Set in the seaside town of Gongjin, the story tells of Hong Du Sik, who has come back to Gongjin after spending 5 years in Seoul, carving out a career and facing the death of his good friend .
At his lowest, it was Gamri, and old granny who texted him when he was about to kill himself, who saved him. Unable to forgive himself for his friend’s death, he moved back to Gongjin and started out with life again, but hiding himself and his capabilities by doing odd jobs, living his life lesser than he is, contented with just helping out with meagre chores like catching anchovies and mending fish nets.
He meets Yoon Hye Jin, a dentist who has moved to Gongjin, and they fall in love. Not knowing that they have actually met more than once. The first time when she was a kid with her family, he tried to make her laugh when his grandfather was taking photos for her family.
Another time, she was angel who dialled for help when she saw his alone in patient clothes on a bridge.
When Dusik hid himself and refuses to acknowledge his feelings, thinking he is undeserving, Gamri said to him
“we all know you have had a tough time and we all appreciate how you go around helping people but go and live your life. Eat good food and be happy. Then you will be happy and your loved ones will be happy.”
In the last episode, Gamri wrote a letter to him when he find himself wrestling with his past.
Seeing what Granny wrote reminded me of myself, it made me think of the time i was in a wreck and how gor gor would prepare food for me and nurse me back to wellness and balance.
She said the same, that no matter what, eat I must.And i shouldn’t even skip a meal so that I have strength (to stand up back and go on.)
I was retrieved with the oats she cooked and the soups she warmed up for me every night.
And now I understood why, like granny, perhaps she felt that preparing food —and seeing that I ate well, was the only thing she could do for me.
I woke feeling and knowing I want to start a new relationship with myself—— with TPY
If there’s something I want, it will be this.
To be anew like a fresh piece of white paper. With no preconceived ideas and notions about what is and not , what can and cannot, what should and should not.
Huaihao came to kiss me good morning and say happy birthday this morning.
I woke up
😊
I rose and did the usual routine. Prepared ningxia red and the supplements and breakfast for Qinzhi. It wasn’t a chore but every chance to make her better.
Then I find myself at the beach doing a run.
With each breath I clean the insides and the run became slightly meditative in nature.
As I cleaned the area of the keloids the cyst the intestines I thought about the doctor’s appointment. No I do not need that!
That and the whole set of rules ideas fixations on how I lived my life, taught to me by people and their experiences and expectations. Impressed upon me by my experiences and circumstances, I thank them all for bringing me to where I am so I can say – that’s enough and from now, I want to start living as TPY and start this new relationship of figuring things out through the eyes of TPY, with as much awareness and as little of others’ experiences as possible.
So that I can experience myself! I think that somewhat answers my question of what it means to live.
If you don’t do you, you won’t be done. So—-are you who are you?
And I find myself seeing the clouds nearing the sun, as I did a time lapse of the process, I saw for myself how the clouds let the sun’s rays come thru.
Then sun is always there. Yet we are not always aware of its magnificence. We often cannot see the sun until there is something like a cloud which comes by and allows a contrast somewhat and that’s where the rays of light become obvious.
So it seems like we need the clouds to see the sun. We need something to see ourselves in and the very stuff we are made of.
And while the clouds are here, do we have the awareness that there are here to help get a clearer perspective? And we can remain impartial to them ?
Do we have the patience to wait for the clouds to pass by to reveal the sun which is always there? The sun in me as in you.
Let’s start anew, afresh! I am thankful for the opportunity!
I remind myself to be with the new,
To use my intuition and innate abilities and understanding to move forward
To use my skills and capabilities in the highest good to serve and for the betterment of myself and others
To be kind and compassionate to myself
To relate to myself as the most precious
To learn new things visit new places
To have new works that share light wisdom and wonder
I want to experience magic like never before
On this day, I honour myself and all of which I have experienced, all of whom I have encountered. I thank you all and most of all myself.
On this day, I want to embark to the new with the things I learned. Take flight and soar like never before.
Then dad called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday and so did my brother and sis
My nanny came last 2 days back and cooked me gado gado and gave me ang pows and oranges
In the evening, dad sis and brother came and we had dinner and cut a cake.
When we were singing happy birthday, dad and huaihao sang the loudest and I kept looking at huaihao and he kept looking at me. At bedtime he said it was because its my birthday so of course he had to look at me.
And I told him that i almost felt emotional and want to cry and i felt like if i continued looking at him, we were almost locking eyes,, he would too.
To my surprise, Huaihao said, “let it out, don’t keep it inside, emotions are like the clouds and they will be blown away by the winds. So let it out, don’t keep on to them.”
We chat. Huaihao was saying happy birthday to me —with so much love and i felt so cherished —-at almost every juncture he could find. He told me about how he planned for my birthday.
“I told papa that mommy’s birthday is coming tomorrow so what should we get? Then I said mommy likes to write so maybe we can get a book. We went to Popular but did not find anything nice, I told papa, can we get something better for mommy?
Papa said, ah i know where and we went to this high class shop at raffles city! first of all, i chose the colour of the cover to be pink, (why didn’t you choose yellow?) because there was none, and i m like , how can there not be yellow? then i chose the flap to be yellow, the button to be gold. Then we picked the words We Love Mummy, and inside there is a Happy Birthday 2021. The male assistant said he normally suggest the words to be behind so there is a surprise and I took his suggestion. (so why didn’t you write your name and jiejie name behind?) because each row of words cost $10. The book needed 40 minutes and so we went down to buy water go to muji and then went to pick it. (did you like it?) yes. then we went to Tarte (by cheryl koh) but it was closed! aiya! then we went to cedele. And I chose the ondeh ondeh cake because you said you liked it. Then we came back to hide it in the storeroom really inside. (did you chat?) yes, we talked about when to give you the present, who will be here and all these…”
My tears were wetting his pillows and he popped out to get a tissue and wiped my tears
Huaihao said his wish for me is “happy birthday , happy birthday to my precious precious precious precious precious precious mommy. I wish you to be healthy happy and to live forever and never to die.”
I said a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big thank you to huaihao.
And he asked :” what did i do?”
“you planned for my birthday, gave suggestions for my present and designed the book for me”
And he said, “but papa paid for it, “
Huaihao asked me if I liked my present, if I liked the cake. I said I did.
“this book is like a custom made one by huaihao. and no two is the same. even if the words are the same, the colours would be different. “
and Huaihao said, “even if the words and colours are the same, it is still different because this one you have carries my love.”
I thank Huaihao again for the love, for teaching me what it is to cherish and what it means to be precious. If I didn’t know previously, I know now how precious I m. I cannot imagine how precious I m or what I mean to him. But he let me know.
Thank you Huaihao and Qinzhi of course!
Happy birthday TPY! You spectacular being! You precious one!
The set is waiting for the newsmaker or the interviewee to tell his or her story
And I don’t mind that I m waiting so long just to do the interview. I also do not mind that the money isn’t good.
It means I like this work.
I begin to see no dream —- of me taking helm of a magazine and steering it . It will be a magazine exemplifying goodness wellness and has information about living an abundant spritely life.
A few thoughts came to mind:
I have been using what I know to balance myself back in the recent shocks I experienced
And I managed to
And I m gaining confidence about this innate ability
I have been feeling that the words I repeat are keeping me in the old. It means I haven’t been ready previously but now I know I am. Maybe , not maybe but I should start a new commentary.
Instead of saying to myself to release all the fear shame guilt in me, I m beginning to see myself bye away from this and beginning to love saying —- let’s build and create health, happiness, vitality , healthfulness, longevity
And I hear kyron’s message
Release or drop everything that was ever taught to you
Drop everything that defines you is about you
Drop it
You will not survive well in the new if you have energies of the old
Come in fresh without any of the baggage of what you think is right and wrong true or false
Everything you have been taught has been in the dark room
Stop deciding what others think about you
Drop the perception that you need them
The old tools don’t work anymore
Do not let the past dictate the future
Don’t let the disappointments of the past pace into the future because things will change
Learn to relax with life
2 steps forward 1 step back
There will be things that will derail you but don’t be discouraged
You don’t take on others problems and let them bog you down
You are the light of this planet don’t let anyone put it out
Set aside all the anxiety the fears and let your feet be washed
Think higher
Reboot into enhanecment not surrounded by processes of old energy
I asked my kids. Qinzhi said , to live is to learn. HuaiHao said, to live is to be free. And they are but 12 and 8.
Then HuaiHao said, “ you should do what you like. ”
I said that I like to do interviews, write , listen to people’s stories. Do videos.
I told him what it means to be free. Comparing my life previously when I was working till now, I can now choose what I want to do or not do- I certainly feel free-ier even if I m earning way much lesser
And he asked, “ don’t you like to be with me?”
And I said I was waiting for him to ask me this.
But am I living my life? Doing what I want? Am I living my truth ? and is at peace with me?
I saw this quote by Michael Beckwith, “ if you don’t do you, you won’t be done.”
I watched a Korean drama and in it and old granny told a young man “we all know you have had a tough time and we all appreciate how you go around helping people but go and live your life. Eat good food and be happy. Then you will be happy and your loved ones will be happy.”
In this video, kyron talks about dropping the karma we all believe we have. About stepping out of what we were into the new.
And yesterday in my shower, I thought of something ——- everything can be forgiven, not just this lifetime, but everything and on every of my existence.
Why?
Because I am alive.
And the others isn’t at all important. Looking at the clouds drift by made me think of something- is this living ? Have a started to live? Am I living my life?
What is to live?
I probably passed through days previously, I was doing things for my family, for anyone else but me. And I saw this just now:
From Trinity Esoterics this morning:”The biggest power move you can make on your enlightenment journey is making the shift from knowing about spirituality to living spiritually. Your seeking is a wonderful thing and for many of you a precursor to your embodiment, but ultimately it is your beingness that declares who you really are. Knowledge is often a precursor to action, a springboard, if you will, to how you wish to be.
Simply put, reading about love is wonderful, but one loving action allows you to experience yourself as the love, and it is the expression of those spiritual traits you are really seeking.”
Hear us when we say you do not need to wait until you reach some level of attainment in order to live your life in an enlightened way. Every demonstration of love, every prayer, every moment of gratitude, every observation of beauty, every word of encouragement to another, every peaceful choice, every kindness – all of it is spirituality in action. What we wish for you to know is there are many, many of you on the planet who simply express who they really are, beautifully and consistently, without any knowledge at all of the ascension process, and that makes just as much of a difference as the actions of those who have studied for their entire lives.”
Do you see? The prep work is valuable but don’t get stuck in the habit of being a perpetual student who never quite feels ready to apply their knowledge because the world needs you and your loving actions now, and there is also great joy for you when you allow yourself to step into the experience of being who you came onto the planet to be.”~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young.
it is ready to find the new frequency, start to activate that part in you to find the new frequency and revitalise what you have
When you speak things out loud with intent, the cells understand
Affirmations are the quickest way to change your reality at this moment in time. Whatever you tell your body, it cooperates
Affirmations tell what you have
Be I m
I m love
As you speak out loud with intent everyday, there is a process in the repetition
Start talking to your own self your own cells
I m an intuitive that helps people on the planet
I m one with god
I m so well loved by everyone
Affirmations are not wishful thinking , but a statement of truth
Words are frequencies, statement of intent are energies, they are absolutely powerful,
Prayer works, meditation works, this is quantum physics
the energies you can create simply by stating things to yourself in the air, and have them out loud
If your system hears them through the air, through your mouth
by simply
I am kind
I m loved
I m healthy
I m full of vitality
I m creative
I can heal myself
I m a most sought after world class writer and content creator
Your body will hear this
This is the beginning of change
Go back to the beginning, what did you do? what were the processes you got good at and you find the place that worked for you?
Start it again.
Practise
Did you remember you did it for the first time?
The more you practise, the better you get.
Higher consciousness and becoming quantum
See the magnificence of who you are, you have so much control over your own chemistry
it wants to listen to what you have to say, what are the affirmations you would say to your body,
Besides i am healthy, get specific, i m not in pain, i m never going to experience xxx again, i don’t need to, there’s no reason for it, your find you have more control over your body even those things medicine tell you you cannot do
my blood is clean, my blood is happy, my blood is balanced
the energy caused by these energies will be anything you have never seen
go back to basics, push, stop waiting, its time to act
do you realise who you are?
to receive this message? do you know who you are? you have a piece of god inside, so many of you are your own ancestors, you have been thru this earth history
do you deserve to be free? to have all those things back you thought you lost?
Huaihao is beginning to look out of the windows more and more, and I really love that. Looking out and up, looking at nature and that gives him the opportunity to listen to the everything in between
One afternoon, he took a nap, and that was quite rare, but it reminded me of the times he was a baby and took naps and I would take pictures of him
Once , I was reading and told him i need a bookmark of sorts. He immediately set off to make me one, like bookmarks and even a little notebook and a pouch to contain them all. He likes to do things with his hands.
Huaihao has been making transformers using his Lego and they are so amazing. He loves to come about and tell me about each and every of the figures he creates and show me how they transform, what moving parts they have and if they are the good or bad guy.
Because he did well, I bought him plant vs zombie books which he loves and he would wake up on a weekend to read and complete the books on his own, and said, “i love reading!”
so glad to hear he has found something he loves
these are the things he can keep coming back to to nourish him and comfort him, and, give him joy
Huaihao is on a spaghetti and cheese streak , loves it so much and would help prepare by slicing the ingredients and doing whatever he can
Due to rising incidences of covid, the kids were given ART test kits and he had the chance to try one
One day, i had the chance to pick him at school and head over to redhill to pick up lunch, mixed rice which he picks himself and misses. He used to eat this at redhill, his favourite and would pick his own side dishes.
On weekends, we typically walk to Marina area and Huaihao recently liked to have bento at Meidi-ya. He loves competitive races and would strive to be the first to reach, a whooping 10 plus km walk and to win an açai treat all by himself.
On another weekend, Qinzhi chose to walk to Jewel, so we had Shake Shack and ice cream
On the national day weekend, we rose earlier and walked to Marina area , daddy gave the kids a virtual reality game treat and then we had food in the open, because the rules at this time was no dining in for people who are not vaccinated. We watched fireworks with the crowd and this music be one of the most extraordinary time that huaihao and qinzhi will come to remember.
Teacher’s Day this year and Huaihao made cards for his teachers, most of all, Ms Thang whose class he loves
And these are nuggets of wisdom because I spent bedtime with Huaihao, so precious
Bedtime with huaihao and we talked about the time i gave birth to him, confinement and all the way up to him crying in the night wanting to suckle and we decided it was time to stop.
Huaihao initially felt sad, but I took the time to explain to him that he would suckle at pleasure throughout the night, and he said , “and i had teeth”
He was very understanding and said, “i m sorry i put you through this all”
and he massaged me and my hands till he fell asleep
Bedtime with Huaihao is always enjoyable, and healing perhaps. Somehow he spoke about the sperm that is 1 in zillions and met with the egg .
I said, if I got pregnant earlier, and he went, “it might not be me, and if you got pregnant later, it might not be me. SO its got to be that time, not even a millisecond early, or late”
And I asked him how we should celebrate this magic made in that 1 millisecond
“we kiss”
Huaihao wasn’t sleepy and we came out to the sofa for a short chat and some tv, although it was only 30min but it was good, i asked huaihao to massage my legs and he did until his hands were tired.
We chat, i asked him if the actress is pretty in this drama or the other one we saw earlier, and he says, mommy is prettier .
These few days , Huaihao has been hugging me lots, after raindrop, when i fall into sleep, he would come in and kiss me on my cheek.
Bedtime earlier, I asked if he enjoys to talking to me and he says, yes of course and keeps cupping my face in his palms. He says, I m his precious precious mommy
He spoke again about meeting me in this millisecond, that if I were to give birth any earlier or later we wouldn’t have met and we both agree this is nothing else but crazy magic.
I told him we can make this magic good by loving each other, and celebrating all the things we did together. And looking at what we have rather than what we don’t.
Hao says, “yes that’s what miss thang says, like we can use what we know to do what we don’t know in maths, and its like in Lego too, if you need a certain machine, u can make one out of what you have so you don’t have to buy the lego that specifically makes this thing”
I started by saying, “I m grateful for having this house where we could see the sunrise sunset moon and rain and wind.. grateful for having hao, zhi and dad with me, grateful for not having to work and can be at home with hao and zhi, grateful for being able to do the things i like”
And hao says, “yes, we should always do the things we like”
“So remember I told you I wanted to be a newscaster when I was young? So if I go and be one, I would be reading the news at dinner time, but wouldn’t be able to make you dinner and eat dinner with you. How should I choose?”
And hao says, “maybe gong gong can.. (he meant grandpa can help make dinner ) but i would love to see you on tv and reading news so do that, i would be so happy to see you”
I almost could not contain my tears, because I would rather choose to cook dinner for him every night and be with him for dinner. I explained this to him, that it would be joy for me to see him eat up the nutritious home cooked food I made.
Then he said again I m his precious mommy so precious he would love me millions of trips to the moon and back and I said I would be doing zillions.
I asked him how does loving someone feel?
And hao said, “feels happy!”
“yes and if loving someone doesn’t make you feel happy, probably it isn’t really right. ” I wonder if this advice will pop up to him somewhere in time later on in his life.
“Loving someone brings out the best in us don’t you think? like even if you wanted me to be home very much, you would rather choose that I pursue my dream and for me, I would let go of my dream and choose the option for your best “
We are both thinking of what is best for each other.
Bedtime with huaihao and I asked him if it was okay for me to go back to work. His reply: “ my happiness will shut down”
Bedtime with Huaihao.
we spoke about daddy’s low mood these few days. I asked huaihao if he is disturbed and he says, “i don’t know what to do about it”
and i asked if he feels uncomfortable with that feeling. he says, “kind of, “
i shared with him how i used to feel,
“i used to feel like there’s something wrong with me, and i would want to talk to him to get him to snap out of it, but these days i understand that everyone takes their time and we have to trust the process. so like if its not time u cant force it, or what you say might make him angry or whatever. so i learn to give him space and time and most importantly in the meantime, i do not get affected and keep my spirits high, i can choose how i feel”
and huaihao says, “but we need to move at the same time, we cant leave him behind “
huaihao told me the day the beds came , daddy told him about how his father didn’t quite talk to him when he was a child and had to abandon the family
huaihao asked daddy why his daddy had to abandon his family and daddy’s reply was that there were people chasing them
“he told me the day he felt proud was the day when jiejie was born and when i gave the speech during graduation”
we discussed the feeling of being proud,
i said daddy felt proud at the age of 35 when qinzhi was born, what about the times before?
“huaihao is 8 years old and there are already so many times you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing big and little things.”
huaihao then asked me how my mom passed away,
I told him it was because of a bout of bad flu gone the wrong way, virus went into her heart and she was sent to intensive care and in less than 2 weeks she was gone
and in the time she was gone, i had to be leader of the family, sister to my siblings. he asked me how old my siblings were then and said, “it must have been hard on you”
i told him about what qinzhi said this morning, she said , “i m born to fly”
i reminded huaihao that we all are, but life’s big and littlest event make us forget about how wonderful we are
makes us forget about trying (and flying, he added)
so i said to him that perhaps in a future, there might be a time he felt low and not confident, i hope he would bring to mind this little conversation we had and it could bring him warmth and light and courage and confidence
to believe that he is and always has been that magnificent
and he continued to massage my neck and shoulders
how amazing my boy is.
Bedtime with HuaiHao
And we talked about his bicycling trip with dad to parkway parade . He says riding feels free.
“It’s freedom! Like Wah!”
We went a bit deeper and I asked him how he learned to cycle and he explained to me how his dad taught him. And we reminisced the steps and how it felt.
The next morning, HuaiHao said, “ I want to teach you how to cycle! It will change your life!”
Bedtime with HuaiHao
We were talking about school . Earlier in the day, HuaiHao shared about a classmate who wanted to borrow his book and when HuaiHao refused . His classmate would say , “ curse you”
Huaihao asked me what does curse you mean? I didn’t have the heart to tell him the exact meaning and blurred it off with a general explanation such as “ scold you”
HuaiHao said when he heard the expression he felt rain on his head or pigeon poop. I smiled in my heart seeing his.
At bedtime we chat again about school and he said his results for maths was the best in class . One time his teacher saw him reading and asked him to do work. Flipped his book and saw HuaiHao already done with work. HuaiHao was so pleased he said he was dancing in his mind.
We then spoke about things we like to do and he asked me what? I said I would like to do videos that sparked hope and gave light and warmth
“Then do it. Go for it!” it sounded as if it were god talking to me.
I said I needed people to give me the opportunity.
“Then go tell people you want to do it!”
Bd he kept kissing me at bedtime and says he can’t get enough of me.
I asked him what is one amazing thing mommy does that makes him feel happy?
“You love me. If it weren’t for that sperm who swam to meet I wouldn’t be here. I love you my precious mommy!”
Qinzhi took her first psle paper-listening comprehension in english and chinese yesterday and it means things are speeding up. psle is approaching, my girl is almost graduating from primary school. Has it been 6 years already?
And because schools have disseminated test kits for covid, the kids have it too and have to do swab tests at home
Qinzhi got the highest marks for chinese in class and daddy bought cakes for her to celebrate her little success. Yes we want to celebrate these little successes
and let qinzhi know we are together with her on this psle journey
One weekend we were walking up towards the jewel and she said, “I was born to fly”
Midweek in the school holidays and qinzhi has to go to school for remedial lessons. She came to my bed and hugged me. I was floating across sleep and being awake.
And at night I wrote her a note
national day this year was postponed from aug 9 to 22 , and we went out early for a morning walk to marina area, daddy brought the kids to do a virtual game and we stayed out the day to catch the jets and fireworks. because we were not vaccinated, we couldn’t eat at restaurants, but we ate anyway, we took away meidi-ya bentos and sushis and ate out in the open before locating a nice spot to catch the jets and flypast of the singapore flag.
many years later, i believe this would be something qinzhi and huaihao will remember- ah, we caught a full moon too!
Teacher’s day this year should be very special for qinzhi. This is what she wrote
she wanted to bake muffins and we did! for her teachers who mean much to her.
Mid autumn is near and ah yi has lots of mooncake gifts this year, of course she kept nice ones for us
On some weekends, ah hui ayi would cook and ask grandpa to deliver!
At this point in time, qinzhi loves photo taking ! And I love her smile! She is beginning to be conscious of her weight, her skin her pimples and wants to cut down for weight loss.
I told HuaiHao that as qinzhi grew up she’s fast becoming a friend as well as a daughter. Instead of helping her with things she weren’t able to do as a baby or kid such as feeding her, my role is transforming into a listener and we share big and little things about life
Writing her a note is my way of relating to her.
I tried to recall the hug qinzhi gave to me on the bed.
And I couldn’t help but feel touched by her. When I was at my weakest, her hands always gave me energy and motivation to go on and try again
And I want to tell qinzhi this power she has in being gentle
Everytime qinzhi gave me a hug or asked for one —— now that I look back, it felt like it was for me more than it was for her
She’s teaching me to slow down and give myself a hug—— when needed
It’s so subtle this teaching I always missed it
And thinking about all these made me think about the time I found myself pregnant with qinzhi
I felt shy of my own actions – getting pregnant before I got married in 5 months. I had so many mixed feelings about what others in my family would think because it apparently was a very traditional family with so many rules. What would people think of me? I always did the right thing! I didn’t announce my pregnancy until i was preganant. And I had a part orchestrating this
I was upset with myself
Perhaps qinzhi felt all this and this all culminated in what she is today
And I realized I stayed in those feelings of guilt and shame for doing this , thinking that this —-punishing myself is redemption to qinzhi
I wanted to apologize to qinzhi and I tried to speak to me then.
“It’s okay. You have been together for so long. You have help! You have your nanny to turn to. You have your grandma . You have your family. Why do you even need anyone’s approval for your own happiness? “
But beyond it all—— I can understand why you feel this way. You have been exacting such high standards everyday . But is that really for yourself or have you been in any way , punishing yourself for someone else’s wrong? This is life and not where we use standards on. You have been so hinged and anchored on meeting and surpassing standards, in school, at work , on family life. It’s been so tough for you yet you always kept up so well. Was it because you failed mom’s expectations in primary 2 when you got 7th in position in class and you couldn’t forget how she pained and talked to you at the dining table ?
Let it go!
You do not need to carry these —- another’s expectations on you all your life. Much less the tribe’s. You do not need to fulfill anyone’s expectations other than living your own’s dreams and desires.
Forgive yourself for choosing this all this while. It’s not even a mistake! You learned things.
Remember – ? Everything was borne out of love and so you had the beautiful qinzhi and that is so amazing! Choose to celebrate this from now — this beauty you have been given the opportunity to create to be pregnant in that time .
I apologize to qinzhi for all the conscious and unconscious emotions that I have shared with her on my time of ignorance and I ask for her forgiveness
I forgive my self for all this choices I have made and the release all the guilt and shame and negativity I felt . I do not need them any longer.
We are in a deep gestation period, when the seed needs to die onto itself so that it can burst into a new life and new beginnings. It almost feels as if a part of you wishes to rush into the new life, while suddenly out of the blue the old ghosts of the Old Earth pop up for you to finally forgive, let go of in some form or another. Indeed that little kid, which once was you, will stand before you, wanting to be loved and healed as well. All the old unwanted, unloved and unacknowledged parts of you are stepping out of the skeleton cupboards… Welcome them all into your heartspace. Let them speak. Weep all the unwept tears. Release it all. Then quietly thank them, because each is a part of you, and indeed in healing snd loving all parts of you can step into wholeness and fullness of the truth of who you are. The seed dies and gives birth and life. Just like the old 3D you dies so that you van be born anew and step into the fullness and wholeness of the new life on Earth. Resurrected. Let go. Surrender. Be reborn. Judith Kusel http://www.judithkusel.com Jean-Luc Bozzoli
Yellownblac's II Weblog 