Still fascinated or having questions about the now.
So the practice follows the intention yesterday- to bring me to the now
And I was asking myself the question- what is in the now?
As I ran, the answers came.
Inspirations for my work. Questions I could ask newsmakers. Stories I could pitch. Things I can cook for lunch.
My mind was running everywhere in the now.
Then the wind came along. I used it to shower my body with the freshness it brought.
I asked it to cleanse me if the excessive energies and anything that no longer supports me.
I felt good with/ in the wind and that brought about feelings of gratitude. I thank my body for running with me, the divine for the opportunity and myself for showing up.
Running in the cool wind made me happy! Now brought me joy- if I am aware.
When I a bit lazy, I used the now to set the intention to plant this seed of healthfulness for my future.
And it appears to me- now is everything and anything. It’s emptiness but fullness or wholeness as well.
It’s where things are created and the future is paved.
I set the intention to have the practice of running help me come to the now.
And it did
NOW.
Such a simple word but profound in any and every way you can think of.
Thoughts came in the run. People came. And I kind of felt it visually – like a pull of their energy coming towards me.
And I asked myself why.
Attachments. Things to do. Things not yet finished. Lingering doubts tensions. Unresolved
I saw how my mental afflictions and delusions were. I saw how and where I put my energy or focus on. I saw how my heart clung on or attached to. I saw grasping.
And the wind came.
I saw it rustling the leaves and wished you could too.
I asked it to help me be in the now.
When I run without anything else. Running wholeheartedly and without anything else with emptiness is such bliss
Chanced upon this new kpop drama at the time I picked up Buddhist studies at Tibet House
The teachings were profound and spoke of the law of cause and effect which governed the universe- and life
The teachings spoke of mental afflictions like attachments aversions and ignorance and how we keep ourselves in samsaric existence in the wheel of life
That was what the kpop drama is about
Ji Eum is in her 19th life and she remembers all the other lifetimes
Because of her attachments she couldn’t let go of, she actively courts the people who were dear to her in her last lifetime like Seo Ha whom she loves, like her sister Cho won whom she loves
When emotions got intense Ji Eum lets her truth out to Cho won and Seo Ha
But there was one dream that coming to her and that was something she had to piece together
Kang is another young man who provided the clue to this dream. He placed the shaman’s bells in Ji Eum’s room and she gets to go back to her first life
By and by she saw what happened, piecing things together bit by bit
She saw how Kang in her first life killed Cho won and herself , and how Seo ha protected her
Most of all she saw how she, in a fit of anger, in a crucial moment, vowed to remember this hatred and to come back
When she saw it was herself that bound herself to the past, she broke down.
It wasn’t anyone else who tied her down. While she was looking for the killer who killed her sister and herself, she realised that it was non other than herself who bonded herself to this lifetime, it was her who stopped herself from breaking away or breaking up
It was herself who cursed herself
“It was me. I bound myself to it. Because I was enraged.”
And who brought herself into existence over and over again
Wow
Wow
Wow
And the title to this final episode reads, “ the one who ties the knot has to untie it”
The drama used an analogy this way.
Her niece in her last lifetime is sick and Kang tells her there is a way to saving her
He seeks redemption and asks for forgiveness
And delivers the message that –
If and only if Ji Eum forgets everything and all memories fall apart and there is no trace of remembering anyone she is attached to
If she chooses this path, her niece would be saved. Conversely if she chooses to remember, Cho won and Seo ha whom she loves dearly will suffer the same fate
Ji Eum rationalizes over this and try as she might she does not want to forget
She asks, “ what can I share if I forget”
In her agony it was Seo ha who came to her and assures her that even if she does not recognize him, he will come to her
Ji Eum seems to have decided and went to her house in her previous lifetime
She hugs her mother who seems to know that Ji Eum is in fact her beloved daughter who has passed away and has come back- a promise her daughter made to her
Ji Eum finally went to the bridge in her first life where she was killed, shaman bells in her hand
And she met her in her first life and is asked how she feels
Ji Eum says she is happy
A carefree heart that is ready to forget everything
And four words- All is good now
And the drama shows that she is renewed and has no more memory of Seo ha and Cho won
Instead, the tides have changed and in turn Cho won and Seo ha now court her back
Ji Eum is a new piece of paper with the memories gone
I love how the story brings the theme of acceptance and making peace out
If we live and breathe without acceptance, we are essentially living the past in the now
Recycling attachments emotions and creating more afflictions and mental defilements to further lock ourselves- and our loved ones in samsara
So much pain misery and suffering
But even so – like how Ji Eum finds it hard to choose to forget
And rather hangs on in pain
The drama shows that there is a way out
And that if we forget – actually , if we choose to accept we can start off on a clean slate
Life is lighter and simpler
And this is exactly what the Buddhist teachings are proposing
That we all have the potential and freedom to choose at every moment in time
To steer ourselves away from mental afflictions and to go closer towards wisdom
It is in the sway of emotions that we hang on to something of the past. In this clinging and grasping, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else
I look at myself in inspection
I have been wanting to “get rid” of the past- by not looking at it, by not touching it
Thinking that this is the way out
But it is so wrong
Making peace with oneself is not like that
Making peace means a carefree open heart and a feeling of freedom
I wish this for everyone for all beings to experience this openness and freedom in one way or another, at one time or another
May all beings be well and happy.
I told bf about this show and how Ji Eum’s dilemma to forget reminds me of mom who told dad at her deathbed that she wants to come back to him again and be his wife
I said any kind of pain is disregarded in her love for she still wants to be with dad
And bf asked, “how do you know it is all painful to her? You do not know what they went thru together. It’s only your perspective you see but you do not know the full story “
Indeed, I saw only the painful bits and took that as the whole
My perspective led me to the reality of a pain
Bf’s question got me thinking- a lot of people said mom loved dad more , but what if she got the love of her life from dad? That is why she is so giving too
Whatever the case, bf’s question had the effect of piercing through a dream and to break it up
And I saw how my one sided incomplete perspective led me into a dream. Is my heart carefree enough to forget this everything that is?
I tried to say “All is good now”
Yes all is good now
And if you were to see this from a larger perspective, the lifetimes actually could happen in one . They just refer to the past that one cannot let go of and keeps recycling
I was thinking of the cycles I went through. If this misery is an effect what is the cause?
The furthest one I could think of is that I did not do a proper understanding of the traumas I went through.
In simpler terms, I did not accept
That’s why I am having repercussions now- wanting me to do what I have not.
If so I have spent the time all this while in a dream- in my own reality. I have locked myself up to it’s confines. Do I still want this dream? My distorted reality and vision I built. And perpetuated.
There was a little spark I saw seeing this.
But during the run- this idea popped up: What if everything I believed was not ?
What if I had chosen another concept another idea?
What if I have chosen the path of acceptance and just let things be?
What if I believed I am healed totally ? Or there is nothing to be healed nothing to do?
The very fact that ai am running now is already a gift and opportunity.
To break out. To breakthrough. May we all have this penetrating ability and power to breakthrough.
Ran and saw a couple friend who once tried to get my help into their business, but it all fell apart on its own somehow. This happened perhaps half a year ago.
I must have tried many times to do a reconciliation of what happened , for example, I thought of the Dalai Lama’s words-that sometimes not getting what you want is a stroke of luck. Or things like, they can’t afford you. Or, this isn’t meant for you.
And so very suddenly, it dawned upon me in my run, that business cannot touch me. Or intentions which have the purpose of money making, can not yet touch me-no matter how much they do not seem so on the surface.
With that realisation, which reinforced the need for us to be still to receive wisdom- I went on to look at the things that I have dabbled in and somehow, went apart on its own after a while -perhaps because these are not in lined with my own intentions.
And what are my own intentions I asked?
I recall John’s words many years ago that my path is a spiritual one. And I thought of the time when I was at my highest, I was sharing light- not mine, but of others, things like honour, passion, love, belief, things like this, I was sharing these outwards in stories, videos.
And of late, the picture in my mind was just being with people who told me stories of their lives and how they created and keep creating magic and wonders-for themselves and others.
So what can touch me? I asked.
(ii) Caught in middle
Don’t we all? Do this or that? Choose this or that? Which way forwards? Every moment of choice when we deliberate over something. We find ourselves in a middle position which offers some form of resistance and challenge.
The crux is how do we use this rather than be sucked in the moment or feel compelled and becomes a reaction.
When action is really what we are after.
Awareness awareness awareness is easier said than done when we are under the conditioned mind, subject to the pinnings of yesterday, today, others, experiences.
Is there any way we can use the moment of choice of opportunity? Use it and make it literally so, so that we do not create decisions that land us away from what we really want.
I say so because of late I feel so caught. And it is giving me headaches because I am in the middle or have not taken a clear enough stand.
A part of me is still stuck in the past huh
Looking at it, I have been given so many opportunities to do something different each time this same thing comes up. And so many times past, I did the same, which birthed and consecrated this new event, and I am thinking so hard what to do-and it all happens in the background, its consuming my energy.
Buddhist studies helped lots, to let me know that there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, the theory is enlightening and liberating. The question is how do we reconcile with the issue on hand? How do we apply this learning.
How can I breakthrough of this cycle I have been perpetuating myself in?
How can I get out ?
Perhaps, rather than thinking my way out, I could feel my way out. I want to transform this, transmute, this.
The laws of cause and effect was brought to mind in the buddhist course, if I want the effect of breakthrough out of this cycle, what causes do I apply?
And there was this question asked: what is it that you believe of your own health?
I tried to ask myself that- how and why did I create the keloids the cyst the little hole in the gum and sensitive teeth
And I came to the understanding – in the deeper ends of my consciousness, I have been adversely affected by the times when my dad had spinal operation, when my two grandmas had taken ill, when mom was taken ill suddenly, when mom’s brother and sister passed on suddenly
That explains why I was also worried to go to the doctor
In fact when I was young, I already had a fear of seeing the doctor.
I was always afraid there was something wrong and that the doctor would find something
It was a fear that I remembered since I was young
And how did that come about?
Was that even mine to begin with?
Did I hear it from someone or did I pick up that worry that fear somewhere? The closest or the one that came to mind with gor gor who had a similar fear.
And writing this now made me aware that I had been carrying this for so long
It made me wonder how I would have been – how my life would have been different if I had not one once had an ounce of this ? How would I have been?
And the fact is bf always reminded me of that? He always said to me ,” there is nothing wrong with you at all”
Because I thought I was not, my body also made me these times
That was how I created what I didn’t want
And seeing this made me want to start a new relationship with my body my cells
And not first without thankfully greeting my body and cells for always supporting me showing up for me renewing me rejuvenating me and healing me helping me- throughout all the times
And I invite my body my cells to embark on a new journey with me- one that speaks of great energy vitality perfect health and miraculous healing
And one in which I can do anything and everything I like with full support and credit given by my beautiful perfectly healthy body
Start now too, you you you you you you and you……
I start by running, being aware of my diet, eating whole foods , watching and observing my thoughts, chanting, sending love and light to myself and others
What is it you can do to bring you to that ideal place of effect vitality and health- therefore: happiness?
The last day in Kyoto was slightly rainy. But we were thankful, it was supposed to rain for so many days when we checked the weather forecast, but in the end, it rained only on the last day. And while I had planned to head to Kurama the day before, the plan changed. In the end, we booked a car and drove to kurama, did the hike up from kurama dera to kibune jinja before driving to Osaka and the premium outlet at Ringu before heading to Kansai for our flight.
The top of Kurama was a spiritual power spot. And of course each of us had a go at it- the Kongoshō Six-Pointed Star in front of the main hall and it’s six points are said to be congruent with the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, body, and heart, or the six ways in which we sense and interact with the world as detailed in the Lotus Sutra.
Word has it that if you stand in the center of the innermost star and face the main hall you will feel energized, and achieve a realization of the innate power of the self.
Interestingly , the hike or this sacred mystical mountain taught us all something
At the start of the hike, HuaiHao had a leach on his baby finger and he had such a difficult time getting it out of the way
Then Qinzhi had a slip while going downslope and hurt her bum
While I could see that the daddy was worried about Qinzhi, he -as usual got into his normal mode of being upset and, like the other times, kind of distanced himself, and I did sense that maybe he doesn’t know what to do-everytime the kids had issues, he kind of stepped aside. This time too when Qinzhi slipped. I attended to her as usual but what was different was that I was actually amused by daddy rather then being mad.
In the past, I would be extremely triggered and upset! BUT this time, it didn’t bother me at all. I m amused myself why!
But it showed me how much I have come.
And it was here that I got a chance to reiki her! To get another practise! I was always doubting myself, whether divine energy really flowed through in the course of performing reiki. Previously, I would be like- do u feel anything? This time, I am-I just placed my hands at her back and allow. It’s good if she felt something, it’s also good if she doesnt feel anything, alls done! Because the work is not by me, but by the divine and the sacred.
In this, there is a sense or understanding that I subscribed to the intelligence that is in and around. And that there is harmony in ascribing to the flow and working with it.
The attachment to outcome wasn’t that strong as compared to the past. I was feeling much more relaxed and at ease and that was the change in me.
We went on a little rainy day and there were not alot of visitors, but the air was good, everywhere was green and lush. The whole area was actually quite a mystical place, had an aura about it. Sacred feel it surely had !
And the visit made me think and (re)think intentions. I read about kurama somewhere, and I thought to myself one day that I wanted to visit. I didn’t have any strong feelings about wanting to visit at all, not more than wanting to head over to switzerland! BUT! There I was, in the drizzle and that made me happy as a lark, i wonder why?
I couldnt place when I had the inkling to be at Kurama, but that inkling sent me there. Maybe, just maybe– because I didn’t try too hard! It made me think about the force I placed on something I want, was it to use more force or less? Perhaps less -IS truly more.
I m truly happy and thankful and grateful to be there and to share it with you-now!
Kurama let me see how I progressed. I would have been so angry and upset in the past but this time, now I am totally amused! There was no anger at all
As it was drizzling , when we got to Kibune after all, and found Hirobun, they stopped the nagashi somen service and the kids were especially disappointed , as they really did the climb for this purpose
On my way back into the car, I recounted how my dad reacted when once I cut my hand. Dad was feeling so pained as if -no, because his very most precious was hurt. It was a surprise to see dad that way, it was so clear even if the incident happened so long ago.
In fact the pain I felt was not as much as the look in his face, learning all this again, I thought of how dear I was to my dad. And my heart warmed at this to know I was precious!
And for a while I was reminded how my papa loved me so and I felt so prized so precious like a child.
Kurama was for me. The healing was for me. And the teaching was so beautiful and enlightening on all counts, at every level.
We didn’t get to eat the somen but had a pink yuba rice and it was so good! Afterwards we drove to rinku premium outlets and did some last minute shopping and headed to kansai- and, and, I want to go again.
I want to be in Japan every season! To celebrate the season, to discover and learn the season, to observe the season, to be healed by the season. To be, just to be-with the season.
The last second day we spent in Kyoto was for shopping, there was so much to see, so much to do everyday. But most of all, SO much to eat.
We started the day first by heading straight to soba at honke owariya, an imperial family purveyor which started out as a confectionery which perfected soba kiri, the art of making and cutting soba dough and when demand was high, the confectionery started to supply food to temples
We had soba with tempura and a Hourei Soba which constituted a many layered soba with 8 types of condiments
You could actually construct your own soba flavour with the different condiments. The end of a soba meal always came with sobayu, which was as comforting and nutritious you could imagine.
The specialty was also a soba warabi mochi and soba biscuit !
We headed to nishiki market for a walk but it didn’t last long when my heart reaches out for Kyoto sweets
So we walked to Saryo Suisan and had freshly made hot warabi mochi and tea
There was brown sugar syrup and kinako powder and you could make your own
We traced our steps back to daimaru and Takashimaya then chanced upon another eel place Unawa for dinner. The meal with superb narazuke, a type of pickle seasoned with fresh sake lees. You needed only a bit for and you would get the sake fragrance. Said to contain lots of calcium and minerals, this was good to pair with unagi and helped with digestion.
Then HuaiHao gave me a lesson on intention
He had been so into the Rubik’s cube and really wanted to get one
And as life and the law of attraction had it, before dinner he found it in Tokyu Hands and stunned fellow customers who saw how he could unscramble and solve a Rubik’s cube within a span of a 2 minutes
After dinner he insisted on finding more, and he DID
We just strolled and he said to get into a building and there was a basement level of toys – and there were Rubik’s cubes there too!
In my face – he delivered this lesson to me.
I looked at my own journey
I wanted to go to kurama a while ago
I wanted to travel to be in the season be in place
And I came
What are my intentions I had to ask myself? What do I want to do? What would be meaningful to me? Why am I on this journey?
And I just marvelled at this teaching Huaihao delivered. Kyoto is so big and it is not easy to achieve a find, at least, it required effort. Yet he found the things he wanted-pretty effortlessly, he just walked into it. He just didn’t buy them because they were not good enough for him
Writing this now made me aware how much of my journey he is echoing. Of late, I also had been on a hunt for possible employment. But very much like his search, nothing purposeful came up. Or at least, the jobs I applied for were what I thought I could do, like-I think I can, because I can suppress something of myself to do it. But not what I want .
Interestingly though, with Ed Spina’s clearing session, 2 opportunities have realised and they are things which have not occured to me to be a possibility. It speaks of the need to be open-really open minded enough to let in what is for me.
We had lots of fun feeding seagulls and the eagles joined in the fun, scratching Qinzhi’s hand slightly
But all was good.
We head off to Amanohashidate. Japan’s “Three Scenic Views” are comprised of Matsushima in Miyagi, Miyajima in Hiroshima, and Amanohashidate (here in Miyazu, Kyoto).
We arrived at the Monju Area (train station side) and had wonderful lunch of local fish and the hotel is just opposite Kasamatsu Area (far side of Amanohashidate land bridge)
We took a boat to the kasamatsu area and on the trip we had such a wondrous experience watching the seagulls and eagles or black kites as they call – fly and soar just above
That close
My tears couldn’t keep on being inside
I asked myself why
And I thought about how the seagulls flap their wings and how the black kites
swoop and soar when they see food in sight
That much they WANT
They want
And it drives them and lets them bring out the best of their strength power and might
And that really got me
It reminded me of the time when I was like that- and not that
And how much I want to be that
Doing my best
Living my highest
Expressing my very best
Being my very self
They wasted no time. There was no consideration, care, they just went at it, with a very pure directness
We took a chairlift up the Kasamatsu park, to have an overview of the Amanohashidate land bridge. From one of the scenic overlooks, you can get a unique perspective of the scene by looking upside-down between your legs. The sea and bay reflect the sky and the pine forest turns into a winding green dragon crossing the heavens.
Then we walked the Amanohashidate, an iconic land bridge that has thousands of pine trees of all different varieties with beaches on both sides spanning 3.6K.
Walking the sandbar, which is said to have appeared like a floating bridge from heaven, a gift from the gods that gave Amanohashidate its name, is a something I wanted to do. A few years back, I had been here on an ingredient filming trip, that trip inked this one. I had to recall how this happened, rather, marvel at how this happened. The slight almost missable intent that happened then, culminated in this gentle 4 kilometre stroll of about an hour today.
We passed others around us either walking or cycling, but the sandbar is never crowded. Said to have eight thousand pine trees here, we had fun exploring the different pines. And feeding the black kites and seagulls. The way the black kites glided, swooped and took the skies, taking it on, soaring, changing directions- its just breathtaking!
We walked back and had some dessert dango zansai amazake for the afternoon
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