Hokkien Mee

Hokkien Mee

Dad brought the kids to have Hokkien Mee cooked by his good friend Thye Hong

And the connection with uncle was rekindled because I previously wrote about it in my column and someone saw it and showed him

And dearest Qinzhi updated me about her eating Hokkien Mee

It’s such a precious connection and I tear reading Qinzhi’s texts

So many years has gone by

How would the noodles taste. But my daughter is tasting what I have tasted.

How blessed that is.

And I get it. I think if I were to be there myself, I would cry eating uncle’s noodles

And I know my father would have wanted to bring me.

There is no healing food cannot do

The soul in his eyes shine

The soul in his eyes shine

Ang Li have such a beautiful speech as he presented the Lifetime Achievement Award to Tony Leung.

The speech here in its entirety

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R_X7hfPjI7k

World cinema knows Tony mostly as the romantic lead from Wong Kar-wai’s intoxicating movies but little did they know the range of roles this superstar plays, from arthouse to international blockbusters. Whether it’s broad comedy, action, or serious drama, he always delivers enchanting performances and is one of the most beloved actors among Asian audiences.

He holds so many awards and honors, all of them very much deserved, because any movie can be elevated simply by his presence. Speaking from my personal experience, Tony is a director’s dream. There is something in his eyes that’s electrifying, not just his physical eyes or skill(s) but the soul that shines through them. He can say more in one look than many actors can with a full monologue. That’s a soul that can entice you to dream and imagine through him.

He’s the kind of actor who lures the best and the worst out of you, which for a director is actually the same thing. It’s hard to articulate, but it’s like your secret self, even a struggle and confusion that you’re hiding, comes to life right in front of your eyes that forces you to deal with it honestly. The deeper he dives into a role, the more he seduces you to push for more, and that takes a part of you. I can only imagine that he likes the suffering as an artist.

There was a day on set on my movie “Lust Caution” when I had a meltdown because of an emotional scene. Tony walked up to me, he touched my shoulder, whispered in my ears, “Director, we expose skin, you expose something else, you have to take care of yourself.” We always think that directors help actors, but sometimes it’s the other way around. That really gave me strength. It’s both terrifying and meaningful when someone that good and genuine embodies a hidden part of you.

His willingness to constantly share that vulnerability is what makes him so great. It appears to me he doesn’t do it for the credit. He’s like water, filling the lowest places without striving, and he serves. (上善若水。水善利万物而不争,处众人之所恶,故几于道) He facilitates the creative force, not just for the director but the whole cast and crew. He does his own stand-ins for lighting because, you know, this saves time. Instead of going to his trailer in between setups, he will stand around on set to watch people work. One time I asked him, “Why don’t you go rest?” He said, “I want to see how I can help.” I told him, “Don’t waste your energy, because I need you to shine on camera.” He said, “Chatting or gossip wastes Chi, reading makes my eyes lose their luster, and sleep is boring, so I watch people to see where I can help.”

There was another time he got to our cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto. We were staging a shot where Tony opens the door and looks in, and the camera pulled focus from the opening door to a close-up of his face. It was an extremely difficult shot to get right technically and with the sparkling performances. Rodrigo came up to me with tears in his eyes because Tony had asked him, “Where should I be?” He said, “I’ve had a long career and shot all around the world. Nobody ever asked me that question. People just don’t know how hard that shot is.” If that’s not a filmmaker’s dream, what is?

When you’re that talented and you have the natural look, that’s a gift. But to share it with kindness and to facilitate it in others, time and again, that’s a lifetime achievement. Being a great actor demands a love of the craft, and being a star requires you to function as inspiration for others, like a kind of modern royalty. Tony does both outstandingly well. He provokes our imagination that we can all dream through him. It’s a certain spirit I wish I could articulate and present to you, but I can’t because it’s beyond words.

I just feel so lucky to have been a small part of that magic, that bigger picture that we’re here to celebrate today. It is my great joy to present this Lifetime Achievement Award on the 80th birthday of the Venice Film Festival to Tony Leung.

And Tony Leung said,

“Ang, I know you will make me cry. Can you give me a minute? Thank you so much, Ang, for such lovely compliments, especially coming out from my most respected director and a very good friend of mine. And, uh, thank you, Venice International Film Festival. This is really a great honor.

First and foremost, I would love to express my gratitude to my dearest wife, Carina Lau, for her love and constant support, my family, my friends, and fans all over the world. I am so grateful to have been raised in Hong Kong as well as being nurtured later by the Hong Kong movie industry in general, where my acting career began. And I also want to share this honor and give thanks to all those wonderful people who I have worked with over the past 41 years because this is a tribute to them as well. And of course, to Hong Kong cinema. Thank you very much. Gracias.”

Blue Supermoon “Movements”

Blue Supermoon “Movements”

Is it the work of the super moon?

A few days back I started feeling the floatiness and grogginess

These two days it’s been feeling really full

Was talking to HuaiHao at bedtime on where to travel to. How about a trip on food and nothing else?

And somehow I started sharing about the experience I had at L’Arpege and how bf couldn’t appreciate anything because “he doesn’t need it”

He was obviously sore about being there and I felt so wronged with the good intentions I had

I told HuaiHao , yet three star Michelin food was just beneath my eyes. I couldn’t reconcile those complex feelings

Talking about this with HuaiHao kind of helped these feelings progress. Move in fact . I asked HuaiHao how I felt, and he said: heartbroken

Wow

How can he be so perceptive?

He says dad has a shield that nothing can go through.

Finding a listener in this little one, I told him how his dad got mad at Eiffel Tower and how he kind of destroyed my Paris – every woman’s dream – with his anger

It kind of made me realize – taking all this back to me- how much I wanted to , I expected of others to agree with me. And when others couldn’t , especially if people close to me couldn’t resonate as much as I like them to- there’s a kind of loneliness that can be really dampening

And I remember seeing these

https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/01/12/33-artists-in-3-acts-thornton/?fbclid=IwAR3EEkGxIsmDkExGuepywIu6QJn00Anoka60OoPE2qS9jLSM_gEk0IlzX4c_aem_AbJ6EINRNMG4rf4Ixyp5IZ6xl6j7zmlgUOW9JcczuMVk0ESgQPW7-aRQY33zUCjaj0U

Lots of beautiful quotes in here such as:

Loneliness is a valuable feeling. Artists need to know how to walk alone.

Is it the full moon that is helping these to move?

May all that doesn’t support our forward journey be released

May we all step into our power

May we all be blessed , divinely protected and guided.

I tried to reflect on myself. Especially after the things I learnt in Buddhist studies .

Like how we create our world our realities from our beliefs

Did I come to think that women in the families are always not appreciated ? Like in grandma’s case nanny’s mom’s

What else did I believe in to make this come true ? I wonder

And when we spoke the day after. HuaiHao asked is I was sad.

And how was I to react.

He asked me, “ and what do you feel like doing?”

I asked him for advice and he says, find a window.

And he adds, “ I mean you find another way if the door is closed.”

Wow

I said to him that I did not really want to do anything because I have been the proactive one all the while and if someone is sincere about a relationship , there would have been another expression

And HuaiHao says, “ pa has probably forgotten everything “

And then adds, “ but it’s your world, it could be a square a triangle a rectangle and it be named anything. I mean, you can create anything you want. You can paint it any colour or do anything you want.”

“And you first. Prioritize you first, not anyone else.

He touched me tremendously.

And it brings me to a recent interview I did.

“I’ll stop work if I do not feel good, for the simple reason that if I cannot make myself happy, how will I be able to bring happiness to others?”

Mind

Mind

Lessons at Tibet House have resumed and we started on Buddhist psychology yesterday

Geshe la mentioned the importance of knowing the mind which is a clear knowing with luminosity

And helped us find it

He reinforced the importance to not just know but to experience it feel it

Can you feel your mind even if you do not see it and even if the brain can be seen

Yet we experience our world because of the workings of the mind

Specifically the cravings of the mind

Here’s what is said by the great masters on mind

He brought to mind that everyday we have a personal practice to attend to

Having been born on earth- its a great opportunity and blessed to study and practice great wisdom of the masters

Say no to afflictions and bad habits

See what is obscuring your buddha nature for this is being kind to yourself in wisest way

We are all affected or under the influence of mental defilements and What is mental defilements?

-what is the nature of mental defilements?

Connected to self grasping ignorance Complimented by self centred attitude give rise to inappropriate attention gross afflictions and negative karma

Fear that arises within you is because of misconception 

If you want to get rid of this fear

Get rid of misconception by specific knowledge or wisdom

Introduce counter force directly opp wrt the object of apprehension

To Remove fear of samsara, 

Remove ignorance which leads to this fear which is self grasping ignorance

Past life habits of samsara deceives us in this life to think we r young

Know nature of mind or how mind works

We live in deep illusion

With this teaching I sought to apply it and ask myself what is the nature of the keloid

I put my hand on it. I thought of the scratching and asked myself what was it that I wanted

I wanted to get myself out of something I felt I couldn’t

Or I was in some kind of struggle and pain or fear that I (thought ) I could not articulate or handle

The itch- was telling me there’s something that needs to be done

Reminding me and helping me to release resolve to settle

In actual fact I really wanted peace of mind but in effect I cause only an amplification of the struggle of emotions I was in – if I kept scratching and reinforcing

So perhaps the remedy is the state of peace or assurance that I am safe and there is nothing wrong with a struggle

But first- awareness

The mind is chief and precedes all phenomena

Everything outside is all about the radiance / manifestation of the mind 

With internal luminosity you can see radiated world outside

How can I get closer to this clear knowing? With awareness.

Star by Colde

Star by Colde

Qinzhi saw Star by Colde looping on TikTok and I was surprised

earlier on I had watched See You In My 19th Life and posted about it

Hearing her play this song brought something deeper inside up

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ycKrYZMsgv0

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zsJVvlTqxj0

Just like a star
I stay here for long
While everything is changed
I just cannot help but stay, hmm
Just like a star
Don’t even see myself get old
It’s hard to be explained
I wanna break away
I keep on praying
Oh, why

If my tears fall
Down in my universe
Turns into a new world
Time to find my way back home
Thousand years’ gone
Don’t feel nothing no more
You’re the one I long for
Now it’s time to go
I hover like a star
Ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh
Just like a star
All the memories got stuck (oh)
I’m tired of the past (oh)
I want to break away
Oh, why

If my tears fall
Down in my universe
Turns into a new world
Time to find my way back home
Thousand years’ gone
Don’t feel nothing no more
You’re the one I long for
Now it’s time to go
I hover like a star

The lyrics kind of echoed on me

It somehow made me feel so much better, resolving the emotions I had that I couldn’t really reconcile

It made me feel like I can move on and take it in my stride

It kind of made me know who I am and what I am made for

Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

This is one of my favorite meditation or practice

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wsEFrCVED-g

Each time I do it I find myself releasing something inside

Who is hardest to forgive?

Maybe it’s us. Ourselves.

Embedded somewhere at some point this idea that we are not worth cherishing

And that is how and why we allow ourselves to be abused- by ourselves when we lock ourselves up in less than ideal states or repeating cycles

Try this link with Louise Hay and find that feeling – you have forgiven , you are forgiven

Inspirations From A Run (XIII)

Inspirations From A Run (XIII)

The sun was peeping out on my way to the beach

And there was this overflight that went from the sea to land

And I wondered once more, if the earth was round

An email from Chloe made my day this morning as I headed for my run

Chloe said she loved the piece on Alain Passard

And that made me feel like- the past is/has not passed

One day when I was running I had the idea to connect to her. She put me on an AF press trip to Paris many years back and I thought I could get to her to pitch a story on Cedric Grolet to her

But after so many years, she’s moved to other roles. Yet she wrote back to me and helped me connect to the right person

Not just that she said she put in a good word for me and that she loved the Passard piece I did

And it brought to mind- the significance of the law of cause and effect once more

I guess I seeded a good cause somewhat somehow sometime back

And the seed is now germinating

It took a while, but the right conditions must be there to help the seed grow

So this current condition – is needed. And anything less couldn’t have helped it the way it did

How much learning is that ? It’s a volume words can not yet- describe

It made think what seeds I am planting now and what/how to do so that I can experience a harvest and a bloom that is supportive of my growth

What did I want with this practice today!?

I asked and the answer and the intention was- to move ahead.

I did my simple qigong practice with this view in front of me, with the warm breeze from the sea

And instead of releasing any energies that are discordant, I got the idea that I want to fetch out my innermost voices values and who I am or what I really stand for – outwards

And not live someone else’s life

Going deeper with the practice, I saw the idea being truthful

Somehow the India trip many years back popped up. It was a trip that was wonderful and so inspiring on the senses , opening them up in a way that I could never have imagined- so much that when I came back to Singapore I literally felt that there was an atmosphere surrounding the country that I couldn’t pierce through

I couldn’t come back

The same with ishinomaki. The trip shook me as a person and brought up lots of things in my own journey

The idea of honesty popped up. If there was a time when I couldn’t fetch something out of someone , it would be because I have not done it with myself enough

Truthfully enough

Because life is an echo. What you send out you get back

As with all relationships, intentions matter.

As I ran , people and experiences popped up. And it came to my understanding that these are things and people that have stayed on – when they should have left

Nevertheless, I am happy they turned up at this point so I said my thanks for having them show up in my life, letting me experience and explore the spectrum of events experiences and emotions with them and -forgiveness , and tuning my head back I saw them all behind me, getting smaller behind me as I ran forwards.

I kind of saw a line of chord I was attached to the past, split and that only helped me in my surge forward. It’s a beautiful practice. And I am grateful.

Inspirations From A Run (XII)

Inspirations From A Run (XII)

I spoke to HuaiHao this morning. I asked him if I was more mad at papa this time and he said, “of course what do you think. Isn’t it obvious?”

And then this one reminded me, “but now, you are going back there now mommy.”

He is so quick so sharp so divine.

And so I came back running.

Of late I have been thinking of how to transform. How to use the energy we have.

Since energy cannot be created nor destroyed , the way to use it is to transform it. To spin it into a different something

I’m glad I have writing this blog this gift and ease of expression it certainly helped me when I needed

And now, running

So the practice today is to learn how to use this energy I have

I use it power the run throughout

And whenever I felt I needed to speed up, I asked myself if this slightly less than pleasant energy/sensation is still there

And I would use it to power the run

Repeating it.

Feeling it. Using it. Learning to work with it and work my way through it

Then it came to my knowledge once again that these few years have been a most precious time albeit sometimes somewhat difficult- because I really had the space and time to go inwards and to ask myself lots of questions lots of thinking through figuring out lots of sieving through and realignment and repositioning

It’s a very precious journey and tough- anything that concerns the self the soul the authentic is not so easy

But I must say it is worth every second of your investment

I saw that I am fond of find foods and I have given it away. I saw that I should have said that F but all I did was swallow it. And more more.

I love this. This opportunity. I needed this. To be a most spectacular me

And I know- I deserve. I am worthy. And so are you.

Inspirations From A Run (XI)

Inspirations From A Run (XI)

I saw myself before the run.

And then I set the intention- to come back to center to a place of balance. And soon I was running and visualizing the ball of sun this morning at the root chakra

Today I just did that throughout the run

And amazingly this came out of it

I visualized the keloid – the patch of it dropping away. Revealing and exposing the tender skin beneath

That’s me!

So all along I have been putting on a pretense ? Or at least, living life not being me and under a mask?

I have been hiding haven’t I? I was being someone who isn’t me in big and little ways. I allowed that and it hen I judge myself.

The ways I have not held on to me flashed by. Saying yes when I should have said no. Not acknowledging my needs. Giving another the opportunity to lord over me. Suppressing my feelings….

And who is me?

The idea of deserving came along. Being worthy- just because.

Teacher Stephan also asked and reminded me- who is the most precious?

I asked the divine to show her to me and to guide me to finding her.

I want to brave enough to be me.

Voices From The Heart

Voices From The Heart

On my way to an interview, I was setting an intention

For the chat session to be one that spells out voices from the heart

I thought of why writing mattered to me. Not because I love writing

But because I get to hear people and their stories. Most of all , their heartfelt voices

I travelled and went to so many places , asked so many questions and met so many people because I really was looking for voices from the heart -to teach me and guide me on my own path and journey

Their stories and advice felt like a rope somewhat and always let me learn something

And when I stopped writing I kind of felt a void

Seeing these points brought me to see also-

Maybe how disappointed it turned out to be when I tried so hard to fetch voices from people close to me, and maybe also- from myself. But after so many tries , I did not manage to.

And why was it so hard for myself and people near me- when it is easy doing the same on others?

Did I really listen? With my heart? To myself ? To people near me?