Tag: Inspiration

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

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The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out

And guess what? I did of course.

It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old

Death and rebirth

I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm

Haha

I kind of ran through in my mind what I want

I am running for my new life

I am running towards my new life

I am running into my new life

I am running my new life

It’s amazing how words set things up

And get ‘it’ going

And what do I want in my new life?

I want no cyst no keloids

No itch .

My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness

Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful

All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium

My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong

Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me

Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me

I love my work and enjoy very successful career

People respect and honour me for the good work I do

I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.

And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity

Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it

I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because

The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!

And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness

Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit

Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards

To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on

Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here

Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself

And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past

And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma

And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed

The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear

This I am experiencing now I have felt it before

And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?

No of course not so let’s stop scratching

But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved

And that begs resolution release letting go!

And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it

I think this is such a powerful practice and act .

To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.

And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out

And guess what? I did of course.

It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old

Death and rebirth

I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm

Haha

I kind of ran through in my mind what I want

I am running for my new life

I am running towards my new life

I am running into my new life

I am running my new life

It’s amazing how words set things up

And get ‘it’ going

And what do I want in my new life?

I want no cyst no keloids

No itch .

My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness

Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful

All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium

My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong

Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me

Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me

I love my work and enjoy very successful career

People respect and honour me for the good work I do

I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.

And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity

Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it

I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because

The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!

And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness

Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit

Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards

To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on

Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here

Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself

And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past

And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma

And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed

The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear

This I am experiencing now I have felt it before

And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?

No of course not so let’s stop scratching

But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved

And that begs resolution release letting go!

And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it

I think this is such a powerful practice and act .

To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.

And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.

Inspirations From A Run (XV)

Inspirations From A Run (XV)

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I was wanting some answers.

And the intention was to open up to receive divine healing guidance support

And somehow the message that came through was – irregardless, let it be in support of my healing, whether it be for the keloids or anything

Let whatever I do – be the healing tool

I kind of feel zapped this morning when I woke. Because the people I worked with- they were really demanding of my time and attention

And when I supported them, I kind of lost some of my energy

It came to me this morning that this happened and I was giving too much too quickly

That being said, I am glad this understanding found me.

And also this message

So if I was able to derive something out of whatever I did, letting everything be a reflection of me and me learning something out of it and getting a clearer perspective- it would have served my purpose

An opportunity for a regional commission has come up for me.

I want to know if I should pursue this

My dear divine, my dear self- give me all the guidance and let me make the choice which serves my highest good

Om!

10 Years 8 Months

10 Years 8 Months

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Huaihao is almost finished with P4, and a big boy already

One weekend, I convinced him to walk with me, treated him to toast and eggs and chocolate and he became my helper when i did grocery.

I love being in the sun, and happy that the little one is with me in the breeze

MBS sent me mooncakes and Huaihao is channeling the foodie, he did a video to unbox and had fun tasting

And this is him doing my moynat a catwalk service

I love it when he comes to me at the computer, knowing i m busy, he would hug me massage me kiss me

I spoke to HuaiHao and told him I was feeling slightly down, and I like to speak to him and he is almost like a friend now. One day I told him i m feeling down and he came to me, sat on my thighs and hugged me close.

His words were, “ you can’t please everybody.”

Wow.

At bedtime, I asked him if I was doing alright for the interview and he went, no. After which he said, “ I take that back. I mean, so what if people don’t like you. I mean, what can you do about it? And what has it got to do with you? You got to carry on living right?”

And then he said, “in your books, your world can be square.”

I tried to make sure he knew what he was saying. So I asked.

”it means in your world, you can do anything you like.”

On another occasion, I showed him two pieces of my work and ask him to critique and he said of my original- people in business don’t need flowery language, they don’t have time for it and they just want to get to the point.

you don’t need the words and phrases the words and phrases need you

One night , we spoke as usual and I asked HuaiHao to give me an advice he feels like- he thought for a while and said, “ touch grass when you need to. It means take a break whenever you need. It’s important to take small breaks you know.”

HuaiHao slept next to me and when I came to sleep at 2am he was roused. He opened his eyes , cupped my face in his hands and moved to kiss me

I only asked myself to bathe in that love

Another night,

I used to ask HuaiHao how is his day when we lay in the bed and now I find it surprising that he is asking me that

I told him all about mine and the littlest things. Such as asking the COMO hotel GM to tell us about her after she gave us a tour of the property. And that was what I learnt from Cedric Grolet ‘s interview when he talked about his parents teaching him to value relationships and to treat others with respect

I shared with HuaiHao a quote a saw,

Afterwards we talked about my life waking up. He noted that a while ago, I was in a lull and not doing anything but now I am busy

Life kind of switched me on and we were discussing where I got to in quick time, interviewing Cedric Grolet and writing for SCMP and getting into the game again

Huaihao: So for this, you shouldnt take the elevator.

Me: What elevator?

Huaihao: So what I meant was, it would not work if you had taken shortcuts.

Me: But you always did that!

But it’s so nice to talk about this

And when I got busy at the computer, HuaiHao always came and massaged me kissed me. One time he shared this comic with me

I read it with him and laughed and he said that’s the whole point!

That was him letting me take a breather

And when we need total photos for passport, we totally enjoyed it

I love it also when I am out and Huaihao calls me to check on me. What time are you coming back?

And this is us going to gengyan jiujiu’s house and getting a home cooked meal.

One time we chat and its always about the cube of late. We spoke about the algorithms and I asked Huaihao how many he has mastered.

“You see mommy, I have xxxxx to do zzzz to do yyyy to do and I still have my work at McDonald’s”

“Huh and what is that?”

“It’s humour mom humour! Let me find yours back for you?”

Wishing HuaiHao lots of bright moments like these !

Question /Answer

Question /Answer

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This is really beautiful

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
Rainer Maria Rilke – Letters to a Young Poet, 1903.

Edward Robert Hughes – A Young Beauty, 1875.

The soul in his eyes shine

The soul in his eyes shine

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Ang Li have such a beautiful speech as he presented the Lifetime Achievement Award to Tony Leung.

The speech here in its entirety

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R_X7hfPjI7k

World cinema knows Tony mostly as the romantic lead from Wong Kar-wai’s intoxicating movies but little did they know the range of roles this superstar plays, from arthouse to international blockbusters. Whether it’s broad comedy, action, or serious drama, he always delivers enchanting performances and is one of the most beloved actors among Asian audiences.

He holds so many awards and honors, all of them very much deserved, because any movie can be elevated simply by his presence. Speaking from my personal experience, Tony is a director’s dream. There is something in his eyes that’s electrifying, not just his physical eyes or skill(s) but the soul that shines through them. He can say more in one look than many actors can with a full monologue. That’s a soul that can entice you to dream and imagine through him.

He’s the kind of actor who lures the best and the worst out of you, which for a director is actually the same thing. It’s hard to articulate, but it’s like your secret self, even a struggle and confusion that you’re hiding, comes to life right in front of your eyes that forces you to deal with it honestly. The deeper he dives into a role, the more he seduces you to push for more, and that takes a part of you. I can only imagine that he likes the suffering as an artist.

There was a day on set on my movie “Lust Caution” when I had a meltdown because of an emotional scene. Tony walked up to me, he touched my shoulder, whispered in my ears, “Director, we expose skin, you expose something else, you have to take care of yourself.” We always think that directors help actors, but sometimes it’s the other way around. That really gave me strength. It’s both terrifying and meaningful when someone that good and genuine embodies a hidden part of you.

His willingness to constantly share that vulnerability is what makes him so great. It appears to me he doesn’t do it for the credit. He’s like water, filling the lowest places without striving, and he serves. (上善若水。水善利万物而不争，处众人之所恶，故几于道) He facilitates the creative force, not just for the director but the whole cast and crew. He does his own stand-ins for lighting because, you know, this saves time. Instead of going to his trailer in between setups, he will stand around on set to watch people work. One time I asked him, “Why don’t you go rest?” He said, “I want to see how I can help.” I told him, “Don’t waste your energy, because I need you to shine on camera.” He said, “Chatting or gossip wastes Chi, reading makes my eyes lose their luster, and sleep is boring, so I watch people to see where I can help.”

There was another time he got to our cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto. We were staging a shot where Tony opens the door and looks in, and the camera pulled focus from the opening door to a close-up of his face. It was an extremely difficult shot to get right technically and with the sparkling performances. Rodrigo came up to me with tears in his eyes because Tony had asked him, “Where should I be?” He said, “I’ve had a long career and shot all around the world. Nobody ever asked me that question. People just don’t know how hard that shot is.” If that’s not a filmmaker’s dream, what is?

When you’re that talented and you have the natural look, that’s a gift. But to share it with kindness and to facilitate it in others, time and again, that’s a lifetime achievement. Being a great actor demands a love of the craft, and being a star requires you to function as inspiration for others, like a kind of modern royalty. Tony does both outstandingly well. He provokes our imagination that we can all dream through him. It’s a certain spirit I wish I could articulate and present to you, but I can’t because it’s beyond words.

I just feel so lucky to have been a small part of that magic, that bigger picture that we’re here to celebrate today. It is my great joy to present this Lifetime Achievement Award on the 80th birthday of the Venice Film Festival to Tony Leung.

And Tony Leung said,

“Ang, I know you will make me cry. Can you give me a minute? Thank you so much, Ang, for such lovely compliments, especially coming out from my most respected director and a very good friend of mine. And, uh, thank you, Venice International Film Festival. This is really a great honor.

First and foremost, I would love to express my gratitude to my dearest wife, Carina Lau, for her love and constant support, my family, my friends, and fans all over the world. I am so grateful to have been raised in Hong Kong as well as being nurtured later by the Hong Kong movie industry in general, where my acting career began. And I also want to share this honor and give thanks to all those wonderful people who I have worked with over the past 41 years because this is a tribute to them as well. And of course, to Hong Kong cinema. Thank you very much. Gracias.”

Blue Supermoon “Movements”

Blue Supermoon “Movements”

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Is it the work of the super moon?

A few days back I started feeling the floatiness and grogginess

These two days it’s been feeling really full

Was talking to HuaiHao at bedtime on where to travel to. How about a trip on food and nothing else?

And somehow I started sharing about the experience I had at L’Arpege and how bf couldn’t appreciate anything because “he doesn’t need it”

He was obviously sore about being there and I felt so wronged with the good intentions I had

I told HuaiHao , yet three star Michelin food was just beneath my eyes. I couldn’t reconcile those complex feelings

Talking about this with HuaiHao kind of helped these feelings progress. Move in fact . I asked HuaiHao how I felt, and he said: heartbroken

Wow

How can he be so perceptive?

He says dad has a shield that nothing can go through.

Finding a listener in this little one, I told him how his dad got mad at Eiffel Tower and how he kind of destroyed my Paris – every woman’s dream – with his anger

It kind of made me realize – taking all this back to me- how much I wanted to , I expected of others to agree with me. And when others couldn’t , especially if people close to me couldn’t resonate as much as I like them to- there’s a kind of loneliness that can be really dampening

And I remember seeing these

https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/01/12/33-artists-in-3-acts-thornton/?fbclid=IwAR3EEkGxIsmDkExGuepywIu6QJn00Anoka60OoPE2qS9jLSM_gEk0IlzX4c_aem_AbJ6EINRNMG4rf4Ixyp5IZ6xl6j7zmlgUOW9JcczuMVk0ESgQPW7-aRQY33zUCjaj0U

Lots of beautiful quotes in here such as:

Loneliness is a valuable feeling. Artists need to know how to walk alone.

Is it the full moon that is helping these to move?

May all that doesn’t support our forward journey be released

May we all step into our power

May we all be blessed , divinely protected and guided.

I tried to reflect on myself. Especially after the things I learnt in Buddhist studies .

Like how we create our world our realities from our beliefs

Did I come to think that women in the families are always not appreciated ? Like in grandma’s case nanny’s mom’s

What else did I believe in to make this come true ? I wonder

And when we spoke the day after. HuaiHao asked is I was sad.

And how was I to react.

He asked me, “ and what do you feel like doing?”

I asked him for advice and he says, find a window.

And he adds, “ I mean you find another way if the door is closed.”

Wow

I said to him that I did not really want to do anything because I have been the proactive one all the while and if someone is sincere about a relationship , there would have been another expression

And HuaiHao says, “ pa has probably forgotten everything “

And then adds, “ but it’s your world, it could be a square a triangle a rectangle and it be named anything. I mean, you can create anything you want. You can paint it any colour or do anything you want.”

“And you first. Prioritize you first, not anyone else.

He touched me tremendously.

And it brings me to a recent interview I did.

“I’ll stop work if I do not feel good, for the simple reason that if I cannot make myself happy, how will I be able to bring happiness to others?”

Mind

Mind

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Lessons at Tibet House have resumed and we started on Buddhist psychology yesterday

Geshe la mentioned the importance of knowing the mind which is a clear knowing with luminosity

And helped us find it

He reinforced the importance to not just know but to experience it feel it

Can you feel your mind even if you do not see it and even if the brain can be seen

Yet we experience our world because of the workings of the mind

Specifically the cravings of the mind

Here’s what is said by the great masters on mind

He brought to mind that everyday we have a personal practice to attend to

Having been born on earth- its a great opportunity and blessed to study and practice great wisdom of the masters

Say no to afflictions and bad habits

See what is obscuring your buddha nature for this is being kind to yourself in wisest way

We are all affected or under the influence of mental defilements and What is mental defilements?

-what is the nature of mental defilements?

Connected to self grasping ignorance Complimented by self centred attitude give rise to inappropriate attention gross afflictions and negative karma

Fear that arises within you is because of misconception 

If you want to get rid of this fear

Get rid of misconception by specific knowledge or wisdom

Introduce counter force directly opp wrt the object of apprehension

To Remove fear of samsara, 

Remove ignorance which leads to this fear which is self grasping ignorance

Past life habits of samsara deceives us in this life to think we r young

Know nature of mind or how mind works

We live in deep illusion

With this teaching I sought to apply it and ask myself what is the nature of the keloid

I put my hand on it. I thought of the scratching and asked myself what was it that I wanted

I wanted to get myself out of something I felt I couldn’t

Or I was in some kind of struggle and pain or fear that I (thought ) I could not articulate or handle

The itch- was telling me there’s something that needs to be done

Reminding me and helping me to release resolve to settle

In actual fact I really wanted peace of mind but in effect I cause only an amplification of the struggle of emotions I was in – if I kept scratching and reinforcing

So perhaps the remedy is the state of peace or assurance that I am safe and there is nothing wrong with a struggle

But first- awareness

The mind is chief and precedes all phenomena

Everything outside is all about the radiance / manifestation of the mind 

With internal luminosity you can see radiated world outside

How can I get closer to this clear knowing? With awareness.

Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

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This is one of my favorite meditation or practice

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wsEFrCVED-g

Each time I do it I find myself releasing something inside

Who is hardest to forgive?

Maybe it’s us. Ourselves.

Embedded somewhere at some point this idea that we are not worth cherishing

And that is how and why we allow ourselves to be abused- by ourselves when we lock ourselves up in less than ideal states or repeating cycles

Try this link with Louise Hay and find that feeling – you have forgiven , you are forgiven