The idea came this morning- that I am not in harmony with myself. And that is the root cause of why my relationships reflect this.

In this morning’s run, I asked to know the reason.

And I found it so difficult to run today.

I literally felt a block of something heavy and dense that I could not move in front of my chest.

And so I ran with it.

With curiosity- to see what was there. What is packed in there?

What is stopping me in my path I asked?

Was I blaming myself for causing hurt to my precious ones ? and I only to put in place something to stop me thinking that I could redeem myself with that guilt?

Thinking that if I stopped myself and clipped my wings all would be well?

The block got heavier in front of me as I ran

And I instinctively asked the sun for help

I can’t do it by myself. I asked for help I asked for light I asked my body to absorb all the light there is to renew refresh repair to heal to rejuvenate

And I continue to run with that all the way

I kind of heard myself say- “my dear you have really high expectations of yourself and people around you. And probably that’s why you (thought you) fail. But really it’s not your failure. You were way too advanced and too fast for the crowd. And you speak a language that is real and true but ironically it may not be what people want .

You want perfection to a fault. Stop being so hard on yourself- and others”

I asked myself how I can come to terms and adjust myself

When people say you can’t change the way but you can change yourself, the real meaning is because the outside is but a reflection of one’s inner world

And the judgements I point and place on them is exactly pointing back at myself

So if I hate it and complain that my husband is not loving me enough or in the way I want it- it is because I did not love myself enough or in the way I want it

I asked myself what I can adjust

Is it to let go of my dreams my standards my strive to be at the top?

No! Not ever

But maybe the best way out is to have the standards but giving also space for some element of synchronicity and creativity from others?

For so long I have been trying to figure out how to do this

How to mind this gap.

Can this be it?

I asked myself how else I can love myself? I think it’s to be me. No one else but me. U apologetically me.

I thank the blockage for being there, for letting me know there is something else I need to work on

And I asked for light and love to resolve and melt this away. Forgive.

And I move lovingly freely joyfully ahead. With lots of divine guidance and love.

What a run!