Tag: beauty

Expressing Divinity

Expressing Divinity

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Walking out to the bus stop and this I saw along the canal stopped me and sent me right into the moment

The camera couldnt do justice

What I saw was the reflection of light on water pulsing through the tree branches

If I ever wondered – yes I did wonder- what it was like to be having the flow of divinity, to have energy coming through . This is certainly a closest show to me.

To let me know – yes- I, no- we all have divinity this cosmic intel flow grace beauty joy creativity abundance light love – each and every of these and them combined- in me, you, us, them, each one of us. Whether you are aware or not. We carry these beautiful expressions of the cosmos.

And to see this and be in the moment with this is grace.

Happy Vesak !

Magical Europe (II)

Magical Europe (II)

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

8 – 10Jan

The days in Paris were spent shopping. We visited Troyes outlet and La Vallee Village but came out empty handed

Had a good time at Le Bon Marche and Le Grande Epicerie, my favorite spot in Paris and showed these off to bf

We had a nice dinner every night and also got pickpocketed on and lost a few hundred euros

On our last day in Paris, I booked Arpege. The food was every bit spectacular.But what I didn’t expect was how much of bf a shock bf was at the price of lunch he looked sore and upset

That upset me totally

I took the chance to explain to him – I just wanted to share with him what I enjoyed and appreciated and what was important to me

Alain Passard was important to me, inspirational and motivational. He was someone who heard and went by his heart’s calling in spite of public opinion. He was a pillar of strength to ask me to believe in my heart’s voice

After so many years I came back to this address again and this time I have bf with me, having a good meal that could make memory

And the feeling was that he rejected totally my heart my thoughts and what I love

That was difficult for me

I explained to him this is how I felt when I was with him on a snow mountain and when he urged me to do sledding or tobangganing

So when bf was sore and kept telling me- “I dont need this”

I was really thrashed- it’s like I fetched my heart for him only to have him throw it away

I used the words he used on me to let him know- we were in each other’s shoe

And I learned something- that we can share it outwards but anything echo back is a bonus that we have to learn to appreciate and accept. I have been one who is always on the lookout for comments, approval but this taught me once more – that while I can expect, it is best to offer my most sincere, and to be accepting of any echo that comes my way

But then something magic happened – he had a dish of beetroot tartare and opened up

And that kind of uplifted me- to trust the process. After offering my best my most sincere, trust the process rather than to want something out of it

At Moynat, we had a little chat with the team and one said, happy wife happy life. If she is happy you are

And bf said, that’s love!

When we checked in, he heaved a sigh of relief and said, “now I feel relieved and more safe”

He has been carrying the burden while I felt completely at ease having him navigate through everything for me

And now at the lounge, thinking back all, I know he loves me and keeps giving in to me. I thank him for bringing me to Paris and all this while for letting me do what I like .

I m so happy I can (choose) to see this . How he loved me.

Thankful all over again!

On the plane I asked bf what was the biggest harvest of this holiday? And he said, “ it’s knowing you “

He said he gets sore when I say he doesn’t buy me a bag or bring me to restaurants but what about the house with the morning sun that I want? How is it that I can choose to pick on what he does not do rather than delight in what he does?

He explained to me how he doesn’t take comfort in the things I delight in. Much like how I do not enjoy skiing or sledding. We are very much equals

He told me about George Lam who in his concert talked about this snippet of his married life

“We are both librans but after I shower the tub is cleaner than I m. But after my wife showers it feels like the bathroom needs a makeover.”

Bf said, “ I always thought about this George Lam said. Why would he say something like this? I think it’s that they both have differences, being in love doesn’t mean happiness everyday. They have their conflicts but they stay together despite it all because they have the love in between. So it’s like you like Paris and so I came with you.”

And I am beginning to see this a lot this trip. Somehow someway it comes through to me.

He is sleeping beside me snoring away. And I want my hand in his.

Thank you for bringing me to Paris. We have come so far.

I am thankful .

Love.

Magical Europe 22 (II)

Magical Europe 22 (II)

by yellownblac ♥ 1 Comment

30 Dec

Is it 30 December 2022 already?

I am on the train from Chur to Bern. Traveling only rail is so pleasant in Switzerland, you weave past villages townships and meander around mountains in the golden sunshine – so brilliant it uplifts you immediately.

Having a cold hard bread easily put together with hummus and lettuce, and a vegan yoghurt makes it even better!

Traveling this way lets out lots of thoughts and emotions. You kind of meander into your inner world too.

And this lets me know that for a while in the past I have delved too much into a depth of my own far removed from nature.

Am I not glad to be in this spot now?

Not just glad but grateful happy joyful blessed! I know I am supported on all fronts.

This morning in my shower, I was talking to my body- let’s heal the keloids and everything else that need

What is my rock when is my rock?

What is my rock when is my rock?

by yellownblac ♥ 1 Comment

I told bf that the last two months has been a time of reinvention

For want of a better word

The process was all about breaking apart and then scrambling to find the pieces – of myself back

I was trying to feel for everything

For everything felt like kind of the same. Nothing could excite me. I didn’t know about my likes and dislikes. Didn’t know what why when where how

And my body was imitating this state

Yesterday at bedtime I was asking HuaiHao what is the heavy weight at my heart center? And he went:” you don’t know how to express yourself. Like you are not made of plastic, you are made of metal , just be yourself and don’t follow the herd”

I didn’t really know what he meant

Today after so long I went back to walking and seeing this kind of made me get it

When everything fell apart, I was trying to grab bf to hold on to something to anchor

But in a way or another, he appeared to be leaving me to my own

And I kind of find myself crushed even more knowing that he has/had been my rock and I m me and myself now

What is my rock when is my rock?

I was devastated

I was frantically searching for something to anchor on

And I think that rock would be the divine. And anything belonging to that

Searching for the divine feeling for the divine and connecting with the divine

And I saw Rumi , “You are not a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean in a drop”

And after searching outside for so long looking for something else, I kind of found the divine in myself

And that day I went to remove my wisdom tooth because it went all shaky. When the tooth was extracted, I felt a miraculous sense of release. It was as if something deep was lifted out of me

Came back tired and napped and woke up to a rainbow

What a journey it has been looking for light ?

Take 1

Take 1

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

A Korean docuseries documenting K-pop reps, asking them if they were to do a perfect performance before they died, what song would it be and where—- all in one take

The episode on Rain was very inspiring

I kind of grew up with him

When he started out in 2002 that was when I began my career as a journalist

I remember watching his concert live and watching him on Take 1 made me feel alive

It made the engine in my heart start roaring

There were so many wonderful quotes, such as

“Just do it the way you practised “

“Treat the practice like the real thing and the real thing like a practice”

“The stage is about the tension between an artist and the audience and I will use that tension as fuel to unleash my energy on stage. It is my goal to put forward a performance that makes you shiver from head to toe as soon as it starts”

“Give a performance that is impossible to give. Even if it’s impossible, I like to give it a try”

“Even if it doesn’t work, I need to try my best first”

“I won’t stop unless we nail it”

“I always told myself to never regret things”

“People get a few chances in their lifetime. But if you don’t do your best each time, you won’t be given a chance next time”

“I don’t know how others evaluate me. But if I had evaluate myself on stage it’s not that I was cool or the best. It’s that u was true to myself. If I were to evaluate myself I’d say I did my best and was devoted. ”

His fans all went wild – obviously , seeing this one take . 25000 applied to come into the blue house to watch this performance and only 1000 came in

Qinzhi was watching with me and I told her, I also want to do something that makes me come alive and makes people come alive.

Running/Walking (xi)

Running/Walking (xi)

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I always intended before I started walking or running. To use the practice ahead to expand on my consciousness, to open my mind further . To reconnect with my body, my self——- seemingly brainless or basic things but really it’s not that easy after all.

But as always on me time, inklings always come about.

(I) Like

One day I asked TPY what does she like? And the responses came.

我喜欢被感动，然后去感动别人

我喜欢发现，喜欢新，喜欢去发掘新奇的东西

可能别人会错过的

我喜欢做别人的眼睛，帮别人去发现发掘出来美

In essence, I found out that it’s not so much writing that I liked but discovering the new and seeing how I act on it or react to it. I like to look ahead and watch out for new things and to find the connection with it

(II) Open Up Show Up

On another day, I asked myself why do I need my shield of keloids and it dawned on me that at a certain point in my life, when life rained on me, I felt like I was not able to receive or manage already and so I put up my hands to block

And block all of life I did. The keloids when dad left and mom passed on. Then when Qinzhi experienced epilepsy —— and now writing this made me understand how I put a shield on my navel with the cyst!

When I felt how life was throwing things at me and I was overwhelmed and how life isn’t working for me

I put things up as a shield

And H did send me Louise Hay’s interpretation of a cyst

“Cysts: Running the old painful movie. Nursing hurts. A false growth.
Cystic Fibrosis: A thick belief that life won’t work for you. “Poor me.”

And I took the chance to tell TPY – I do not need to shy away from life and it’s offerings anymore. I affirmed the circle of support I have and once again worked at feeling openness.

I need not hide from life- at all.

I affirm that I enjoy success prosperity vibrant great health and energy amazing fulfilling wholesome relationships

I affirm I am in the flow and always travelling in the best direction

I want to experience openness and success like never before

(III) Breathe

On another day when it rained as I was running, I was more desperate trying to anchor myself on my breath than escaping the rain. When it rained on, the voice in me grew louder : stay with the breath, stay. Move the body not the mind. Stay with the breath, feel it. And that was the gateway or link to the present. Not worries about the rain or getting rained on.

(IV) Yoga

I kind of am reconnecting back to yoga and is intrigued by the things the instructor says during the lesson

Such as- don’t do the pose let the pose do you.

Such as, let the yoga begin now

Such as, we see more when we feel more

The purpose of doing so much is to go in

As the pose gets a bit more intense, find a place to get comfortable . Adjust. Stay with the breath. Move the breath. Move the body not the mind

Find a place for the breath, where it hasn’t been before

And I see squirrels, eagles, birds and know – all is well.

If anything, find all ways to be connected with the self. And always , always come back to centering the self- or the breath.

No matter how hard it is raining. Ot what you see, hear, feel. Come back to the breath.

We (have) moved

We (have) moved

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I went to bed seeing a clear sky and an occasional plane heading towards Changi.

I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the moon to my left. That was at 430am

What joy! Immense joy at that!

I went back to bed telling my husband about it. How magical is that?

There’s movement in (seemingly) stillness

And we have moved so much so far along. Why are we still carrying whatever baggage on us?

Drop it already. Whatever —— has passed us by! Drop it drop it drop it!!

We are already in the new. The now.

At 630am when we rose, the moon went further right till I had to bend to see it. But in its place when I saw it at 430am, Mars the red planet was there.

I told huaihao about it and showed him the celestial objects using the app. And he could tell me more. Like Jupiter being super gaseous and has 3 moons and experiences super typhoons. Surprised why he knows and remembers, he says he reads and shows me the book.

So in love with this morning!

So much wisdom in nature! Thank you, give me more 😊

And the reason for my existence

And the reason for my existence

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

There’s something in 14 Peaks that calls out to me.

Nims speaks out the very things we once harboured in our hearts, the very things we held close to heart and pursued like crazy because we believed ——— but afterwards lost them to the daily grinds

And coincidentally, I went back to writing my column yesterday. The piece of writing is slated for Christmas and the idea of light and love came up. My Santa is Mr Ng, who made me see the light each time I went to see him.

I started writing and re-reading just two posts —— every time after I visited, I would write down faithfully the contents of the the visit : what we discussed and exchanged ——- I cried so hard. The nuggets of truth and wisdom I fetched out from then, those visits stand true today. And they are still useful for me. I reconnected with the truths he shared with me and I saw how much I was appreciated as a soul. He taught me how to acknowledge and recognize my self, how to be gentle with myself——-always, before I knew

I miss my teacher and is calling out for him from the depths of my heart.

Then I watched 14 Peaks

The combination worked I guess.

I went back to 2016. When I had the idea of getting Nic to be a Friend of Michelin. And boom, I got to him.

How is that even possible? There is every reason it would be impossible.

In 100 years the red book has been in existence, there is no Friend of Michelin.

https://guide.michelin.com/en/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

https://guide.michelin.com/hk/zh_HK/article/news-and-views/michelin-unveils-its-first-friend-of-michelin

Seeing him on stage carrying out and expressing my belief—- that Food is made good with friends and in connection—— is impossible to describe.

The feeling you carry in the heart area is full and warm—— when you make the impossible possible.

No word can do justice to that feeling.

No amount of money too.

I went to bed. And got out of it in a matter of minutes .

I cut the quote on an upcoming video. If that could make the project possible, I will do it. The joy of making a video is impossible to describe too because that is what makes me come alive.

So I emailed the client with an adjusted quote and went back to bed.

And this morning, this morning when I woke and lay in bed, trying to be still. Beautiful thoughts and feelings came to me.

Those moments sitting beside the camera the frame, lights shining on the subject in front of me. The subject revealing thoughts emotions true to him and me feeling them—— because, with age, how different can we be. We run similar programs emotions albeit in different places and different points in life. We connect in the suffering that pain we all had a chance to experience

He or she might be talking about him or her but what I hear is about me. The moments in between —- working with what was released in real time, takes things out of me. It is work in process and expression at its best

That seat, right opposite the subject. Here is where and when I come alive . I live for these.

Why did I give it away so easily ?

The feeling sitting in that spot. I can’t wait to be back.

To use my gift and experience, to share light love hope warmth and delivering it my style.

This is my mission my purpose and the reason of my existence my being. It is why I am wired this way why I feel this way why I have experienced what I have —— all these were in preparation for me to do the work I am here for.

This is the first time I see things this way—— like a puzzle in place. A breakthrough and light of sorts—- i m wired this way because I need my strengths and weaknesses to do the work I do

And seeing this made me appreciate my experiences more.

I thanked my experiences once more and release all that do not serve me any longer —— out of my energy field , and I do so with much ease and grace, lovingly tenderly and I intend for them to move out at a speed fastest possible for my comfort and grounding

But more than release, I know for sure I would be able to use them in my work.

Mr Ng said to me: “you have always shared with me what other people say, what about you? What is your story? I want to hear your story. You should be in the frame.”

He saw the beauty of my beingness when I did not.

The reason and beauty of my being is to express. And when I do not do that, I could not come alive.

These two or three years when I left what I did professionally, a part of me stopped.

Where did you go —— I asked myself . And thank you for coming back. In fact, welcome back TPY——- I heard me say.

The feeling is the same that I felt seeing Nic on stage. The impossible had happened in a way to fetch me back.

And I could see now, how my guardian angels how the creator the source or god, has always been with me and in me———or else, how could I be here today saying this. At this time.

This time, it is the perfect time. Anything earlier or later would not have been.

And the magic in the essential oils —— Believe. And the affirmation I said every morning Michael Beckwith shared . He said to do it for a month and see what happens.

“I am available to more good than I have ever imagined . Let me co create a way of life with god that holds the insights and revelations the wisdom and intelligence that flows with time.”

I ask for support and all the resources on all levels to propel me in this direction of sharing my own light to the world. And it would be for the purpose of letting others see their own light and wonder.

It is Mr Ng’s greatest gift to me. He let me see the beauty of my light being . Always has been and will never go away.

And receiving that make me want to tend to this light I am born with privileged to bear and to share it outwards. To light another being.

Watching Korean travelogue “The Hungry and the Hairy” brought to mind that I once believed I was made for big things. I went to the best schools , had great results, was always ‘seen’ and ‘heard’. I made a name for myself. (Probably that was why I was so drawn to my ex boss SH, who also made dreams come true. ) But I gave up being big and decided to hide myself in small after Dad left us after Mom died. I hid my talents my wishes my purpose my mission along with those incidents. I stopped living me even if I m alive . Recently I had the feeling that I stopped myself when I left my last designation——- but now I realized I stopped myself even earlier.

No one else but me. I stopped myself from living my truth.

And I realized also, rather, I made the decision to not fall into another cycle of unhappiness with bf. I m no longer going to invest myself being upset. Been there done that. Enough is enough is enough.

I m going to live life devoted to protecting and sharing my light.

Is it any coincidence I woke up to these on 12/12?

Be Present With What Is Arising

Be Present With What Is Arising

by yellownblac ♥ 1 Comment

I saw something so beautiful this morning I had to write it down

I was at the bus stop waiting for a bus—— to get out home to avoid what unpleasantness I experienced these last few days——- to get away from those emotions I have been trying to manage, yet don’t seem to be getting anywhere

So I get out

While waiting, I saw a Japanese mother and her young daughter waving at the opposite bus stop

And I followed their wave and saw another Japanese mother and her daughter opposite

This young girl at my end called out to her young friend xxx chan! As they do in Japanese. And the pair opposite waved back with all their might

The young girl opposite was trying to get her message across too

I saw the traffic lights turning green and the engines rating to go

And then the two girls who were trying to traverse the gap in between—— with what seemingly important things to shout across the road

How noce

It brought me a smile

Young girls and their wanting to connect—— with the distance in between

Beautiful isn’t it?

And I was pleased with myself for being able to get hold of beauty in this moment

And to be, just be with what is arising

Many times, we are so caught up with our emotions our past our own psychological drama our perceived pain and our interpretations we miss out our moments we miss out life

We miss out the real teachings in these moments offered by others

Thank you young girls , for wanting to communicate across the road, with all that power you have

Life truly is, and happens in the moments.

一个人，是不是也可以过得很丰富

一个人，是不是也可以过得很丰富

by yellownblac ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

听蒋勋说话，完全会被感动。

是他的声音吗，还是他的细腻？他欣赏生活的心，都不一般。太美了。

https://www.cw.com.tw/article/5100997?template=fashion&fbclid=IwAR3J931g6vqtgsKRayHE–NJRbks1fQd9tuPljdNuUSniom43pJxeXN-Oe0&utm_campaign=fb_-website_share-icon&utm_medium=website_share&utm_source=fb_

比如他说，冠病疫情下，一个人回来做自己，面对自己，一个人，是不是也可以过得很丰富？一个人能不能够和自己对话？或者会不会害怕和自己对话？有没有机会和自己和时间和历史对话？

比如他说：“我曾經交了學費，向台北亞都麗緻大飯店天香樓的保師傅學「煨麵」。「煨」就是用最小最小的火，把湯底煮48小時，再用這個湯底來下麵，就叫「煨麵」。這幾乎就是用人一般的體溫做出來的佳餚。我一直很憂心，如果愈來愈多人無法分辨煨麵和泡麵的差別，煨麵這道工夫菜可能就不存在了。所幸新冠肺炎期間，好多朋友都告訴我，開始重新花很長的時間做菜，我覺得很有趣。”

好多宝。