I told bf that the last two months has been a time of reinvention
For want of a better word
The process was all about breaking apart and then scrambling to find the pieces – of myself back
I was trying to feel for everything
For everything felt like kind of the same. Nothing could excite me. I didn’t know about my likes and dislikes. Didn’t know what why when where how
And my body was imitating this state
Yesterday at bedtime I was asking HuaiHao what is the heavy weight at my heart center? And he went:” you don’t know how to express yourself. Like you are not made of plastic, you are made of metal , just be yourself and don’t follow the herd”
I didn’t really know what he meant
Today after so long I went back to walking and seeing this kind of made me get it
When everything fell apart, I was trying to grab bf to hold on to something to anchor
But in a way or another, he appeared to be leaving me to my own
And I kind of find myself crushed even more knowing that he has/had been my rock and I m me and myself now
What is my rock when is my rock?
I was devastated
I was frantically searching for something to anchor on
And I think that rock would be the divine. And anything belonging to that
Searching for the divine feeling for the divine and connecting with the divine
And I saw Rumi , “You are not a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean in a drop”
And after searching outside for so long looking for something else, I kind of found the divine in myself
And that day I went to remove my wisdom tooth because it went all shaky. When the tooth was extracted, I felt a miraculous sense of release. It was as if something deep was lifted out of me
Came back tired and napped and woke up to a rainbow
The energetic process of purpose is reaching for your inner life, your Soul life, and bringing it out to the world.
Purpose energy is just like yang energy. The energy of a life with purpose is energy going outward and upward.
Remember you do not need to know the form of your purpose. All that is really needed is your pure intent to create a higher purpose for good in all you do.
When you receive guidance from your Soul, it comes softly and gently and will often show you pictures and designs.
You will always feel a sense of peace when your Soul is giving you a message.
Even if you are in a crisis situation and the people all around you are very stressful and emotional, your Soul will direct you in a compelling and peaceful way.
At the very beginning of each day or each meditation, you tell the universe what you want.
Focus on your life, your goals and life purpose, telling your body what you want, and have a beautiful image of yourself and what kind of life you want to live. Then you can send a message to the universe.
What kind of image do you see of the world you want to live in?
What is your purpose? What do you want to accomplish?
What is your intention?
Make your purpose clear.
Submit your message in the light while meditating
Feel the essence of your message
Let go of any fears and doubts
After that, you solely focus on the moment.
Feeling how good you feel.
Feeling the tingling sensations in your hands, in your body, seeing light in your body, and focus on that!
Once you put yourself in the ‘Oneness’ you trust the energy and trust the messages you receive. Trust the intelligence within you.
Too much analytical thinking may stop your inner wisdom from surfacing
In the quietness you breathe slowly, gently, and deeply. You help yourself to wake up the intelligence in the body.
You receive these messages to help you fix the wrong information in the body.
It is a process of cleansing, so a lot of people cry and they feel peaceful at the same time; they feel lots of emotional experiences, again, just let it be and allow it to happen. It is a process of detoxifying. When you open all this old information and messages get cleared out, health is going to restore back your life.
This is why having a purpose when practicing Spring Forest Qigong is important, regardless what your purpose is; for healing or for relationship, or for higher vibration. When you have a purpose, the Qi, is automatically directed to support your purpose.
Finished my ten day fast and was applying oils on myself, when I turned and saw this
Its not how about but ITS TIME to get on something new. Another piece of the sky. A new path, elevating the self to a new plane. Creating a whole new space for the self.
These kept me alive and brought me back to centre.
The lessons are manifold.
It’s about feeling.
Feeling completeness, wellness, whole, joyful, peaceful, acceptance, beauty, trust, love——rather than the opposites. No matter what. It is to be undeterred.
I re read this again and found some answers
If money was not an issue, and indeed so thanks to my husband. I would love to be out in the sun everyday, do yoga everyday, go for classes like sound art therapy and explore healing modalities. Yes, I would love to do it and share it outwards.
I would love to travel and see for myself, experience, capture for myself—–beautiful people, hearts, food, water, air, environment.
I would like to center more and more, I would like to share my experiences outwards. I would like to express my light and the divine in me.
I would like to challenge everyone to take a few moments every day for the next 30 DAYS, and find at least 10 things you are grateful for and express your appreciation for each of them.
You can express your appreciation to the sun for its life-giving light.
You can express your appreciation for the comfortable chair you like sitting in.
You can express your appreciation for the broken sidewalk outside your house because it reminds you to be careful when you walk.
You can express your gratitude for your house plant, for your pet, for the pen you write with, for your toothbrush, for anything or everything.
The key is to say so. Say it out loud or say it in your heart but say it again and again – “I appreciate you.” “I am so thankful for you.” “I bless you as you have blessed me.”
Writing them down is also good!
Try it and see what happens.
See how your love grows, how your happiness grows, how your life changes.
Everyone wants more gratitude, more appreciation, more blessings coming back to them.
Give it a Try!
Many Blessings, Chunyi Lin”
The sun showed up so bright and woke me up this morning. Asking me to do the same.
Ron gave me the St Benedict medal. Sasha asked khenpo dorje to do a divination and the reply was that “u hv a astral flotsam attached. Not too serious but definitely disembodying. U ll be fine!💐🌺🌸💐🌺🌸”
And Sasha’s advice was
“Yes these entity-things can try to drain yr energy & shape-shift around u … so u r probably feeling what its feeling! They r like giant mosquitoes that inject their own emotions & drain yr energy. The practice is to Be Yourself as much as u can.Really they can be easily removed”
The practice is to be yourself
Well I was searching for myself – and for that matter , searching really hard of late. And this learning had to come to really drive me down to getting every wee bit of mySELF out
I used to be a really sensitive child
My nanny would say, if people wanted to share red eggs celebrating a baby’s full month of being, and they showed the eggs in my face I would cry non stop or get a fever
I recall having lots of talisman burned waters in my childhood
That day when I shared this with Helena, she said, “ maybe this is the real you but out of fear you blocked it- and blocked everything out. But maybe you could use this in a way to help yourself and others. Learn to shield yourself and take only what you need. Practice !”
She asked me，” actually what are you afraid of ?”
Now as I try make sense of it – The feeling is almost as if fear is part of me. I have grown so accustomed to it it constitutes my identity
But really – what is TPY like without fear? Who can she be?
I told Sasha I must be at a low and she agreed because “that ll be when they attach Positivity has a kind of natural buoyant energetic protection.Low thins out the energy …”
I know.
And I learned a lot about myself from this episode
The message that came through in the run was “ you asked for expanded consciousness didn’t you?”
Yes I did and this is one instance where my consciousness is expanded and can feel a bigger spectrum
But like Helena said, be conscious and learn to shield yourself from anything that affects you
Like Sasha said, “ be yourself”
As a child, I was always carrying a lot of fear, I was afraid of the dark and mysterious . I always had my imagination wild and created more fear because of that- estranging myself further from reality
Carried by fear carried in fear, I lost myself.
Totally lost it.
Ula said,” i guess you need love to you & your family..bcz i think you had lose some feel of love”
I asked for the reason of my existence and 2 days before we went to the beach in the evening
I was happied out. I haven’t felt that simple joy outwards from the heart in a long time
Seeing how the kids had fun and played with water with bf, I got my answer.
These folks in front of me are my reason. I thanked the universe for hearing me and replying back to me
And today after my run, I saw bf bathed in the sun walking towards me
He is my reason – that boy who loved me loves me knows me through and through and anchors me
And interestingly this time, with the knowing of the divination, I kind of felt quite at peace
I told myself to create a lot of space – when the space becomes really big, anything in that is dwarfed in smallness
And I drew notes from my learnings from Tibetan Buddhism practice- awareness. Just be aware
Sometimes I felt so sad and HuaiHao asked me, why are so so sad? I don’t have an explanation for him
Sasha said I could be feeling not me
And I was actually chanting a lot and dedicating the merits outwards feeling a lot of compassion for other beings and being grateful that I m in a position to chant and dedicate
I know that I did not do anything wrong and so I will be safe and protected
Most of all each time I trust the divine and protection is with me, I get goose bumps
In all of this practice, patience and openness is helpful. I recall all the Angel numbers that I kept seeing: 11:11 444 12:12 and the like , apparently it is a sign that I m travelling on the right path
Even at my level when things felt so out of place I kept seeing these
I suck out the very essence of light in me to venture forward. I trust that I can heal myself I trust and have faith in my own light
And I m most thankful I have so many supportive circles around me and most of all, I have Guru Rinpoche and all these wonderful mantras to anchor on
And, and -the sun was brilliant today. Sharing it with you.
A Korean docuseries documenting K-pop reps, asking them if they were to do a perfect performance before they died, what song would it be and where—- all in one take
The episode on Rain was very inspiring
I kind of grew up with him
When he started out in 2002 that was when I began my career as a journalist
I remember watching his concert live and watching him on Take 1 made me feel alive
It made the engine in my heart start roaring
There were so many wonderful quotes, such as
“Just do it the way you practised “
“Treat the practice like the real thing and the real thing like a practice”
“The stage is about the tension between an artist and the audience and I will use that tension as fuel to unleash my energy on stage. It is my goal to put forward a performance that makes you shiver from head to toe as soon as it starts”
“Give a performance that is impossible to give. Even if it’s impossible, I like to give it a try”
“Even if it doesn’t work, I need to try my best first”
“I won’t stop unless we nail it”
“I always told myself to never regret things”
“People get a few chances in their lifetime. But if you don’t do your best each time, you won’t be given a chance next time”
“I don’t know how others evaluate me. But if I had evaluate myself on stage it’s not that I was cool or the best. It’s that u was true to myself. If I were to evaluate myself I’d say I did my best and was devoted. ”
His fans all went wild – obviously , seeing this one take . 25000 applied to come into the blue house to watch this performance and only 1000 came in
Qinzhi was watching with me and I told her, I also want to do something that makes me come alive and makes people come alive.
It felt like there was some force or energy at my trunk or core —— driving the run
I felt very awaken. The run was kind of easy.
It made me sit up and listen to it , observe it. And whenever my mind drifted, I went back to it.
Is it the qi?
Or the soul?
My very being or beingness? What is it?
Whatever it is, it showed me something else was there for me in my life and I had all along been oblivious to its presence
That was there very driving force of my life. When I was strong and when I was weak. It’s always been there.
I finally saw it. I love you, thank you. Please- forgive me. I am sorry.
And there are actually so many things or resources that are around us , in and with us that we do not see.
What was the thing I did to see it?
I did reiki on myself yesterday before I slept and this morning when I rose.
There were lots of jerks twitches and movements that came out of the body on its own
While I had been worried seeing as the body’s release of uptightness stress, today I saw it as energy moving in and out of the body
At least there is some exchange and I know some changes are in place
There is some flow
There was also a lot of fear in my heart area
Pretty strong and intense. While I used to have so much fear over this fear and succumbed to it, this morning I looked it it gave it space acknowledging its presence
I told my self to create space for it
Keep giving light to it
Be compassionate to this feeling.
Was talking to HuaiHao yesterday and he said I looked sad. He asked me why? I said maybe I lost myself and is directionless. And I beat myself up for that.
To which he said, “ that’s sad, then don’t beat yourself up!”
If we can be less judgemental not just on ourselves but to life, noting that Everything can , be. I think life would be a bliss and a breeze
This was pretty much inspired by a post I saw yesterday on IG
Heaven earth or hell, it all came within. In the first place we allowed it because a certain part of us got curious about a certain element of it .
But we so very often lose our grip. It is so because our own negativities, insecurities, doubts, fears, regrets, pain come to play.
We lose our footing as we get embroiled in it all. And tumble. This was what happened to me.
And at this point we do need people – our best guardian friends, our angels or a greater source of energy like the creator or god or buddhas you subscribe to — for that matter they all represent light they are light- to light up the pathway for us and to give us the added support energy strength blessings protection and healing to bring us back
And it’s also the mind. The super creative at work, creating all the good the bad and everything in between.
The mind is wavering in the wind and the practice is to anchor it on light or a mantra. And I am reminded of Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche’s teachings. That everything is emptiness.
And I have to thank all buddhas and guardian angels who have been with me- all this while. For loving me.
I remember asking John why certain things work, and he says , “just know it does. It works like how nature works. So why does nature work? So go and learn about nature and your connection with it”
There’s a greater wisdom out there
That we could surrender or subscribe to. It actually does all the work
Like how it is in today’s run. How the sun rises everyday . How me and you were born.
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