Dad woke and pooped with blood. We headed up to jungfraujoch and he had altitude sickness.
It really pushed me to waking up. And indeed helped me let go of my pride.
Throughout the day, I practiced and learn to trust the Divine in me and with me. Qinzhi sent me prayers like this :
Wednesday prayer.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son , and of the Holy Spirit.šš» itās wednesday father God. Itās the middle of the week, and just want to thank you for bringing us safety this far. For all who are struggling financially, mentally and physically, we ask that you would lessen their burdens. Sincerely heal their bodies, mend broken hearts, and find and make a way out of no way for those trying to take care of themselves and their loved ones. May they stay safe and happy and healthy. We praise and thank you in advance! We pray also for travelling mercies and protection from all dangers seen and unseen. Thank you Jesus! May you please continue to keep us and our families and the many families in the world covered under the precious Blood of Jesus. In Jesusā name, I pray. amen. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. šš»Amen.
We were on the train to Chur and we need a more comfortable seat. I said to sis that the guys to our right are leaving next. I said it so casually.
And they did leave the seat when the next station arrived.
Is this coincidence ?
It brought me to knowing manifestation once more
And to be mindful to it because it all comes back to us
How can we be responsible ? I mean, we have to.
I was so tired I went to bed at around 9pm Swiss time. I woke up at around 330am and the thought came :
To shift to where you want.
Where or what do I want. Us this trip to shift to. And the people around you will not be the same too.
My family at home. My family around me.
They are no longer the same as well.
I heard myself say to consciously shift to a place of love, laughter, joy, happiness, forgiveness, understanding.
And I thought about what I thought about- that life neednāt be learnt the hard way. In the laughing is the healing. In the laughing is the learning.
Like how we were all laughing on the train about the passengers who left their seat for us. And I did think about the trip as a joyful journey.
We can learn easily, lovingly, joyously, beautifully! We can reverse all processes!
I watched Matrix 2 on the plane and there are so many meaningful quotes one of which is: you canāt go back there, you wonāt.
And I watched Shang Chi and one of the quotes were Shang Chi ās mother telling him that he gets all of what his parents give him. And it is up to him to make his gifts his, in a way that is him.
Traveling these 2 days with sis and dad made me feel grateful and feel somewhat carefree. I told sis I m grateful and that we must have done something right.
Sis is the one who is more expressive. She cares for him so much and flows into everything like taking pictures for him while I m slightly still more laid back . Writing this made me know I m still holding back
I remember in my sessions- I know that both sis and I were versions of mom who care for dad. And in different ways.
And sis is doing the opposite and she has shown me how easy it is to just be and let go
And the point I reach is: I m dadās princess once more. Nothing to do.
The highlight of today is Glacier Express and dad was seated opposite me. While I can see that he is tired and old, I took care not to see too
Dad did my opposite and remarked that I have a lot of white hair and sis said I m already past 40. To which dad replied: time, so fast.
I sort of felt or saw myself as a little girl in his eyes. Always has been .
On the other hand, Dad is always thinking of me as a priority. When sis asked what he wants for dinner, he would say: I love veggies so letās do a veggie place. Or after dinner, and sis asked if he liked to go for a walk, he would say- I m tired so letās head home.
I am reminded that he the hubby brother and HuaiHao are the same soul sets. With them, I m always the princess . And healing each one, heals all.
I just couldnāt be natural or at ease. Rather than asking what m I still holding on to, I m seeing this as- we are already at ease. Like a photo we took while we had the opportunity to get off glacier express . The mountain range as our backdrop, we smiled so nicely.
In that point : I m dadās princess once more. Nothing to do.
I am reminded that me the sister and qinzhi are the same soul sets. Healing one heals all.
One or two days ago, it came to my knowledge that perhaps mom did want to punish dad.
By choosing her path to remove herself from his life ā- using her own.
It was a big decision.
Sure it was because all was too hard for her to bear. The pressure of having to shoulder it all stand up herself for all show up all of her for all, on her own. It required so much of her that she buckled and decided it was enough.
My understanding was this until a while ago.
Because of my own feelings I felt , the withdrawal symptoms I had , the passive mode, the restraint the reserves I found myself having. A part of me fell asleep. Shut off shut down. It was every bit a punishment for all.
For myself too.
Then I realized mom ā- perhaps she really wanted dad to experience regret .
And why would my life lead me to feeling these?
If anything, at the least , it would be to steer my away from her path, my familyās path. And to practise consciously consciousness and conscious choice.
The one thing I kept hearing of late is that we chose to experience human life. We chose to come here and everything we see and go through is a path of our choice reflecting our free will.
Anytime we want, we can walk away from it all. And choose again, according to will.
And so what does my soul want?
To let me see for myself the truth by experience and feeling?
Yesterday I was tuning in to kyron and he said this: in the feeling is the teaching.
There is no other way to learn , nothing more convincing than feeling it.
My soul wanted for me to know how what why in all honesty
My soul wanted me to know I am still living in mommyās shadow and loving the remnants of her life her love her fears her regrets
And is it any coincidence that I came across this that would call out to me?
That was why I keep having so many fears I kept stopping myself and how I came so close to her path
Close enough for my soul to use this incident to wake me up
Stop already. Start living already
And then, of course, to learn love and forgiveness and compassionā- perhaps for myself more than anyone else and āāmake a different choice.
And even if I want to, I canāt yet dissolve the pain I experienced. It is still there.
And I tell myself to let nature take its course and just be, be with the feelings I feel. And I see this :
š§š®š¼ š§š² ššµš¶š»š“, ššµš®š½šš²šæ š²š°, translation by S. Mitchell
What is rooted is easy to nourish. What is recent is easy to correct. What is brittle is easy to break. What is small is easy to scatter.
Prevent trouble before it arises. Put things in order before they exist. The giant pine tree grows from a tiny sprout. The journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath your feet.
Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe.
Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose. What he desires is non-desire; what he learns is to unlearn. He simply reminds people of who they have always been. He cares about nothing but the Tao. Thus he can care for all things.
And thereās another suggestion just the way I thoughtļæ¼
Its friday, as usual we went to dad’s place for dinner.
The kids had decided that they were going to do a staycay at grandpa’s the weekend, ah mei ayi had prepared popcorn and the kids wanted to watch “Finding Nemo”. They told me the last time they did a staycay, ah yi let them watch whatever they wanted when she showered, and then something educational.
We walked back home to collect sports shoes and some clothes as ah yi had wanted to bring them for a morning walk tomorrow and to bring them to breakfast. Its been a while since they popped into any shopping centre as we were not vaccinated and were not allowed to visit malls.
The kids were excited and were game enough to walk home to collect whatever they needed.
But after we did that, and walked more than halfway back to grandpa’s, I realised the kids had slippers on and forgot to wear their sports shoes. SO we had to walk back home again. And when we finally took all that we needed, Qinzhi forgot to get coins to take a bus and we had to walk all the way.
Dropped the kids and finally walked home my home. As the breeze caressed me, i felt the quiet happiness emanating from inside me. Its so quiet so subtle but so very real.
I am happy, even if we had to walk back and forth so many times. I am happy because I am so very contented and grateful for what I have.
The kids are really lovely, its a privilege to be able to mommy them. They are well and happy. I m grateful to be here with them. I am grateful I have my father, my sister and brother, my husband, people around me who love and appreciate me. I am grateful that I have the gift of writing and there are people who would be willing to pay me to write and produce videos.
I want to do my best to heal and once more, I am reminded that there is nothing to forgive.
I want to do my best at being healthy joyful, full of vitality and energy, I want to be here with them as long as I can —just to be with them.
I m ready. I’m available to more good than I’ve ever imagined. Let me co-create a way of life with God that allows me to hold the insights and revelations, the wisdom and the intelligence that are flowing all of the time.
Even if I m trying to explain why I am happy, it is not because of these reasons that I am happy.
I forgive everyone who has ever hurt or harmed me, Consciously or unconsciously In this life or any other. In every plane, level or dimension known or unknown. I offer them Grace.
I ask for forgiveness for anyone I have ever hurt or harmed, Consciously or unconsciously In this life or any other. In every plane, level or dimension known or unknown. I ask for Grace.
I forgive myself for anything I have ever done to hurt or harm myself and another, consciously or unconsciously In this life or any other In this universe or any other. In every plane, level or dimension known or unknown. I accept Grace. I am free. All chains and restrictions fall from me. I stand in my power as a master.
So mad with Huaihao today I didn’t know what to do with myself. But also because I am mad, I came across so many supportive advice. Two of them below:
1) I chanced upon this from The Tapping Solution:
Forgiveness is easy to INTEND to give.
Of course we āshouldā forgive, but itās difficult.
Thereās often a part of us that says, āNo Wayā I was wronged, and if I forgive them, Iām condoning the behavior.
And thereās also perhaps a deeper part, rooted in our ancient brain and biology that finds it hard to forgive because of the fear that if we forgive, itās going to happen again, weāre going to be hurt again and we wonāt be SAFE.
This is, where I believe, Tapping comes in powerfully because weāre not only addressing the conscious thinking about it, but the deeper subconscious and biological roots.
Soā¦you can probably think of someone right now that perhaps you want to forgive for what they did. Maybe not 100%, but maybe you want to start.
Can you think of that person?
Good. Get started forgiving them today. Tony Robbins once said, āForgiveness is a gift you give yourselfā Do it now.
So hereās a tapping script on: āI refuse to forgive them because of what they did to meā¦ā
First, identify who or what you are having trouble forgiving. Get really specific on what happened, what they said, what they did, how they acted, and bring that memory to mind.
How do you feel when you think of that? Whatās the emotion? Where do you feel it in your body?
Give it an intensity on a 0-10 scale, 10 being the most intense. (If you can, write down what youāre feeling and the number, it helps to be able to track your progress)
Letās do some tapping!
(If youāre not familiar with the tapping process, you can learn more here)
Karate Chop: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to meā¦I deeply love and accept myselfā¦ (or you can simply say, āIām OKā if love and accepting yourself is too much right now)
Karate Chop: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to meā¦I deeply love and accept myselfā¦
Karate Chop: Even though I refuse to forgive them because of what they did to meā¦I deeply love and accept myselfā¦
Eyebrow: I canāt believe they did that
Side of Eye: Iām so angry
Under Eye: Itās not right
Under Nose: Itās not fair
Under Mouth: And I refuse to let it go
Collarbone: All this anger
Under Arm: All this ____ (fill in the blank with how you feel)
Top of Head: In every cell of my body
Eyebrow: I just canāt let this go
Side of Eye: Because they donāt deserve that
Under Eye: They donāt deserve my forgiveness
Under Nose: And I refuse to let it go
Under Mouth: So much anger.
Collarbone: About what happened
Under Arm: About what they did
Top of Head: About what they said
Keep tapping on the ānegativeā or the ātruth,ā until you find that the intensity has lessened enough that you can say some positive statements, and have them feel fully or at least somewhat true. We tap on the ānegativeā first in order to clear this resistance, not to affirm it, but to open up the door for positive thoughts.
You can also simply tap through the points, as you think specifically about what they did, what they said, what happened.
See the movie in detail, and just keep tapping through the points. Identify other parts of the movie, keep going. You want to be able to think about the event or the person, without heavy resistance coming up.
When youāre ready, when it āfeelsā right, move on to some positive statements.
Eyebrow: Maybe itās time to let this go
Side of Eye: I wonder if I can let this go
Under Eye: What if I can let part of this go
Under Nose: Releasing this anger
Under Mouth: From every cell of my body
Collarbone: Letting it go
Under Arm: Letting it all go
Top of Head: Right now
Tap through a couple of rounds of positive statements and feel free to add in your own words or affirmations. These are just guidelines to get you started, whatās most important is that you feel the feeling, get specific about what you experienced, and tap until itās released.
When youāre done tapping, take a deep breathā¦and let it go. Think of what happened again, and notice how itās changed. Write down your new number of intensity. Either stop tapping if youāre at a good place or keep tapping until fully released.
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