This morning before everyone woke, I took some time by myself
And as I went through the little bits of self reiki, I felt a stream of fear anxiety rising upwards at my heart my chest my abdomen area. I tried to look at it
Are these remnants or habitual reactions that have come on?
Then at a certain spot, I heard ———- No Reason
It just is or how it is. No reason required
I m beginning to see how these self care time on my own is bringing in returns on self discovery
I m seeing so many things making so many discoveries reliving emotions and experiences and deriving yet more new understandings and emotions
In quiet, in stillness and calmness, these things show up and are distilled from life
I finished another Korean drama <Itaewon Class> . The story is of Park Saeroyi who beats up a bully in class to find his life forever changed.
The bully has a backing. His father owns one of Korea’s most successful food business. The father wants Saeroyi to kneel down to apologize after beating up his bully son. But Saeroyi refuses.
“Because I do not feel like I need to (apologise)”
He refuses to budge. His father is an employee of this rich man, and is called in. The father supports his son’s decision because this attitude this strength is something he has yet to achieve with his own life . He quits his job but ends up dying and being killed in a hit and run—— and as with Korean dramas, who else but this bully is the one at the wheel.
The story goes on to show how Saeroyi bases his life on revenge , to get back. He studies his enemy’s biography and vows to be more successful and to one day take over his enemy’s business.
And he did finally after all attempts to be thwarted by the old man.
And Saeroyi did it with all of life’s most precious values. values that are these days swept under the carpet.
Have written down some quotes which called out to me:
“People have their way of making judgements
Good and bad can be very vague but when you are exceptional people know for sure”
“I may come from nothing but there are things I want to do.
I will do what it takes
You have no right to measure my value”
Feels like how I have come through too, rising from the ashes, building myself up but by bit.
“I m impressed
You r doing what you want”
How difficult for some—— to just, do what they want!
“You don’t need to be on anyone’s side but your own”
“I trusted”
“a person with a clear goal can achieve many things”
At some point in time, I find myself understanding that ——It is depth that makes calm. The deeper you have gone or sunken into, that is the very depth that makes one calm and unreactive even if the wind blows
“I want my words and acts to have power so pple cannot dismiss me or my people”
“I don’t want to be swayed by injustice or acts of it
I want to live a life where I make my own decisions”
And I thought of this thing called ——One of a kind
“I don’t have to convince others about who I m
I want my words and acts to have power”
And how do we give our words and act power? It’s the intention or heart behind it
There’s a very nice poem too in the drama.
I m diamond
“I’m a rock
Go ahead and sear me
I won’t budge, I’m a rock
Go ahead and beat me up
I’m a solid rock
Lock me up in darkness
I’m a rock that shines alone
I defy nature’s ways of breaking, turning to ashes, and decaying
I survived
I am a diamond”
This came from Itaewon Class ep12
I m. A rock—— m I not? We all are.
In Epi 13, yet more nice quotes.
“I m just me
I don’t need anyone’s approval or validation”
“There r people who keep me strong and I want to make delicious food to repay them”
“She’s someone whom you can bet your life on”
“Follow my heart and be myself
Have I been committed?”
“Now I regret that day a lot”
Is there a day I regret? I asked TPY
In episode 15, Saeroyi was in a hit and run accident, pretty much like how his father died. He slept for a long time and the story goes that his consciousness has gone on to meet with his father. They catch up ever since his passing.
And this time, Saeroyi’s father brought him to a bridge.
“Where are we going?” the son asked
“To a place where there’s no painful nights”
Saeroyi stopped.
“Life has been tough and burdensome yes…each time I tell myself, I can do it, We will be fine,….but ”
He recollected the time he was in the office with the woman he loved, and she was reading a book, and it read, “Was that Life? Well then, once again.”
She said that she didnt understand what that meant until she met him
“Can I hug you?…If I get the chance to be born again, I want to be born as your son” Saeroyi said to his father.
“ I love you…so much.”
“I love you too “, said the father.
He has decided not to go cross the bridge with his father.
He retreated and made steps back
“Dad, have a peaceful trip. I m not going with you “
“Was that life? Well then. Once again!”
He remember The girl he loved said
He said to his father this: “I don’t mind spending all those painful nights again. In fact they are not as painful anymore. I have friends who give me joy and I look forward to seeing what the future holds with them.”
“I know you are no longer with me. But I m going to embrace my yearning heart and I’ll continue to live my life”
To which the father said, “Saeroyi you finally got it, This is what Life is, you can overcome anything as long as you are alive, I mean it
I m so proud of you my son. Keep on living this way. ”
Saying a proper goodbye! Saeroyi didnt get to say a proper goodbye, when his father died
And he’s come to accept his father’s death when he says : he will embrace his yearning heart
I thought about myself and how I found peace or have I? With mommy’s passing. This is definitely one way out.
“M I going there to die ?”
“No you are going there to survive”
When Saeroyi thinks of his love: “My heart and mind are filled with you. Is that how you have always felt? The heart beating?
“When I m with you my heart beats and it’s fun
Let’s be happy”
In the final episode, the old man who tries to destroy Saeroyi finally comes to him
Saeroyi gives him a treat of tofu stew and the old man acknowledges that it is very good
Saeroyi says it’s because he takes care of the fermentation of soya such that
“On a cold day the warmth spreads throughout the body”
The old man says he is treated to a great meal but has not brought money. He asks to pay in another way
And he kneels down
“I apologise with all my heart”
His head touches the floor
“Please forgive me”
And I find myself raising the idea, that there is no other way ——than to apologize if one is at fault
No other way. Because the hurt has been done and it is forever. Sorry just isn’t enough.
“Now that your revenge is over
Live happily”
“We dont know The warmth of people”
Do I? I asked TPY
“When I heard of your past the other day, I wanted to embrace your painful past
I wanted to make your bitter night sweet
When I think of you my empty life fills up with you
Thank you
I love you
I will make you happy”
Ha these were my thoughts too when I got into my relationship.
And a final quote from Saeroyi to wrap things “I wanted to be happy
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