I woke up to a beautiful morning.

The sun is about to pop up on the horizon and the sky is a million colours all at once so soft so graceful so beautiful

Like an affirmation that Ah Siong Hia is at peace and all is good.

Still I felt not knowing how to make sense of this all. Is it important to make sense in r is it important to honor these feelings?

While I accustomed to finding out, I am once again reminded now- as I write that honoring the feelings are important. It’s being in the moment and acknowledging them – not bypassing them. And, we do not need to know everything so we?

On the bus, I asked my husband how to make sense?

And he says, “ that’s because you did not accept it. I see death as part of a cycle of life. If you can be happy when a baby is born, why can’t you be happy now? It is because I accept it as part of life part of the cycle.”

I asked him so what is life for?

And he tried to explain it to me- like how people reduce it to living meaningfully with a purpose but punctuated it with, “ this question you have to ask god”

And I asked him if he don’t know, how to live life well?

In the midst of it on the bus as we spoke, the sun was shining in and I asked it for light love strength and energy .

I want to use this opportunity to get pass what I did not manage to . Instead of falling back on tears emotions and feeling sorry, am I capable of feeling something else?

Can I find something meaningful or beautiful to celebrate even in this occasion or event?

And suddenly- just suddenly, it appeared to me that this is a graduation ceremony of sorts.

Ah Siong Hia has graduated from the school of life. Devoting and committing to it as best he can, learning all he need, seeing all and being with all he has come to life for. And he made the courageous decision to leave when the time has come for him to, out of love for the people he loved.

In the way he lived – like a doting brother .

Thank you Ah Siong Hia. For all you have done for us , for loving me like your own sister. I have come to celebrate your life. Rest in peace.