I had a conversation with the anxiety and fear I have been feeling in the last few days.

HuaiHao said he could feel it. I asked him how and he said “ there’s like an aura of it on me, like you are anticipating something.”

The feeling diminished slightly – not actually significantly after my virtual interview with CXXX

I guess I didn’t want it. So I felt relieved after the session

I told my family over dinner – that previously I had been preoccupied with sending out job applications

And now that I receiving echoes I am seriously wondering what my calling is or how I want my future to be

And I am getting the jitters because I’m not familiar with this point enough – or as much as I want to

Now writing about this made me appreciate the fear or concern I have been harbouring

It was really asking me to pause and to have a think with myself

I was just fidgety and anxious, impatient and jittery

During those few days, I realised that the energy it was bring me is stopping. Stopping me from advancing

And I didn’t understand it fully then until in the run and now really

The first thing I did was to acknowledge its presence and simply say to it. Hello dear, I see you, I feel you, I hear you.

And it was a good feeling. The feeling was opening up to it rather than suppressing it not wanting to see it abhorring it

The. I asked what the message it had for me and the response that came along was –

It is a habit and a highly reinforced energy- over the years. And in a bid to caution me, to alert me of possible pitfalls and that I needn’t be fearful of it.

So there are two things here: an automatic habit of feeling fear that kicks in once I sense myself encountering something different or what I m not used to

The other is my response to this habit – while I have been always afraid of it, I can listen in to it and use it to my advantage

Another response that came was to use this energy. To use it and fully so, on something new like in a new venture a new project or adventure . For these are innately arisen to support and help me. And I could really use them this way.

And I asked what I could do to resolve the habit .

And I find myself saying thank you and goodbye to this energy. It has been with me for 40 years and I was fearful of it, when all it wants is to help me and support me

Helping me come to where I have.

And I find it moving from the belly to my heart and that was where I said goodbye.

It’s a wonderful conversation