W came over to the east and we did grounding by soaking our feet in the waters and letting the waves splash at us.

She wanted to collect some seashells and she did. Then we just sat down for a chat.

I asked her what was the root cause of the keloids and she asked me back how I feel about them.

Amazingly the day before, I went into Lululemon and while trying on a pair of shorts, I saw my keloids squarely and I saw them as a protector or shield for my genitals. Or the most private of me, or the essence of who I was.

I told W that. I said that the keloids came about somewhere at the point Dad left the family. And he had to run away to hide. And we had to hide too.

The keloids were like a shield of protection. For me, at that point in time, in a time of my NEED. And seeing this made me thank the keloids.

I was able to say I love you and thank you, please forgive me for all the mismanagement and I m sorry it took me so long to see this.

And seeing this opened things up a little for me. I was able to say thank you to the keloids for this act of protection, to my body and my cells, for doing all they can to provide me with this emotional support when I NEEDED it.

And I was able to comfort myself and remind myself, “But TPY, you are no longer that helpless alone little girl now in need of any help. In fact you are so supported by your family and friends, essential oils and the divine always. You are no longer that little girl now.”

And I sort of gave that little girl in me a hug and love.

“In fact you have amassed so much on your own, built up so much on your own. You are not helpless you are in fact bigger than you think and know. And you do not need that shield of protection now, you can stand on your own, with your support firmly with you, in your own right in your own light, in your own power.”

I also asked W about the cyst, and I told her that came about shortly after Qinzhi had seizures. There was a lot of fear, a lot of anger and frustration at my husband whom I felt hurt Qinzhi and hurt me. Us. And W suggested talking to my husband, imagining him infront of me and me releasing all I want to say, instead of keeping it down. I did that at bedtime and was really exhausted. I fell asleep halfway.

But I sort of felt that in sleep some more work was done, communication and such. And I kind of saw another feeling of hiding in my half awake half asleep waking hours

There’s like a little girl who is fearful of taking on the big adult world and really afraid of life because dad the protector is not around and soon after dad came back to us , mom passed away. A little girl looking up at a big big world.

The thing I really wanted to do then was to get away from it all; but in reality I had to show up for my family at that time even though I was so afraid and helpless. I couldn’t see light I couldn’t see that I have tools and support around me that much. Even though there was, I wouldn’t feel it confidently.

And there’s the guilt and shame my father carried in him towards others and towards us. Although I did not know exactly what happened the gravity of the emotions was so much it rubbed off me. I carried his negativity and I thought I had to continue living in fear, in guilt and in shame for what his choice of actions. It was as if living this way was redemption.

I guessed I carried those apart from my own questions and unhappiness of – why if I didn’t do anything wrong I have to hide?! I was frustrated and angry.

There’s so much layers! Sometimes you think it’s healed but it’s not yet! So I was really itching at the keloids to get out and get away! The essence of me really want to get away from it all, to escape and run away.

But today when I wake up
The itch patch at my back has gone down quite a bit 😊

And I think it’s such a miracle !!!!