Spoke to W yesterday and after listening to my work as a journalist fond of asking questions , she has this to suggest.

“Why don’t you stand in front of a mirror and interview yourself? You have been asking other people questions but not yourself. Ask yourself how you feel and what you want. More.”

She says I have the capacity to feel but there are just too many “layers”. Once I remove the layers, I will be able to access this inner knowing of mine.

She also advised me to meditate or just simply inhale frankincense and ask, what do I want or what do I want to do and wait for the reply.

I asked W about the pain in the right side of my body. I told W that when I read Louise Hay, she mentioned the right as connected to masculinity so my relationship with the important men in my life. She offered another perspective- that the left side is the receiving side and the right the giving side. It’s like, “ hey you have been using me again and again and it’s not balanced .”

Wow!

Yes and I did have problems receiving and always find myself in the giving position . Sometimes even when giving is sucking out of me my energy, like how the women in my tribe gives, they give and give of themselves until they are sucked dry of their life force .

And I m certain I do not want that. So do the reverse TPY.

I love conversations like these that remind me of my inner wisdom or knowing. You just know and there is no other noise

I m envious of W and the others who have the capacity to feel and know for certain what works or what not. I want to get there and the fact is, I have—-on many counts

This morning upon awakening, I asked myself what was it in the keloids. And I heard my own reply

The first I heard, it was shame. I felt shameful of the work dad was doing. Then I heard myself say, but that was the only means he had at that point in time, and he had no choice but this to raise the family.

The next I heard was guilt —-guilt feeling this way, not understanding.

Then there is resentment and anger. Resentment and anger towards dad for choosing this means of work and resentment and anger towards myself for not understanding his predicament and lack of a better alternative. And allowing myself to feel this way.

There’s also hurt too. And those are as well his feelings of lack of choice. Probably now as I write, all those feelings above of shame guilt anger and resentment are his too.

There’s also fear, fear of letting others find out what work he was doing and who I really had for a father. Not that he committed any bad deeds or crime but just that my principles and rigidity did not see the good in his choice.

And because of all this, I was not feeling worthy deserving I was not acknowledging my value my self my preciousness. That was why I keep putting myself down and placing myself in a situation of lack of not allowing my light to shine.

Seeing this was like achieving a breakthrough.

I lovingly, joyfully, effortlessly release all of these feelings emotions patterns of feeling and consciousness that have been in me. This past this history—- I thank them for the inspiration and lessons for making me this independent tough and accomplished——- but I do not need them now.

The past is past. I do not need these set of logic system beliefs habits emotions in my present.

I release them joyfully happily !

I m free, so is dad. All is well.

I m thankful.

And I find myself so tired after this. That has been the burden on me. All lifted.

All is perfect and well. I am whole and complete.

I trust that all I need to know is revealed to me in divine order . And all that I need and want is supported by the universe. I rest in this knowing this trust.

I m loved so very loved. Thank you universe!