At most we are living our life in reactions and reacting.
These short videos help you see why and how——- we have been. And then, how not to be hijacked of our time our lives by past trauma
https://product.soundstrue.com/healing-trauma/video-1/
How to live life precious life as it is.
A collection of some meaningful quotes and affirmative statements that resonated with me of late.
Will they find you too?
Woke up bright and early on Christmas morning and saw this
How beautiful! Put on my active wear at the fastest speed wanting to chase the sun
This morning, I tweaked the process a little just to see how it feels. Instead of breathing in and flushing light out through my vitals, I just absorbed the light into me. Somewhere at the navel, I went to the time when I was a kid, and the navel was beautiful. I saw myself drinking milk from a bottle on the floor , my right leg crossing and resting on my left knee
I went a little deeper.
How does it feel? I asked.
I felt a lot of love. It was when everything was simple, and there was no concept of many things and everything. A void in conceptual terms and everything was of feelings. Direct and not complex. I allow myself to feel that a little more and carried on my run.
Breathing in the highest light for the upgrade of my cells, my being my soul.
May this light of Christmas warm you through and through . I intend that the days ahead, filled with light———- be merry and bright!
It’s been a while after the first sinovac jab and I m back running .
And the message that came through: what if, there’s nothing to heal?
Can we entertain this thought?
What if there are no keloids no cyst no inflammation no pus no fear no shame no guilt. How would I be running?
And I picked up speed and ran.
Like the way they ran in movies. Legs high I the air.
Then I forgot my phone password and remembered and saw this quote: live , as if you are already there.
Daddy’s mentor Glenn Lim organised a family camp and we took part. Nothing is coincidence as I know it, when I arrived I intended that this 3d2n session be truly transformative and healing for us.
Guess what?
It worked exactly the way I intended.
This was us heading over.
The first night there was an ice breaker session for the 5 families, after which the kids had a session with the mentors and wrote parents letters from their heart. This was what Qinzhi and Huaihao wrote, So daddy had been angry for a few days, and “stayed in his cave”, so Qinzhi was inspired to write this. After the camp, we had a dinner and sat down to chat, she said she wrote it because she wanted her dad to know the “pain we are going through, its like I m swearing inside me, if you are upset just say, why must you just keep quiet? “
And Huaihao added, “if you want to be out, you have to tell us where you are going so that we will not worry”
We also explored the 5 love languages
Day 2 was a games day. Families went back to kampung or village times and played games like 5 stones, pick up sticks, we folded paper aeroplanes and flew them, played zero point (challenged heights held by a rubber band rope) and used our legs to kick a featherpult
The last day, Glenn set the tone by first telling us about his rebellious youth and how he, who came from a broken family realised and found himself. For his life that has gone bad, his words were that, “i did not blame my family because life is like that, its messy”
Out of prison, he healed his family relationships. And went on to take a new life exploring psychology and psychosocial behaviour. He said he was glad to be able to tell his father that he love him and made up before his father passed on.
He next showed 2 videos, one of which is this, the semi-final of the Men’s 400 metres sprint where British Olympian Derek Redmond tore his hamstring and still finished the race limping while the crowd in the stadium gave him a standing ovation. Although Great Britains Redmond was disqualified and listed as “Did Not Finish” due to the outside assistance of his father finishing the race, this very inspirational race has become a well-remembered and inspirational moment in Olympic history – !
The world over, in headlines reported how he finished the race with his father
I was totally in tears—-because his father was with him. I thought of mine.
Glenn wanted to show that the kids had their internal struggles and it was important for parents to be with them.
Next he showed a video speaking of a parent’s hidden struggles, that of a little girl whose father lied to her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9kqjsH–do
The girl thought the world about her father, but realised that the father lied about having enough, having money, lied about his other life of struggling with work to make ends meet to make her happy. The last sentence was “my father lied because of me”
Seeing this made me break down.
It made me think of mine, yes my father lied to me too, and in a way, it was because of me, too. And those few moments of light and clarity made me know that this camp had turned out exactly the way I intended.
Then it was the kids turn to present and read to us what they wrote, Qinzhi broke down reading the first sentence. And it made me tear too. Those few moments, I could feel that she was thankful for me and what a journey we had gone through.
Qinzhi and Huaihao made me a better person than I was before I had them. And having them in my life, these teachers—I had never thought of them as little but as my equal all along—being a parent made me a better child.
In fact, bf had wanted me to see Glenn because he felt that I had to settle and heal the parts I have yet to so that I can be truly myself.
I think the 2 commercials and his sharing delivered the divine’s message to me.
After the camp when we had dinner and spoke to the kids about these 2 commercials, Huaihao and Qinzhi said this, “the daddy is a good and bad daddy because he lied”
I explained that no parents would want to lie to their precious kids . In the commercial, the daddy as well, he didn’t want the kid to worry and to have a happy childhood, that was why he shouldered the tough life. He did it all for his child he held so dear.
And Qinzhi and Huaihao added, “but I rather he said it as it is and be honest about it,”
Because that is what a family does-to be together.
And I remember very well. I said the exact same words to Mr Ng too about dad when left us. I said to Mr Ng too, that we could have gone through it all together as a family, and he needn’t hide from us–his family.
Huaihao was me and I was Huaihao, we echoed the same thoughts. And this video was powerful to show me that my dad lied to me, because of me. That was the point of difference. For me. Because of me. And how can I still, have the heart of blame?
It was as if—the muddy cleared up in a split second and all the anguish pain suffering frustration hate anger —–was blown off.
In that sense, this camp has been doing the work for me. Truly thankful. Utmost thankful.
“The deep releasing of all family soul contracts, all fetters and ties and deep clearing and release at cellular and DNA levels, is now occuring.
You need to ASK for this, as you have free will and choice and has to do with your physical family and embodiment in the Old Earth.
Thank them for the soul lessons in mastery.
It is indeed an act of pure, unconditional love.
As you are ready to step into fullness and truth and fullness of your new embodiment as one, in the New Earth, and the Eternal
Now, you are attracting your new soul family to you and those who now are as ONE with you and thus in ONENESS cocreate with great love and within the Divine Law of One. Sacred and sanctified.”
Judith Kusel
http://www.judithkusel.com
Its friday, as usual we went to dad’s place for dinner.
The kids had decided that they were going to do a staycay at grandpa’s the weekend, ah mei ayi had prepared popcorn and the kids wanted to watch “Finding Nemo”. They told me the last time they did a staycay, ah yi let them watch whatever they wanted when she showered, and then something educational.
We walked back home to collect sports shoes and some clothes as ah yi had wanted to bring them for a morning walk tomorrow and to bring them to breakfast. Its been a while since they popped into any shopping centre as we were not vaccinated and were not allowed to visit malls.
The kids were excited and were game enough to walk home to collect whatever they needed.
But after we did that, and walked more than halfway back to grandpa’s, I realised the kids had slippers on and forgot to wear their sports shoes. SO we had to walk back home again. And when we finally took all that we needed, Qinzhi forgot to get coins to take a bus and we had to walk all the way.
Dropped the kids and finally walked home my home. As the breeze caressed me, i felt the quiet happiness emanating from inside me. Its so quiet so subtle but so very real.
I am happy, even if we had to walk back and forth so many times. I am happy because I am so very contented and grateful for what I have.
The kids are really lovely, its a privilege to be able to mommy them. They are well and happy. I m grateful to be here with them. I am grateful I have my father, my sister and brother, my husband, people around me who love and appreciate me. I am grateful that I have the gift of writing and there are people who would be willing to pay me to write and produce videos.
I want to do my best to heal and once more, I am reminded that there is nothing to forgive.
I want to do my best at being healthy joyful, full of vitality and energy, I want to be here with them as long as I can —just to be with them.
I m ready. I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined. Let me co-create a way of life with God that allows me to hold the insights and revelations, the wisdom and the intelligence that are flowing all of the time.
Even if I m trying to explain why I am happy, it is not because of these reasons that I am happy.
I am happy. That is my birthright.
Shortly after psle, the parent chat group sent in an invitation, for parents to pen a letter to our child.
On the day the psle results are released, the teachers would give out the letters first before releasing the academic results.
I wrote this for Qinzhi
And I had the chance to elaborate on this letter in my column on zb. I wrote about how I started writing to Qinzhi the day I knew I became pregnant. 13 years ago.
And the feeling of wanting to write to her has always been there. I just wanted to record the littlest sweetest things I felt with her . How she grew with me. How I felt with her. I wanted to let her know everything so that when faces any situation in life, she knew why and how she is in this situation and she knows how to release herself from this situation.
I hope she would be aware of her precious gifts of intuition and perceptiveness and safeguard them like a heritage gem
I hope she would be that little bird not afraid to take on the sky or that little flower adamant at blooming so as to speak the language the intelligence and wisdom of nature
Sometimes I was worried if I would have been too honest to write out all my feelings. And I’ll be afraid that Qinzhi might not be able to bear the honesty
An ex colleague saw what I wrote and texted me that she really liked this warmth conveyed in the writing
I told her what I felt and she said, 😊你的女兒很有福氣能有你這個媽咪! 坦白是多麼難得的禮物啊. 沈重也是禮物啊❤️越難說出口的話，難得有人願意說，願意對自己坦白
And today in a reiki session, as I placed my hands on my body, I heard something.
I heard heartaches and that was why I kept having piercing pain in my heart and chest area.
At the navel and belly button, I heard a wisdom that says, don’t hold on to your mother’s unhappiness and be free.
I was acting like a righteous protective daughter wanting to stand up for mom’s sufferings.
And I see that in Qinzhi too . She always stands up to protect me from the little things like asking her dad to carry heavy things or massage me.
Qinzhi is echoing me and showing me how I have been.
I have been carrying my mommy’s pain for the longest time and it is showing up at my navel in the form of a cyst
And so I release all the pain and suffering of mommy that I have consciously and unconsciously taken on all these years.
I see that I do not need to be responsible for these feelings at all. I free myself from them and open up myself to the new possibilities and good and more than I have ever imagined.
When I went to my pelvic area where the keloids are I also saw the shame and guilt my father had.
I had taken them on – willingly, consciously and unconsciously minding them all this while.
And so I release them, and myself.
Interestingly, I have a lot of feelings of gratitude of late. And they allow me to be mindful that there’s no need at all to hold on any more grudge that exist between me and dad.
I happily joyfully release any grudges and other feelings of fear hatred anger frustration shame guilt that I have consciously or unconsciously taken on.
Om!
Running today while using breaths to clean my inside presented me with something new.
When the breaths come to the heart, I saw how it differed from the last run.
When I used light to clean the heart and pictured it shiny the last time, light this morning cleaned what heart experienced.
Then the lungs the liver the stomach and intestines.
When I came to the navel, I saw crystal clear light at the belly button and a picture of a navel as a baby came up. Then me as a baby. Me just out of the birth canal, my looking at the world in wonder me crying in fear and fright, not knowing how when why what.
I gathered I absorbed fear from the surroundings and I saw how this precious crystal clear light cleaned me and the baby girl once again looked at the world in wonder and with curiosity.
Born again.
What a morning. To reinforce process and how it could have been different!
In my self reiki session, I heard this thought: when you help others heal, you heal. When you heal, you (help) others heal.
Because others are a reflection of you, you see yourself in others. And also, when you heal, others get inspired.
As I placed my hands on myself, my keloids, i cannot help but thank them. The body remembers in its own way, mine came in the form of keloids and this capture of specific and precise moments in time recorded down things that were good for me, even though the times seemed daunting—- that I did not pick up there and then.
I saw myself in front of the hospital bed when dad had his spinal operation. I was that little girl.
What was it that I could not pick up? It was love I had that I did not know how to express but got translated into fear of losing at that tender age. I had to thank my keloids for storing those moments so I could see that light now.
What about the one at seemed to capture shame guilt?
When the family finance and therefore the family broke down and we were crumbling?
Where’s the light in those moments? And it has to be my stance of facing it together and standing as a family no matter how hard.
These things I could have processed but did not in those moments, they came in the form of keloids and stored these until I am ready.
I thanked the navel for connecting me to my mother and to my children.
The day before when I walked, the sky looked to me as if god is up there, I whispered my thanks and gratitude to my guardian angels who have walked alongside me with me in me . I felt strong choking emotions and a pain in my throat. Stay with these emotions and walk with them.
Be with these, let these powerful emotions move through you.
Healing is a beautiful amazing process.
I am so moved by this I saw @Michael Beckwith:
If you’re by yourself, say out loud: “I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined!” Now listen to yourself say it, don’t say it out loud, just listen to yourself saying: “I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined.” And notice when you said it, you heard it, but you didn’t listen to it with your ears. This allows you to see the invisible and to listen to the inaudible so that you will be a part of the beautiful spiritual fellowship that will do the impossible!
You are in partnership with the divine, co-creating a way of living, not just affirming what you think you want at any given moment. You are primarily here to develop a way of living that becomes so integrated that insights and revelations are occurring all the time. So then, you’re able to hold the frequency of that without them fading into memory.
Now say:
“Let me co-create a way of life with God that allows me to hold the insights and revelations, the wisdom and the intelligence that are flowing all of the time.”
Try this out for one month and see what happens!✨
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