I don’t was so overwhelmed by the spate of what happened at home

I didn’t realize I was carrying a lot of anger, grievances, unhappiness

Until Janice texted me and I shared with her briefly and she said

“You will not be alone in it. Why not ask God for strength when u feel u r so alone. I used to be alone in parenting and even sickness because father have to work very hard to bring the children up. So walking alone really got no strength. So the place where I stand n do the dishes is the divine place I pray to God. Everyday I ask God to give me a cheerful heart to take care of my children n see to husband needs . So my good friend is God. Everyday I talk to him. Also found super power strength. When u don’t have human help u call for God…. And actually God is more powerful than human and gave me a lot of strength”

Her words touched me so much

I told her- The feeling is like touched by god’s hand

Caressed -like the divine god or the superpower up there knows my pain

The feeling is that is anger, frustration, and feeling it and not wanting to feel it

The feeling is wanting to acknowledge it and know it’s there

And I recall hear messages I came across on acknowledgment of emotions

There’s nothing to do except having full awareness that they are there and moving the self thru them

That’s the simple and hard thing to do

Writing this made me aware that all I have done these few days is not to see it. I guess I m too exhausted to

But now I feel more ready to process them

I was asking myself how – how can I release this.

How to forgive?

And the hub pointed the new moon out in the sky while on the plane

It’s a sight to behold

Maybe astronauts felt that joy and silent awe when they first ventured into space and saw space like environment

I forgot about all these beautiful things – I had been so busy burying myself in unhappiness

When I came back from japan HuaiHao wasn’t well and work started piling and I took the east way out and stopped running in the morning and just allowed myself to sink into device and work

Thankfully the Seoul trip came along and I can reboot

I badly need this trip to reset myself

and bring myself back to balance and harmony

And I kind of got my answer seeing the moon

Be in the present. Allow yourself to be in the present- breathe in the present , see the present, taste it. Bring the mind and body to the present

I have stayed in the past for way too long- just as how I have told the hub- what he has done is to keep repeating his old actions

And just as he chided the kids for repeating their old actions

We all are living in the past with this present we have

It’s such a shame

And I want to remind myself to steer myself out of the past

To be alive to breathe to be here is already a great blessing and worth throwing anything else that doesn’t help- away