Listening to Joey Yap these 2 days inspired me in two ways

He said that if you wanted something, it’s not the wish you made that makes it possible but the steps you take . When you take the correct action, you do not have to keep your eyes on the end result because you get there.

It’s the steps you take.

Second, he talked about opening up to grace. And that we have notions about what is grace. Like this is grace or healing and that is not and in so we could not see what has been given .

This brings me to the point of me realizing this point yesterday during the run—— that my body actually has healed the keloid over and over again. If this isn’t grace what is????

YET I failed to recognize it. And time and again it has stood by me. Mended me.

Today in my run , I found something else.

That me of all people must have at one point in time believed that I m lesser, lesser than beautiful.

It could be a time when I was fat and obese and there were well meaning people around me poking at me in fun ways to make me watch my diet but I took it the wrong way.

And in an instant, I of all people put an energy on myself as I too, believed in that.

I believe and grew to become ugly somewhere, my esteem and confidence bruised

I did away with my fleshy round face and rosy blush cheeks

Today in my run, I actually saw this for myself. And how I – of all people stopped myself and limited myself and subjected myself to a lesser state

But seeing this was liberating, I came face to face with the little girl I was and she was crying.

“Why did they say those things to me? Am I not perfect beautiful cute?”

And I said to her, “ forgive them! They said these things as passing remarks. They did not know how to express better. They still loved you anyway.”

Let them go and that intense energy you subjected yourself to- dissolve into nothingness

“You are beautiful as always. Find back the blush the rosy cheeks the round face. Don’t give them up just like that.”

And for once, I found the keloids scar beautiful. They were a testament to how much my body loves me, stood by me , and beautiful because of this story of knowing

I love you TPY. I really love you!