Author: yellownblac

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVIII)

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The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out

And guess what? I did of course.

It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old

Death and rebirth

I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm

Haha

I kind of ran through in my mind what I want

I am running for my new life

I am running towards my new life

I am running into my new life

I am running my new life

It’s amazing how words set things up

And get ‘it’ going

And what do I want in my new life?

I want no cyst no keloids

No itch .

My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness

Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful

All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium

My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong

Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me

Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me

I love my work and enjoy very successful career

People respect and honour me for the good work I do

I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.

And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity

Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it

I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because

The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!

And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness

Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit

Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards

To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on

Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here

Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself

And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past

And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma

And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed

The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear

This I am experiencing now I have felt it before

And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?

No of course not so let’s stop scratching

But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved

And that begs resolution release letting go!

And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it

I think this is such a powerful practice and act .

To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.

And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.

Inspirations From A Run (XVII)

Inspirations From A Run (XVII)

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If everything is energy, we do not really have to do anything on the outside

All we have to do- is change the energy of ourselves and the outside will change

Because the outside the outer world is a reflection of the inner world

So it follows that if we change the landscape in our inner world we would be already making changes to the outside

Anything else we do outside of this is extra effort which may or may not help or distort

Today I get this

And when I ran to this spot, the thing that came to mind was- surrender to the gift of nature now

I am thankful I got the chance to be here . To do this with my body. I thanked my body my cells my blood for this opportunity

And I got the idea to use the sunlight to make newness in my body in my cells . Instead of mindless chatter , I asked my eyes my ears my hormones my skin to make newness with the gift of the sun’s light

And I forgive and tell myself to flip open a new page

Like a baby again- starting out with no judgements, no preconceived ideas, with everything in harmony and in optimum perfection

The key phrase- like a baby

And I m thankful to have this inkling

And the goosebumps on the back is real

Shine, and be unstoppably bright.

Inspirations From A Run (XVI)

Inspirations From A Run (XVI)

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Somehow somewhere in the run , something in my wanted to go forward

And I understand this as – my soul having the desire to go forward

To get out of the present

More accurately, to rise.

Writing now- the idea or realization came to me that I have at one point in time, stopped myself.

And even now with the opening of this regional role, I was still asking myself or cautioning myself lots

Out of a habit of having been in duty for a while

The second important thing that came to me, was the idea that I could make new cells

While I kept my mind on healing releasing , my body showed me how she is healing me so miraculously- such as when the keloid has a burst and healed nicely

I saw John yesterday and he said there was a lot of frustration and pent up energy that needs to be moved

So in the run, somehow I came to the idea that I could ask my body to make new cells healthy happy ones just by being present and open to the gift of sunlight wind and air from nature

This morning as I walked towards the bridge, an auntie whom I saw at the fitness corner smiled to me as usual

And I loved it

I love it because she was there. And I m happy she was there. If the old folks were there – if the old folks are well

It brings me to the idea of gratitude to have the opportunity to be here and to do this

I asked teacher Stephen for his advice and he said this –

“at home it is safe and comfortable a great place to be and laz around. But inside there is a yearning to explore discover express and communicate with others. Your voice can, must be heared and seen. Your heart and mind need to a challenge and that in itself is a tool of healing and it can open many doors and paths you can’t even imagine yet.

Whatever your decision is I will support it.”

He is right about the inside which wants to explore discover express and communicate

Need I say, the run was good

And I saw green birds having fun in the sky

As if to say- don’t take it so seriously, how about approaching it with a light heart. And with the attitude of having fun as I explore?

And I have never ever had this idea. And this shows to me how much I have moved

Inspirations From A Run (XV)

Inspirations From A Run (XV)

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I was wanting some answers.

And the intention was to open up to receive divine healing guidance support

And somehow the message that came through was – irregardless, let it be in support of my healing, whether it be for the keloids or anything

Let whatever I do – be the healing tool

I kind of feel zapped this morning when I woke. Because the people I worked with- they were really demanding of my time and attention

And when I supported them, I kind of lost some of my energy

It came to me this morning that this happened and I was giving too much too quickly

That being said, I am glad this understanding found me.

And also this message

So if I was able to derive something out of whatever I did, letting everything be a reflection of me and me learning something out of it and getting a clearer perspective- it would have served my purpose

An opportunity for a regional commission has come up for me.

I want to know if I should pursue this

My dear divine, my dear self- give me all the guidance and let me make the choice which serves my highest good

Om!

Inspirations From A Run (XIV)

Inspirations From A Run (XIV)

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I intended the practice to be a time to open up and receive guidance for the questions I have and for the healing I need

And as usual it was awesome

Learning to make time for myself is one of the best things I can/have done for myself

To make space, just to be with myself

And I came to know how blessed I am, looking at the times I ran the same route and have nothing on my mind

I saw an article by Cedric Grolet and he says that he is creative because he is free.

I love this

I look back at the times when there is nothing else hanging on my heart and I ran

Besides thanking the divine for the opportunity, I thank myself for opening up to this opportunity

And I ask the divine to bring me people things opportunities that serve me in my highest good and to land me in a better place- one that is of healthfulness, vitality, happiness, harmony, peace, creativity, freedom

If everything is energy, we are creating with our thoughts words heart energy.

Of late, I particularly enjoy a simple qigong movement where you feel the energy between both hands and move from left to right

As I was doing it, I felt like I was adjusting my life. Purposefully moving things about in my life, whether it be the health aspect or career, family .

There is no need to fix things or speak to anyone to change anything of I can mindfully move things about, and to feel peaceful with this

And there were so many times I felt goosebumps when I spoke to my cells- let’s open up and receive healing love and light from nature now , from these gifts of nature. Be open to it, to receive. To bask in this.

Om

10 Years 8 Months

10 Years 8 Months

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Huaihao is almost finished with P4, and a big boy already

One weekend, I convinced him to walk with me, treated him to toast and eggs and chocolate and he became my helper when i did grocery.

I love being in the sun, and happy that the little one is with me in the breeze

MBS sent me mooncakes and Huaihao is channeling the foodie, he did a video to unbox and had fun tasting

And this is him doing my moynat a catwalk service

I love it when he comes to me at the computer, knowing i m busy, he would hug me massage me kiss me

I spoke to HuaiHao and told him I was feeling slightly down, and I like to speak to him and he is almost like a friend now. One day I told him i m feeling down and he came to me, sat on my thighs and hugged me close.

His words were, “ you can’t please everybody.”

Wow.

At bedtime, I asked him if I was doing alright for the interview and he went, no. After which he said, “ I take that back. I mean, so what if people don’t like you. I mean, what can you do about it? And what has it got to do with you? You got to carry on living right?”

And then he said, “in your books, your world can be square.”

I tried to make sure he knew what he was saying. So I asked.

”it means in your world, you can do anything you like.”

On another occasion, I showed him two pieces of my work and ask him to critique and he said of my original- people in business don’t need flowery language, they don’t have time for it and they just want to get to the point.

you don’t need the words and phrases the words and phrases need you

One night , we spoke as usual and I asked HuaiHao to give me an advice he feels like- he thought for a while and said, “ touch grass when you need to. It means take a break whenever you need. It’s important to take small breaks you know.”

HuaiHao slept next to me and when I came to sleep at 2am he was roused. He opened his eyes , cupped my face in his hands and moved to kiss me

I only asked myself to bathe in that love

Another night,

I used to ask HuaiHao how is his day when we lay in the bed and now I find it surprising that he is asking me that

I told him all about mine and the littlest things. Such as asking the COMO hotel GM to tell us about her after she gave us a tour of the property. And that was what I learnt from Cedric Grolet ‘s interview when he talked about his parents teaching him to value relationships and to treat others with respect

I shared with HuaiHao a quote a saw,

Afterwards we talked about my life waking up. He noted that a while ago, I was in a lull and not doing anything but now I am busy

Life kind of switched me on and we were discussing where I got to in quick time, interviewing Cedric Grolet and writing for SCMP and getting into the game again

Huaihao: So for this, you shouldnt take the elevator.

Me: What elevator?

Huaihao: So what I meant was, it would not work if you had taken shortcuts.

Me: But you always did that!

But it’s so nice to talk about this

And when I got busy at the computer, HuaiHao always came and massaged me kissed me. One time he shared this comic with me

I read it with him and laughed and he said that’s the whole point!

That was him letting me take a breather

And when we need total photos for passport, we totally enjoyed it

I love it also when I am out and Huaihao calls me to check on me. What time are you coming back?

And this is us going to gengyan jiujiu’s house and getting a home cooked meal.

One time we chat and its always about the cube of late. We spoke about the algorithms and I asked Huaihao how many he has mastered.

“You see mommy, I have xxxxx to do zzzz to do yyyy to do and I still have my work at McDonald’s”

“Huh and what is that?”

“It’s humour mom humour! Let me find yours back for you?”

Wishing HuaiHao lots of bright moments like these !

14 Years 7 Months

14 Years 7 Months

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Is it almost October ?

I love how Qinzhi throws her hands open and ask for hugs

One morning Qinzhi woke up and went to exercise. And I am so proud of her and her decision

HuaiHao and I saw her at the canal and I shouted out her name

And we texted each other and happened to do the same thing at the same time. That is taking a photo of each other

And on another occasion she gave a squeal because her composition got selected and featured

Somehow or other , Qinzhi is taking up a path of writing and I know she can be a good writer. The basic qualities of one is to be able to experience, interpret and express emotions . And she does it better than me.

And this point brings me to understand yet again how parents inspire children. Often times, there are aspects of us which echo our parents, and in big and little ways, we are “inspired “

But how can we apply awareness so that we zoom in on the good and not let the “can be better “ affect us?

And before long, Qinzhi is in her last leg of secondary two. In a few weeks she is going to take her exams and be in upper secondary- a senior.

I think this year Qinzhi learnt a lot about managing emotions. And how emotions affect her physical well being- in almost painful ways

I hope she has a clear understanding of how the ways the mind affects the body and can achieve better control .

And need I say- this has to start from us parents?

One night I was busy at work and Qinzhi texted me this

I love how she says it. She wants it and says it. Many times we don’t dare to ask from our parents what we want- what we do want. But Qinzhi and HuaiHao does it daringly. Almost teaching me . And of course I did it what she wanted.

We have bonded so well over kpop we enjoy watching it together and make plans to watch shows on Netflix together going nuts about kpop idols . I want to even take her to see someone we both like if there is an opportunity and be a little bit crazy

On a Saturday, Qinzhi’s friends come home and she did a dance practice with them. And I love it. It was something I didn’t really do when I was younger in my teens and happy she gets to experience what it feels like to do things she enjoys with friends

And even happier I made friends with hers

I can’t wait for Qinzhi to finish her exams so I can spend some time with her, brunch, shopping doing girly things

May Qinzhi be always protected , guided and blessed by the divine .

Question /Answer

Question /Answer

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This is really beautiful

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
Rainer Maria Rilke – Letters to a Young Poet, 1903.

Edward Robert Hughes – A Young Beauty, 1875.

Prayer of St Francis

Prayer of St Francis

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Came across this while watching a clip on George Yeo. He spoke at the launch of his book and shared about the last chapter he wrote.

He wanted to find the meaning of life, and that equates somewhat to finding god . He said the quest to be spiritual – while it appears to be less important as science progresses, – should have been more, and he shared this prayer :

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.”