Because I didn’t. So I got to discovering this. and a collection of thoughts below.

The Heart Went Wild

We were heading back from our walk and I was panting

Bf remarked if I was ok because we were just brisk walking

I said now even if I brisk walked, I was panting less than the days before when I was doing nothing but panting and frail and weak and fatigued

And he said, that is because your mind is lost and your heart doesn’t know what to do

Your mind went away and did not give instructions to the heart and the heart went wild too

Wow

And he hit the mail on the head. The heart went wild, went everywhere and nowhere.

I was LOST, big time

I got impatient trying to find something to do

I sent out resumes

And didn’t get replies

I tumbled into a very low low

I completely lost myself and couldn’t steer myself anywhere

For a while I didn’t know what I want and worse nothing really could motivate me or anchor me

Qinzhi was so right

She said ,” you look like you are so down with life “

And I worried her

Then yesterday when I felt better, she said, “ you look like you found something you are passionate for “

I told bf this and he asked me what I found.

Heal Thyself

I said I found – again this reminder – I can heal myself

Just today walking and chatting om ah hung – Guru Rinpoche ‘s mantra brought me newfound wisdom

I went back to the sacred cave in tso pema and saw Guru Rinpoche in his cave

I was kneeling before him and trying to feel his presence and blessings

It’s a very special feeling

Feels like there’s something else that touches you through and through in the air

Actually I kept asking for healing and blessings and today I understood that my prayers were heard – even if I thought I was not heard

I asked for healing and I kept going back to the past to check on myself and when I went there I always saw or found new things about myself

Yes there was healing

Power

And I also realized how much of my own power I have given out

Each time I looked outside for advice, I went out to look for consolation, I gave a bit of my power away

But- Each time I engage in initiatives to do something for myself engaging and ascertaining my power I feel good

Show Up for Today

And I didn’t couldn’t show up for life in the few days that I was not well

Do Today Do Now

I was thinking big! My purpose in life, the meaning I can derive . And I got even more lost

But just now ! The message I heard was- just look at tomorrow or even now . Do the day well. Make every moment of the day joyful, easy, effortless, happy, healthy.

And the bigger things will come

只要过好每分每秒，未来的都是生命的花红

If you make each moment count, everything that comes along is a gift from life