These kept me alive and brought me back to centre.
The lessons are manifold.
It’s about feeling.
Feeling completeness, wellness, whole, joyful, peaceful, acceptance, beauty, trust, love——rather than the opposites. No matter what. It is to be undeterred.
I re read this again and found some answers
If money was not an issue, and indeed so thanks to my husband. I would love to be out in the sun everyday, do yoga everyday, go for classes like sound art therapy and explore healing modalities. Yes, I would love to do it and share it outwards.
I would love to travel and see for myself, experience, capture for myself—–beautiful people, hearts, food, water, air, environment.
I would like to center more and more, I would like to share my experiences outwards. I would like to express my light and the divine in me.
I would like to challenge everyone to take a few moments every day for the next 30 DAYS, and find at least 10 things you are grateful for and express your appreciation for each of them.
You can express your appreciation to the sun for its life-giving light.
You can express your appreciation for the comfortable chair you like sitting in.
You can express your appreciation for the broken sidewalk outside your house because it reminds you to be careful when you walk.
You can express your gratitude for your house plant, for your pet, for the pen you write with, for your toothbrush, for anything or everything.
The key is to say so. Say it out loud or say it in your heart but say it again and again – “I appreciate you.” “I am so thankful for you.” “I bless you as you have blessed me.”
Writing them down is also good!
Try it and see what happens.
See how your love grows, how your happiness grows, how your life changes.
Everyone wants more gratitude, more appreciation, more blessings coming back to them.
Give it a Try!
Many Blessings, Chunyi Lin”
The sun showed up so bright and woke me up this morning. Asking me to do the same.
Ron gave me the St Benedict medal. Sasha asked khenpo dorje to do a divination and the reply was that “u hv a astral flotsam attached. Not too serious but definitely disembodying. U ll be fine!💐🌺🌸💐🌺🌸”
And Sasha’s advice was
“Yes these entity-things can try to drain yr energy & shape-shift around u … so u r probably feeling what its feeling! They r like giant mosquitoes that inject their own emotions & drain yr energy. The practice is to Be Yourself as much as u can.Really they can be easily removed”
The practice is to be yourself
Well I was searching for myself – and for that matter , searching really hard of late. And this learning had to come to really drive me down to getting every wee bit of mySELF out
I used to be a really sensitive child
My nanny would say, if people wanted to share red eggs celebrating a baby’s full month of being, and they showed the eggs in my face I would cry non stop or get a fever
I recall having lots of talisman burned waters in my childhood
That day when I shared this with Helena, she said, “ maybe this is the real you but out of fear you blocked it- and blocked everything out. But maybe you could use this in a way to help yourself and others. Learn to shield yourself and take only what you need. Practice !”
She asked me，” actually what are you afraid of ?”
Now as I try make sense of it – The feeling is almost as if fear is part of me. I have grown so accustomed to it it constitutes my identity
But really – what is TPY like without fear? Who can she be?
I told Sasha I must be at a low and she agreed because “that ll be when they attach Positivity has a kind of natural buoyant energetic protection.Low thins out the energy …”
I know.
And I learned a lot about myself from this episode
The message that came through in the run was “ you asked for expanded consciousness didn’t you?”
Yes I did and this is one instance where my consciousness is expanded and can feel a bigger spectrum
But like Helena said, be conscious and learn to shield yourself from anything that affects you
Like Sasha said, “ be yourself”
As a child, I was always carrying a lot of fear, I was afraid of the dark and mysterious . I always had my imagination wild and created more fear because of that- estranging myself further from reality
Carried by fear carried in fear, I lost myself.
Totally lost it.
Ula said,” i guess you need love to you & your family..bcz i think you had lose some feel of love”
I asked for the reason of my existence and 2 days before we went to the beach in the evening
I was happied out. I haven’t felt that simple joy outwards from the heart in a long time
Seeing how the kids had fun and played with water with bf, I got my answer.
These folks in front of me are my reason. I thanked the universe for hearing me and replying back to me
And today after my run, I saw bf bathed in the sun walking towards me
He is my reason – that boy who loved me loves me knows me through and through and anchors me
And interestingly this time, with the knowing of the divination, I kind of felt quite at peace
I told myself to create a lot of space – when the space becomes really big, anything in that is dwarfed in smallness
And I drew notes from my learnings from Tibetan Buddhism practice- awareness. Just be aware
Sometimes I felt so sad and HuaiHao asked me, why are so so sad? I don’t have an explanation for him
Sasha said I could be feeling not me
And I was actually chanting a lot and dedicating the merits outwards feeling a lot of compassion for other beings and being grateful that I m in a position to chant and dedicate
I know that I did not do anything wrong and so I will be safe and protected
Most of all each time I trust the divine and protection is with me, I get goose bumps
In all of this practice, patience and openness is helpful. I recall all the Angel numbers that I kept seeing: 11:11 444 12:12 and the like , apparently it is a sign that I m travelling on the right path
Even at my level when things felt so out of place I kept seeing these
I suck out the very essence of light in me to venture forward. I trust that I can heal myself I trust and have faith in my own light
And I m most thankful I have so many supportive circles around me and most of all, I have Guru Rinpoche and all these wonderful mantras to anchor on
And, and -the sun was brilliant today. Sharing it with you.
A Korean docuseries documenting K-pop reps, asking them if they were to do a perfect performance before they died, what song would it be and where—- all in one take
The episode on Rain was very inspiring
I kind of grew up with him
When he started out in 2002 that was when I began my career as a journalist
I remember watching his concert live and watching him on Take 1 made me feel alive
It made the engine in my heart start roaring
There were so many wonderful quotes, such as
“Just do it the way you practised “
“Treat the practice like the real thing and the real thing like a practice”
“The stage is about the tension between an artist and the audience and I will use that tension as fuel to unleash my energy on stage. It is my goal to put forward a performance that makes you shiver from head to toe as soon as it starts”
“Give a performance that is impossible to give. Even if it’s impossible, I like to give it a try”
“Even if it doesn’t work, I need to try my best first”
“I won’t stop unless we nail it”
“I always told myself to never regret things”
“People get a few chances in their lifetime. But if you don’t do your best each time, you won’t be given a chance next time”
“I don’t know how others evaluate me. But if I had evaluate myself on stage it’s not that I was cool or the best. It’s that u was true to myself. If I were to evaluate myself I’d say I did my best and was devoted. ”
His fans all went wild – obviously , seeing this one take . 25000 applied to come into the blue house to watch this performance and only 1000 came in
Qinzhi was watching with me and I told her, I also want to do something that makes me come alive and makes people come alive.
It felt like there was some force or energy at my trunk or core —— driving the run
I felt very awaken. The run was kind of easy.
It made me sit up and listen to it , observe it. And whenever my mind drifted, I went back to it.
Is it the qi?
Or the soul?
My very being or beingness? What is it?
Whatever it is, it showed me something else was there for me in my life and I had all along been oblivious to its presence
That was there very driving force of my life. When I was strong and when I was weak. It’s always been there.
I finally saw it. I love you, thank you. Please- forgive me. I am sorry.
And there are actually so many things or resources that are around us , in and with us that we do not see.
What was the thing I did to see it?
I did reiki on myself yesterday before I slept and this morning when I rose.
There were lots of jerks twitches and movements that came out of the body on its own
While I had been worried seeing as the body’s release of uptightness stress, today I saw it as energy moving in and out of the body
At least there is some exchange and I know some changes are in place
There is some flow
There was also a lot of fear in my heart area
Pretty strong and intense. While I used to have so much fear over this fear and succumbed to it, this morning I looked it it gave it space acknowledging its presence
I told my self to create space for it
Keep giving light to it
Be compassionate to this feeling.
Was talking to HuaiHao yesterday and he said I looked sad. He asked me why? I said maybe I lost myself and is directionless. And I beat myself up for that.
To which he said, “ that’s sad, then don’t beat yourself up!”
If we can be less judgemental not just on ourselves but to life, noting that Everything can , be. I think life would be a bliss and a breeze
This was pretty much inspired by a post I saw yesterday on IG
Heaven earth or hell, it all came within. In the first place we allowed it because a certain part of us got curious about a certain element of it .
But we so very often lose our grip. It is so because our own negativities, insecurities, doubts, fears, regrets, pain come to play.
We lose our footing as we get embroiled in it all. And tumble. This was what happened to me.
And at this point we do need people – our best guardian friends, our angels or a greater source of energy like the creator or god or buddhas you subscribe to — for that matter they all represent light they are light- to light up the pathway for us and to give us the added support energy strength blessings protection and healing to bring us back
And it’s also the mind. The super creative at work, creating all the good the bad and everything in between.
The mind is wavering in the wind and the practice is to anchor it on light or a mantra. And I am reminded of Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche’s teachings. That everything is emptiness.
And I have to thank all buddhas and guardian angels who have been with me- all this while. For loving me.
I remember asking John why certain things work, and he says , “just know it does. It works like how nature works. So why does nature work? So go and learn about nature and your connection with it”
There’s a greater wisdom out there
That we could surrender or subscribe to. It actually does all the work
Like how it is in today’s run. How the sun rises everyday . How me and you were born.
Because I didn’t. So I got to discovering this. and a collection of thoughts below.
The Heart Went Wild
We were heading back from our walk and I was panting
Bf remarked if I was ok because we were just brisk walking
I said now even if I brisk walked, I was panting less than the days before when I was doing nothing but panting and frail and weak and fatigued
And he said, that is because your mind is lost and your heart doesn’t know what to do
Your mind went away and did not give instructions to the heart and the heart went wild too
Wow
And he hit the mail on the head. The heart went wild, went everywhere and nowhere.
I was LOST, big time
I got impatient trying to find something to do
I sent out resumes
And didn’t get replies
I tumbled into a very low low
I completely lost myself and couldn’t steer myself anywhere
For a while I didn’t know what I want and worse nothing really could motivate me or anchor me
Qinzhi was so right
She said ,” you look like you are so down with life “
And I worried her
Then yesterday when I felt better, she said, “ you look like you found something you are passionate for “
I told bf this and he asked me what I found.
Heal Thyself
I said I found – again this reminder – I can heal myself
Just today walking and chatting om ah hung – Guru Rinpoche ‘s mantra brought me newfound wisdom
I went back to the sacred cave in tso pema and saw Guru Rinpoche in his cave
I was kneeling before him and trying to feel his presence and blessings
It’s a very special feeling
Feels like there’s something else that touches you through and through in the air
Actually I kept asking for healing and blessings and today I understood that my prayers were heard – even if I thought I was not heard
I asked for healing and I kept going back to the past to check on myself and when I went there I always saw or found new things about myself
Yes there was healing
Power
And I also realized how much of my own power I have given out
Each time I looked outside for advice, I went out to look for consolation, I gave a bit of my power away
But- Each time I engage in initiatives to do something for myself engaging and ascertaining my power I feel good
Show Up for Today
And I didn’t couldn’t show up for life in the few days that I was not well
Do Today Do Now
I was thinking big! My purpose in life, the meaning I can derive . And I got even more lost
But just now ! The message I heard was- just look at tomorrow or even now . Do the day well. Make every moment of the day joyful, easy, effortless, happy, healthy.
And the bigger things will come
只要过好每分每秒，未来的都是生命的花红
If you make each moment count, everything that comes along is a gift from life
Listening to Joey Yap these 2 days inspired me in two ways
He said that if you wanted something, it’s not the wish you made that makes it possible but the steps you take . When you take the correct action, you do not have to keep your eyes on the end result because you get there.
It’s the steps you take.
Second, he talked about opening up to grace. And that we have notions about what is grace. Like this is grace or healing and that is not and in so we could not see what has been given .
This brings me to the point of me realizing this point yesterday during the run—— that my body actually has healed the keloid over and over again. If this isn’t grace what is????
YET I failed to recognize it. And time and again it has stood by me. Mended me.
Today in my run , I found something else.
That me of all people must have at one point in time believed that I m lesser, lesser than beautiful.
It could be a time when I was fat and obese and there were well meaning people around me poking at me in fun ways to make me watch my diet but I took it the wrong way.
And in an instant, I of all people put an energy on myself as I too, believed in that.
I believe and grew to become ugly somewhere, my esteem and confidence bruised
I did away with my fleshy round face and rosy blush cheeks
Today in my run, I actually saw this for myself. And how I – of all people stopped myself and limited myself and subjected myself to a lesser state
But seeing this was liberating, I came face to face with the little girl I was and she was crying.
“Why did they say those things to me? Am I not perfect beautiful cute?”
And I said to her, “ forgive them! They said these things as passing remarks. They did not know how to express better. They still loved you anyway.”
Let them go and that intense energy you subjected yourself to- dissolve into nothingness
“You are beautiful as always. Find back the blush the rosy cheeks the round face. Don’t give them up just like that.”
And for once, I found the keloids scar beautiful. They were a testament to how much my body loves me, stood by me , and beautiful because of this story of knowing
Huaihao came over at 6 in the morning , hugged and kissed me and gave me a card he made, “happy birthday mommy”
At night I asked him what are his wishes for me? And he said, “I wish for you long life, happiness and healthy!”
On my birthday, HuaiHao woke up earliest as always and showed me his handmade card. Then Qinzhi woke up too and hugged me. After the kids headed to school, we had vegetarian bee hoon and headed to the market and supermarket to get ingredients for dinner. We went to collect the cake.
Bf asked the kids to ask dad sis and boy over for dinner. And i m thankful for that. I made a wish and blew the candle on my birthday cake . And it is as perfect as can be.
More importantly, yesterday, I kind of took some time to listen to my (higher self) and got some notes out of it.
Conversation with TPY
This is one beautiful birthday where you felt like you didn’t need anything else, isn’t it? In the past, you wished that your husband bought you flowers or pampered you with a lavish dinner, or throw you a surprise. Not this year.
You kind of felt like you don’t need anything from your husband children , you are thankful for whatever they have done for you and simply, them being here.
Actually, I don’t know how this year went by for you. It went so fast everything was deep and intense as you put your all into the depths and the roller coaster of the mind and emotions of course. But – you know- you actually wanted it didn’t you?
and so off you went to explore the mind.
You ran SO So Much! Never have you ran and walked so much in the sun but you found newfound freedom me time and so much wonderful wisdom and healing in the runs. You sort of got answers for your questions from the wind, the squirrels the insects the flowers the sun and-I m amazed you actually ran in the rain
You explored the breath
You explored affirmations
You found a greater understanding for yourself your life your experiences
And saw the connection of the mind and body
You learned about manifestations
You explored qigong
You enjoyed sound baths
You went back to yoga
I feel like the key word for you this year is energy
You did lots of energy work knowingly and unknowingly-you were exploring energy-of yourself and of others
You explored reiki- and that is because you felt there is a lot more work to be done exploring keloids and your past experiences
You wanted to go back. In fact, you kept going back to the past- fervently digging and digging. Wanting to stay there and not going forward.
Looking back: what were you thinking? What did you want to find?
What truths are you seeking and hanging on to? Just to stop yourself from going forward? You have created the keloids, the cyst and many others to stop yourself from going forward.For instance, you felt you needed healing. And you peeled off onion layers and saw more.
You kind of indulged yourself
And I know you are very thankful to your husband for allowing you, he took on the more difficult parts of supporting the family so you could do this.
The year that passed you by – happened in the very way you wanted
And landed you in the now
So be careful what you want
What do you want?
The k drama you picked out- Little Women was a thriller ride on plots and inner psyche. In a scene, the female lead found herself in a new house and her aunt said, “this is the kind of house that makes you feel like you can start off all over again even if you have lost everything”
And you turned to HuaiHao who was watching with you and said, “ isn’t it nice to start off afresh? If all is not lost, you wouldn’t be able to do anything you want however you want it. There would be patches here and there that you had to manoeuvre around and take care of .
It feels like where you are now. And when you kind of understood why you hanged on to this drama amongst others. Simply put, the outside is a reflection of the inner world
There is something in you TPY – and in you too- you you you and you- and that is intuition, instinct inner knowing
It might be a blur to the senses but you me we have it
So what do you want?
You were discussing this with the hairstylist the day before your birthday. It started with her recommending a really short spanking hairdo and asking you to do away with the fringe
You asked what happens if the fringe grew long?
And she said, “ then come look for me!”
You explained to her that you liked her suggestion more- you wanted the change didn’t you but you felt that keeping the fringe would be more convenient. I m glad you finally decided to pick what you like rather than what is convenient
And writing this made you realized what you just did- a while ago you asked yourself who you wanted to be? And you told yourself you wanted to be this girl bathed in sun, lean and athletic, with this sporty hairdo.
It has (be)come true
So I m really glad you chose the short hairdo, inherently- choosing to explore the new hairdo and be willing to be guided by it and see what comes out of it.
Recounting what she said you smiled. You wondered why you took the time to even think
You smiled because you are once again reminded and so thankful that there are so many people around you supporting you
There is absolutely no need to worry, nothing to concern yourself over.
I was really glad you took her advice to trim this short, she said, “I hope you find the inspiration to start off and start out-do what you like.”
I m glad you told her you trusted her and you knew this was the best option. I m glad you left it to her. I m glad – you decided to try something new rather than something you have done before
I m glad you followed your heart. Huaihao came up with a shopping list and listed love as one ingredient when you told him dinner is hotpot. He said, “because love IS the MOST important ingredient”
I m glad you affirmed what you liked when the hairstylist asked you that question – what do you like to do?
You said you like to go in search of beauty. Because in the experience of beauty you become whole and alive again. In beauty you redeemed your good self
Then you told her that you like to interview or talk to people- because people often tell you about the innermost bits of their lives – even if you have recently met. It is that trust and connection that you like to score.
And then you spoke about the man in your lives . You both have unromantic husbands. And would be always waiting out for that lovey dovey conversation or moment of romance and that would be the battery to let you go on
You laughed over the notion of (holding on to)romance
The hairstylist remarked that she does not believe in romance. And you said that the one who passes a remark like this is the romantic one
And she stopped to remind you this: “let me tell you this, the husband who does not require you to change to fit realistic demands is the one who is utmost and truly a romantic.”
That is because , she says, he allows you to do what you like and
he will face up to the harshest of realities and do all that is required so that you can continue to do what you like
It was a timely reminder- or a great summation of the last few years when you quit and your husband supported you wholeheartedly- with no expectations or conditions attached
It is not the first time you heard this
In fact you heard this several times over already but perhaps today you felt the gravity of it the most
This morning you felt it again when he hugged you with all his life
You cried in his arms because you knew he was protecting you all the while even when you were a spoilt brat and unreasonable
You felt it because a few days back he told you that you two could take a trip together
And you knew this came at this time because you two had passed the test
You were asking him where always did he want to go with you
And he replied, “france “
You were very happy because that is where you always always wanted to go with him too
You told him you were saving this for his 50th birthday to which he replied, “Sometimes u don’t have to keep things”
And you contemplate getting good class flight tickets because something tells you that this is such a precious trip – it is time given to you both to celebrate you two and it marks the beginning of better times in fact- great times for the two of you
More so, you wanted to thank him for unconditionally doing so many things for the family . Most of all, for you
And you wanted to thank him for that. You wanted to do something for him to say you appreciate and is thankful for him
And a few days later, he bought running shoes for you
My dear TPY, while you have spent so much time deliberating and fussing over yourself and your experiences, I m so glad you came to your senses and you have completed this little project of going back in time for yourself. And for coming back to the now at this point in time. Everything happened at the right time.
I believe as much as you do know, that the time has come forth for you to step out and up – to be that person you have stopped yourself from becoming
Tell me: What is the life or days you are looking out for ?
Days of sun, light , laughter, healthfulness, wellness, communication, love, bliss, beauty, meaning, purpose, kindness, prosperity, ease, effortlessness
What is it you like to do?
Talk to people, find out about their lives their values, so as to let them see their light and power, to connect.
And if possible, share that light outwards so more people are inspired and motivated
You want to become that top interviewer or presenter who would ask questions that would arrive at the innermost of the heart and that would heal
You want to be moved and to touch
And you ask yourself if you can do that?
YES YES YES you know you can and will
Happy birthday TPY
You are so loved. I wish you all the very best. You have all the support you need to do your work. So, fly now.
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