April started with celebrating Archer’s birthday.

Then the day before Independent Learning Day, Qinzhi experienced another bout of dizziness. I went to school to pick Qinzhi and could see her fairly shaken.

Whilst led on by fear, I stopped to ask Qinzhi why she thinks she has the dizziness, and she mentioned her stress with literature. And thereafter , stress for work in school

We discussed lots, on how to manage stress, rather than to be managed. We spoke about how pointless it is to avoid an issue, only to go about it and having to come back to it and to manage more than the original issue.

The point is, whilst talking to Qinzhi, I also felt like I needed those words. How different are we?

On ILD day, we headed out for some korean food at Jewel and was glad we did, food was good and I loved spending time like this with Qinzhi, although it was just a meals I knew it would become great memories in future.

She woke up with dizziness, but after deciding that we would head out for lunch, she got better.

On a Saturday, we headed to Golden Peony for lunch prepared by Chef Ku, a feast of flavours now not often seen, employing old school cooking techniques

I am happy the kids get to savour good food. More so, I am happy they get the chance to do so at a young age. Flavours can etch into memory pads at heart.

I hope Qinzhi will be able to have the moment and wisdom to choose to face up to the demands of school. And me too.

We took off to Fukuoka during the March school holidays, it was originally dad and mom but we decided on japan and the kids wanted to tag along, and he trip came about.

I feel really thankful that we could do this, all conditions that were needed met, that is why.

A while ago, Qinzhi was feeling less than ready, stress with school work and friends gave her headaches and giddiness. To top it off, she said sometimes she had “stone stone”

That was her way of escaping or rather, her way of coping with things she couldn’t handle. She tended to run away into another space or reality. And would come back when she is feeling more steady. Its a bad habit actually and she is mirroring her dad, who would run into his cave whenever angered or triggered.

I really hope Qinzhi can change this coping mechanism earlier than later -for her own good.

I was worried for a while seeing her deal with her headaches, but I was reminded of what Chef Cheung said to me, 儿孙自有儿孙福. Its a chinese saying, that emphasises how we as parents cannot control or mind too much, and that our descendants have a path of their own , blessings of their own to reap.

It took me a while to settle at that and to let loose.

And we went on our trip. And I shared with them the intention of it, to create happy memories. And we did.

Our first stop is Yanagawa, venice of the east in japan with canals and waterways galore. Eel is a specialty produce here and we stopped by Ganso Motoyoshiya, an atmospheric inn which started steaming rice with a blend of sauce in bamboo seiros, topping it off with charcoal smoked eel on top, and a serving of eel liver on the side in clear soup. This restaurant put together this combination in 1681. And if anything, this is a taste of time.

We headed to our first accommodation of the trip at Yamaga where the kids had a lovely kaiseki dinner and next day breakfast. Soaking in hot spring is also something they look forward to now .

A lovely feature of this accommodation is a centrepiece where hot coal is available to grill your own marshmallow.

The next day we drove down south to Miyazaki and toured Takachiho Gorge, the kids had a go at rowing a boat.

After which we had nagashi somen, or flowing noodles. These were really totally new experiences the kids savoured. The next day we headed to Kusasenri, which offered a great view of Aso, and true enough the expanse offered so much relief it was calming to be on this land, walking on the soft carpet of burnt grass.

I came to know that the Japanese have been practising the act of controlled burning on grasslands in this area from February till April in a bid to keep trees and shrubs off the land so cows and horses could graze. This act of noyahki has been for thousands of years. On our way down, we saw cows grazing indeed and took a few moments to be near. Afterwards heading for Daikanbo, another lookout which offers a panoramic 360 degree view of Aso.

Soon enough the next day arrived and we drove to Itoshima. The search for Shiraito Falls was a challenging one as we kept driving but couldnt get there and once we got there, we couldnt quite drive out of the mountain.

As soon as we did, we did a pit stop at Itoshima’s oyster huts, had a little barbecue.

The final day was spent walking about in Fukuoka city and we visited the temple of tochoji, did a little light up and prayed before a wooden buddha in front of us.

We shopped till the shops close, had lots of wonderful sweets, then prepared for flying off the next day.

We came home to a next day of dinner at Summer Pavilion to celebrate grandpa and gengyan juju’s birthday.

But 2 days after we came home, the kids got themselves into a delicious fight too, just spewing out harsh words at each other, breaking up peace and calm. Daddy had a part to play too in joining in. And we did rounds after rounds of talking at our round table—with the intention of resolving the conflict.

And I learned a few things.

-That the kids mirror us, what we do not like about their behaviour has been a reminder to us to set our own paths straight.

-Qinzhi kept hinging on how her chinese teacher called her name wrongly. We went back to the instant when her teacher called her name wrongly and the class laughed, and she laughed with them. I kind of get it. You are angry at yourself for that decision , out of conformity , wanting to be in a group, actually—-wanting to be recognised, you lose a part of yourself to join them. But deep at heart, you bash yourself up for that decision. Because you gave your power away and did not acknowledge yourself .

We encourage her to write to her teacher and principal to address this if it really mattered that much to her.

The question is- how many times did we do that? That thing of giving our own power away? Out of many reasons.

When was the last time I did that to myself, giving my power away? Each time we do not speak our truth or went with someone else’s idea and suppressed our own, we give a bit of ourselves away. No matter how big or how small.

I kind of thanked Qinzhi for this reminder, because I gave myself away to the family, and stopped living my truth and light when I decided to quit. And what is my truth what is my light? How do I reclaim myself back and to get others to see me in my own light, brighter and shinier than ever?

What do I do?

-And seeing Qinzhi having to grapple with different issues made me see how I at many levels is grappling with my own too. It boils down to us all needing to take better care of ourselves being more aware and appreciative of ourselves.

So many truths coming to light. And it feels like being on ground zero and starting out all over again. Need I say, I am thankful of this opportunity ?

This opportunity to build oneself.

I love Qinzhi’s smile. I love Qinzhi having good food and smiling. It makes me feel accomplished somewhat.

And so CNY celebrations came and went. The three of us did what we could cleaning the house and had lots of fun with snacking and pigging out during CNY.

And on the first day of CNY, Qinzhi and Huaihao did the customary greeting to all elders in the family and snagged lots of ang pows

There’s the customary yusheng toss too.

One day Qinzhi came home crying. I asked her what it was that made her so sad and she said she has been placed out of competition and put on reserve because she ran behind time during a running practice session due to muscle ache. She cried because she felt it was unfair. I listened to took to explaining to her my perspective-of asking her to, instead think of herself as a victim and being at the passive end, to take initiative to train herself up to the best of her ability to render herself competitive—–if, she really wanted to be in the run so badly.

I asked Qinzhi to think about the things she could do and to do them to place herself in competition again. And this girl, took to it. Why wouldn’t she? She is my girl and has that never give up spirit.

Davina shared this photo of qinzhi when she was about 2ish 3? And so much time has flown by. The 51cm long baby whom I gave birth to, and taught me how to be mommy, how to stand up to be honest towards myself, gave me strength when all was hard. Gave me hugs and made me a better person—is now 14 years old.

On the day of Qinzhi’s chinese birthday, popo reminded me to cook Qinzhi mee sua and have her peel 2 hard boiled eggs and daddy bought Qinzhi a lovely strawberry tart. We sang Qinzhi the birthday song and celebrated her.

I always have these 2 pictures of Qinzhi on my desktop

This is Qinzhi in a COS fitting room looking so super awesome. Her signature smile and full face, this dearie has been reading me so much I feel like she knows me better than I know myself now.

And I had to include this photo of Qinzhi at maybe 3 or 4?

On Qinzhi’s birthday, Huaihao presented his present and card to Qinzhi and daddy too. got Qinzhi a brand new iPhone! much to everyone’s surprise. we got ourselves up to a short walk and headed to Jewel for Shake Shack and ice cream.

Dinner was the highlight and on everyone’s mind. Thankfully we got a table at Summer Pavilion, which is what Qinzhi wanted. Chef pampered us silly with all his off menu treats

Happy birthday Princess. Chef Kong reminded me this a few years back,

養兒一百歲 長憂九十九！儿孙自有儿孙福
我們都應該
“平常心，活在當下”

You have come a long way Princess, and there must be a reason why we have all experienced what we experienced. Even if they do not seem to fall in place now. But know that You are so loved, so blessed. And you are a beautiful powerful being. We celebrate you Princess and all of your wins and falls and everything in between. Continue to shine and smile the way you do.