As I ran, I heard a voice in me say, “I am the sun; the sun is in me.”
We are in the everything around us, and so is the everything around us ——in us.
We are not separated or apart from the everything else that we see.
So if something in us changes, everything around us follows and change.
I always hear this, from John.
He always says , “ it’s not the essential oil not the product, it’s the process. It’s the process.”
I used to be perturbed . If the protocol is there, why does he still say this? But I finally got an inkling of what he means this morning as I repeated my running challenge
He can prescribe a protocol of oils to use for any condition but different people would arrive at different results
Of course the physical conditions would vary but I realise also the importance of the process
As I ran , I kept drawing in the Sun’s light and energy into my body and my being , to cleanse my insides
On another day, what came though from the skies was not intense sunlight but a soft glow. Yet another, the day began moist chilly with little light
I did this everyday and even the process is different everyday. The process of breathing in and cleansing is different everyday .
The process is different because what I breathed in is different and so many more
And so the results will be different
Today as I ran and walked and breathed, breathed in light at the pelvic keloids, I saw the baby skin beneath and I heard something else—— that the keloids have been almost a shield for me all these years as I moved through it all. I might have been hurt more or less protected had it not been for the keloids who have come on this way to shield me.
Before I was ready to face the world with myself and the experiences that I have.
Now I m ready and I heard myself thank the keloids for being here with me all this while. This is certainly yet another step after accepting them as part of me —— something I realized yesterday in my run .
And so they say, 11.11 is a very special day and opens us up to a new portal of ascension and being.
May light be always with you.
This is one word we come across every so often but one of the hardest (?) to execute or be aware of.
For example, I do not feel or know that I have changed or aged until I see my kids grow up. So it seems, change happens when we are least aware of it
This morning I thought this word of change echoed to me
I am curious how I will be if I continue to run
John once said that if I started exercising I will be a different person
I will become better
I am curious how I am going to be. What is the change?
Let’s do this experiment.
How will/can I become? And how will/can you—— become?
And I saw this quote – life is not about discovery, life is about creation. And you are creating it all, no one else is doing it for you.
For the fourth consecutive day I ran.
Like a little date I have with myself and the sun and along the way, I have lots of wonderful thoughts/ realizations that come through.
This morning as I ran facing the sun, something in my body opened up and I saw a thought/ realization bloom.
To forgive, do we need there to be a reason ? If so. Just the very fact that I m running like that now, in this way now is the reason.
There are so many new things I want to get on to, and I have progressed and processed so much along the way.
Just running like that is enough for me to forgive, if I have anything else to forgive.
I m always so intrigued by the littlest birds taking on the sky. Soaring in the space. Playing with the space. I see them stretch out and open up their little wings and explore the space. So free so beautiful so wonderful! I want to be that light.
If we can afford that magnanimity at heart and have this kind of space, anything and every issue we have would be little by comparison
I saw a squirrel dancing it’s way up a tree . So light ! As if there is no body weight. I want to be like it.
I ran and let the sunlight cleanse may body. I said my affirmations
I feel myself bathed in sunlight. And it giving me energy
I feel my body warming up. I lifted my body and ran. Lifted the weight off my feet. It’s a different feeling
No wonder we repeat. Because in repetitive motion, we realise we find we breakthrough.
I saw a red ixora bloom.
I had to peel open some leaves to see it. Why hide? You are beautiful in your every right.
No matter how big or small, show your colour for that is your power.
I saw the grace in falling. Just as blooming and opening up is nature, so is falling and closing. And it would be beautiful because it has experienced bloom.
So, bloom!
Loving how nature is speaking to me.
And when I opened WhatsApp, teacher sent me this
I woke up hearing a thought say: isn’t this the best time of your life?
You have all the freedom to do / create what you want/like, with little to no responsibilities outside taking care of yourself and your family.
Now is the time.
Now- what do you want to do?
Use this time.
When I ran , I hear myself say the things I want to do
I want to fly and be on SQ with my family
I want to upgrade my physical abilities and capabilities.
I want to uplift myself. To a higher vibrational mode.
I ran the route I ran on my birthday and thought of the things I wrote.
I saw a young couple taking their wedding photos. Would you see the sun because of some who came into your life? What about me. I saw someone canoe
I saw a tree that went out of its way—- it grew horizontally instead of vertically? How and why? For whom or what? How did we grow?
The days ahead are a blank page waiting for me to fill.
And I will.
“Imagine at some moment two strong arms enfold you, two great wings rise above you, and you are suddenly lifted up. Lifted up from where you were standing, lifted up out of the shadows, lifted up and carried away. In that moment, imagine all of your cares falling away, your worries dropping like stones, until you feel lighter, as weightless as a feather caught on a breeze.
“Imagine you and the Spirit flying in a clear sky, flying for the sheer joy of it, far beyond the reach of any hurt or harm. Imagine what you believe and it will carry you to a place of strength, of hope, and of love.”
~ Native American elder Steven Charleston
Huaihao had a chance to be alone in the house on my birthday. Dad went out not knowing I left the house in the morning with zhi. And Huaihao ended up being alone.
He called me and cried. It was his first, being home, alone.
And there’s the weekend morning runs and competitions, and Huaihao would do his best to win so as to get an açai on his own. One day, I said to Huaihao, who has won before: shall we let zhi have a taste of being the first? And he said, that is unfair to ask of him, because he would be working hard on his own and would want to see how far he can go too. One time he ran his best and won but afterwards ended up vomiting on the expressway, I held his hand and walked with him.
And typically we would eat after the runs and be goofing around somewhere
And we did popsicles at home
One morning Huaihao went bicycling with dad
And we had a picnic by the beach
His current faves at this point
At bedtime, HuaiHao asked if I feel better now that I am not working. I said yes and no because there’s the finances part which I might have to be careful about
And he said, “but what’s the point of money if you do not feel free ? There is no point in earning money right if you don’t even have time to eat lunch or do what you like. ”
Then he cupped my face in his hands and said “ keep well mommy”
I asked why and he said , “ because you are cute”
He says that daddy is always in a dungeon and in his own cave and he finds it hard to express himself. But why? “Just spit it out!”
When he saw me scratching my keloids, he said, “ don’t scratch, just breathe and think of other things “
On my birthday,Huaihao came to kiss me good morning and say happy birthday this morning.
I remember how huaihao sang the loudest when we have the cake and I kept looking at huaihao and he kept looking at me. At bedtime he said it was because its my birthday so of course he had to look at me.
And I told him that i almost felt emotional and want to cry and i felt like if i continued looking at him, we were almost locking eyes,, he would too.
To my surprise, Huaihao said, “let it out, don’t keep it inside, emotions are like the clouds and they will be blown away by the winds. So let it out, don’t keep on to them.”
We chat. Huaihao was saying happy birthday to me —with so much love and i felt so cherished —-at almost every juncture he could find. He told me about how he planned for my birthday.
“I told papa that mommy’s birthday is coming tomorrow so what should we get? Then I said mommy likes to write so maybe we can get a book. We went to Popular but did not find anything nice, I told papa, can we get something better for mommy?
HuaiHao chose this present for me because I told him I liked to write and that he told me I should do the things I like.
Love you so much!
This month we celebrate PSLE —-experiencing it and getting over it. And then it’s all play, eat, sleep.
I bought a popsicle mould and get Qinzhi and Huaihao to make their own in a bid to get away from sugary ones outside.
Then we picnicked by the beach and played the frisbee. And headed out on weekends to run and walk. And have Shake Shack!
At home, Qinzhi and Huaihao did lots of device time. Sometimes stopping both was challenging.
So I went to Daiso and bought Qinzhi some handicraft materials hoping to get her to pen some thoughts for her friends and teachers before leaving the school she has spent 6 years of her childhood on. And thankfully, she put her hands to painting.
On my birthday Qinzhi wrote this for me. The best one could ever get….. I actually felt some elements of not living up to this. It was as if I couldn’t raise my head in front of her.
Because I once was shy being pregnant in my wedding dress. Those were thoughts I carried with me in my system even after so many years.
Looking back, I had so much fear of not knowing what to do. I guess I didn’t even know what to do with myself but now I have baby in me. And what do I do? How will I manage?
I feared responsibilities but now I have one I felt more precious and bigger than myself. I did not feel I was able to manage. But I did ! And Qinzhi was the one who helped me get to this I m today bit by bit.
Thankful to see this old me again and to feel how I felt to release this. Not needed now.
Time to let them go and really rise up to being the best mom Qinzhi ever gets.
I apologize unreservedly to you Qinzhi should I have been any lesser then what you thought, with what little wisdom I have in the circumstances I have been.
And thank you for showing up the way you did in my life, to give me strength whoever I was weak, to hug me whenever (i never knew) I needed. For loving me.
And the school had this commend your child initiative which asked parents to write letters to their graduating kids
Here’s what I have :
Caring , giving, gentle, generous, helpful, sensitive, determined. These very traits you exhibit will make you ever more wonderful. They will lift you out of anything and up to where you want to be. Be aware of them, use them in your everyday life to expand on them. Trust they will bring magic and more to you. And they will.
Watched kdrama Tale of the Nine Tailed
And it was super!
From Wikipedia: The drama tells of Lee Yeon (Lee Dong-wook) -an over 1000-years-old Gumiho and once the guardian mountain spirit of Baekdudaegan -now a city dweller. He works with Taluipa(Kim Jung-nan)-an agent in the Afterlife Immigration Office and the protector of the Samdo river- to eradicate supernatural beings that threaten the mortal world. He lives in the city where he is assisted by his loyal subject, veterinarian, and fellow Gumiho, Goo Shin-Joo.
What keeps Lee Yeon living is his dream of becoming a mortal —- even if it means losing his superpowers and his eternal soul , even if it means in human form, you have to experience the cycles of illness pain death——-so that he can be with his first love, a human. But foxes cannot fall in love with humans and the connection was damned in the past.
The two reconnect in this life as lovers and the plot goes on to show their ill fated path that is to repeat.
It goes to show that attachments and energetic connections and the very strength of it makes people come back again and again. It shows that unresolved issues come back again.
But you can choose a new reality . Your choice of a new belief and making new choices or creating new pathways is what creates a new reality for you and your loved ones. ie. Yeon became a mortal in the end.
What is lovely of the drama is that it shows you how one creates their reality with their thoughts, fears, values, past experiences—- with their inner world. And that what we see on the outside are but reflections of what is going on in our insides.
It shows how in spit seconds we can be in another reality —- if we will.
The drama captures what we grapple with daily with our subconscious and consciousness and puts it in a storyline for us to find better resonance. And above all, it puts the power back in us. To tell us: We can and have all the power to create and recreate our reality in any moment so that we no longer are bound by the past .
I have asking a lot of questions in my life.
First as a child. Then in my professional career as a journalist to people from all spectrums in life. Now I direct them to myself and the source the greater or greatest creator and to life.
It didn’t really come to my understanding how powerful questions can be.
I thought what was to be pursued were answers . I have been pursuing answers all along. Waiting to hear back with the questions I asked.
But John has been talking about asking questions, and its the questions we ask that matter. And now this I saw from Michael Beckwith
“You see, we have to ask powerful questions. If there’s an issue, you have to ask a big enough question for the Universe to answer it.
So behind every problem, there’s a question trying to ask itself. And behind every question, there’s an answer trying to reveal itself. And behind every answer, there’s an action trying to express itself. And behind every action, there’s a way of life trying to be born.
If a person is chronically struggling with finances and they’re asking, “Why is this always happening to me?” That’s a disempowering question. You’ve got to ask a bigger question like, “What is the nature of prosperity?”
Perhaps write it down and think about it when you go to bed at night; sleep on it. The Universe will start to talk to you; it is already talking to you.
The broadcast is already going on; it just needs your permission to come in. The answer tells you, “prosperity is everywhere, prosperity is energy, energy is never created or destroyed, it’s invisible. Look at the leaves on a tree. Look at the grains of sand. Look at the stars in the heavens. It’s everywhere. There’s no lack anywhere.”
Yet, your mind will say, “Wait a minute, I’m asking because I don’t have money or prosperity.” And it will come back and tell you, “I said I’m invisible. I’m infinite. I’m not a thing. So give what you have, give a smile, help somebody. Put yourself in a position to serve.”
And then that action becomes a way of life.
So, if you wake up thinking, “How am I going to serve? How am I going to give? How am I going to circulate?” Then the Universe will support you in that, and prosperity starts to flow into your life because you’ve asked the right question.
How are you going to serve today? First, write your empowering question down and see what the Universe offers you. Then share your story with the community and me.”
This called out to me.
I tried asking myself, because suddenly, all my work on hand stopped. First, slowly, I let go of one, then two of what I was doing currently. The last one I held on to, let me know that they wanted to end the contract at the end of this month. AT first I was taken by surprise, what was I to do ——-Starting back at the point of zero income?
I asked myself the questions mainstream society would ask, such as, how can you be living without any source of income? How are you going to retire comfortably and such? Driven by fear, worry, inadequacy.
What is the universe trying to tell me or do?
Then it occured to me that things, were, are speeding up. The last thing I held on to out of fear or insecurity is stripped off me literally. And I realise, the universe is giving me a pat on the back and giving me the support I need so that I can elevate into the new.
In the new, these old strings cannot be with me as they served me no longer. My time to enter the new has come and the very things that will impede me or what I hang on to, old values, system, judgments, ways of living, earning my keep, thinking etc, can only be left behind.
I felt like the time has come.
While I walked on my own, I looked at the things which held me back, fear, worry, shame, guilt. I located them in my body and walked with them, looked at them, breathed with and into them, thanked them for teaching me and keeping me on my toes and bringing me to who I am, and waved them goodbye.
Then I saw and was drawn to this lotus in a pond
Then before I knew, a shower descended.
Run or walk?
I ran in the rain. Took shelter under a tree and felt rain slipping in and it was truly like a blessing of sorts.
And it felt so good.
As i reread “How are you going to serve today? First, write your empowering question down and see what the Universe offers you. “
I felt touched myself. It sort like I am aligning to the universe’s rhythm, entering a flow of sorts. I felt a response or a resonance of sorts in the air, nodding in my favour, as if saying, finally you are back you have come.
And i understand now why a lot of works they shine bright with light are channelled.
Aligning with the universe or the source or the creator or god, what does it mean? It means first and foremost to recognise to acknowledge and to treasure oneself, as one and only, and a part of the source—–never born and never will die, has been and always will be.
It means not to understand that we are created in the likeness of god but to feel that way.
And Qinzhi said just this afternoon :”I feel that I m god but why am I here?”
We are messengers of light, blinking and shimmering in our own right, each time we shine and acknowledge that god in us, the world shines ever brighter and will be even more so, as we express our truth and be the best we can be, showing the good we are here for.
I feel excited.
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