I had a bedtime chat with HuaiHao and it’s so precious and enlightening all at once

He commented that I was tired mentally. I asked him why and he said, “ maybe you over did the job search”

Indeed, I was feeling tired and drowsy and I had a pain in my left shin. Dull aching one nagging at me

Why is my body trying to say to me? I asked.

Earlier on I had home for an interview, and I guess there were parts of me not being truthful with myself. I was trying to suppress some parts and that surfaced.

I didn’t really want some things in that job chat session and I wasn’t speaking my truth. I tried to suppress the feelings of dislike and make myself – no force myself to it in desperation to get myself out of the house

HuaiHao rightfully spotted my tired. I told him I was kind of frustrated because I have t got any headway as I went about sending out job applications

To which he said, “ then that’s because they are not yours.”

He made it sound like I should be happy.

And actually his sense of knowing is so great he put me to shame

He made me know that I got to acknowledge my feelings rather than suppress them in my frenzy to escape and get out

And HuaiHao stopped me and asked me – so what do I want

“I don’t really want to go back to full time”

“Yes I think you will feel very tired”

“I think something which allows me to do something I like, spend some time out of the house , expressing myself and my experiences, and if it can help others and is meaningful that will be very nice. Because I want to be home for you and jiejie, even if I don’t cook very well, I want to give you good food. I want to be the first one to share your joy if you get 100 marks for ting xie and spelling!”

And HuaiHao got me my answer.

He said that even heading to curate programs for wellness isn’t really me.

So I asked him what is me.

And he says, “ like what ah Mei ah yi does. Reviewing something upon receiving. That is what.”

And yes. Being an editor a journalist is what suits me best. And

I knew it.

Thank you HuaiHao!

And precious Qinzhi sent me this