8 – 10Jan

The days in Paris were spent shopping. We visited Troyes outlet and La Vallee Village but came out empty handed

Had a good time at Le Bon Marche and Le Grande Epicerie, my favorite spot in Paris and showed these off to bf

We had a nice dinner every night and also got pickpocketed on and lost a few hundred euros

On our last day in Paris, I booked Arpege. The food was every bit spectacular.But what I didn’t expect was how much of bf a shock bf was at the price of lunch he looked sore and upset

That upset me totally

I took the chance to explain to him – I just wanted to share with him what I enjoyed and appreciated and what was important to me

Alain Passard was important to me, inspirational and motivational. He was someone who heard and went by his heart’s calling in spite of public opinion. He was a pillar of strength to ask me to believe in my heart’s voice

After so many years I came back to this address again and this time I have bf with me, having a good meal that could make memory

And the feeling was that he rejected totally my heart my thoughts and what I love

That was difficult for me

I explained to him this is how I felt when I was with him on a snow mountain and when he urged me to do sledding or tobangganing

So when bf was sore and kept telling me- “I dont need this”

I was really thrashed- it’s like I fetched my heart for him only to have him throw it away

I used the words he used on me to let him know- we were in each other’s shoe

And I learned something- that we can share it outwards but anything echo back is a bonus that we have to learn to appreciate and accept. I have been one who is always on the lookout for comments, approval but this taught me once more – that while I can expect, it is best to offer my most sincere, and to be accepting of any echo that comes my way

But then something magic happened – he had a dish of beetroot tartare and opened up

And that kind of uplifted me- to trust the process. After offering my best my most sincere, trust the process rather than to want something out of it

At Moynat, we had a little chat with the team and one said, happy wife happy life. If she is happy you are

And bf said, that’s love!

When we checked in, he heaved a sigh of relief and said, “now I feel relieved and more safe”

He has been carrying the burden while I felt completely at ease having him navigate through everything for me

And now at the lounge, thinking back all, I know he loves me and keeps giving in to me. I thank him for bringing me to Paris and all this while for letting me do what I like .

I m so happy I can (choose) to see this . How he loved me.

Thankful all over again!

On the plane I asked bf what was the biggest harvest of this holiday? And he said, “ it’s knowing you “

He said he gets sore when I say he doesn’t buy me a bag or bring me to restaurants but what about the house with the morning sun that I want? How is it that I can choose to pick on what he does not do rather than delight in what he does?

He explained to me how he doesn’t take comfort in the things I delight in. Much like how I do not enjoy skiing or sledding. We are very much equals

He told me about George Lam who in his concert talked about this snippet of his married life

“We are both librans but after I shower the tub is cleaner than I m. But after my wife showers it feels like the bathroom needs a makeover.”

Bf said, “ I always thought about this George Lam said. Why would he say something like this? I think it’s that they both have differences, being in love doesn’t mean happiness everyday. They have their conflicts but they stay together despite it all because they have the love in between. So it’s like you like Paris and so I came with you.”

And I am beginning to see this a lot this trip. Somehow someway it comes through to me.

He is sleeping beside me snoring away. And I want my hand in his.

Thank you for bringing me to Paris. We have come so far.

I am thankful .

Love.