Heal with Words
12 Years 1 Month
I can’t believe Qinzhi is already 12 Years 1 Month old.
At this point in time, Qinzhi is busy preparing for her PSLE exams, had a few meetings with her teachers and they say, although the results are not yet showing, Qinzhi is pushing forward in her attitude and this is commendable.
On weekends, we continue to walk jog to Marina Bay and look what we spotted this particular day. Cranes and a salamander
And this is the kids saying, “Mommy, don’t move! Shield us from the sun!”
Then we would have brunch, mostly at Kith because the kids enjoyed the non dairy smoothies there. Then get them 吃茶三千, their favourite tea
And yes, this is something I will gladly do. I read somewhere that kids pick their parents. As much as they picked me, I picked mine.
And now writing this, I feel so much more at peace, in even greater acceptance than before of the events that have gone by.
On another weekend, we were feeling sluggish and decided to take the easy way out, taking just a little walk and then headed over to Little Farms Katong Point, just opened.
By this time, Qinzhi is already as tall as me and in quick time, getting bigger.
We continue with the mundane, school work, runs and walks, brunch and after school treats.
Resting in the beauty and gratitude the mundane gifts .
8 Yrs 2 Mths
Weekends are typically for jog walk to Marina Bay, followed by a brunch at Kith having Qinzhi and Huaihao’s favourite smoothie and big breakfast.
Then teatime at 吃茶三千
I love giving the kids good food, of any kind, makes me feel more accomplished as a parent, little things such as a strawberry or a nice smoothie with pure flavours and no additives
Huaihao loves to call me and I love receiving calls from him, asking me when I will be back, sometimes its after a long day at work, and his voice lifts me up
Then he would massage me when I am home and be around me, “if mommy isn’t home, its not home”. He says. Then he would go on and make me laugh
There’s one day I came home exhausted, Huaihao came to me and asked me what is wrong.
And then he went on to give me a massage. For that matter, a most beautiful and healing one.
He listened intently to what I said and went on to get the Valor roll on, drew a heart on his palm and “pasted” it on my back.Then he went on, “Life is like that Mommy, one day is good and one day is bad.”Then he used the roll on and wrote “ Be Happy” on my back.This one, my guiding light and my guardian angel.
Then he ran out and went on to make this card for me.
The next day, he called me, and asked :”so mommy, is today a better day?”
These days at bedtime, Huaihao likes me to stroke his back to sleep.
He would turn his back on me every night at bedtime for the ritual of stroking him to sleep. And as much as he enjoys it, probably its his way of winding me down and letting me relax. And he lets me learn to go slow and be gentle and to be mindful as I follow my hands on his little back. Today as I was telling him that it will be 5 mins only, I set of regretted. Why do we want to condition giving, or restrict giving?
Are we not teaching our child to be afraid of giving, or not to give?
Then I continued till he drifted into sleep and I hope in future when he grows up, he will remember this touch I delivered on his back every single night. I think ——-he will.
We hold way more power in our hands and in our touch than we know. Every time we give this away, know that it is precious, it is sacred.
This is his favourite toy of the moment, playing experiments of water to ice using the fridge. I wonder what is it that give him pleasure! But he is so adamant playing this nothing we say can stop him!
Huaihao recently became very motivated to write well and got praises from his teachers which he would proudly show off to me. And teacher says he is very good at algorithm. Even for spellings, he takes little time to learn and can score fairly well.
And he got his flying noodle treat in return
He continues to work on Lego and this is his suggestion for a key holder
Recently, weekends are also spent looking into household needs and furniture.
On 20th March we celebrated grandpa’s birthday and Huaihao had lots of wonderful food!
I love Huaihao! May you be well and happy Huaihao!
8 Yr 1 Mth
亲爱的皓皓
Mommy不知道被你救了几次，mommy是这样跟皓皓说的。每天可以睡在你的身边，你会用双手捧着我的脸，给我亲亲嘴。我给姐姐做raindrop，皓皓就给我做颈肩按摩。我们一起聊天，谈生活，谈过往，谈未来。
阿姨说，到时搬家的时候，公公一定会很想你。因为每天你会跟公公争着看电视。一起看电视的时候，还会问公公很多的问题。阿姨吃饭的时候，会说：“怀皓你过来陪我聊天。”
不知不觉，我们就这样在公公家住了4个月了。
除了看电视，玩ipad，这就是皓皓最近动手做的、玩的。一次，带皓皓下去楼下骑脚踏车。
新年将至，和karyn姐姐的父亲一起午餐。过后他还带你们去买新衣！
有一两个周末，mommy带沁芝皓皓从东海岸半跑半步行到marina bay，用brunch为推动力，周末阳光明媚，清风吹来。领受春的大地光彩
我们会到你们姐弟两挑选的cafe吃brunch，然后去看家具。除夕夜我们一起捞生吃盆菜，初一醒来，daddy如同以往那样，把红包搁在枕头下。皓皓如往年那样，搜出红包封。这就变成了所谓的传统，以后相信皓皓沁芝也会沿用。这样去说小时候拿红包的故事。
就像mommy这几年也开始初一拍大家在一起的照片那样。
然后沁芝皓皓给daddy mommy拜年，mommy光是听、拍都感动。换皓皓给mommy拜年，居然流下来泪水。跟皓皓说，那是感动！因为皓皓出生才51公分，不知不觉，在给皓皓冲凉、煮粥都日子变成了煮饭的日子，皓皓现在都不需要mommy给他冲凉了。有些时光就是这样———回不去了。才想起有一段时间，皓皓一直要mommy帮他冲凉，mommy还有些不耐烦。现在换mommy想为皓皓冲凉，都不晓得皓皓还让不让mommy进冲凉房呢。
不管皓皓怎么惹姐姐生气，姐姐还是那样。那样不介意被皓皓说教。总是帮皓皓看左看右，找皓皓拉下来找不着的东西，在皓皓需要帮助的时候伸手帮忙。
年的滋味就是这些。好丰富的、老老实实的好滋味。
阿祖去世之后，就不去八叔叔家拜年。直接给阿姨婆婆拜年。今年因为COVID，限制一天只拜访两户人家，所以阿姨婆婆千叮万嘱，让他们的亲戚别赶在初一来拜年，把数额给我们一家。初二，公公和皓皓约了吃麦当劳！皓皓自己赶在7点半起床赴约。
宝贝迎接农历新年look！
看到mommy因为他可爱的举动开心了，皓皓就不断复制。
情人节未到，皓皓说了一些关于礼物的话。情人节是大年初三，早上醒来，皓皓要妈妈出来，结果自己走进房里，把这个送给我。Mommy一时口快，说我有了。结果皓皓哭了。问他怎么了？皓皓说，满心期待我收到礼物会很开心，结果我居然说我有珍珠耳环了。他好失望。
连忙解释：mommy不是贪心的人，有了一样就一样，不会再要多一些，他才平复下来。
最喜欢收皓皓的纸条。有时要皓皓按摩。他就会赠这样的收据。
有一天放学回来，皓皓说被同学揍肚子里，嘟起嘴说哭了，然后说同学的姓氏是annoying，可爱极了。另一天，皓皓在做功课，碰巧问的是皓皓的名字，mommy说皓皓的名字就是光。
亲爱的宝贝。你就是光，那天看到这样的一段话，很是有趣。
“Remember that what you want to bring now is just pure light to the surface.You are white light.That’s what you are.You just forgot.Bring that light to the surface.Allow it to pour out from you, from your heart.Allow it to be the current upon which every word out of your mouth rides.Feel it coming out of every pore of your body.Feel the largeness of yourself.You are beyond the surface of your skin. You are, indeed.You are connected to the universe.You are white light.Bring that light into your body, to the surface.Let it pour out of your hands.Be aware of the fact that you are pure light.As you do this, you will help to raise the vibration of the planet Earth.You will be turning on the light very, very, brightly.And the planet Earth will make its transition to this new place of understanding much more easily.”Posted by Diane Langlois Stallings athttps://joystreamhealth.wordpress.com/…/free-awesome…/
12 Years
12年前的今天生沁芝。这是那时候给沁芝准备的。尝尝跟沁芝说，她出生的情景，mommy阵痛快一天，凌晨才出来。那时候的沁芝51公分。2.97公斤
看着沁芝小时候的照片，觉得很心疼沁芝。特别是几年前经历癫痫的那一段。宝贝，辛苦你了。mommy万般不愿意，不知道可以怎样做，让沁芝完完全全从之前的那一段释放掉。
我想，就是接受吧？然后，感谢这一切。让我们变得坚强学会勇敢。学会珍惜。学会珍贵的大小事。沁芝就是老师，选择了我这个mommy，这个家庭，来学习也来教导mommy。
特别喜欢沁芝微笑的样子。沁芝就是这么了不起的一个小女孩。之前mommy的教育工作怎么了，把沁芝美好的部分脱去了。
1月22日皓皓生日，我们一起到四川豆花饭庄用餐。看沁芝的微笑，嘴唇直直的微微往上。很善良的女生。
然后期待农历新年。除夕，帮忙把春字贴在大门上。再请沁芝帮忙包红包。
隔天一早，两个小朋友一睡醒，就从枕头下搜出爸爸前一晚准备好的压岁钱。
沁芝就是这么贴心的小女孩。总是那么的宽容，愿意帮助别人。
大年初一，拍一张全家福。好喜欢沁芝的微笑。告诉自己要努力让沁芝这么微笑。每天都功课，就是让沁芝皓皓开心入睡。
农历新年，有好多好吃的。除夕的鱼生、盆菜、芋头糕、红龟粿、阿姨卤肉、算盘子、五香、捞鱼生，还有阿姨工作上送过来的各种糕饼甜点。
最近几乎每个星期五都会到学校接沁芝下课。然后带沁芝去吃点东西，单独共处。和沁芝聊天。完完全全的和沁芝在一起，听沁芝想说的，说给沁芝听自己生活中的大小事。
这一天周末，带孩子到海边去，接地。赤脚在沙滩上被海浪洗涤。
最近因为工作出门的机会多了，沁芝皓皓会打电话问，mommy什么时候回来？聊啊聊，发现孩子变成我了。说我说的话。感觉有点奇特。这天沁芝说：“Love you too and have a nice day ahead”。
好大人的说法。
这就是我的充电器。因为沁芝这么说，所以我要努力过好一天。
19日这一天到了，早上睡醒，就给沁芝唱生日快乐歌，让沁芝开心欢喜地起床。
沁芝说很期待今天，因为老师会给沁芝准备礼物，刚才睡前，沁芝还叙述了一下上课时，老师给沁芝礼物，请班上同学给沁芝说生日快乐的点滴。
下午，和daddy去看装修房子需要的选材后，daddy特地到Tarte By Cheryl Koh去给沁芝买很漂亮的糕点。Mommy则准备沁芝选的草莓冰淇淋雪糕蛋糕
晚餐由阿妹阿姨买沁芝要的炸鸡。庚延舅舅去张罗福建面、薄饼、沁芝爱的otah，好饱啊！
我们给沁芝唱生日歌。庆祝这个小妞的一切。
皓皓给沁芝制作了小卡片
大家睡了，Mommy也累了，不过这一天过去之前，还是想给沁芝写点东西。所以从床上爬起来。给沁芝写了一封电邮。记录这一天。庆祝沁芝的这一天。
亲爱的宝贝，你就像是一面镜子，让我看着你看着看着看到自己。谢谢你那么爱mommy。教我爱这件事。May you be always blessed, protected, guided by the divine.
隔天，婆婆一家打电话来，说要给沁芝煮鸡蛋面线，吃了健康喜乐，好运连连。
宝贝，记着这个味道，还有这份被爱拥抱的感觉。可以让人能量满满，感动遍布一身一心。
I release my past
I am so loving this.
How did this come into my purview?
“The mind is often afraid to release the past, for the mind has built an identity based on the past. The mind is often afraid to release the past because the mind has built an identity based on the past; past mistakes, past learnings, past regrets, past moments of being bullied, abused.The mind forms around these experiences and creates an identity, behaviors, ways of seeing and feeling the world designed to protect you as you move forward, but there comes a point when that protection is no longer required. So if you are still healing, if you are still recovering from elements of your past, we are not suggesting you must release your past today. We are reminding you that you can release your past on any given day and that process amplifies in speed when you are willing to give permission, when you are willing to say,
“I release my past. I release this past memory from haunting me. I release this past regret from chasing me. I release this past blaming of another from holding me in place in my anger, my justification.” Remember, your intention is all that’s required.” -From Release the Past Meditation MP3https://www.leeharrisenergy.com/store/ULRattJg
Treat Yourself to Forgiveness, anyone?
Forgiveness Decree
I forgive everyone who has ever hurt or harmed me, consciously or unconsciously. In this life or any other. In this Universe or any other. In every plane, level or dimension known or unknown. I offer them Grace.
I ask for forgiveness for anyone I have ever hurt or harmed, consciously or unconsciously. In this life or any other. In this Universe or any other. In every plane, level or dimension known or unknown. I ask for Grace.
I forgive myself for anything I have ever done to hurt or harm myself and another, consciously or unconsciously. In this life or any other. In this universe or any other. In every plane, level or dimension known or unknown. I accept Grace.
I am free.
All chains and restrictions fall from me.
I stand in my power as a master.
Your Guardian Angel
Love this I read this morning!
“Everyone is allocated a Guardian Angel to look after them through all their incarnations. They are our loving companions, constantly watching over us.
Our Guardian Angels hold the picture of our Divine Perfection and constantly whisper it to us, impressing us with the HIGHEST choices we can make.Guardian Angels will constantly nudge us to remember the highest truth of who and what we are. More than this, if we wander off course, they will be there gently nudging us back onto the path.
Indeed, I have seen Guardian Angels of people and who see their charges making the same old mistakes over and over again, rolling their eyes and saying: “There they go again!”
Yet, their love is unconditional and thus will go with you no matter what you do, nor what happens to you.Guardian Angels can open the doors of new opportunities for us and arrange the amazing and magical synchronicities which are so helpful in our lives.
If you have difficulties with communicating forgiveness or understanding to someone, then you may call in your Guardian Angels and ask them to communicate with the other person’s Guardian Angels and ask them to talk to that person, and convey the desire for forgiveness, peace or dissolving of conflict. This works on many levels, for subconsciously that person will pick up the guidance from their guardian angels, and matters are resolved much more quickly. If the person is even at a great distance, then these matters can be cleared up. Indeed, you will often find that everything sorts itself out in amazing ways, and suddenly doors of communication open, which were closed before. Judith Kusel” http://www.judithkusel.com
8 Yrs
Huaihao is 8.
I cant believe it. I just told him at a bedtime chat that he was 51cm when he was born and such a tiny baby at 2.4kg.
I told him that this time 8 years back, Mommy was a heft 80 kg carrying him, wondering what exactly he will be popping out as he is already past due date.
And I told him that Huaihao has grown to be a fine young boy and has to take care of himself well and to cherish himself .
What I didn’t tell him is that he’s grown to be a little man now, challenging me in a big and little ways. And many times of late. Huaihao is a fluent speaker and extremely quick witted at his age, always turning any argument in his favour in the shortest time, with his aggressive ways.
If you disagreed, he would pursue until you agreed.
He probably is teaching me.
He loves for me to listen to him. And I think this is what I like to. I like to express myself and to have someone listen to me. So i try my best to listen —wholeheartedly to Huaihao.
Huaihao knows how to wring you around, it felt as if he were twirling you round and round his little finger.
It takes a lot of composure and a lot of patience to be talking to Huaihao. If he catches you at a time of your low, he would be sucking every ounce of energy out of you.
But this very thing of him is what makes him a great teacher to me. To remind me to be mindful and to train my patience.
Other times when he is good, he is sweet as he can be, he cups my face in his tiny hands and plants kisses on my lips, locks his hands over my shoulders and rests his face against mine
One night on the bed:
#yehuaihao : Mommy, can you not buy me a cake? Just get me a quail cake.Me: haven’t heard of that.#yehuaihao : why? it’s nothing else but a cake made of quail eggs.
At Christmas, I was going out to work and he and Qinzhi made me a note:
They got their presents from the lovely folks who shower them with love each year.
And to this day, he works at transforming his Lego lots. Insisting on telling me about his creations.
On 31st Dec 2020, he went out with me to shop for steamboat ingredients and we had a such great time being together.
And i bought a box of organic mango oranges which he loves.
One weekend, we made an offering to Bhante and Sister—both nice kind wise souls.
The next day, we were out exercising and having brunch.
We stopped by a little snail as Qinzhi observed and got inspired: Huaihao says “slowly but surely” and Qinzhi’s takeaway seeing the little animal make its way was “Never giving up”
We walked all the way to Nicoll Highway and then exited to Millenia Walk, had brunch and then continued on to search for furniture and having a cup of bubble tea.
And before we knew it, the holidays are over.
Was on the bus back from Pasir Panjang and got a call from Home. It’s Huaihao alright. The very sound of his voice, bright and sparkly, healed me almost immediately. Like fuel. We chat a little on the phone and I find myself alive again. Thank you for calling me Huaihao.
Asked Huaihao what he would like for his birthday and he really wanted to have the Flying Noodles. So we will do that!
And he wanted an oreo cake
In the everday, we continued to write notes to each other.
One Saturday, the three of us headed out, on our march to gardens by the bay from East Coast, the whole 15km took us about 1.5hours. But first, a swing and a little play to soak up all the goodness the spring morning presents.
Then we ran, jogged, walked
Before long, we are already at Millenia Walk, having scrambled eggs, toast, hotdog and bacon
We bad a great time at the National Museum, going backwards in time, checking out what time it was like in grandpa’s teens, my teens …
Dear Huaihao wants to have rock melon cake. I sifted through so many cake websites to find something he might like. Amongst them, an oreo cake, a red velvet, a yuzu cake, but he finally set his eyes on a rock melon cake.
And he is happy.
When I see Huaihao happy, I am reminded to be happy. We are mirrors to each other and we are inspired and motivated by each other.
I seldom give Huaihao gifts, but on Huaihao’s birthday, I went to get Huaihao a watch.
Huaihao gave me a hug after reading and I will remember this smile on his face.
Then I brought Huaihao to get his cake before heading over to Auntie Linda’s for his Flying Noodles. And he had 2 servings! And Auntie Linda gave Huaihao an angpow.
We all sang Huaihao the Happy Birthday song and Huaihao was so happy!
I love love love love love the smile on Huaihao’s face
The next day happens to be Huaihao’s Lunar Birthday, and he was celebrated so much at nanny’s house with the folks who see him grow up ever since he was born.
On Huaihao’s birthday, I told Huaihao the meaning of his name, bearing light.
Dearest Huaihao, may you always be well and happy, healthy and shiny. May you be the light upon yourself and unto others.
I love you so very much.
So, who is the most important?
A while ago, teacher asked me this question
I said this:
“
I think the divine or god or the buddhas are important in this universe —to guide, bless and protect us
to remind us that we are in their image or that we also have buddha nature. To remind us about the wonders, the love, the compassion, the grace, the wisdom
but if i say this, it also means that each and every single one of us, are so very important in our own right.
that if we were to contribute our authentic rights and reveal our light, the universe would be a better place.
we are the ones to create our reality and therefore our experiences in this universe, we actually are a great determining factor ——we are way more responsible how this universe turns out and we are way more powerful than we know
so awareness!!!
and our collective experiences, memories, intentions, ambitions, wishes, doings, effort, will shape the world, the planet and the universe and determine where this all is going
so in this sense, each and everyone of us, is the most important in the universe
I asked myself if i feel this enough?
actually no, i would love to feel it and is not rushing myself into it
i think if i can feel this, acknowlege this, i will be a very different TPY”
And just now, I saw this:
So, who is the most important?
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