Autumn in Japan

Autumn in Japan

Day 1

And so we are off to Japan.

We did not plan for it but somehow we managed to get a redemption on an SQ flight to Nagoya.

I looked back at what I said previously, that I want to experience the four seasons in Japan. We visited Japan last December during winter, then in spring we headed to Fukuoka , in summer we did Kyoto .

I have always read about how you just need to know what you want – not how to do it.

And I get the idea now- this is how the universe does it.

Bf was in a low – he said he was demoralized due to work incidents but somehow this culminated in a trip to japan

I managed to put together a trip in a matter of days and the flight costs was manageable because we could redeem our miles

As I walked towards the aircraft, I can’t help but felt thankful

I learnt a few things in the last few days

– respect another’s journey

With bf and his low, we all wanted to do help and do something

We can try our best but like HuaiHao said, – it will work only if someone wants that help- enough

– talk it out on the table

I could feel bf happy as he stepped into the aircraft

I felt happy myself – thankful for the opportunity of a trip

Bf said he wanted to go to somewhere quiet and thankfully dad can help with the kids

It’s been quite a while since we took off on an afternoon flight and it was almost drizzling at ground level but as we flew up and out of the weather

Now that’s a teaching !

Day 2

We drove to wakayama , had some food at kurushio market and headed to Yuasa to get soy sauce at Kadocho
Founded in 1841, this brewery contributes a large part in the history of Yuasa soy sauce brewing.

Then we drove to Koya

A UNESCO-recognized World Heritage Site, Koyasan is a historic temple town located in the mountainous regions of the Kii Peninsula. It is the birthplace of the Shingon Buddhism, drawing plenty of pilgrims and tourists alike.

Koyasan is magical.

Somehow as the car weaves into the mountain or into place , the heart kind of opened up

Located 800m above sea level in the basin of an eight-peaked mountain, this small temple town is where the Shingon sect of Buddhism was founded in the early 800s. Today, there are 117 temples here, along with a collection of unmissable spiritual sites. This includes the sacred Danjo Garan complex in the centre of Koyasan, home to several temple buildings and the 49m tall Great Pagoda


Considered the heart of Koyasan, Danjo Garan Sacred Temple Complex houses the statue of Dainichi Nyorai (main Buddha) and the Konpon Daito (Great Pagoda).

Somehow in the air , it kind of felt like there’s a grounding force which stills you

We found our way to Fuzen to try the Sasamaki Anpu, these are small wheat-starch parcels flavoured with mugwort and filled with a sweet bean paste wrapped in bamboo grass leaves

Then as we strolled in the little town getting traditional sweets from kasakuni

Then we found ourselves at ekoin

We did a simple Ajikan meditation and a monk was explaining to us what to do

He made some points which were interesting intriguing and important

For example, how we sit , his advice is to lift the pelvic area so that that area is tense but the rest of the body is relaxed

He suggests moving the body from side to side and front to back to find a comfortable position

He suggest to half close our eyes, so that we can see the world but not get too relaxed

And if something comes to mind, look at it as if it were a pebble in the garden. Look at the garden not the pebble

He suggests once we think of anything , first create space in the mind

And that if we are able to control our breathing we would be able to control the mind

He says the goal of the meditation is to become one with the cosmic Buddha and the universe

Of course he reminded us to do this meditation everyday even if it were for 5 min

It made me think what true balance is – it’s a play between tension and relaxation and enough of both to set either element in place or rather- in check

And in the temple you can hear quiet . It’s so quiet it made you think what sacred is or means to you

We had shojin ryori for dinner

Day 3

We woke up and attended a morning prayer ceremony which involved some chanting and an offering of incense to the Buddha

Then we headed over to another small shrine and experienced the fire ceremony

Called the Goma fire ritual – I read that not all temples at koya held this every morning. But at Ekoin, it’s an everyday affair

“The Goma (Homa) Ritual of consecrated fire is unique to Vajrayana and Esoteric Buddhism. It is performed for the benefit of individuals, the state or all sentient beings in general. The consecrated fire is believed to have a powerful cleansing effect spiritually and psychologically. The fire symbolizes the wisdom of the Buddha and the wood sticks symbolize human desires (the root of suffering). the Buddha burns away the root of our suffering as we pray for our wishes to come true. Flames can sometimes reach a few meters high.

You could pray for the well-being of your family, recovery from illness, traffic safety, prosperity to the business and school success.” —— from the Ekoin website

The ceremony involved a monk chanting , and beating the drum . He observed another monk at the alter- who was involved in carrying out the main ritual of lighting the fire , burning wood and throwing some rice and others , and hand gestures into the fire as the ceremony progressed

Before this you would be writing your name and wish on a wood panel and the monk would put this into the fire to burn

The ceremony was just 20 minutes but it felt like there was a lot of content and cultural significance

Simply putting everything aside and Experiencing the fire in front of you , wood chips burning and cracking in the air made a lot of sense

It was a purification of sorts putting something out you want to release and handing it to the fire

Somehow the mood lightened as the ceremony progressed – like a weight lifted

We checked out and drove through the winding mountains down south towards Kumano

And it just made you stop to be

Be with the winding roads

It’s so beautiful with sunlight passing through foliage and thrown in the roads

And the beauty is having bf resonating with this feeling

So beautiful I said and he nodded

So just take time and be with the roads and let it show you the way (out)

Discover with it

After a 3 hour drive, we found our way to the Nachisan area, which is home to Japan’s longest waterfall-Nachi

There’s a shrine there and you could light a piece of wood and offer a prayer

We then hiked up to the Seiganto-ji Temple with its vibrant red pagoda.

There’s a camphor tree there and if you went through it it is dark and signifies the womb or a rebirthing process and you would then come out to light

You just felt very open as you reach the top

Affording myself a view with a little climb. And what- will you (choose to) afford yourself this day?

Then we continued our way down and drove to Kawayu onsen

It’s a quiet place and you could see people using a shovel to dig a hole in the river to get the underground hot spring water bubbling

We did our hot spring soak and it’s so good it made me think what made me so tired

It made me know that I have spent too much effort pursuing

How about this- just allow things to come to me

Day 4

We did a short 1km hike/walk on the kumano path at Fushiogami back to Kumano Hongu Taisha, one of the three revered Kumano Sanzan shrines.

Fushiogami means to kneel down and worship

At this viewpoint, ancient pilgrims first saw a view of Kumano Hongu Taisha in the distance and that moved them to their knees in prayer.

How much of a journey must that be for one to get down on the knees to pray?

I read here that in the mid Heian era, a great poet-Izumi Shikibu once embarked on a pilgrimage to Kumano Hongu Taisha from Kyoto. Less than 3 km from her destination, her period began unexpectedly. Thinking that she has lost her chance of worshiping the Kumano gods, she composed this poem:

晴れやらぬ身のうき雲のたなびきて

月のさわりとなるぞ哀しき

Beneath unclear skies, my body obscured by drifting clouds, I am saddened that my monthly obstruction has begun

That night, one of the Kumano gods appeared in Izumi’s dream as Buddha Amida and replied to Izumi.

もろともに塵にまじはる神なれば

月の障りもなにか苦しき

How could the god who mingles with the dust suffer because of your monthly obstruction?

Openness and acceptance is a fundamental theme of the Kumano faith. This beautiful story has been retold to emphasize that Kumano does not exclude anyone from worshipping. I take it one step further as a reminder to acknowledge the divinity in each and every being.

I read after that the Fushiogami-Oji Forest walk is one of the 100 therapeutic walk spots in Japan.

And before long we are on the hike!

We then drove to Ise and had a good time at the old town which exudes authentic atmosphere of a traditional Japanese town

We didn’t really have time to visit Ise-jingu Shrine’s Inner Shrine.

Oharaimachi features old-fashioned residences lining a stone-paved thoroughfare. Here you’ll find an impressive array of Japanese cuisine, traditional craftwork, and an enormous variety of souvenirs. The street runs parallel to the Isuzu River, where broad paths along the banks make for a nice walk if you need a break from the seasonal crowds.

Apparently , pilgrimages to sacred areas around Japan grew in popularity from the early 1600s with the end of the violent Sengoku civil war period. As Shinto’s most sacred site, Ise-jingu Shrine was no exception.

Most commoners who lived far from Ise could not afford the journey, so communities would pool their resources and send a single villager to make the pilgrimage on their behalf. With the influx of worshippers came money for food, accommodation, and entertainment. Oharai still prospers as a pilgrimage center to this day.

We had lots to eat too, such as the thick chewy Ise udon, traditional Japanese sweets

We stayed overnight at Gero onsen and then made our way to the morning market ideyu after that drove for about 2 hours to kamikochi

This is a place I have been when I was about 26-27 and it’s been almost 20 years now

Looking at this, the little roar of the river, the winds, the sky and then sun the clouds, the question that came begging at the mind was- 我要多么 坚持才可以跟你来这里?

How much endurance would I need to be able to come here with you

Anything lesser would not cut it

Anything lesser than any of my experiences would not have brought me here

The winds kind of brought them all out.

We stayed at Miyama Ouen at Hirayu Onsen and had a pretty good time

Dinner and breakfast was a course by course event and you could slow down and enjoy dining

there’s the onsen bath which is kind of a newfound love, I love how the heat seeps into the body and warms it up

Day 6

We came back to Kamikochi on a early bus ride

When we got to Taisho pond, the early morning mist was still there

And we walked up towards kappabashi in about an hour passing by a view point for mount yaka date, an active volcano

It was lovely to see how the light changes the atmosphere and the landscape

Passed by kappabashi and continue towards Myojin pond – and finding back a soba place and the river which we used to be at when we came the last time

And what would you like to do going forward TPY?

I would like to travel and see the world, be one worth nature, meet beautiful inspiring people and devote time to meaningful causes and to have the freedom of time and in life I want to continue writing or creating content that is close to heart and warms people , giving light and hope

Day 7

We left Hiroyu Onsen and drove down to Kiso, the valley of hundred year old cypress or hinoki, did first bathing at akasawa in the late morning-it is said that this is the very place which gave birth to the concept of forest bathing

in the forest, the trees have started to change colour, there’s yellow of all shades, oranges and red. And what-actually made the colours change?
Like a hurrah before the cold comes? Changes and perceived impending changes always get things out of us-and maybe nature too ?

we stopped for food at a 300 year old soba place and chanced upon a shop which does laquerware-which this area is famous for , and got to know that lacquer tree produces sap that is of a limited quantity -just 200cc of lacquer juice can be retrieved from a lacquer tree and the sap juice actually changes colour in contact with air . For darker colour lacquer, the odour is actually achieved through the addition of iron powder,’

We then weave our way down the valley and past Tsumago into Magome, these are post towns which let people stop and rest while they commute in between Kyoto and Tokyo.
By the time we reach Magome, the sun is near to setting and a lot of shops have closed.
But the town is quiet with few visitors and the feeling is serene -as how it is when things have settled.

The next drive was to tajimi and for some supermarket and shopping before checking in.

Day 8

We checked out the ceramic town of Tajimi and had lots of good time strolling the Honmachi oribe street which has a lovely collection of mino pottery stores. There were lots of artistic pottery work and a limit to what I could bring back home-but the joy seemed to be made bigger this way, not because you could buy everything you wanted back home but really- because you couldn’t

We then did shopping at Toki, there’s the premium outlet and Aeon mall and then drove to the airport . And this -along with lots of packing, concluded the trip!

Japan is so beautiful snd there’s a wealth of choices everywhere -whether it be culture, food or shopping. It is so nice to be able to some time here this season-to feel the feeling of being in season, to have the opportunity to be in place, to just see, breathe, walk, and bathe in autumn’s foliage, meeting with the autumn wind. In so doing, receiving the splendour and richness of nature.

Inspirations From A Run (XIX)

Inspirations From A Run (XIX)

My intention for today is to anchor my power in my body, being, soul

The last week has been one that is “filled with content “ whether in the area of work, family life or in my own

At work, I kind of had the opportunity to host a big chef event and connected back with partners and people whom I had worked with closely previously in my last role

Then there were new friends

There were some folks who had brushes, and out of these, the meeting brought closure, for one or two others, the closure couldn’t be had

Oh well

On the whole it was good. I think I still enjoy the food industry. Most of all, seeing combinations and creativity in the form of ingredient pairing or how food can be- speaking to chefs- these energize me

At home, bf had a close brush at work, experiencing a separation lapse and feeling out of sorts and sent to a low

I tried to help the family tried to help, but it is clear he wants to take it his way

I thought about my role as much as I was wanting to help

But it seems- everyone has his or her own journey

And the best we can do is to stand grounded in our own power

Which brings me to the next point and today’s intention

I think to help or at least help ourselves, we have to stand grounded and in harmony in our own light and power

I had a wonderful birthday celebration with my folks, lots of friends texted me. I bathed and soaked in these blessings. And I kind of felt more at ease “coming out” as opposed to previously-keeping myself in.

It feels like I have moved and shifted somewhat to be more at ease with myself and therefore others

I m thankful and grateful for the love I have , kind thoughts from people , some not even friends but whom I have met and interviewed

And their kind wishes made me once more wonder about what it is that I have done to make them remember me?

It calls to mind me. Who is me? Like this morning when I set the intention to anchor my power – what is my power? Where is it? I asked.

And I recalled what Michelle said to me in a lunch we recently had- thank you for being you. You wear authenticity on your sleeve.

Wow

Of late in a regression with Punam my ex yoga teacher, the session helped me see or celebrate divinity – not elsewhere but within me

We often think that we are beneath divinity and that divinity is separate from us

But no.

If we can feel divinity divine beings, then what are we if we are not divine ourselves?

It makes me want to explore this side of me.

And so what is the power of me in me?

I feel like the closest thing I can find to this question is this

Simpleton, dreamy, girlish, expressive, I remember my husband was asked this question by my friends on the day of our wedding

“what attracted you to this girl”

And he said something along the lines of her being pure

I think I kept myself this way all these years and I want to keep it this way whether at work or home

I want to speak my mind and act closest to what my heart says

And wherever I am I want to use my light to bring out light and goodness- whether it be in conversations or in things I do or in others

And I think – this is my power gift and what I am here for

Thank you to the divine. Thank you to the divine in me.

I am so grateful!

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out

And guess what? I did of course.

It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old

Death and rebirth

I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm

Haha

I kind of ran through in my mind what I want

I am running for my new life

I am running towards my new life

I am running into my new life

I am running my new life

It’s amazing how words set things up

And get ‘it’ going

And what do I want in my new life?

I want no cyst no keloids

No itch .

My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness

Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful

All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium

My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong

Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me

Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me

I love my work and enjoy very successful career

People respect and honour me for the good work I do

I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.

And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity

Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it

I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because

The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!

And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness

Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit

Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards

To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on

Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here

Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself

And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past

And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma

And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed

The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear

This I am experiencing now I have felt it before

And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?

No of course not so let’s stop scratching

But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved

And that begs resolution release letting go!

And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it

I think this is such a powerful practice and act .

To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.

And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out

And guess what? I did of course.

It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old

Death and rebirth

I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm

Haha

I kind of ran through in my mind what I want

I am running for my new life

I am running towards my new life

I am running into my new life

I am running my new life

It’s amazing how words set things up

And get ‘it’ going

And what do I want in my new life?

I want no cyst no keloids

No itch .

My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness

Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful

All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium

My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong

Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me

Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me

I love my work and enjoy very successful career

People respect and honour me for the good work I do

I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.

And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity

Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it

I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because

The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!

And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness

Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit

Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards

To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on

Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here

Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself

And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past

And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma

And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed

The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear

This I am experiencing now I have felt it before

And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?

No of course not so let’s stop scratching

But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved

And that begs resolution release letting go!

And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it

I think this is such a powerful practice and act .

To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.

And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.

Inspirations From A Run (XVII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVII)

If everything is energy, we do not really have to do anything on the outside

All we have to do- is change the energy of ourselves and the outside will change

Because the outside the outer world is a reflection of the inner world

So it follows that if we change the landscape in our inner world we would be already making changes to the outside

Anything else we do outside of this is extra effort which may or may not help or distort

Today I get this

And when I ran to this spot, the thing that came to mind was- surrender to the gift of nature now

I am thankful I got the chance to be here . To do this with my body. I thanked my body my cells my blood for this opportunity

And I got the idea to use the sunlight to make newness in my body in my cells . Instead of mindless chatter , I asked my eyes my ears my hormones my skin to make newness with the gift of the sun’s light

And I forgive and tell myself to flip open a new page

Like a baby again- starting out with no judgements, no preconceived ideas, with everything in harmony and in optimum perfection

The key phrase- like a baby

And I m thankful to have this inkling

And the goosebumps on the back is real

Shine, and be unstoppably bright.

Inspirations From A Run (XVI)

Inspirations From A Run (XVI)

Somehow somewhere in the run , something in my wanted to go forward

And I understand this as – my soul having the desire to go forward

To get out of the present

More accurately, to rise.

Writing now- the idea or realization came to me that I have at one point in time, stopped myself.

And even now with the opening of this regional role, I was still asking myself or cautioning myself lots

Out of a habit of having been in duty for a while

The second important thing that came to me, was the idea that I could make new cells

While I kept my mind on healing releasing , my body showed me how she is healing me so miraculously- such as when the keloid has a burst and healed nicely

I saw John yesterday and he said there was a lot of frustration and pent up energy that needs to be moved

So in the run, somehow I came to the idea that I could ask my body to make new cells healthy happy ones just by being present and open to the gift of sunlight wind and air from nature

This morning as I walked towards the bridge, an auntie whom I saw at the fitness corner smiled to me as usual

And I loved it

I love it because she was there. And I m happy she was there. If the old folks were there – if the old folks are well

It brings me to the idea of gratitude to have the opportunity to be here and to do this

I asked teacher Stephen for his advice and he said this –

“at home it is safe and comfortable a great place to be and laz around. But inside there is a yearning to explore discover express and communicate with others. Your voice can, must be heared and seen. Your heart and mind need to a challenge and that in itself is a tool of healing and it can open many doors and paths you can’t even imagine yet.

Whatever your decision is I will support it.”

He is right about the inside which wants to explore discover express and communicate

Need I say, the run was good

And I saw green birds having fun in the sky

As if to say- don’t take it so seriously, how about approaching it with a light heart. And with the attitude of having fun as I explore?

And I have never ever had this idea. And this shows to me how much I have moved

Inspirations From A Run (XV)

Inspirations From A Run (XV)

I was wanting some answers.

And the intention was to open up to receive divine healing guidance support

And somehow the message that came through was – irregardless, let it be in support of my healing, whether it be for the keloids or anything

Let whatever I do – be the healing tool

I kind of feel zapped this morning when I woke. Because the people I worked with- they were really demanding of my time and attention

And when I supported them, I kind of lost some of my energy

It came to me this morning that this happened and I was giving too much too quickly

That being said, I am glad this understanding found me.

And also this message

So if I was able to derive something out of whatever I did, letting everything be a reflection of me and me learning something out of it and getting a clearer perspective- it would have served my purpose

An opportunity for a regional commission has come up for me.

I want to know if I should pursue this

My dear divine, my dear self- give me all the guidance and let me make the choice which serves my highest good

Om!

Inspirations From A Run (XIV)

Inspirations From A Run (XIV)

I intended the practice to be a time to open up and receive guidance for the questions I have and for the healing I need

And as usual it was awesome

Learning to make time for myself is one of the best things I can/have done for myself

To make space, just to be with myself

And I came to know how blessed I am, looking at the times I ran the same route and have nothing on my mind

I saw an article by Cedric Grolet and he says that he is creative because he is free.

I love this

I look back at the times when there is nothing else hanging on my heart and I ran

Besides thanking the divine for the opportunity, I thank myself for opening up to this opportunity

And I ask the divine to bring me people things opportunities that serve me in my highest good and to land me in a better place- one that is of healthfulness, vitality, happiness, harmony, peace, creativity, freedom

If everything is energy, we are creating with our thoughts words heart energy.

Of late, I particularly enjoy a simple qigong movement where you feel the energy between both hands and move from left to right

As I was doing it, I felt like I was adjusting my life. Purposefully moving things about in my life, whether it be the health aspect or career, family .

There is no need to fix things or speak to anyone to change anything of I can mindfully move things about, and to feel peaceful with this

And there were so many times I felt goosebumps when I spoke to my cells- let’s open up and receive healing love and light from nature now , from these gifts of nature. Be open to it, to receive. To bask in this.

Om

Hokkien Mee

Hokkien Mee

Dad brought the kids to have Hokkien Mee cooked by his good friend Thye Hong

And the connection with uncle was rekindled because I previously wrote about it in my column and someone saw it and showed him

And dearest Qinzhi updated me about her eating Hokkien Mee

It’s such a precious connection and I tear reading Qinzhi’s texts

So many years has gone by

How would the noodles taste. But my daughter is tasting what I have tasted.

How blessed that is.

And I get it. I think if I were to be there myself, I would cry eating uncle’s noodles

And I know my father would have wanted to bring me.

There is no healing food cannot do

Blue Supermoon “Movements”

Blue Supermoon “Movements”

Is it the work of the super moon?

A few days back I started feeling the floatiness and grogginess

These two days it’s been feeling really full

Was talking to HuaiHao at bedtime on where to travel to. How about a trip on food and nothing else?

And somehow I started sharing about the experience I had at L’Arpege and how bf couldn’t appreciate anything because “he doesn’t need it”

He was obviously sore about being there and I felt so wronged with the good intentions I had

I told HuaiHao , yet three star Michelin food was just beneath my eyes. I couldn’t reconcile those complex feelings

Talking about this with HuaiHao kind of helped these feelings progress. Move in fact . I asked HuaiHao how I felt, and he said: heartbroken

Wow

How can he be so perceptive?

He says dad has a shield that nothing can go through.

Finding a listener in this little one, I told him how his dad got mad at Eiffel Tower and how he kind of destroyed my Paris – every woman’s dream – with his anger

It kind of made me realize – taking all this back to me- how much I wanted to , I expected of others to agree with me. And when others couldn’t , especially if people close to me couldn’t resonate as much as I like them to- there’s a kind of loneliness that can be really dampening

And I remember seeing these

https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/01/12/33-artists-in-3-acts-thornton/?fbclid=IwAR3EEkGxIsmDkExGuepywIu6QJn00Anoka60OoPE2qS9jLSM_gEk0IlzX4c_aem_AbJ6EINRNMG4rf4Ixyp5IZ6xl6j7zmlgUOW9JcczuMVk0ESgQPW7-aRQY33zUCjaj0U

Lots of beautiful quotes in here such as:

Loneliness is a valuable feeling. Artists need to know how to walk alone.

Is it the full moon that is helping these to move?

May all that doesn’t support our forward journey be released

May we all step into our power

May we all be blessed , divinely protected and guided.

I tried to reflect on myself. Especially after the things I learnt in Buddhist studies .

Like how we create our world our realities from our beliefs

Did I come to think that women in the families are always not appreciated ? Like in grandma’s case nanny’s mom’s

What else did I believe in to make this come true ? I wonder

And when we spoke the day after. HuaiHao asked is I was sad.

And how was I to react.

He asked me, “ and what do you feel like doing?”

I asked him for advice and he says, find a window.

And he adds, “ I mean you find another way if the door is closed.”

Wow

I said to him that I did not really want to do anything because I have been the proactive one all the while and if someone is sincere about a relationship , there would have been another expression

And HuaiHao says, “ pa has probably forgotten everything “

And then adds, “ but it’s your world, it could be a square a triangle a rectangle and it be named anything. I mean, you can create anything you want. You can paint it any colour or do anything you want.”

“And you first. Prioritize you first, not anyone else.

He touched me tremendously.

And it brings me to a recent interview I did.

“I’ll stop work if I do not feel good, for the simple reason that if I cannot make myself happy, how will I be able to bring happiness to others?”