Tag: life

See You In My 19th Life

See You In My 19th Life

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

https://www.netflix.com/th-en/title/81671426

Chanced upon this new kpop drama at the time I picked up Buddhist studies at Tibet House

The teachings were profound and spoke of the law of cause and effect which governed the universe- and life

The teachings spoke of mental afflictions like attachments aversions and ignorance and how we keep ourselves in samsaric existence in the wheel of life

That was what the kpop drama is about

Ji Eum is in her 19th life and she remembers all the other lifetimes

Because of her attachments she couldn’t let go of, she actively courts the people who were dear to her in her last lifetime like Seo Ha whom she loves, like her sister Cho won whom she loves

When emotions got intense Ji Eum lets her truth out to Cho won and Seo Ha

But there was one dream that coming to her and that was something she had to piece together

Kang is another young man who provided the clue to this dream. He placed the shaman’s bells in Ji Eum’s room and she gets to go back to her first life

By and by she saw what happened, piecing things together bit by bit

She saw how Kang in her first life killed Cho won and herself , and how Seo ha protected her

Most of all she saw how she, in a fit of anger, in a crucial moment, vowed to remember this hatred and to come back

When she saw it was herself that bound herself to the past, she broke down.

It wasn’t anyone else who tied her down. While she was looking for the killer who killed her sister and herself, she realised that it was non other than herself who bonded herself to this lifetime, it was her who stopped herself from breaking away or breaking up

It was herself who cursed herself

“It was me. I bound myself to it. Because I was enraged.”

And who brought herself into existence over and over again

Wow

Wow

Wow

And the title to this final episode reads, “ the one who ties the knot has to untie it”

The drama used an analogy this way.

Her niece in her last lifetime is sick and Kang tells her there is a way to saving her

He seeks redemption and asks for forgiveness

And delivers the message that –

If and only if Ji Eum forgets everything and all memories fall apart and there is no trace of remembering anyone she is attached to

If she chooses this path, her niece would be saved. Conversely if she chooses to remember, Cho won and Seo ha whom she loves dearly will suffer the same fate

Ji Eum rationalizes over this and try as she might she does not want to forget

She asks, “ what can I share if I forget”

In her agony it was Seo ha who came to her and assures her that even if she does not recognize him, he will come to her

Ji Eum seems to have decided and went to her house in her previous lifetime

She hugs her mother who seems to know that Ji Eum is in fact her beloved daughter who has passed away and has come back- a promise her daughter made to her

Ji Eum finally went to the bridge in her first life where she was killed, shaman bells in her hand

And she met her in her first life and is asked how she feels

Ji Eum says she is happy

A carefree heart that is ready to forget everything

And four words- All is good now

And the drama shows that she is renewed and has no more memory of Seo ha and Cho won

Instead, the tides have changed and in turn Cho won and Seo ha now court her back

Ji Eum is a new piece of paper with the memories gone

I love how the story brings the theme of acceptance and making peace out

If we live and breathe without acceptance, we are essentially living the past in the now

Recycling attachments emotions and creating more afflictions and mental defilements to further lock ourselves- and our loved ones in samsara

So much pain misery and suffering

But even so – like how Ji Eum finds it hard to choose to forget

And rather hangs on in pain

The drama shows that there is a way out

And that if we forget – actually , if we choose to accept we can start off on a clean slate

Life is lighter and simpler

And this is exactly what the Buddhist teachings are proposing

That we all have the potential and freedom to choose at every moment in time

To steer ourselves away from mental afflictions and to go closer towards wisdom

It is in the sway of emotions that we hang on to something of the past. In this clinging and grasping, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else

I look at myself in inspection

I have been wanting to “get rid” of the past- by not looking at it, by not touching it

Thinking that this is the way out

But it is so wrong

Making peace with oneself is not like that

Making peace means a carefree open heart and a feeling of freedom

I wish this for everyone for all beings to experience this openness and freedom in one way or another, at one time or another

May all beings be well and happy.

I told bf about this show and how Ji Eum’s dilemma to forget reminds me of mom who told dad at her deathbed that she wants to come back to him again and be his wife

I said any kind of pain is disregarded in her love for she still wants to be with dad

And bf asked, “how do you know it is all painful to her? You do not know what they went thru together. It’s only your perspective you see but you do not know the full story “

Indeed, I saw only the painful bits and took that as the whole

My perspective led me to the reality of a pain

Bf’s question got me thinking- a lot of people said mom loved dad more , but what if she got the love of her life from dad? That is why she is so giving too

Whatever the case, bf’s question had the effect of piercing through a dream and to break it up

And I saw how my one sided incomplete perspective led me into a dream. Is my heart carefree enough to forget this everything that is?

I tried to say “All is good now”

Yes all is good now

And if you were to see this from a larger perspective, the lifetimes actually could happen in one . They just refer to the past that one cannot let go of and keeps recycling

Oh And let’s just say the ost is so very nice too

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mctjoaC68h0

Ah Siong Hia (I)

Ah Siong Hia (I)

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I woke up to a beautiful morning.

The sun is about to pop up on the horizon and the sky is a million colours all at once so soft so graceful so beautiful

Like an affirmation that Ah Siong Hia is at peace and all is good.

Still I felt not knowing how to make sense of this all. Is it important to make sense in r is it important to honor these feelings?

While I accustomed to finding out, I am once again reminded now- as I write that honoring the feelings are important. It’s being in the moment and acknowledging them – not bypassing them. And, we do not need to know everything so we?

On the bus, I asked my husband how to make sense?

And he says, “ that’s because you did not accept it. I see death as part of a cycle of life. If you can be happy when a baby is born, why can’t you be happy now? It is because I accept it as part of life part of the cycle.”

I asked him so what is life for?

And he tried to explain it to me- like how people reduce it to living meaningfully with a purpose but punctuated it with, “ this question you have to ask god”

And I asked him if he don’t know, how to live life well?

In the midst of it on the bus as we spoke, the sun was shining in and I asked it for light love strength and energy .

I want to use this opportunity to get pass what I did not manage to . Instead of falling back on tears emotions and feeling sorry, am I capable of feeling something else?

Can I find something meaningful or beautiful to celebrate even in this occasion or event?

And suddenly- just suddenly, it appeared to me that this is a graduation ceremony of sorts.

Ah Siong Hia has graduated from the school of life. Devoting and committing to it as best he can, learning all he need, seeing all and being with all he has come to life for. And he made the courageous decision to leave when the time has come for him to, out of love for the people he loved.

In the way he lived – like a doting brother .

Thank you Ah Siong Hia. For all you have done for us , for loving me like your own sister. I have come to celebrate your life. Rest in peace.

Ah Siong Hia

Ah Siong Hia

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Ah Siong Hia is what I call him by for as long as I know.

Ah Siong is his name and Hia means brother in Hokkien.

I was nannied by his family and his auntie took me as a goddaughter. And because of this connection, I earned myself a few brothers who cared and loved me like no other. They gave me the respite I needed from the responsibilities of being an elder sister.

I remember when I was little I would always sit in his car and he would drive us to Changi airport at night to fetch his sister Ah Tin, who worked at Duty Free.

I remember being his flower girl when he got married to Michelle his wife.

Then when I had Qinzhi and when Qinzhi was little, and had Happy Train classes at Bugis on weekends, he drove her from Paris Ris to Bugis for us whenever Qinzhi did a staycay with them.

I remember the way he calls me and always cared for me- like hia— a brother. He always made sure people had things to eat—- when he himself never really did.

I heard how hard he worked for the family, doing lots of shift work at the airport at SATS. I remember when times were good he took the family to travel in Australia and bought me little koalas and an opal necklace

The last ten years of his life was less easy for him. He was diabetic and went on to do dialysis. I didn’t really visit him even though I heard how thin he had become or how he couldn’t walk or how he was panting or couldn’t sleep well or how he kept falling

I didn’t want to see and I kept away

I didn’t have the courage to.

He finally found himself in icu after another fall and at the dialysis center . And the next things I heard was his decision to decline the oxygen mask. He stayed on for another day and was gone last Sunday.

And what was I feeling about this? How was I really taking it?

I don’t know actually.

Qinzhi burst out in tears and HuaiHao said , “so sad … it’s like you cannot do anything about it”

Qinzhi was obviously shaken and she couldn’t really vocalize it. I asked her if she felt fear ? Fear of people leaving her and she said yes.

The kids are slightly older now and have begun to understand life and the cycles of it

I told them to remember the goodness and love Ah Siong Hia have given to them. And to wish him well and peace .

But how am I taking it? Ah Siong Hia’s passing made me think about life and death

So much time has passed since I played the role of a flower girl at his wedding. Time has gone for us all.

And listening to how he was and his decision through others made me see how dreamlike how fleeting life can be

In the time he was struggling in the hospital, everyone was expecting the worse. When would the last be?

And how different is it when we wait or expect a baby to be born ?

No one can control and no one knows.

Before we knew, he breathed his last. His family were obviously shaken, torn between feeling relieved that he need not suffer any longer and feeling pained for him.

I keep hearing how he cared for his family how he drove everyone around and ran errands – I remember being in his car and he would play Hokkien songs – and these are all long gone – and the next thing is his final send off before he is cremated and reduced to ashes

And is life —-to be this way?

How can we live life happily healthily joyfully meaning-fully while being subscribed to our habits our stories ?

There’s a sense of helplessness as people go about their lives , imprisoned by their feelings thoughts and perspectives

Yet we sometimes just need another point of view, an openness and a willingness to see to try a different path and follow a new direction. This point of difference is all that matters , so easy yet so hard all at once

I pray and wish for all to have the motivation to eke out a new path to have that opportunity that added push that energy that blessing that protection to

Life is short but life is long too

Life is hard but life can be easy too

Life is difficult but life can be very very good too

And I want to consciously live life well from now.

On Sunday afternoon, I shared with the kids this. I said I asked myself what I really want to do?

I thought so long: and my answer to myself would be that: I want to do something, anything that allows me to discover to feel and express the good in life. Goodness, honesty, integrity, love, compassion, heart, passion, perseverance, kindness, joy, to have the chance to capture these sparkling magic moments, to savour them cherish them celebrate them and share them outwards

That is what I want to do

And more than ever, I want to and know I can live long and well

I want to and know I can get the support of my body to go for it with me. As always.

I texted teacher Stephan to thank him for sharing over lunch and how he always believed in me and cherished me even before I did . And he replied to me this

“Dear Pin Yen, sometimes we loose sight of ourselves and need to be reminded, how precious you are.

So I will tell you again and again.

But it is important that you recognize and accept it.

And it is just the beginning…

I’m flying off tomorrow, we are connected and am always here for you and if you need an enkaku. Until very soon!”

I just had to ask myself when I stopped recognizing myself when I stopped seeing my power?

I asked myself that question until I fell into sleep last night.

Was it when I quit Michelin ? Was it even earlier? Was it when I was a child and I kept missing the chances when I wasn’t picked for some leadership roles? Was it when I was a student and I didn’t believe I had the right answer? Was it when I saw fellow peers succeed and envied them being in the spotlight while I lashed it out at myself chiding myself for not doing better or my best? I dimmed my own light!

Is this all above important ? what has been?

NO. Really. No . What has been had been.

I spent so much time asking and pondering and trying to find out. But I would accept this all now – all the experiences that have brought me here.

I’m sincerely thankful for them, for making me this way and bringing me here. I think I have done well and I can say- to the best of my ability

And I do want to DO more. I know and want my life to be so different in so many good ways, in ways new joyful healthy happy successful that I have never been or seen. And I know I can

Life is a dream but life is not.

I want to leave something beautiful and heartwarming every step of the way. And I know I can.

And we all can.

Thank you Ah Siong Hia, for all the love and care you have given to me. I am so grateful and thankful I have the chance to call you Ah Siong Hia and be a little sister to receive your love. Please rest and be at peace now.

Your Place In This Big Big Space

Your Place In This Big Big Space

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I wanted to start out saying how did love go so wrong.

That was when I started running today. After so long I picked it back. And it was with a lot of anger, frustration, grievances, so so much unhappiness.

I wasn’t really able to do anything about it- as much as I read about all these practices of shaking, qi gong, and other somatic practice . They offered relief but I needed more. So I thought about running.

It all started with the kids going out at each other, arguing for seemingly nothing. And the hubby joining in to stop them but it went so wrong because he was in anger- read triggered. I was able to hold the fort for only a while. 2 days to be exact before everything came to me in full swing.

I could only understand it this way. All these years of practice helped me see everything outside of me is a mirror and happening to me for me.

There were some words the hub used that got me, such as explaining to HuaiHao that Qinzhi shouted because she doesn’t see other choices, such as saying how inflated the kids are thinking they are god or the boss. And how mommy did awesome at inflating them. The last few straws were him telling me to take Qinzhi to Changi for her sports meet because he is going for his walk. I didn’t like the idea of being left with no choice. And he said that it shouldn’t be that I open my mouth and ask for things and get it.

Why can’t I? If he loves me?

As much as I like it or don’t like it, there are lots to savour in this episode no, series.

The children were out of place, as rightly put by the hub. Inflated.

And I have been out of place- doing more than I should for them , overcompensating for my own lack in my own life where I grew and became so much more because ——mommy hasn’t been around.

I took that as a lack rather than as a fertile ground for growth. And in the event of it, I did what my mommy didn’t. I mothered my brother my family, being responsible for more than what a daughter could , I took it all upon myself and shouldered all the burdens on me.

And how is that novel? My mother did more than she could – she went out of her way, sacrificing her life for the family, putting herself last.

She became the leader. And I did. And Qinzhi did as well, she mothers HuaiHao and teaches him like a parent as in school, she triumphs and feel good when given a role of leadership—— all telltale signs of how strong the womenfolk in my tribe are.

This was helped by the lack of a stronghold of fatherly figures in me and my hub’s tribe. Father figures seem meek in comparison to the feminine counterparts. In my hubby’s case, the father figure was absent. Pretty much in mine too. And it also worked in the way when mothers are so strong, the fathers cannot show up.

The balance was thwarted and was even more distorted when we tried to compensate – out of love.

Or- was it to control?

Everyone was out of place. Everything was out of place.

And that made me so cross. Did I came back to the family 4 years ago for this situation now? What did I do or not do to bring it here? I feel so much pain.

And most of all, I couldn’t take the feeling of failing, failing myself.

And if we accept the premise that we all had the choice, I asked why then did I choose this path?

What was I thinking then when I made the choice? What was I wanting to explore?

And in my run, I heard back. One was love, what is love and what is love that is “right”? And is this love that has been “wrong”?

The journey made me open to love, how to love , what is love, tough love …./

The other answer I heard was I wanted to explore leaving on a high note or letting go at a high – which I have at the peak of my career 3 years back . And therefore I wanted to explore finding myself . Honestly, I haven’t been so unclear of my trajectory. I have been so focused and results oriented in school and at work. I went for it and took what I wanted.

But is that TPY?

As I ran, I heard the voice went- you wanted to explore taking off again.

YOU taking off. Not for any other. I heard this voice say, all the rest all the time that has gone by was to ready you for this flight. This take off.

And I am thankful for this opportunity. I know I am truly blessed. If not I wouldn’t be here to see this.

If not I wouldn’t have felt the love from source so clearly yesterday.

I asked actually: what is my relationship with god or the creator or Buddha?

If I have doubts , yesterday I clearly felt the love. The grace. The lesson was delivered gently and I am assured I have been supported and guided.

I came to know how (much) I erred . I was pushing too hard, controlling too much . Distorting reality and people and all this came right back at me. The pain and anger I felt of a distorted me.

And never have I want to “come back” so much.

To “come back” to my place – I guess that is what I want to explore going forward.

To come back to know one’s place. That day Qinzhi reminded HuaiHao : “ do you even pray to god? Do you even know there is god?”And HuaiHao retorted to Qinzhi: “ I do not live there.”

I remember myself reminding him how egoistic and prideful that is.

But now I see how these are all reminders for me.

To know one’s place radically changes everything. Every single thing about one’s existence.

I asked about my relationship with god and got a reply with the feeling yesterday, yes there is a HE HIM and a bigger hand up there- in control.

And never were we – once, in control. I lost sight and myself in this exercise and exploration of control. I was inflated and so were my kids. And the lesson was delivered to me so beautifully with so much grace at where went wrong with my kids showing to me. Grace grace and so much grace.

While I am still trying to map out and strike a balance between surrendering myself and taking initiatives, I know there is a plan for me which will work its way out in the right time.

Interestingly, a few opportunities have popped up in the last few days and I am still feeling my way with them.

Each of them seemed right in some ways and some were definitively not so me.

Which begs the question: who is TPY ? What is she here for? What does she want?

But in an almost dreamy state yesterday night, it came to my realization that in listening I learned the most. As a listener with an open heart, life happens to me in the most beautiful ways. In a bigger picture, in a receiver mode. I’m always giving and have difficulty receiving. But in that mode, life happens in miracles

I remembered looking at the night sky outside of the plane window on my way back from Seoul . A thousand thousand stars shine bright, each of them a sun and revolving around them an entire planetary system

I asked myself then: where is my place in this big big space ?

And I got my reply loud and clear. From my kids who answered me – by them being out of place speaking down to us at us——- I have been seriously out of place in this big big space .

I recently thought about beauty more strongly. Beauty in nature was what rescued me time and again. I thought about experiencing beauty and expressing it outwards in the hope of striking a chord. In the hope of connecting with another. Of saying out something (for) another who wouldn’t be able to put in words. Of being another’s voice. As much as I have been warmed by words of resonance, I want to pass this on and in so creating warmth and light for the purpose of having another feel uplifted enough and feeling hopeful enough to try again.

And I ask for guidance each step of the way. To show me the path.

In which I will be living my highest, joyfully blooming and shining bright in HIS plan, as an instrument or medium relating or translating his messages.

WOW

Mummy

Mummy

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s mom’s 20th death anniversary today.

We all headed to the temple to pray. Dad got the food, joss paper as always. And when all is done he said to us, “ mom’s gone for 20 years today. So fast.”

I kind of went through this without feeling my feelings

Maybe that was why I felt so uncomfortable at the temple

Breathe- I told myself

What do I feel?

Tired out. It’s so much work with mummy not around me.

I put up defenses, protective covers, I hardened up consciously and unconsciously. I went the distance and worked myself to the max challenging myself pushing boundaries

I wallowed in self pity

I put up a strong front

I did not acknowledge too many things and just got on with life as best I can

But the more I did this the deeper I fell

Earlier this year, with family constellations, I kind of saw how mummy chose her own path- because she had felt so lost so helpless. So alone.

Awhile ago, I kind of thought back on her journey and her choice

And I guess I somehow got sidestepped feeling her.

Now writing this, I know this isn’t what mummy want.

Its also not what I WANT!!! But I kind of went into it without awareness and came this far

As a mummy myself now, I sort of got my kids worried with the recent slump I have been in

Mummy worried me too- on a few occasions. But she’s always so strong for us . Until she couldn’t hold on anymore

Writing this now, I know I m not mummy, I don’t have her experiences her pain her troubles

I turn backwards now to me. To continue where I left off in my own path

I am counting my blessings as I acknowledge my path and thanking all my guardian angels who have been protecting me and guiding me all this while. Bringing me back after having for mummy’s path for a while

And I know the reason is to anchor me on my own

And although mummy has left for 20 years, somehow she’s still with me

In me

In the patterns habits standards I keep myself up to having been born to her, bred by her

What would mummy say to me?

I recall that in a healing session, her message to me was ‘ “ I m so proud of you.”

And the message now:

“Go get what you want. Stop living life for me for others but for TPY. Let the fear doubts self pity rest. You have everything you need to succeed. The universe is behind you with you”

“you are always shiny always brilliance. Mummy loves you so much.”

Thank you Mummy for this connection this message. Most of all for having me, for giving birth to me, for cherishing me more than yourself.

Love you mummy !

At bedtime, I told HuaiHao about how I felt and this little boy said, “ you do not have to not cry you know. Release it. “

I asked him how?

“Everyone has their way of releasing emotions . Let it out.”

I asked him what is his way?

“Cry”

And what is mummy’s way?

He said “ the same “

I shared that if I let it all out I would be worrying him.

And he said, “ but we all want to care for the people we love”

So cry I did and HuaiHao wiped tears away. I felt two things at one go- I felt so blessed to have him with me. At the same time, I felt how much I missed my mummy. I told him so.

He kind of didn’t really know how to react. He hugged me and put his hand on my face for a while

I asked if I caused him worry

He said , a little bit. “ I don’t want you to be sad”

So I shared that previously I kind of hid my emotions away but I become tired out and low. But now if I displayed my emotions , I worried him.

I asked him which he would prefer and he said the latter.

I thanked HuaiHao for his wonderful teaching this evening and most of all- his showing support and his presence for me.

For a while, I thought I finally — did grieve.

The next morning the first question HuaiHao asked me when he woke up was, “ so did you get over it already? You have to release the feelings otherwise they will control you”

“ so did you?”

I told him it’s like peeling off an outer heavy shell and showing the me that was underneath and I thanked him for holding space for this process.

So much love!

The Sound Of Magic

The Sound Of Magic

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It is interesting how I picked out dramas. They seem to deliver the things I need to keep me in perspective

Annarasumanara aka The Sound of Magic is a fantasy-music-psychological K-drama directed by Kim Seongyoon and written by Kim Minjeong. The show is based on Ha IIkwon’s webtoon of the same name, starring South Korean superstar Ji Changwook in the lead role, alongside Choi Sungeun and Hwang Inyeop.

Annarasumanara is a moving and inspiring story about growing up and being the person you want to be. It’s a beautiful message about seeking happiness through faith in one’s dreams.

Magic doesn’t create miracles

But allows you to discover them

How should we live life

A lot of adults give a lot of answers

How would an immature child answer that question?

Would that answer be wrong

Flowers don’t bloom on asphalt road but on bumpy dirt

I realised that I can’t become a magician that everyone in the world believes but I can at least become a magician for one person

You know I m going to keep trying to become a good adult that gives little miracles to people

The secrets of all that magic

If you just break out of the mould of the word destiny

There is a world just for you

Make your own fantasy

Spread your worn out hopes that you crumpled and put away

Sincerely sincerely

When I believe in myself l finally find out

That every second now is actually

Make your own melody

I went to hear your voice not anyone else

Sincerely sincerely

When I believe in myself l finally find out

That every second now is actually fantasy

33:32

Swiss London 22: I trust the divine in me, with me

Swiss London 22: I trust the divine in me, with me

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It had been eventful.

Dad woke and pooped with blood. We headed up to jungfraujoch and he had altitude sickness.

It really pushed me to waking up. And indeed helped me let go of my pride.

Throughout the day, I practiced and learn to trust the Divine in me and with me. Qinzhi sent me prayers like this :

Wednesday prayer.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son , and of the Holy Spirit.🙏🏻
it’s wednesday father God. It’s the middle of the week, and just want to thank you for bringing us safety this far. For all who are struggling financially, mentally and physically, we ask that you would lessen their burdens. Sincerely heal their bodies, mend broken hearts, and find and make a way out of no way for those trying to take care of themselves and their loved ones. May they stay safe and happy and healthy. We praise and thank you in advance! We pray also for travelling mercies and protection from all dangers seen and unseen. Thank you Jesus! May you please continue to keep us and our families and the many families in the world covered under the precious Blood of Jesus. In Jesus’ name, I pray. amen. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. 🙏🏻Amen.

Swiss London 22: To where you want to be

Swiss London 22: To where you want to be

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

We were on the train to Chur and we need a more comfortable seat. I said to sis that the guys to our right are leaving next. I said it so casually.

And they did leave the seat when the next station arrived.

Is this coincidence ?

It brought me to knowing manifestation once more

And to be mindful to it because it all comes back to us

How can we be responsible ? I mean, we have to.

I was so tired I went to bed at around 9pm Swiss time. I woke up at around 330am and the thought came :

To shift to where you want.

Where or what do I want. Us this trip to shift to. And the people around you will not be the same too.

My family at home. My family around me.

They are no longer the same as well.

I heard myself say to consciously shift to a place of love, laughter, joy, happiness, forgiveness, understanding.

And I thought about what I thought about- that life needn’t be learnt the hard way. In the laughing is the healing. In the laughing is the learning.

Like how we were all laughing on the train about the passengers who left their seat for us. And I did think about the trip as a joyful journey.

We can learn easily, lovingly, joyously, beautifully! We can reverse all processes!

I watched Matrix 2 on the plane and there are so many meaningful quotes one of which is: you can’t go back there, you won’t.

And I watched Shang Chi and one of the quotes were Shang Chi ‘s mother telling him that he gets all of what his parents give him. And it is up to him to make his gifts his, in a way that is him.

Traveling these 2 days with sis and dad made me feel grateful and feel somewhat carefree. I told sis I m grateful and that we must have done something right.

Sis is the one who is more expressive. She cares for him so much and flows into everything like taking pictures for him while I m slightly still more laid back . Writing this made me know I m still holding back

I remember in my sessions- I know that both sis and I were versions of mom who care for dad. And in different ways.

And sis is doing the opposite and she has shown me how easy it is to just be and let go

And the point I reach is: I m dad’s princess once more. Nothing to do.

The highlight of today is Glacier Express and dad was seated opposite me. While I can see that he is tired and old, I took care not to see too

Dad did my opposite and remarked that I have a lot of white hair and sis said I m already past 40. To which dad replied: time, so fast.

I sort of felt or saw myself as a little girl in his eyes. Always has been .

On the other hand, Dad is always thinking of me as a priority. When sis asked what he wants for dinner, he would say: I love veggies so let’s do a veggie place. Or after dinner, and sis asked if he liked to go for a walk, he would say- I m tired so let’s head home.

I am reminded that he the hubby brother and HuaiHao are the same soul sets. With them, I m always the princess . And healing each one, heals all.

I just couldn’t be natural or at ease. Rather than asking what m I still holding on to, I m seeing this as- we are already at ease. Like a photo we took while we had the opportunity to get off glacier express . The mountain range as our backdrop, we smiled so nicely.

In that point : I m dad’s princess once more. Nothing to do.

I am reminded that me the sister and qinzhi are the same soul sets. Healing one heals all.

How Blessed I AM, How Blessed You Are

How Blessed I AM, How Blessed You Are

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Dan Dennett: Collected Wisdom on Memes, Luck, Consciousness, and Existence

“Every living thing is, from the cosmic perspective, incredibly lucky simply to be alive. Most, 90 percent and more, of all the organisms that have ever lived have died without viable offspring, but not a single one of your ancestors, going back to the dawn of life on Earth, suffered that normal misfortune. You spring from an unbroken line of winners going back millions of generations, and those winners were, in every generation, the luckiest of the lucky, one out of a thousand or even a million. So however unlucky you may be on some occasion today, your presence on the planet testifies to the role luck has played in your past.”