One or two days ago, it came to my knowledge that perhaps mom did want to punish dad.

By choosing her path to remove herself from his life —- using her own.

It was a big decision.

Sure it was because all was too hard for her to bear. The pressure of having to shoulder it all stand up herself for all show up all of her for all, on her own. It required so much of her that she buckled and decided it was enough.

My understanding was this until a while ago.

Because of my own feelings I felt , the withdrawal symptoms I had , the passive mode, the restraint the reserves I found myself having. A part of me fell asleep. Shut off shut down. It was every bit a punishment for all.

For myself too.

Then I realized mom —- perhaps she really wanted dad to experience regret .

And why would my life lead me to feeling these?

If anything, at the least , it would be to steer my away from her path, my family’s path. And to practise consciously consciousness and conscious choice.

The one thing I kept hearing of late is that we chose to experience human life. We chose to come here and everything we see and go through is a path of our choice reflecting our free will.

Anytime we want, we can walk away from it all. And choose again, according to will.

And so what does my soul want?

To let me see for myself the truth by experience and feeling?

Yesterday I was tuning in to kyron and he said this: in the feeling is the teaching.

There is no other way to learn , nothing more convincing than feeling it.

My soul wanted for me to know how what why in all honesty

My soul wanted me to know I am still living in mommy’s shadow and loving the remnants of her life her love her fears her regrets

And is it any coincidence that I came across this that would call out to me?

https://ancestralhealingsummit.com/program?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=3386160&utm_content=02AncestralHealing04_22%20-%20pre_summit_confirmation&email=pyby1979%40gmail.com&contactid=9463061

That was why I keep having so many fears I kept stopping myself and how I came so close to her path

Close enough for my soul to use this incident to wake me up

Stop already. Start living already

And then, of course, to learn love and forgiveness and compassion—- perhaps for myself more than anyone else and ——make a different choice.

And even if I want to, I can’t yet dissolve the pain I experienced. It is still there.

And I tell myself to let nature take its course and just be, be with the feelings I feel. And I see this :

𝗧𝗮𝗼 𝗧𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟲𝟰, translation by S. Mitchell

What is rooted is easy to nourish.
What is recent is easy to correct.
What is brittle is easy to break.
What is small is easy to scatter.

Prevent trouble before it arises.
Put things in order before they exist.
The giant pine tree grows from a tiny sprout.
The journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath your feet.

Rushing into action, you fail.
Trying to grasp things, you lose them.
Forcing a project to completion,
you ruin what was almost ripe.

Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course.
He remains as calm at the end as at the beginning.
He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.
What he desires is non-desire; what he learns is to unlearn.
He simply reminds people of who they have always been.
He cares about nothing but the Tao.
Thus he can care for all things.

And there’s another suggestion just the way I thought

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QjbD0Mo0wkk