Running today has been very special

It felt like there was some force or energy at my trunk or core —— driving the run

I felt very awaken. The run was kind of easy.

It made me sit up and listen to it , observe it. And whenever my mind drifted, I went back to it.

Is it the qi?

Or the soul?

My very being or beingness? What is it?

Whatever it is, it showed me something else was there for me in my life and I had all along been oblivious to its presence

That was there very driving force of my life. When I was strong and when I was weak. It’s always been there.

I finally saw it. I love you, thank you. Please- forgive me. I am sorry.

And there are actually so many things or resources that are around us , in and with us that we do not see.

What was the thing I did to see it?

I did reiki on myself yesterday before I slept and this morning when I rose.

There were lots of jerks twitches and movements that came out of the body on its own

While I had been worried seeing as the body’s release of uptightness stress, today I saw it as energy moving in and out of the body

At least there is some exchange and I know some changes are in place

There is some flow

There was also a lot of fear in my heart area

Pretty strong and intense. While I used to have so much fear over this fear and succumbed to it, this morning I looked it it gave it space acknowledging its presence

I told my self to create space for it

Keep giving light to it

Be compassionate to this feeling.

Was talking to HuaiHao yesterday and he said I looked sad. He asked me why? I said maybe I lost myself and is directionless. And I beat myself up for that.

To which he said, “ that’s sad, then don’t beat yourself up!”

If we can be less judgemental not just on ourselves but to life, noting that Everything can , be. I think life would be a bliss and a breeze

This was pretty much inspired by a post I saw yesterday on IG

Heaven earth or hell, it all came within. In the first place we allowed it because a certain part of us got curious about a certain element of it .

But we so very often lose our grip. It is so because our own negativities, insecurities, doubts, fears, regrets, pain come to play.

We lose our footing as we get embroiled in it all. And tumble. This was what happened to me.

And at this point we do need people – our best guardian friends, our angels or a greater source of energy like the creator or god or buddhas you subscribe to — for that matter they all represent light they are light- to light up the pathway for us and to give us the added support energy strength blessings protection and healing to bring us back

And it’s also the mind. The super creative at work, creating all the good the bad and everything in between.

The mind is wavering in the wind and the practice is to anchor it on light or a mantra. And I am reminded of Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche’s teachings. That everything is emptiness.

And I have to thank all buddhas and guardian angels who have been with me- all this while. For loving me.

I remember asking John why certain things work, and he says , “just know it does. It works like how nature works. So why does nature work? So go and learn about nature and your connection with it”

There’s a greater wisdom out there

That we could surrender or subscribe to. It actually does all the work

Like how it is in today’s run. How the sun rises everyday . How me and you were born.