Tag: Inspiration

Our First Family Camp

Our First Family Camp

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Daddy’s mentor Glenn Lim organised a family camp and we took part. Nothing is coincidence as I know it, when I arrived I intended that this 3d2n session be truly transformative and healing for us.

Guess what?

It worked exactly the way I intended.

This was us heading over.

The first night there was an ice breaker session for the 5 families, after which the kids had a session with the mentors and wrote parents letters from their heart. This was what Qinzhi and Huaihao wrote, So daddy had been angry for a few days, and “stayed in his cave”, so Qinzhi was inspired to write this. After the camp, we had a dinner and sat down to chat, she said she wrote it because she wanted her dad to know the “pain we are going through, its like I m swearing inside me, if you are upset just say, why must you just keep quiet? “

And Huaihao added, “if you want to be out, you have to tell us where you are going so that we will not worry”

We also explored the 5 love languages

Day 2 was a games day. Families went back to kampung or village times and played games like 5 stones, pick up sticks, we folded paper aeroplanes and flew them, played zero point (challenged heights held by a rubber band rope) and used our legs to kick a featherpult

The last day, Glenn set the tone by first telling us about his rebellious youth and how he, who came from a broken family realised and found himself. For his life that has gone bad, his words were that, “i did not blame my family because life is like that, its messy”

Out of prison, he healed his family relationships. And went on to take a new life exploring psychology and psychosocial behaviour. He said he was glad to be able to tell his father that he love him and made up before his father passed on.

He next showed 2 videos, one of which is this, the semi-final of the Men’s 400 metres sprint where British Olympian Derek Redmond tore his hamstring and still finished the race limping while the crowd in the stadium gave him a standing ovation. Although Great Britains Redmond was disqualified and listed as “Did Not Finish” due to the outside assistance of his father finishing the race, this very inspirational race has become a well-remembered and inspirational moment in Olympic history – !

The world over, in headlines reported how he finished the race with his father

I was totally in tears—-because his father was with him. I thought of mine.

Glenn wanted to show that the kids had their internal struggles and it was important for parents to be with them.

Next he showed a video speaking of a parent’s hidden struggles, that of a little girl whose father lied to her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9kqjsH–do

The girl thought the world about her father, but realised that the father lied about having enough, having money, lied about his other life of struggling with work to make ends meet to make her happy. The last sentence was “my father lied because of me”

Seeing this made me break down.

It made me think of mine, yes my father lied to me too, and in a way, it was because of me, too. And those few moments of light and clarity made me know that this camp had turned out exactly the way I intended.

Then it was the kids turn to present and read to us what they wrote, Qinzhi broke down reading the first sentence. And it made me tear too. Those few moments, I could feel that she was thankful for me and what a journey we had gone through.

Qinzhi and Huaihao made me a better person than I was before I had them. And having them in my life, these teachers—I had never thought of them as little but as my equal all along—being a parent made me a better child.

In fact, bf had wanted me to see Glenn because he felt that I had to settle and heal the parts I have yet to so that I can be truly myself.

I think the 2 commercials and his sharing delivered the divine’s message to me.

After the camp when we had dinner and spoke to the kids about these 2 commercials, Huaihao and Qinzhi said this, “the daddy is a good and bad daddy because he lied”

I explained that no parents would want to lie to their precious kids . In the commercial, the daddy as well, he didn’t want the kid to worry and to have a happy childhood, that was why he shouldered the tough life. He did it all for his child he held so dear.

And Qinzhi and Huaihao added, “but I rather he said it as it is and be honest about it,”

Because that is what a family does-to be together.

And I remember very well. I said the exact same words to Mr Ng too about dad when left us. I said to Mr Ng too, that we could have gone through it all together as a family, and he needn’t hide from us–his family.

Huaihao was me and I was Huaihao, we echoed the same thoughts. And this video was powerful to show me that my dad lied to me, because of me. That was the point of difference. For me. Because of me. And how can I still, have the heart of blame?

It was as if—the muddy cleared up in a split second and all the anguish pain suffering frustration hate anger —–was blown off.

In that sense, this camp has been doing the work for me. Truly thankful. Utmost thankful.

Process

Process

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When you keep repeating and duplicating something, an action, you create a process out of it.

And magically , the process takes on a life of its own.

There’s some kind of momentum or force, energy in it.

That probably is the dao 道 we have been searching for. A way in the subtleties that is so profound it propels you forward.

So when we keep eating something, applying the same oils , when we keep running, keep scratching the keloids or responding to its itch, you are locked in its dao it’s momentum it’s cycle

Maybe—-as a start, create something new which is better than any of the last.

And the reason for my existence

And the reason for my existence

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There’s something in 14 Peaks that calls out to me.

Nims speaks out the very things we once harboured in our hearts, the very things we held close to heart and pursued like crazy because we believed ——— but afterwards lost them to the daily grinds

And coincidentally, I went back to writing my column yesterday. The piece of writing is slated for Christmas and the idea of light and love came up. My Santa is Mr Ng, who made me see the light each time I went to see him.

I started writing and re-reading just two posts —— every time after I visited, I would write down faithfully the contents of the the visit : what we discussed and exchanged ——- I cried so hard. The nuggets of truth and wisdom I fetched out from then, those visits stand true today. And they are still useful for me. I reconnected with the truths he shared with me and I saw how much I was appreciated as a soul. He taught me how to acknowledge and recognize my self, how to be gentle with myself——-always, before I knew

I miss my teacher and is calling out for him from the depths of my heart.

Then I watched 14 Peaks

The combination worked I guess.

I went back to 2016. When I had the idea of getting Nic to be a Friend of Michelin. And boom, I got to him.

How is that even possible? There is every reason it would be impossible.

In 100 years the red book has been in existence, there is no Friend of Michelin.

https://guide.michelin.com/en/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

https://guide.michelin.com/hk/zh_HK/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

Seeing him on stage carrying out and expressing my belief—- that Food is made good with friends and in connection—— is impossible to describe.

The feeling you carry in the heart area is full and warm—— when you make the impossible possible.

No word can do justice to that feeling.

No amount of money too.

I went to bed. And got out of it in a matter of minutes .

I cut the quote on an upcoming video. If that could make the project possible, I will do it. The joy of making a video is impossible to describe too because that is what makes me come alive.

So I emailed the client with an adjusted quote and went back to bed.

And this morning, this morning when I woke and lay in bed, trying to be still. Beautiful thoughts and feelings came to me.

Those moments sitting beside the camera the frame, lights shining on the subject in front of me. The subject revealing thoughts emotions true to him and me feeling them—— because, with age, how different can we be. We run similar programs emotions albeit in different places and different points in life. We connect in the suffering that pain we all had a chance to experience

He or she might be talking about him or her but what I hear is about me. The moments in between —- working with what was released in real time, takes things out of me. It is work in process and expression at its best

That seat, right opposite the subject. Here is where and when I come alive . I live for these.

Why did I give it away so easily ?

The feeling sitting in that spot. I can’t wait to be back.

To use my gift and experience, to share light love hope warmth and delivering it my style.

This is my mission my purpose and the reason of my existence my being. It is why I am wired this way why I feel this way why I have experienced what I have —— all these were in preparation for me to do the work I am here for.

This is the first time I see things this way—— like a puzzle in place. A breakthrough and light of sorts—- i m wired this way because I need my strengths and weaknesses to do the work I do

And seeing this made me appreciate my experiences more.

I thanked my experiences once more and release all that do not serve me any longer —— out of my energy field , and I do so with much ease and grace, lovingly tenderly and I intend for them to move out at a speed fastest possible for my comfort and grounding

But more than release, I know for sure I would be able to use them in my work.

Mr Ng said to me: “you have always shared with me what other people say, what about you? What is your story? I want to hear your story. You should be in the frame.”

He saw the beauty of my beingness when I did not.

The reason and beauty of my being is to express. And when I do not do that, I could not come alive.

These two or three years when I left what I did professionally, a part of me stopped.

Where did you go —— I asked myself . And thank you for coming back. In fact, welcome back TPY——- I heard me say.

The feeling is the same that I felt seeing Nic on stage. The impossible had happened in a way to fetch me back.

And I could see now, how my guardian angels how the creator the source or god, has always been with me and in me———or else, how could I be here today saying this. At this time.

This time, it is the perfect time. Anything earlier or later would not have been.

And the magic in the essential oils —— Believe. And the affirmation I said every morning Michael Beckwith shared . He said to do it for a month and see what happens.

“I am available to more good than I have ever imagined . Let me co create a way of life with god that holds the insights and revelations the wisdom and intelligence that flows with time.”

I ask for support and all the resources on all levels to propel me in this direction of sharing my own light to the world. And it would be for the purpose of letting others see their own light and wonder.

It is Mr Ng’s greatest gift to me. He let me see the beauty of my light being . Always has been and will never go away.

And receiving that make me want to tend to this light I am born with privileged to bear and to share it outwards. To light another being.

Watching Korean travelogue “The Hungry and the Hairy” brought to mind that I once believed I was made for big things. I went to the best schools , had great results, was always ‘seen’ and ‘heard’. I made a name for myself. (Probably that was why I was so drawn to my ex boss SH, who also made dreams come true. ) But I gave up being big and decided to hide myself in small after Dad left us after Mom died. I hid my talents my wishes my purpose my mission along with those incidents. I stopped living me even if I m alive . Recently I had the feeling that I stopped myself when I left my last designation——- but now I realized I stopped myself even earlier.

No one else but me. I stopped myself from living my truth.

And I realized also, rather, I made the decision to not fall into another cycle of unhappiness with bf. I m no longer going to invest myself being upset. Been there done that. Enough is enough is enough.

I m going to live life devoted to protecting and sharing my light.

Is it any coincidence I woke up to these on 12/12?

Frequency

Frequency

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I like this I see upon waking up. Great reminder for our own practice as we connect deeper to our own existence . By Tone Mellard

FREQUENCY is going to be an evermore repeated word and theme in the coming times. There are several ways to target and raise our vibrational frequencies.

  1. Meditation is a top one. In my meditations, once I have shifted into the observer of my mind and centered into my heart, I expand my energy field outward, omnidirectionally. As I do this, I absorb the zero point field of energies within this space, like a trawling net cast out, then retract and pull these light codes and photons back into me.
  2. Deep focused breathwork with visualization and affirmations. When I practice super deep, controlled breathing, I will say an affirmation prior to my session:

“I now powerfully breathe in the highest light and codes for my evolution and activation.”

As I breathe in very deeply, I imagine powerful light and energy filling my lungs, then emanating outward from there, supercharging my entire body and energy field around me with light.

  1. Connecting to nature. The Earth. The Sun. The uncontaminated purity of creation. Spending time in the forest or Ocean are two ways of charging and rehabilitating. Resetting our energy. Both have highly ionized air, one due to the massive amount of flora / fauna, one due to waves crashing and purifying the air with particles of mist. Sitting or standing barefoot in either local also connects to the very ancient and beautiful energy of our Earth mother, Gaia. Her energy is a healing frequency.

The sun is playing a larger and larger role in what is happening. It, like the earth, is a living Being. Very advanced, powerful spirit. If not already doing so, I would highly recommend connecting deeper to it, and practicing sun gazing for a few minutes daily, when it is low on the horizon, sun up, or sundown. Speak to the sun. Ask it to send you it’s highest codes, to assist you in strengthening your pineal gland, and activate your dormant DNA. It actually can receive your telepathic comms, and will respond in kind.

  1. Diet. You are what you eat, and not all foods are created equal, especially in terms of vibration and frequency. If looking to maximize your frequency, I would highly recommend limiting junk food and heavy stuff such as meat. I won’t get preachy about this, but I can tell you that most meats are of a heavy, denser frequency.

Highest frequency foods which will raise your vibration are those grown out of the earth, not treated with pesticides. Organic fruits and vegetables. Fibrous green veggies top the list. The more you make these a regular stable, the lighter and more hyper-tuned psychically you will be. Intermittent fasting also is like a reset button on your entire system. Once a month, fasting for a day can help reset cell function and cleanse your digestive tract and energy field.

As more and more huge shifts occur, we are going to be tested. We are going to FEEL so much. We have the capacity to help guide this process, and even how far we can take our evolution.

We ARE being assisted by a higher power. There are energies and forces incoming. Interacting with us. With our energy fields. If we work in CONJUNCTION with them, we set up the potential to wind up the highest version of who and what we can become.

Take an active part in this process, and you will wind up on your most advanced, highest frequency version of self-transformation.

Heal

Heal

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In my self reiki session, I heard this thought: when you help others heal, you heal. When you heal, you (help) others heal.

Because others are a reflection of you, you see yourself in others. And also, when you heal, others get inspired.

As I placed my hands on myself, my keloids, i cannot help but thank them. The body remembers in its own way, mine came in the form of keloids and this capture of specific and precise moments in time recorded down things that were good for me, even though the times seemed daunting—- that I did not pick up there and then.

I saw myself in front of the hospital bed when dad had his spinal operation. I was that little girl.

What was it that I could not pick up? It was love I had that I did not know how to express but got translated into fear of losing at that tender age. I had to thank my keloids for storing those moments so I could see that light now.

What about the one at seemed to capture shame guilt?

When the family finance and therefore the family broke down and we were crumbling?

Where’s the light in those moments? And it has to be my stance of facing it together and standing as a family no matter how hard.

These things I could have processed but did not in those moments, they came in the form of keloids and stored these until I am ready.

I thanked the navel for connecting me to my mother and to my children.

The day before when I walked, the sky looked to me as if god is up there, I whispered my thanks and gratitude to my guardian angels who have walked alongside me with me in me . I felt strong choking emotions and a pain in my throat. Stay with these emotions and walk with them.

Be with these, let these powerful emotions move through you.

Healing is a beautiful amazing process.

I am so moved by this I saw @Michael Beckwith:

If you’re by yourself, say out loud: “I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined!” Now listen to yourself say it, don’t say it out loud, just listen to yourself saying: “I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined.” And notice when you said it, you heard it, but you didn’t listen to it with your ears. This allows you to see the invisible and to listen to the inaudible so that you will be a part of the beautiful spiritual fellowship that will do the impossible!

You are in partnership with the divine, co-creating a way of living, not just affirming what you think you want at any given moment. You are primarily here to develop a way of living that becomes so integrated that insights and revelations are occurring all the time. So then, you’re able to hold the frequency of that without them fading into memory. 

Now say: 

“Let me co-create a way of life with God that allows me to hold the insights and revelations, the wisdom and the intelligence that are flowing all of the time.”

Try this out for one month and see what happens!✨

Running/ Walking (vi)

Running/ Walking (vi)

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I always hear this, from John.

He always says , “ it’s not the essential oil not the product, it’s the process. It’s the process.”

I used to be perturbed . If the protocol is there, why does he still say this? But I finally got an inkling of what he means this morning as I repeated my running challenge

He can prescribe a protocol of oils to use for any condition but different people would arrive at different results

Of course the physical conditions would vary but I realise also the importance of the process

As I ran , I kept drawing in the Sun’s light and energy into my body and my being , to cleanse my insides

On another day, what came though from the skies was not intense sunlight but a soft glow. Yet another, the day began moist chilly with little light

I did this everyday and even the process is different everyday. The process of breathing in and cleansing is different everyday .

The process is different because what I breathed in is different and so many more

And so the results will be different

Today as I ran and walked and breathed, breathed in light at the pelvic keloids, I saw the baby skin beneath and I heard something else—— that the keloids have been almost a shield for me all these years as I moved through it all. I might have been hurt more or less protected had it not been for the keloids who have come on this way to shield me.

Before I was ready to face the world with myself and the experiences that I have.

Now I m ready and I heard myself thank the keloids for being here with me all this while. This is certainly yet another step after accepting them as part of me —— something I realized yesterday in my run .

And so they say, 11.11 is a very special day and opens us up to a new portal of ascension and being.

May light be always with you.

Running/ Walking (v)

Running/ Walking (v)

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For the fourth consecutive day I ran.

Like a little date I have with myself and the sun and along the way, I have lots of wonderful thoughts/ realizations that come through.

This morning as I ran facing the sun, something in my body opened up and I saw a thought/ realization bloom.

To forgive, do we need there to be a reason ? If so. Just the very fact that I m running like that now, in this way now is the reason.

There are so many new things I want to get on to, and I have progressed and processed so much along the way.

Just running like that is enough for me to forgive, if I have anything else to forgive.

I m always so intrigued by the littlest birds taking on the sky. Soaring in the space. Playing with the space. I see them stretch out and open up their little wings and explore the space. So free so beautiful so wonderful! I want to be that light.

If we can afford that magnanimity at heart and have this kind of space, anything and every issue we have would be little by comparison

I saw a squirrel dancing it’s way up a tree . So light ! As if there is no body weight. I want to be like it.

I ran and let the sunlight cleanse may body. I said my affirmations

I feel myself bathed in sunlight. And it giving me energy

I feel my body warming up. I lifted my body and ran. Lifted the weight off my feet. It’s a different feeling

No wonder we repeat. Because in repetitive motion, we realise we find we breakthrough.

I saw a red ixora bloom.

I had to peel open some leaves to see it. Why hide? You are beautiful in your every right.

No matter how big or small, show your colour for that is your power.

I saw the grace in falling. Just as blooming and opening up is nature, so is falling and closing. And it would be beautiful because it has experienced bloom.

So, bloom!

Loving how nature is speaking to me.

And when I opened WhatsApp, teacher sent me this

Drop into your angels

Drop into your angels

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“Imagine at some moment two strong arms enfold you, two great wings rise above you, and you are suddenly lifted up. Lifted up from where you were standing, lifted up out of the shadows, lifted up and carried away. In that moment, imagine all of your cares falling away, your worries dropping like stones, until you feel lighter, as weightless as a feather caught on a breeze.

“Imagine you and the Spirit flying in a clear sky, flying for the sheer joy of it, far beyond the reach of any hurt or harm. Imagine what you believe and it will carry you to a place of strength, of hope, and of love.”

~ Native American elder Steven Charleston

Live

Live

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I have been thinking about this.

What does it mean to live? What is to live?

I asked my kids. Qinzhi said , to live is to learn. HuaiHao said, to live is to be free. And they are but 12 and 8.

Then HuaiHao said, “ you should do what you like. ”

I said that I like to do interviews, write , listen to people’s stories. Do videos.

I told him what it means to be free. Comparing my life previously when I was working till now, I can now choose what I want to do or not do- I certainly feel free-ier even if I m earning way much lesser

And he asked, “ don’t you like to be with me?”

And I said I was waiting for him to ask me this.

But am I living my life? Doing what I want? Am I living my truth ? and is at peace with me?

I saw this quote by Michael Beckwith, “ if you don’t do you, you won’t be done.”

I watched a Korean drama and in it and old granny told a young man “we all know you have had a tough time and we all appreciate how you go around helping people but go and live your life. Eat good food and be happy. Then you will be happy and your loved ones will be happy.”