My new year wish for 2021 came true.

“In the brand new 2021 ahead, let us mindfully breathe and experience the power of the breath. May we connect at a deeper level with our body and soul. Through this, (re)discover our innate intuitive abilities, our dreams and the richness of our experiences. May we always find beauty, hope, warmth and peace. May we be gifted with open mindedness, possibilities, inspiration, goodness. May we use each and every opportunity to speak our truth and chart new territories with grace and wisdom. Everywhere, let there be magical, healing experiences of light. I know that we will be always be guided, protected, and blessed. We’ll shine like never before. Happy 2021.”

Right till the end

Honestly I didn’t know if I have feelings of thankfulness for 2021. What I discovered of late seemed to erase whatever gratitude I might have in me.

I slipped into a low. It was as if a part of me fell asleep.

I struggled out of bed on the wee hours of the last day of 2021 to capture my thoughts

I wanted to . I felt it was the only way for me to get a handle over myself after my discovery

I subscribe to the logic that we manifest and choose things in this life.

Did I really choose this surprise discovery? What and how in the process —- made me manifest this?

I want to find out.

I asked god and the divine – what is it that you want me to know? Is it the feeling of deceit and betrayal? Maybe, so as to know the full spectrum of emotions ?

I felt like after so much effort, my attempts to steer myself away from my parents experiences have been futile

In the end, I came to experience deceit and betrayal and dishonesty like my mother have. She chose to give up on despair

Now the turn is for me to make my choice – and I m sure I deserve nothing less. So why should I crinkle and buckle under this?

And I should not give all my pursuits away because of this. This discovery shouldn’t have the privilege of robbing me or erasing anything else that I have been putting or planning out. No. I shall not be stopped

And is it about forgiveness I have to learn ? I came to realise and uncover that I have been angry at myself for submitting again and again

For not heeding my gut and internal feelings and to keep dishing out chances

Beyond forgiveness for another, the lesson seems to be forgiveness of self

I recount what I learned awhile ago

Affirmative statements of forgiving others and the self who have consciously or unconsciously intended and afflicted harm onto myself and others

I thought about this dajiujiu sent

Please look at the speech that was read two days ago by the Pope.
Regardless of religion, see how Pope Francis has beautifully written about the family.

FAMILY, PLACE OF FORGIVENESS …

©️ There is no perfect family.
©️ We do not have perfect parents,

• you are not perfect yourself.
  We do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children.

©️ We have complaints from each other. We can not live together without offending one another.

©️ We are constantly disappointed. Yes for so many reasons at different times we are disappointed with one another.

©️ There is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness

©️ Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. No matter the offence or who is the offender, without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil.

©️ Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick and unhealthy.

©️ Forgiveness is the asepsis of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart. No sin is too big to be forgiven.
He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul and cannot have communion with God.

©️ Unforgiving is evil and a poison that intoxicates & kills the one who refuses to forgive.

©️ Keeping heartache of unforgiving in your heart is a self-destructive gesture. It’s autophagy.

©️ Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill. And they will suffer in two ways.

For this reason, the family must be a place of life and not a place of death; a place of forgiveness, a place of paradise and not a place of hell; a healing territory and not a disease; an internship of forgiveness and not guilt.
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has brought sadness; of
Healing where sorrow has caused disease.

A family is a place of support and not of gossip and slander of one another. It must be a place of welcome not a place of rejection. Shame to those who plant evil about others. We are family and not enemies.

When anyone is going through a challenge all they need is support.

¤ By Pope Francisco

And this, this uneventful discovery——seemed like a trial for me to show me what 2022 will be made of

I faltered slightly when I first knew of this uneventful discovery. But I stood my ground and found my footing . And I know I have passed the test

Wow 2021. What a twist at the end and what a surprise you have handed me now. And I know this too shall pass and I will ride through this unscathed

I thought about emptiness — that I could use this as an opportunity to practise and for mediation of emptiness and impermanence. To take it as if I am watching a movie perhaps.

I tried to associate myself with these thoughts to anchor my mind

The fact is this disturbance this shakeup makes me want to search deeper for a place of calm and balance . Where is it ?

But it is a fact that this discovery has taken a toil on me . Much as I felt so tired and so torn, I want to continue on my path

That was my intention and it was what made me go for my second jab. I want to call back my life and the things I love even with Covid

I m ready

I thought of my reiki teacher Stephan . And he WhatsApp me this: “Dear Pin Yen, indeed I was thinking of you yesterday. Move from your mind to your heart, your gut, feel your feet in the earth. Trust in your steps, but be tactfull. Does that mean anything to you?”

I can’t help but laugh at the point of being tactful

And to which I replied : “ Very much so teacher dearest! 2021 gave me a shock at its tail where I discovered that there had not been complete honesty . And I uncovered how much anger I have for myself too. I learned a lot these few days. And I asked myself – in fact I m curious how I manifested these all. I want to know.

Just- What did the source want me to learn in this twist it delivered to me?

Forgiveness? The spectrum of emotions ? Getting closer to my heart?

Recognizing my self and my precious TPY who deserves nothing less but the very best

And indeed I went to place my feet in seawater to feel the earth

I just went for a sound bath and slept like a baby

The therapist sprayed some mist which is intended for one to feel self love. I smelled the sweet scent of it

And I was happy with myself for doing the best I could for myself and my family

And still will, not give up love. I thank you!!!”

I thought about the December energy update by Lee Harris and he said something like arising fire energy, a deep remembering of our ancient energy, breaks and sharp cutting ties and gifts of magic and the heart. I just didn’t think it would be so abrupt

This turn. But as with life, nothing falls short of surprises.

He suggests we try and capture ourselves with 2 questions

What are you grateful for in 2021?

I am grateful for the healing inspirational energy giving sunlight

I am grateful for the breath I breathe the life I have

I am grateful for all the healing I have experienced

I am grateful for Dr Loo who has written letters to help me children not vaccinate

I am grateful for all the nice people who have popped into my life and given me a hand

I am grateful to walk and run and to have the opportunity to pick up running

I am grateful to be in touch with teachings from all the spiritual masters and teachers

I am grateful to myself and my body

I am grateful for huaihao and QinZhi and my support system made up by my nanny and my family who loved me unconditionally

I am grateful that QinZhi and huaihao got into the schools just below our flat

I am grateful for my wisdom my beautiful mind and heart

I am grateful for myself

I am grateful for this discovery which freed up the real me the life force in me

I am grateful for my father and I am grateful I have the sanity to build a new relationship with him

I am grateful for knowing and recognizing that I don’t want to be stopped by my husband anymore

Or for that matter by any thing of the past any person any ——thing

I am grateful for meeting my inner child and for all the big and little realizations or messages the divine sent me

What are you calling forth in 2022

I call for a new relationship with myself! With TPY.

I am calling in open mindedness and love and compassion like never before

I call in more and more, these beautiful pockets of quiet stillness inspiration

I call in my connection to the divine to my masters my angels

I am calling in my truth as I always have been and is gifted to my soul many lifetimes and in this life to be with me

I am calling forth consciousness and awareness

I am calling in my ability to manifest my wonderful future and the days and moments all inI

I am calling forth the most inspiring and beautiful traveling experiences

I am calling in love and lots of unconditional love to be showered on me because I deserve and this is my birthright

I am calling in lots of wonderful opportunities for me to express my gifts my gratitude my love my soul

I am calling in vitality great energy great health abundance of wealth like never before

And therefore calling forth my wildest dreams

I m calling in and calling forth my intuitive abilities and capabilities , my innate potential to be expressed by the talents and gifts I have, in a way I m familiar and comfortable with, using my experiences to share outwards the light and love , warmth and hope I have received

I am calling in and calling forth all of my guardian angels, the source the creation the divine , and all the resources and support , all the inspiration and light, all the energy I need to carry out the above

I call in and call for protection blessings support love to be showered upon every cell in my body every inch of my soul at all levels of my existence

I am calling in my life force my source energy and connections .

Thank you and so it is.

In the new fairy moments ahead, I have called in and called for all these wonderful opportunities, resources and support we need to be unreservedly you, me, us.

To be mindful enough to free ourselves from any restrictive programs or mindsets.
.
We miraculously discover, BE(COME) and ground in exactly who we are and what we are born for.

In doing so, celebrate and express our innate truth, gifts, talents. In doing so, share our light.

2022, you will be sparkling magic. Thank you—- in advance.