I had the immense honour and privilege to meet with His Holiness the 41^st Sakya Trizin and the words I took away was “not too bad”.

That’s good!

It was really brief and there was only a moment to say how after mom passed on, the family has been going through some difficult times and experiencing some cycles and Qinzhi had gone through a difficult patch and I left my work

To which His Holiness asked, what is your name?

And he closed his eyes to see. And then he said , “not too bad” 

And in those very subtle moments my heart soul and life (up)lifted 

The closest thing to describing it was like something was taken off me, or a page turned . A veil lifted.

Something to that effect.

What was powerful was this happened in the span of a few words

Not too inaccurate to say a shift has occurred in those moments of time

Almost like he orchestrated the shift and with his power brought you forth. That was magic.

I have been asking for an uplift . A pull . And he was the answer.

He gave me the opportunity and for that I am grateful with all of my existence 

I cannot imagine how powerful this being in front of me is. All he does is close his eyes and he CAN see – maybe all of my existence and experiences 

His words gave me the motivation and spirit to do better to be a better me

During the Chenrezig empowerment, I was actually feeling kind of loved and warm in the heart. And the thought, “how about seeing it all as a blessing?” popped into my heart. 

Because all along I have seen this as a sad story and myself being a victim 

What happens when I see all of it as a blessing ?

And after the session I saw old work partners and chefs in SG for an Asian gastronomic event.

And I kind of felt left out. I wanted to be in the party in the event in IT.  

But what really got me was how some of them whom I have given help to —- did not think of me when they are here

Was I asking too much or are people forgetful? Was what I did too meagre too little? 

The theme is always how much I feel I am sincere and went out of the way to help only to feel bad at the end because I m not recognized 

Writing this made me think of what Qinzhi was harping on- her Chinese teacher did not address her name correctly and she did not feel recognized or seen in her own light

And what is my own light? Instead of pointing the fingers at others for putting me down, and not seeing me for who I am, did I for once become clear about who I am ?

Did I celebrate myself for what I have achieved? My gift my uniqueness Or did I brush myself off and not give myself enough credit by choosing to stand closer to mainstream preferences?

The theme is also that of relativity – everyone sees things from their own perspective , values, belief systems and to demand or expect someone to see the same as you would be silly. The theme that is brought to mind is also that of giving without expectations, to give wholeheartedly, if anything comes back, it is a bonus. Finally, it is about connections- how to use connections in a way that brings benefits to all.

This being said, there is a lot of wisdom and learning that can be derived from emotions and our discontentment.

If we are willing to venture deeper into ourselves, we would be able to find something we can learn.