Tag: joy

Abundance and Family

Abundance and Family

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I learned of late that how much wealth, health, and abundance one experiences, rests largely on the kind of connection we have with our parents.

And that abundance is a birthright. In all teachings, wealth and family has a deep rooted connection with our parents. I was told to take the opportunity to bond with my parents and family this festive season.

And I did.

Our annual prayer before Chinese New Year today. I looked up at my mother, grandparents , uncle and auntie. And instead of the normal prayer, where we typically ask to be blessed or wishing them well…. I looked up and oh wow, how much time has gone by? I was actually oblivious to the time gone by. I had been numb when I attended these prayer sessions.

But today, but today—— I took a moment to know that these people who loved me has gone for a long time.

And for once today! Today I saw this fact and accepted this fact.

And it in turned brought me a huge relief. Like something let go of.

I actually felt gratitude on my heart.

Because of them, their love their connections, there is me. I m here. I m me. I thank them and I know I will be always loved and supported in my endeavors.

And I love this feeling.

And for once, we are going to have uncle 8 and his son over for dinner on New Year’s Eve. It’s a rare opportunity and all three of us siblings were fussing over what to add for dinner.

Everyone of us chipped in ideas and effort and then Mei announced dessert is taken care of. Boy added on prawns and took care of fruits. The universe is with us when it’s we and not I. We are not limited when it’s we. There is an expansion and a huge field of opportunities.

Walking on my own this afternoon to collect pineapple tarts, I felt my cells imbued with inexplicable support and energy . Like you are tanked up. It’s a great feeling. Like nothing is impossible and the possibility of all and everything is available to me so long as I will.

And after collecting the vegan pineapple tarts, I actually smiled and felt happy.

I am so happy I wanted to take my mask off to let everyone see my joy. And there need no reason for this joy and happiness.

It’s been so long. And I know because I felt this before !

Thank you divine! Thank you!

Happy

Happy

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Its friday, as usual we went to dad’s place for dinner.

The kids had decided that they were going to do a staycay at grandpa’s the weekend, ah mei ayi had prepared popcorn and the kids wanted to watch “Finding Nemo”. They told me the last time they did a staycay, ah yi let them watch whatever they wanted when she showered, and then something educational.

We walked back home to collect sports shoes and some clothes as ah yi had wanted to bring them for a morning walk tomorrow and to bring them to breakfast. Its been a while since they popped into any shopping centre as we were not vaccinated and were not allowed to visit malls.

The kids were excited and were game enough to walk home to collect whatever they needed.

But after we did that, and walked more than halfway back to grandpa’s, I realised the kids had slippers on and forgot to wear their sports shoes. SO we had to walk back home again. And when we finally took all that we needed, Qinzhi forgot to get coins to take a bus and we had to walk all the way.

Dropped the kids and finally walked home my home. As the breeze caressed me, i felt the quiet happiness emanating from inside me. Its so quiet so subtle but so very real.

I am happy, even if we had to walk back and forth so many times. I am happy because I am so very contented and grateful for what I have.

The kids are really lovely, its a privilege to be able to mommy them. They are well and happy. I m grateful to be here with them. I am grateful I have my father, my sister and brother, my husband, people around me who love and appreciate me. I am grateful that I have the gift of writing and there are people who would be willing to pay me to write and produce videos.

I want to do my best to heal and once more, I am reminded that there is nothing to forgive.

I want to do my best at being healthy joyful, full of vitality and energy, I want to be here with them as long as I can —just to be with them.

I m ready. I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined. Let me co-create a way of life with God that allows me to hold the insights and revelations, the wisdom and the intelligence that are flowing all of the time.

Even if I m trying to explain why I am happy, it is not because of these reasons that I am happy.

I am happy. That is my birthright.

Realising Me xxi

Realising Me xxi

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

In my self reiki session this morning, I saw something which gave me joy.

I saw myself back in my junior college uniform that quiet girl in a ponytail, always that obedient, hardworking one classmates worked at opening up

I sort of saw a dark cloud over her, and the energy she has is so low.

I saw why she’s like that, behaving like this out of the circumstances and the environment in her family. What were the feelings? Shamefulness ? Maybe not that strong but to that effect! I was one of the three from my secondary school to get into a top JC, but I felt inadequate compared to my peers who were from top secondary schools.

I felt like I didnt match up. And I would work so hard to be on par, there were students from top families in the upper echelons of society, who was I?

I was sandwiched between 2 types of feelings. On one hand, I wanted to excel very much to prove my worth, and to breakthrough the strata I was cooped into. I wanted to prove that even if my family was not well off, had no connections, my parents are not big figures, I could do well too. On the other hand, I didnt really want to talk about my family. And at that time, it was beginning to crumble. There was a sense of wanting to wrap these up and keep it inside. So long as it all looks good on the front.

That made the me then! And it felt like I was in a shadow and not out in the clear. Heavy and sullen.

I could write all these things now, and as I wrote, I found that I have found a distance between me and her.

It felt like there was no pain no right no wrong, I felt slightly sorry and wanted to share some light with her. So I breathed in and sent some light and love over.

It felt like I could see why she’s behaving in this way, and with understanding, there is acceptance, there’s not even regret but just empathy and compassion.

I acknowledge that it hasn’t been easy for her. And more importantly, its all over now. IF not for that period, I wouldn’t be here today, or I would be writing another set of story today.

Separately, one of those days, I was at home, I just felt happiness in the everydayness of life, the weather was hot, the kids chirping, ordering me around wanting this and that, so many things to do, and the husband is helping, sometimes isnt helping. There remains so much to do, to push to get everyone going.

But I also tasted bliss and contentment, gratitude and ————something to the lines of, the nature of life.

Om ma ne pad me hum.