be gold. Then we picked the words We Love Mummy, and inside there is a Happy Birthday 2021. The male assistant said he normally suggest the words to be behind so there is a surprise and I took his suggestion. (so why didn’t you write your name and jiejie name behind?) because each row of words cost $10. The book needed 40 minutes and so we went down to buy water go to muji and then went to pick it. (did you like it?) yes. then we went to Tarte (by cheryl koh) but it was closed! aiya! then we went to cedele. And I chose the ondeh ondeh cake because you said you liked it. Then we came back to hide it in the storeroom really inside. (did you chat?) yes, we talked about when to give you the present, who will be here and all these…”

My tears were wetting his pillows and he popped out to get a tissue and wiped my tears

Huaihao said his wish for me is “happy birthday , happy birthday to my precious precious precious precious precious precious mommy. I wish you to be healthy happy and to live forever and never to die.”

I said a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big thank you to huaihao.

And he asked :” what did i do?”

“you planned for my birthday, gave suggestions for my present and designed the book for me”

And he said, “but papa paid for it, “

Huaihao asked me if I liked my present, if I liked the cake. I said I did.

“this book is like a custom made one by huaihao. and no two is the same. even if the words are the same, the colours would be different. “

and Huaihao said, “even if the words and colours are the same, it is still different because this one you have carries my love.”

I thank Huaihao again for the love, for teaching me what it is to cherish and what it means to be precious. If I didn’t know previously, I know now how precious I m. I cannot imagine how precious I m or what I mean to him. But he let me know.

Thank you Huaihao and Qinzhi of course!

Happy birthday TPY! You spectacular being! You precious one!