Huaihao came over at 6 in the morning , hugged and kissed me and gave me a card he made, “happy birthday mommy”

At night I asked him what are his wishes for me? And he said, “I wish for you long life, happiness and healthy!”

On my birthday, HuaiHao woke up earliest as always and showed me his handmade card. Then Qinzhi woke up too and hugged me. After the kids headed to school, we had vegetarian bee hoon and headed to the market and supermarket to get ingredients for dinner. We went to collect the cake.

Bf asked the kids to ask dad sis and boy over for dinner. And i m thankful for that. I made a wish and blew the candle on my birthday cake . And it is as perfect as can be.

More importantly, yesterday, I kind of took some time to listen to my (higher self) and got some notes out of it.

Conversation with TPY

This is one beautiful birthday where you felt like you didn’t need anything else, isn’t it? In the past, you wished that your husband bought you flowers or pampered you with a lavish dinner, or throw you a surprise. Not this year.

You kind of felt like you don’t need anything from your husband children , you are thankful for whatever they have done for you and simply, them being here.

Actually, I don’t know how this year went by for you. It went so fast everything was deep and intense as you put your all into the depths and the roller coaster of the mind and emotions of course. But – you know- you actually wanted it didn’t you?

and so off you went to explore the mind.

You ran SO So Much! Never have you ran and walked so much in the sun but you found newfound freedom me time and so much wonderful wisdom and healing in the runs. You sort of got answers for your questions from the wind, the squirrels the insects the flowers the sun and-I m amazed you actually ran in the rain

You explored the breath 

You explored affirmations 

You found a greater understanding for yourself your life your experiences

And saw the connection of the mind and body

You learned about manifestations 

You explored qigong 

You enjoyed sound baths

You went back to yoga

I feel like the key word for you this year is energy

You did lots of energy work knowingly and unknowingly-you were exploring energy-of yourself and of others

You explored reiki- and that is because you felt there is a lot more work to be done exploring keloids and your past experiences

You wanted to go back. In fact, you kept going back to the past- fervently digging and digging. Wanting to stay there and not going forward.

Looking back: what were you thinking? What did you want to find?

What truths are you seeking and hanging on to? Just to stop yourself from going forward? You have created the keloids, the cyst and many others to stop yourself from going forward.For instance, you felt you needed healing. And you peeled off onion layers and saw more.

You kind of indulged yourself 

And I know you are very thankful to your husband for allowing you, he took on the more difficult parts of supporting the family so you could do this.

The year that passed you by – happened in the very way you wanted 

And landed you in the now

So be careful what you want

What do you want?

The k drama you picked out- Little Women was a thriller ride on plots and inner psyche. In a scene, the female lead found herself in a new house and her aunt said, “this is the kind of house that makes you feel like you can start off all over again even if you have lost everything”

And you turned to HuaiHao who was watching with you and said, “ isn’t it nice to start off afresh? If all is not lost, you wouldn’t be able to do anything you want however you want it. There would be patches here and there that you had to manoeuvre around and take care of . 

It feels like where you are now. And when you kind of understood why you hanged on to this drama amongst others. Simply put, the outside is a reflection of the inner world

There is something in you TPY – and in you too- you you you and you- and that is intuition, instinct inner knowing 

It might be a blur to the senses but you me we have it

So what do you want?

You were discussing this with the hairstylist the day before your birthday. It started with her recommending a really short spanking hairdo and asking you to do away with the fringe

You asked what happens if the fringe grew long?

And she said, “ then come look for me!”

You explained to her that you liked her suggestion more- you wanted the change didn’t you but you felt that keeping the fringe would be more convenient. I m glad you finally decided to pick what you like rather than what is convenient 

And writing this made you realized what you just did- a while ago you asked yourself who you wanted to be? And you told yourself you wanted to be this girl bathed in sun, lean and athletic, with this sporty hairdo.

It has (be)come true

So I m really glad you chose the short hairdo, inherently- choosing to explore the new hairdo and be willing to be guided by it and see what comes out of it.

Recounting what she said you smiled. You wondered why you took the time to even think

You smiled because you are once again reminded and so thankful that there are so many people around you supporting you

There is absolutely no need to worry, nothing to concern yourself over.  

I was really glad you took her advice to trim this short, she said, “I hope you find the inspiration to start off and start out-do what you like.”

I m glad you told her you trusted her and you knew this was the best option. I m glad you left it to her. I m glad – you decided to try something new rather than something you have done before

I m glad you followed your heart. Huaihao came up with a shopping list and listed love as one ingredient when you told him dinner is hotpot. He said, “because love IS the MOST important ingredient” 

I m glad you affirmed what you liked when the hairstylist asked you that question – what do you like to do?

You said you like to go in search of beauty. Because in the experience of beauty you become whole and alive again. In beauty you redeemed your good self

Then you told her that you like to interview or talk to people- because people often tell you about the innermost bits of their lives – even if you have recently met. It is that trust and connection that you like to score.

And then you spoke about the man in your lives . You both have unromantic husbands. And would be always waiting out for that lovey dovey conversation or moment of romance and that would be the battery to let you go on

You laughed over the notion of (holding on to)romance

The hairstylist remarked that she does not believe in romance. And you said that the one who passes a remark like this is the romantic one

And she stopped to remind you this: “let me tell you this, the husband who does not require you to change to fit realistic demands is the one who is utmost and truly a romantic.”

That is because , she says, he allows you to do what you like and 

he will face up to the harshest of realities and do all that is required so that you can continue to do what you like

It was a timely reminder- or a great summation of the last few years when you quit and your husband supported you wholeheartedly- with no expectations or conditions attached 

It is not the first time you heard this

In fact you heard this several times over already but perhaps today you felt the gravity of it the most

This morning you felt it again when he hugged you with all his life

You cried in his arms because you knew he was protecting you all the while even when you were a spoilt brat and unreasonable 

You felt it because a few days back he told you that you two could take a trip together 

And you knew this came at this time because you two had passed the test

You were asking him where always did he want to go with you

And he replied, “france “

You were very happy because that is where you always always wanted to go with him too

You told him you were saving this for his 50th birthday to which he replied, “Sometimes u don’t have to keep things”

And you contemplate getting good class flight tickets because something tells you that this is such a precious trip – it is time given to you both to celebrate you two and it marks the beginning of better times in fact- great times for the two of you

More so, you wanted to thank him for unconditionally doing so many things for the family . Most of all, for you

And you wanted to thank him for that. You wanted to do something for him to say you appreciate and is thankful for him 

And a few days later, he bought running shoes for you

My dear TPY, while you have spent so much time deliberating and fussing over yourself and your experiences, I m so glad you came to your senses and you have completed this little project of going back in time for yourself. And for coming back to the now at this point in time. Everything happened at the right time.

I believe as much as you do know, that the time has come forth for you to step out and up – to be that person you have stopped yourself from becoming 

Tell me: What is the life or days you are looking out for ?

Days of sun, light , laughter, healthfulness, wellness, communication, love, bliss, beauty, meaning, purpose, kindness, prosperity, ease, effortlessness

What is it you like to do?

Talk to people, find out about their lives their values, so as to let them see their light and power, to connect. 

And if possible, share that light outwards so more people are inspired and motivated 

You want to become that top interviewer or presenter who would ask questions that would arrive at the innermost of the heart and that would heal 

You want to be moved and to touch 

And you ask yourself if you can do that?

YES YES YES you know you can and will

Happy birthday TPY

You are so loved. I wish you all the very best. You have all the support you need to do your work. So, fly now.