My intention for today is to anchor my power in my body, being, soul
The last week has been one that is “filled with content “ whether in the area of work, family life or in my own
At work, I kind of had the opportunity to host a big chef event and connected back with partners and people whom I had worked with closely previously in my last role
Then there were new friends
There were some folks who had brushes, and out of these, the meeting brought closure, for one or two others, the closure couldn’t be had
Oh well
On the whole it was good. I think I still enjoy the food industry. Most of all, seeing combinations and creativity in the form of ingredient pairing or how food can be- speaking to chefs- these energize me
At home, bf had a close brush at work, experiencing a separation lapse and feeling out of sorts and sent to a low
I tried to help the family tried to help, but it is clear he wants to take it his way
I thought about my role as much as I was wanting to help
But it seems- everyone has his or her own journey
And the best we can do is to stand grounded in our own power
Which brings me to the next point and today’s intention
I think to help or at least help ourselves, we have to stand grounded and in harmony in our own light and power
I had a wonderful birthday celebration with my folks, lots of friends texted me. I bathed and soaked in these blessings. And I kind of felt more at ease “coming out” as opposed to previously-keeping myself in.
It feels like I have moved and shifted somewhat to be more at ease with myself and therefore others
I m thankful and grateful for the love I have , kind thoughts from people , some not even friends but whom I have met and interviewed
And their kind wishes made me once more wonder about what it is that I have done to make them remember me?
It calls to mind me. Who is me? Like this morning when I set the intention to anchor my power – what is my power? Where is it? I asked.
And I recalled what Michelle said to me in a lunch we recently had- thank you for being you. You wear authenticity on your sleeve.
Wow
Of late in a regression with Punam my ex yoga teacher, the session helped me see or celebrate divinity – not elsewhere but within me
We often think that we are beneath divinity and that divinity is separate from us
But no.
If we can feel divinity divine beings, then what are we if we are not divine ourselves?
It makes me want to explore this side of me.
And so what is the power of me in me?
I feel like the closest thing I can find to this question is this
Simpleton, dreamy, girlish, expressive, I remember my husband was asked this question by my friends on the day of our wedding
“what attracted you to this girl”
And he said something along the lines of her being pure
I think I kept myself this way all these years and I want to keep it this way whether at work or home
I want to speak my mind and act closest to what my heart says
And wherever I am I want to use my light to bring out light and goodness- whether it be in conversations or in things I do or in others
And I think – this is my power gift and what I am here for
Thank you to the divine. Thank you to the divine in me.
Huaihao is almost finished with P4, and a big boy already
One weekend, I convinced him to walk with me, treated him to toast and eggs and chocolate and he became my helper when i did grocery.
I love being in the sun, and happy that the little one is with me in the breeze
MBS sent me mooncakes and Huaihao is channeling the foodie, he did a video to unbox and had fun tasting
And this is him doing my moynat a catwalk service
I love it when he comes to me at the computer, knowing i m busy, he would hug me massage me kiss me
I spoke to HuaiHao and told him I was feeling slightly down, and I like to speak to him and he is almost like a friend now. One day I told him i m feeling down and he came to me, sat on my thighs and hugged me close.
His words were, “ you can’t please everybody.”
Wow.
At bedtime, I asked him if I was doing alright for the interview and he went, no. After which he said, “ I take that back. I mean, so what if people don’t like you. I mean, what can you do about it? And what has it got to do with you? You got to carry on living right?”
And then he said, “in your books, your world can be square.”
I tried to make sure he knew what he was saying. So I asked.
”it means in your world, you can do anything you like.”
On another occasion, I showed him two pieces of my work and ask him to critique and he said of my original- people in business don’t need flowery language, they don’t have time for it and they just want to get to the point.
you don’t need the words and phrases the words and phrases need you
One night , we spoke as usual and I asked HuaiHao to give me an advice he feels like- he thought for a while and said, “ touch grass when you need to. It means take a break whenever you need. It’s important to take small breaks you know.”
HuaiHao slept next to me and when I came to sleep at 2am he was roused. He opened his eyes , cupped my face in his hands and moved to kiss me
I only asked myself to bathe in that love
Another night,
I used to ask HuaiHao how is his day when we lay in the bed and now I find it surprising that he is asking me that
I told him all about mine and the littlest things. Such as asking the COMO hotel GM to tell us about her after she gave us a tour of the property. And that was what I learnt from Cedric Grolet ‘s interview when he talked about his parents teaching him to value relationships and to treat others with respect
I shared with HuaiHao a quote a saw,
Afterwards we talked about my life waking up. He noted that a while ago, I was in a lull and not doing anything but now I am busy
Life kind of switched me on and we were discussing where I got to in quick time, interviewing Cedric Grolet and writing for SCMP and getting into the game again
Huaihao: So for this, you shouldnt take the elevator.
Me: What elevator?
Huaihao: So what I meant was, it would not work if you had taken shortcuts.
Me: But you always did that!
But it’s so nice to talk about this
And when I got busy at the computer, HuaiHao always came and massaged me kissed me. One time he shared this comic with me
I read it with him and laughed and he said that’s the whole point!
That was him letting me take a breather
And when we need total photos for passport, we totally enjoyed it
I love it also when I am out and Huaihao calls me to check on me. What time are you coming back?
And this is us going to gengyan jiujiu’s house and getting a home cooked meal.
One time we chat and its always about the cube of late. We spoke about the algorithms and I asked Huaihao how many he has mastered.
“You see mommy, I have xxxxx to do zzzz to do yyyy to do and I still have my work at McDonald’s”
“Huh and what is that?”
“It’s humour mom humour! Let me find yours back for you?”
Wishing HuaiHao lots of bright moments like these !
I asked HuaiHao to feel me. And he says, “ you are tired. I don’t touch your head I also know.”
I asked him why does he think I am tired and he says, “ feels like overheating. You have too many things going on inside your head and the body cannot keep up”
It does feel like there are a bit more things going on now. Becoming a writer again for publications and wringing my head to make the most out of an interview
Looking and relooking . Reading and re reading. Editing and editing all over again the story I wrote until it feels like I cannot edit anymore.
For a few hundred dollars? Sometimes – tens of dollars? What is this really for?
Then we chat about other things and HuaiHao asked me to exercise and exert myself on an every day basis.
He reminds me, “ it takes months and years (to show the result), you can’t expect to run today and get yourself lean and muscular tomorrow.”
How did this little one get so much knowledge- no wisdom?
I told him how thankful I am to meet him and Qinzhi and to be their parent.
“It’s like if that sperm was 1 second earlier or 60 seconds later, it might not have been you or Qinzhi.” I said.
And we hugged.
That was the most important thing. The best part. The healing.
I told Huaihao I snagged a chance to write for SXXX. And he went, wow!
At bedtime. I think I must have woken him up.
“Are you happy?” I asked? He said, “What do you think ? Of course I am! “
I told him my fears and worries. And he went, “Why are you discouraging yourself? You should be happy! Its SXXX! You know?”
I asked him why he thinks I have these fears, worries? And he asks me not to think about that.
“How many people can say that? That my mommy is writing for SXXX?”
That kind of got me. This did not cross my mind at all. But Huaihao pointed it out.
My line of thought went back to the time when we discussed impossibility. I told Huaihao how I got hold of this exclusive interview-and then onwards to this story pitch which seemed impossible as well.
The impossibility of things and doing something along those lines, kind of piqued me and motivates me.
“Do I make you proud of me?”
“You should be proud of yourself mommy.”
The next thing I did was to raindrop Qinzhi. It’s our precious time together. We chat about anything and everything, it was mundane and it was good. The littlest things are precious and I just love how Qinzhi opens her arms to welcome me in for hugs. It feels like I reached home. And I hug her at her legs while she does her dome.
If anything, spending time with children is bliss bliss and bliss. We get to see things through their eyes, their world-newer than our own perhaps. We get to experience things we might not have been able to.
The everyday is bliss. Often times we want to reach for the skies, and in that, we kind of made things we have small or at least incomparable. But if you know- how precious this is.
Ran and saw a couple friend who once tried to get my help into their business, but it all fell apart on its own somehow. This happened perhaps half a year ago.
I must have tried many times to do a reconciliation of what happened , for example, I thought of the Dalai Lama’s words-that sometimes not getting what you want is a stroke of luck. Or things like, they can’t afford you. Or, this isn’t meant for you.
And so very suddenly, it dawned upon me in my run, that business cannot touch me. Or intentions which have the purpose of money making, can not yet touch me-no matter how much they do not seem so on the surface.
With that realisation, which reinforced the need for us to be still to receive wisdom- I went on to look at the things that I have dabbled in and somehow, went apart on its own after a while -perhaps because these are not in lined with my own intentions.
And what are my own intentions I asked?
I recall John’s words many years ago that my path is a spiritual one. And I thought of the time when I was at my highest, I was sharing light- not mine, but of others, things like honour, passion, love, belief, things like this, I was sharing these outwards in stories, videos.
And of late, the picture in my mind was just being with people who told me stories of their lives and how they created and keep creating magic and wonders-for themselves and others.
So what can touch me? I asked.
(ii) Caught in middle
Don’t we all? Do this or that? Choose this or that? Which way forwards? Every moment of choice when we deliberate over something. We find ourselves in a middle position which offers some form of resistance and challenge.
The crux is how do we use this rather than be sucked in the moment or feel compelled and becomes a reaction.
When action is really what we are after.
Awareness awareness awareness is easier said than done when we are under the conditioned mind, subject to the pinnings of yesterday, today, others, experiences.
Is there any way we can use the moment of choice of opportunity? Use it and make it literally so, so that we do not create decisions that land us away from what we really want.
I say so because of late I feel so caught. And it is giving me headaches because I am in the middle or have not taken a clear enough stand.
A part of me is still stuck in the past huh
Looking at it, I have been given so many opportunities to do something different each time this same thing comes up. And so many times past, I did the same, which birthed and consecrated this new event, and I am thinking so hard what to do-and it all happens in the background, its consuming my energy.
Buddhist studies helped lots, to let me know that there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, the theory is enlightening and liberating. The question is how do we reconcile with the issue on hand? How do we apply this learning.
How can I breakthrough of this cycle I have been perpetuating myself in?
How can I get out ?
Perhaps, rather than thinking my way out, I could feel my way out. I want to transform this, transmute, this.
The laws of cause and effect was brought to mind in the buddhist course, if I want the effect of breakthrough out of this cycle, what causes do I apply?
In this month, the tooth fairy came thrice, once in ah mei ah yi’s house and when no one knew what to do, grandpa came to the rescue and helped shake it out
Huaihao excelled in the Rubik’s cube, solving the scramble in 38s, but he was also on a buying spree as his past cube purchases could no longer satisfy him
we also did a few tastings and had lots of fun having sweets
but the highlight was really the trip to kyoto. huaihao prepared a list of To-pack
and before long, we were on our ANA flight to Osaka via Narita. He’s so well travelled he is at once at ease in the cabin, and now that he is older, he can help with luggage too. He got a nice surprise when ANA shared with him little gifts, he got little wooden toy plane too. Needless to say, he loved the child meal on the plane.
At narita, i got them tokyo bananas
We headed straight to arashiyama once we arrived, got our car, the drive was slightly under an hour and whilst looking for our hotel, we drove twice on the togetsukyo bridge, and was so wowed by the strawberry full moon
then we headed out for supper and had kushikatsu. The next morning, we rose early and headed to the bamboo grove, the air was really delicious and fresh and song birds were everywhere welcoming the summer morning with lovely tunes. We chanced upon playground and the huaihao and qinzhi had some fun with the swing
Then we headed towards the river and curved back upwards along the shops before heading to Tenryuji- and the Shigetsu inside for a vegetarian lunch
Needless to say, we were all SO happy to be back
There were so many nice desserts we came across previously strolling the streets and so we decided to head out to get some, we had a matcha eclair , and ice pop and a namafu and dango! then it was time to head out of the city – we drove to Ine.
The village of Ine is one of Japan’s Most Beautiful Villages. The last winter we headed out to Gokayama and Shirakawago, they were also in the league.
Without much room to build between the mountains and sea, the villagers created this village right along the waters of Ine Bay (in Kyoto Prefecture), one of UNESCO’s World’s Most Beautiful Bays, and the 230 “funaya” (boat houses) that line the bay trace their origins back to the Edo period.
We had the opportunity to stay in one, and the beautifully renovated funaya had 2 levels of fun for the kids
Dinner was at a beautiful restaurant by the bay and there were lots of fresh catch . Huaihao enjoyed fish so much for the first time. Then we headed back for our cypress bath in the funaya! It was so good you could get whiffs of the elegant cypress as you enjoyed the bath. In Japan, cypress is precious wood used to construct temples.
What was eye opening this time at Ine, was the presence of swooping seagulls and beautiful black kites who glide and soar and come at food. One got so close it skipped just past Huaihao’s shoulders and scratched Qinzhi’s hand.
The next morning, we drove to Amanohashidate, one of the top three scenic spots in Japan.
For the record, Japan’s “Three Scenic Views” are comprised of Matsushima in Miyagi, Miyajima in Hiroshima, and Amanohashidate (here in Miyazu, Kyoto).
And Amanohashidate is an iconic land bridge that straddles the Aso inland sea and Miyazu Bay which connects to the Sea of Japan. The land bridge itself has thousands of pine trees of all different varieties with beaches on both sides spanning 3.6K. From one of the scenic overlooks, you can get a unique perspective of the scene by looking upside-down between your legs. The sea and bay reflect the sky and the pine forest turns into a winding green dragon crossing the heavens.
After lunch of more fresh catch, we took a ferry to the other side, or the Kasamatsu Area (far side of Amanohashidate land bridge). The ferry was amazing because the seagulls and black kites were flying right above us to get the crackers passengers fed them,
We did not visit any temples at this side of Amanohashidate but took a chairlift up the Kasamatsu Park, to get an overview of this area. The kids had some fun bending down and looking out at the viewpoint then we took the chairlift down and strolled back towards the land bridge. In the midst, taking a stop to feed more seagulls and black kites, while taking note of some spectacular pine trees
The stroll was an easy one and we walked back to the Monju side and treated ourselves to more japanese sweets!
Before long it was dinner time, we did not have the foresight of reserving for dinner, and a lot of places could not take in more reservations. We walked to a few opened restaurants but all of them were full. So we had to drive out to Miyazu and dined at one of the restaurants in a shopping mall.
The next morning we headed back to Kyoto via Miyama, a quaint village of thatched houses. Kayabuki no Sato is the most visited attraction in Miyama. Almost the whole village is composed of old thatched houses and is carefully maintained as a cultural heritage site. But the kids did not want to get down, so we only drove past! So we only checked out the shops and had ice cream before I did my usual round of checking out farmer’s markets!
It’s unbelievable that produce is so affordable in japan, a cauliflower or broccoli costed maybe just under $2. And a bag of potatoes would be a dollar to two. It felt like people ate well and really close to nature.
Before we knew it, we were in kyoto, I managed to get a reservation at a ryokan in kyoto and we could do the onsen.
Dinner was spectacular at Warajiya, which served only unagi porridge and soup, something more homey and comforting. And it was rainy that evening in kyoto so all was good.
The next day was spent wondering around town but first heading to Kiyomzudera temple then shopping our way pass Sannenzaka and Ninenzaka towards Gion.
Huaihao had a first experience drawing a lot, and he got an auspicious one!
Then we strolled the winding narrow streets of Sannenzaka and Ninenzaka towards Gion. There was so much to explore, and to eat here. We popped into almost every sweet shop and had so much fun seeing how matcha was reinvented into flavours with contemporary flair.
We actually found our way at Okutan Kiyomizudera, an institution serving tofu course. And we had to, just had to pop in for lunch even if we were not at all hungry.
And a short walk after and we were soon at Yasaka shrine and Gion
We headed in , paid our respects and came out of the Shrine into the 1km-long Hanamikoji Street, Gion’s most famous street, lined with machiya (traditional townhouses) which have been converted into tea houses and high-end restaurants. A notice here reminded that photography is not allowed.
Even if it felt like we ate a lot, we still had kakigori when we took a little break
Then dinner time came. We headed for Nanzenji Junsei and had another tofu course. The nanzenji junsei restaurant is set in this manicured zen garden which was so beautiful it felt like there was so much to derive in every corner.
And before we knew it, we were in the last 2 days of our trip.
The first thing we did in the morning was to head out to early lunch at an old soba restaurant- Honke Owariya which supplied to the Imperial family before strolling to Nishiki market, there was even soba wasabi mochi!
We headed to Nishiki market for a stroll but before long we felt like its time for dessert! And- at Saryou Suisen, this Kyoto based traditional teahouse, cafe and shop specializing in Japanese matcha desserts serves really high-quality desserts. They claim to use only the freshest matcha directly harvested from Kyoto surroundings. So we had wasabi mochi and a freshly made hot version with tea, while the kids had cold sweets.. !
Then we shopped the kawaramachi area and had a very good unagi rice for early dinner nearby at Kyo Unawa
And Huaihao was so adamant to find his rubiks cube he really found some, even if they were not to his liking. In the afternoon, he found some at Tokyu Hands, and when he did the unscrambling, fellow customers were so wowed. Then he insisted we had to take him to shopping centres, which we did, but he couldnt find anything,
even when the shops were closing, he just walked into a mall and found a toy store-and in it, rubiks cubes
He is showing me what could be achieved if i had a clear focus in my mind, if a child could do it, so could I
And I just marvelled at this teaching he delivered. Of all places in kyoto, he found the things he wanted. He just didn’t buy them because they were not good enough for him
The last day in Kyoto, we checked out early nad drove to Kurama, and did the kurama kibune hike, for Qinzhi and Huaihao, this was to get to the nagashi somen or flowing noodles that were characteristic of summer.
We were all actually taught a lesson each by Mt Kurama. Huaihao had a leech on his little finger at the start of the hike -a leech is quite difficult to let go of once it attaches to you, so he had a scare. At another location, Qinzhi slipped and hurt her bum and we had to make a stop.
But all was good, we had a beautiful yuba rice lunch once we got to kibune and then drove to kansai and headed to Rinku premium outlet for last minute shopping before heading to the airport for our flight back.
And before we knew it we were packing for our trip to Taiwan with grandpa and popo ah yi! But first, a trip to Gengyan jiujiu’s house and he cooked us a Tachiuo donabe and we had a feast of durians! Huaihao took the chance to show off his cubing skills of course!
I sat on his lap so he could fully embrace me. And I would be wrapped up in his arms .
He asked me why and I said “迷路” or lost.
He is eager to offer his advice and support. But what meant more to me was his embrace, I still felt his hand soothing calming my back. I still felt his breath. I saw up close how his face had shed off all the baby fat . I saw his collarbones and lean frame.
And I want time to stop
I messaged him before I went to bed
“Thank you for letting me be at home and taking the time and space to rest and map out what I want to do.”
And this morning I woke with better energy than yesterday. And the embrace is still working its magic on me.
I thought just how nice it is how grateful I am to have this guardian angel next to me, knowing me always rooting for me wholeheartedly and thinking for me
And is it any wonder, that I singled out Kdrama Angel On A Mission: Love to watch now?
It seemed like yesterday that Huaihao just transferred to Ngee Ann Primary School and now he has completed one year of study. We headed out as much as we can, trying to get the kids to get as much sun as possible. Love Huaihao’s sunkissed cheeks.
We had lots of splashing fun at the beach when we went to soak our feet in water, Huaihao got totally wet and drenched in sea water as he lost his footing. The first time everyone got wet and had no extra clothes. We washed and dried up at the bathrooms and headed to dinner then walked back up the beach to home
Huaihao looked really cute trying on the hat! And winter helmet, goggles and jackets.
This evening , we got the kids to try out winter wear and Huaihao had so much fun in gengyan jiujiu and ah mei ah yi’s winter wear. No longer kid sized.
This saturday, we were waiting for Qinzhi to finish her dance and headed to the furniture shop. And he was trying out the design pieces.
At ah yi’s, and Huaihao would be e asking ah yi to trim his nails and in turn he would massage ah yi.
To prepare for Ah Yi’s birthday, the kids painted something for her and on the 17th, we headed out to our favourite restaurant to have dinner to celebrate Ah Mei Ah Yi’s birthday.
Then we tried to prep the kids for a new academic year by cleaning the cupboards and headed to the bookstore to get books.
Have been fasting for a few days and Huaihao helped me “make dinner”. Asked him why he took a long time and he said, “i added lots of love in!”
And Huaihao reminded us that, “it’s just a few days before we get into December.”
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