When I was out at work HuaiHao called me to say goodnight, both nights. It made me recall the time I headed out for work in the morning, and Huaihao would wave to me from the window, 13 floors up.
That was his love for me. And it made me learn something-in fact so many things. Such a big teaching.
And every time I worked at the computer, Huaihao would come and hug me from behind. To hug me and to kiss me, this was such great reminders to me, to let me know-its time to take a breather, stop the work and come back to the self, the family.
This month passed in quick time too, first we celebrated mid autumn festival and ah mei ah yi had a chess board game that came along with the mooncakes. The best was having a game with Huaihao.
We also had a beautiful mont blanc from AMI,
And Huaihao enjoyed it of course.
On my birthday just past midnight he woke up specially to say happy birthday to me. And before he slept he said happy birthday to me in advance . He woke up at midnight to hide the cards beneath my pillow -only to flash it out in the morning.
I received a tibetan singing bowl as a present and huaihao went with it to bless the spaces. He enjoyed it a lot too and would give it a little knock as and when he remembers.
The dinner was much awaited for , for everyone. I am happy to see everyone having a good time and is more than grateful to have chef prepared an amazing menu.
I love how my kids hug me. And I wish huaihao to be well and happy!
We did not plan for it but somehow we managed to get a redemption on an SQ flight to Nagoya.
I looked back at what I said previously, that I want to experience the four seasons in Japan. We visited Japan last December during winter, then in spring we headed to Fukuoka , in summer we did Kyoto .
I have always read about how you just need to know what you want – not how to do it.
And I get the idea now- this is how the universe does it.
Bf was in a low – he said he was demoralized due to work incidents but somehow this culminated in a trip to japan
I managed to put together a trip in a matter of days and the flight costs was manageable because we could redeem our miles
As I walked towards the aircraft, I can’t help but felt thankful
I learnt a few things in the last few days
– respect another’s journey
With bf and his low, we all wanted to do help and do something
We can try our best but like HuaiHao said, – it will work only if someone wants that help- enough
– talk it out on the table
I could feel bf happy as he stepped into the aircraft
I felt happy myself – thankful for the opportunity of a trip
Bf said he wanted to go to somewhere quiet and thankfully dad can help with the kids
It’s been quite a while since we took off on an afternoon flight and it was almost drizzling at ground level but as we flew up and out of the weather
Now that’s a teaching !
Day 2
We drove to wakayama , had some food at kurushio market and headed to Yuasa to get soy sauce at Kadocho Founded in 1841, this brewery contributes a large part in the history of Yuasa soy sauce brewing.
Then we drove to Koya
A UNESCO-recognized World Heritage Site, Koyasan is a historic temple town located in the mountainous regions of the Kii Peninsula. It is the birthplace of the Shingon Buddhism, drawing plenty of pilgrims and tourists alike.
Koyasan is magical.
Somehow as the car weaves into the mountain or into place , the heart kind of opened up
Located 800m above sea level in the basin of an eight-peaked mountain, this small temple town is where the Shingon sect of Buddhism was founded in the early 800s. Today, there are 117 temples here, along with a collection of unmissable spiritual sites. This includes the sacred Danjo Garan complex in the centre of Koyasan, home to several temple buildings and the 49m tall Great Pagoda
Considered the heart of Koyasan, Danjo Garan Sacred Temple Complex houses the statue of Dainichi Nyorai (main Buddha) and the Konpon Daito (Great Pagoda).
Somehow in the air , it kind of felt like there’s a grounding force which stills you
We found our way to Fuzen to try the Sasamaki Anpu, these are small wheat-starch parcels flavoured with mugwort and filled with a sweet bean paste wrapped in bamboo grass leaves
Then as we strolled in the little town getting traditional sweets from kasakuni
Then we found ourselves at ekoin
We did a simple Ajikan meditation and a monk was explaining to us what to do
He made some points which were interesting intriguing and important
For example, how we sit , his advice is to lift the pelvic area so that that area is tense but the rest of the body is relaxed
He suggests moving the body from side to side and front to back to find a comfortable position
He suggest to half close our eyes, so that we can see the world but not get too relaxed
And if something comes to mind, look at it as if it were a pebble in the garden. Look at the garden not the pebble
He suggests once we think of anything , first create space in the mind
And that if we are able to control our breathing we would be able to control the mind
He says the goal of the meditation is to become one with the cosmic Buddha and the universe
Of course he reminded us to do this meditation everyday even if it were for 5 min
It made me think what true balance is – it’s a play between tension and relaxation and enough of both to set either element in place or rather- in check
And in the temple you can hear quiet . It’s so quiet it made you think what sacred is or means to you
We had shojin ryori for dinner
Day 3
We woke up and attended a morning prayer ceremony which involved some chanting and an offering of incense to the Buddha
Then we headed over to another small shrine and experienced the fire ceremony
Called the Goma fire ritual – I read that not all temples at koya held this every morning. But at Ekoin, it’s an everyday affair
“The Goma (Homa) Ritual of consecrated fire is unique to Vajrayana and Esoteric Buddhism. It is performed for the benefit of individuals, the state or all sentient beings in general. The consecrated fire is believed to have a powerful cleansing effect spiritually and psychologically. The fire symbolizes the wisdom of the Buddha and the wood sticks symbolize human desires (the root of suffering). the Buddha burns away the root of our suffering as we pray for our wishes to come true. Flames can sometimes reach a few meters high.
You could pray for the well-being of your family, recovery from illness, traffic safety, prosperity to the business and school success.” —— from the Ekoin website
The ceremony involved a monk chanting , and beating the drum . He observed another monk at the alter- who was involved in carrying out the main ritual of lighting the fire , burning wood and throwing some rice and others , and hand gestures into the fire as the ceremony progressed
Before this you would be writing your name and wish on a wood panel and the monk would put this into the fire to burn
The ceremony was just 20 minutes but it felt like there was a lot of content and cultural significance
Simply putting everything aside and Experiencing the fire in front of you , wood chips burning and cracking in the air made a lot of sense
It was a purification of sorts putting something out you want to release and handing it to the fire
Somehow the mood lightened as the ceremony progressed – like a weight lifted
We checked out and drove through the winding mountains down south towards Kumano
And it just made you stop to be
Be with the winding roads
It’s so beautiful with sunlight passing through foliage and thrown in the roads
And the beauty is having bf resonating with this feeling
So beautiful I said and he nodded
So just take time and be with the roads and let it show you the way (out)
Discover with it
After a 3 hour drive, we found our way to the Nachisan area, which is home to Japan’s longest waterfall-Nachi
There’s a shrine there and you could light a piece of wood and offer a prayer
We then hiked up to the Seiganto-ji Temple with its vibrant red pagoda.
There’s a camphor tree there and if you went through it it is dark and signifies the womb or a rebirthing process and you would then come out to light
You just felt very open as you reach the top
Affording myself a view with a little climb. And what- will you (choose to) afford yourself this day?
Then we continued our way down and drove to Kawayu onsen
It’s a quiet place and you could see people using a shovel to dig a hole in the river to get the underground hot spring water bubbling
We did our hot spring soak and it’s so good it made me think what made me so tired
It made me know that I have spent too much effort pursuing
How about this- just allow things to come to me
Day 4
We did a short 1km hike/walk on the kumano path at Fushiogami back to Kumano Hongu Taisha, one of the three revered Kumano Sanzan shrines.
Fushiogami means to kneel down and worship
At this viewpoint, ancient pilgrims first saw a view of Kumano Hongu Taisha in the distance and that moved them to their knees in prayer.
How much of a journey must that be for one to get down on the knees to pray?
I read here that in the mid Heian era, a great poet-Izumi Shikibu once embarked on a pilgrimage to Kumano Hongu Taisha from Kyoto. Less than 3 km from her destination, her period began unexpectedly. Thinking that she has lost her chance of worshiping the Kumano gods, she composed this poem:
晴れやらぬ身のうき雲のたなびきて
月のさわりとなるぞ哀しき
Beneath unclear skies, my body obscured by drifting clouds, I am saddened that my monthly obstruction has begun
That night, one of the Kumano gods appeared in Izumi’s dream as Buddha Amida and replied to Izumi.
もろともに塵にまじはる神なれば
月の障りもなにか苦しき
How could the god who mingles with the dust suffer because of your monthly obstruction?
Openness and acceptance is a fundamental theme of the Kumano faith. This beautiful story has been retold to emphasize that Kumano does not exclude anyone from worshipping. I take it one step further as a reminder to acknowledge the divinity in each and every being.
I read after that the Fushiogami-Oji Forest walk is one of the 100 therapeutic walk spots in Japan.
And before long we are on the hike!
We then drove to Ise and had a good time at the old town which exudes authentic atmosphere of a traditional Japanese town
We didn’t really have time to visit Ise-jingu Shrine’s Inner Shrine.
Oharaimachi features old-fashioned residences lining a stone-paved thoroughfare. Here you’ll find an impressive array of Japanese cuisine, traditional craftwork, and an enormous variety of souvenirs. The street runs parallel to the Isuzu River, where broad paths along the banks make for a nice walk if you need a break from the seasonal crowds.
Apparently , pilgrimages to sacred areas around Japan grew in popularity from the early 1600s with the end of the violent Sengoku civil war period. As Shinto’s most sacred site, Ise-jingu Shrine was no exception.
Most commoners who lived far from Ise could not afford the journey, so communities would pool their resources and send a single villager to make the pilgrimage on their behalf. With the influx of worshippers came money for food, accommodation, and entertainment. Oharai still prospers as a pilgrimage center to this day.
We had lots to eat too, such as the thick chewy Ise udon, traditional Japanese sweets
We stayed overnight at Gero onsen and then made our way to the morning market ideyu after that drove for about 2 hours to kamikochi
This is a place I have been when I was about 26-27 and it’s been almost 20 years now
Looking at this, the little roar of the river, the winds, the sky and then sun the clouds, the question that came begging at the mind was- 我要多么 坚持才可以跟你来这里?
How much endurance would I need to be able to come here with you
Anything lesser would not cut it
Anything lesser than any of my experiences would not have brought me here
The winds kind of brought them all out.
We stayed at Miyama Ouen at Hirayu Onsen and had a pretty good time
Dinner and breakfast was a course by course event and you could slow down and enjoy dining
there’s the onsen bath which is kind of a newfound love, I love how the heat seeps into the body and warms it up
Day 6
We came back to Kamikochi on a early bus ride
When we got to Taisho pond, the early morning mist was still there
And we walked up towards kappabashi in about an hour passing by a view point for mount yaka date, an active volcano
It was lovely to see how the light changes the atmosphere and the landscape
Passed by kappabashi and continue towards Myojin pond – and finding back a soba place and the river which we used to be at when we came the last time
And what would you like to do going forward TPY?
I would like to travel and see the world, be one worth nature, meet beautiful inspiring people and devote time to meaningful causes and to have the freedom of time and in life I want to continue writing or creating content that is close to heart and warms people , giving light and hope
Day 7
We left Hiroyu Onsen and drove down to Kiso, the valley of hundred year old cypress or hinoki, did first bathing at akasawa in the late morning-it is said that this is the very place which gave birth to the concept of forest bathing
in the forest, the trees have started to change colour, there’s yellow of all shades, oranges and red. And what-actually made the colours change? Like a hurrah before the cold comes? Changes and perceived impending changes always get things out of us-and maybe nature too ?
we stopped for food at a 300 year old soba place and chanced upon a shop which does laquerware-which this area is famous for , and got to know that lacquer tree produces sap that is of a limited quantity -just 200cc of lacquer juice can be retrieved from a lacquer tree and the sap juice actually changes colour in contact with air . For darker colour lacquer, the odour is actually achieved through the addition of iron powder,’
We then weave our way down the valley and past Tsumago into Magome, these are post towns which let people stop and rest while they commute in between Kyoto and Tokyo. By the time we reach Magome, the sun is near to setting and a lot of shops have closed. But the town is quiet with few visitors and the feeling is serene -as how it is when things have settled.
The next drive was to tajimi and for some supermarket and shopping before checking in.
Day 8
We checked out the ceramic town of Tajimi and had lots of good time strolling the Honmachi oribe street which has a lovely collection of mino pottery stores. There were lots of artistic pottery work and a limit to what I could bring back home-but the joy seemed to be made bigger this way, not because you could buy everything you wanted back home but really- because you couldn’t
We then did shopping at Toki, there’s the premium outlet and Aeon mall and then drove to the airport . And this -along with lots of packing, concluded the trip!
Japan is so beautiful snd there’s a wealth of choices everywhere -whether it be culture, food or shopping. It is so nice to be able to some time here this season-to feel the feeling of being in season, to have the opportunity to be in place, to just see, breathe, walk, and bathe in autumn’s foliage, meeting with the autumn wind. In so doing, receiving the splendour and richness of nature.
Qinzhi finally finished with her end of year exams and is relaxing into the holidays. A few days back though, somehow, during dinner, Qinzhi was so triggered. It might have to do with the unstable energies at home, as Daddy was feeling low.
It happened once he said, the usage of Qinzhi’s phone would be dependent on her results, and Qinzhi went into this frenzy of high emotions.
At first she said she was triggered because of the fact that Daddy mentioned she was not good in math, later on she shrieked and shouted out how she was trying her best, but no one can see.
I wonder if this is an echo of her daddy’s state of mind too. Or for that matter, how most of us are feeling-we are all trying our best, yet, people closest to us cannot see.
Can you?
That said, she had a lot of yummy moments. It was mid autumn festival and we received a number of beautiful mooncakes. And that is Qinzhi doing her unboxing.
We received a beautiful delivery of a mont blac
Mommy bought sweets too, dairy free ones, sugar free ones for Qinzhi so she could still enjoy her sweets with less stuff that would not work for her
And there was a day when I had to be out at work for dinner and Qinzhi and Huaihao had to cook rice and warm up the soup. Thats’s Qinzhi trying to work with the instructions.
And soon enough, Mommy’s birthday came. The kids serenaded me with presents kisses and hugs. Qinzhi wrapped up daddy’s present for me. And she specially went to parkway to print out this photo of her and huaihao inside on the premise of wanting to have cake. I can’t thank Qinzhi enough for carrying mommy in her heart as she headed out after school to print out the photo.
And I received birthday wishes from her friends too-too happy! too blessed!
Everyone was so looking forward to dinner at Summer Pavilion. We had lots of good food and cakes! Mommy is just glad the family got to spend some time together and we were so pampered by chef!
And I love how Qinzhi smiles and she is such a big girl now. I love how she takes photos and her angles she chose.
I love how we both are bingeing on kpop dramas into the night, side by side on the sofa. I love how Qinzhi laughs at me the way I fashioned my IG posts, and how she tutors me and guides me to being more “contemporary ” with my choice of fonts and gifs.
My dear girl if so grown up now. And I love it that she can wear my clothes and I can gift my precious clothes to her and I can put hers on me.
We had dinner yesterday and she gave some very wise words to her dad who is feeling demoralised after some work incidents. Qinzhi recommended daddy sleep. Qinzhi also recommended daddy find a pal or someone whom he can talk to -to say out all that he needs in his heart.
I love Qinzhi even though I don’t say this out loud enough. And Qinzhi is the one, who always offers me hugs -because she knew I needed.
I always remember holding her little hand when she was 4 or 5 and I would take her to Yamaha. I was feeling totally zapped of energy, but holding her hand in mine, gave me every bit of energy I needed to take the next step.
My intention for today is to anchor my power in my body, being, soul
The last week has been one that is “filled with content “ whether in the area of work, family life or in my own
At work, I kind of had the opportunity to host a big chef event and connected back with partners and people whom I had worked with closely previously in my last role
Then there were new friends
There were some folks who had brushes, and out of these, the meeting brought closure, for one or two others, the closure couldn’t be had
Oh well
On the whole it was good. I think I still enjoy the food industry. Most of all, seeing combinations and creativity in the form of ingredient pairing or how food can be- speaking to chefs- these energize me
At home, bf had a close brush at work, experiencing a separation lapse and feeling out of sorts and sent to a low
I tried to help the family tried to help, but it is clear he wants to take it his way
I thought about my role as much as I was wanting to help
But it seems- everyone has his or her own journey
And the best we can do is to stand grounded in our own power
Which brings me to the next point and today’s intention
I think to help or at least help ourselves, we have to stand grounded and in harmony in our own light and power
I had a wonderful birthday celebration with my folks, lots of friends texted me. I bathed and soaked in these blessings. And I kind of felt more at ease “coming out” as opposed to previously-keeping myself in.
It feels like I have moved and shifted somewhat to be more at ease with myself and therefore others
I m thankful and grateful for the love I have , kind thoughts from people , some not even friends but whom I have met and interviewed
And their kind wishes made me once more wonder about what it is that I have done to make them remember me?
It calls to mind me. Who is me? Like this morning when I set the intention to anchor my power – what is my power? Where is it? I asked.
And I recalled what Michelle said to me in a lunch we recently had- thank you for being you. You wear authenticity on your sleeve.
Wow
Of late in a regression with Punam my ex yoga teacher, the session helped me see or celebrate divinity – not elsewhere but within me
We often think that we are beneath divinity and that divinity is separate from us
But no.
If we can feel divinity divine beings, then what are we if we are not divine ourselves?
It makes me want to explore this side of me.
And so what is the power of me in me?
I feel like the closest thing I can find to this question is this
Simpleton, dreamy, girlish, expressive, I remember my husband was asked this question by my friends on the day of our wedding
“what attracted you to this girl”
And he said something along the lines of her being pure
I think I kept myself this way all these years and I want to keep it this way whether at work or home
I want to speak my mind and act closest to what my heart says
And wherever I am I want to use my light to bring out light and goodness- whether it be in conversations or in things I do or in others
And I think – this is my power gift and what I am here for
Thank you to the divine. Thank you to the divine in me.
The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out
And guess what? I did of course.
It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old
Death and rebirth
I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm
Haha
I kind of ran through in my mind what I want
I am running for my new life
I am running towards my new life
I am running into my new life
I am running my new life
It’s amazing how words set things up
And get ‘it’ going
And what do I want in my new life?
I want no cyst no keloids
No itch .
My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness
Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful
All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium
My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong
Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me
Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me
I love my work and enjoy very successful career
People respect and honour me for the good work I do
I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.
And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity
Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it
I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because
The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!
And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness
Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit
Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards
To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on
Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here
Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself
And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past
And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma
And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed
The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear
This I am experiencing now I have felt it before
And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?
No of course not so let’s stop scratching
But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved
And that begs resolution release letting go!
And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it
I think this is such a powerful practice and act .
To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.
And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.
The intention today was to dwelve deep into my body to find out
And guess what? I did of course.
It is 10/10 today and I read about the energies prevailing at this time to help us kickstart the new and release the old
Death and rebirth
I read about writing down ten things at 10am or 10pm
Haha
I kind of ran through in my mind what I want
I am running for my new life
I am running towards my new life
I am running into my new life
I am running my new life
It’s amazing how words set things up
And get ‘it’ going
And what do I want in my new life?
I want no cyst no keloids
No itch .
My cheeks are rosy and brimming with healthfulness
Each and every cell in my body is happy healthy joyful peaceful
All is well there is harmony peace equilibrium
My gums are healthy and my teeth is strong
Everywhere I go I am loved respected and valued for being me
Everywhere I go I spark light I bring light I bring something meaningful to the people around me
I love my work and enjoy very successful career
People respect and honour me for the good work I do
I can afford anything and everything I want – for myself and my family.
And I thank the divine my body for giving me this opportunity
Somewhere down the run, I get the idea that in my new life, my body heals miraculously, instantly, beautifully, effortlessly automatically and I did not even have to think about it
I did not have to look outside at all but just go inwards in any time of need – just so because
The body takes care of me and wants me to be well!
And at that moment I thought – in fact this has already happened and really my body has been asking me in all ways than one to love myself – thought the keloids the cyst the feeling of fatigued and breathlessness
Even through all that my body loves me and did not desert me one bit
Shouting out to me in all these ways to look inwards
To start loving myself my body my cells back irregardless of what is going on
Not just wanting a o get rid of anything but rather – accept it and understand what I did to bring myself here
Somewhere in the run I get the idea that each time I scratched myself and the keloids, I am chasing trauma to the area and giving it all the attention of inflammation causing pain and hurt to myself
And at this point I understand that not just at this time, I must have caused pain and hurt to myself in the past
And really my memory just went back in a bid to find out what I did – to cause myself pain and hurt and trauma
And the pain of it was exactly the pain I felt when the keloids were swollen and inflammed
The sharp pain that pricks and sends out fear
This I am experiencing now I have felt it before
And – I asked myself: so do I still want this? Do I still want to continue experiencing this pain?
No of course not so let’s stop scratching
But more so, the inflammed keloids really want me to see what I have done to myself on the past- that was not resolved
And that begs resolution release letting go!
And I tell myself- to breathe into the past and give it space to accept it
I think this is such a powerful practice and act .
To even have the chance to do this- for myself – I am immensely thankful.
And looking at the intention I set before running, I can’t be thankful enough and I am really really really blessed.
If everything is energy, we do not really have to do anything on the outside
All we have to do- is change the energy of ourselves and the outside will change
Because the outside the outer world is a reflection of the inner world
So it follows that if we change the landscape in our inner world we would be already making changes to the outside
Anything else we do outside of this is extra effort which may or may not help or distort
Today I get this
And when I ran to this spot, the thing that came to mind was- surrender to the gift of nature now
I am thankful I got the chance to be here . To do this with my body. I thanked my body my cells my blood for this opportunity
And I got the idea to use the sunlight to make newness in my body in my cells . Instead of mindless chatter , I asked my eyes my ears my hormones my skin to make newness with the gift of the sun’s light
And I forgive and tell myself to flip open a new page
Like a baby again- starting out with no judgements, no preconceived ideas, with everything in harmony and in optimum perfection