Was at a low I was familiar with.

Like something pressing on me , takes some effort to breathe…eyes wanting to close. Just can’t find energy . Slightly dizzy.

And, and….. no matter how the sun shined down at me, I didn’t really feel it. The wind seemed to brush me by. The rainbow that showed up didn’t brighten me up. I feel like I am trapped in a bottle of sorts

Only that—- tears just find their way out like a canal overfilled, anytime

But some where in the walk this morning, I heard things like—— look at it from a longer perspective, maybe this is karma and I am receiving what I gave out previously

It takes 2 hands to clap. Take responsibility for your own actions

Obviously if I am receiving this now, I must have sent out something in the same measure previously

I was in a victim mentality

And how did I manifest this? I looked up at the sky it’s so blue so open and , and how did this openness bring me to walk the path my parents walked before? How did I do this?

I heard the reply in john’s zoom on epigenetics. In which he mentioned , don’t think that if your mom has cancer you get it too. Unless you live breathe eat sleep in the same manner.

Did I live like mom? Think and feel like her?

If I did, now is the time to change.

Miraculously somewhere on a shower, I heard an inkling of an idea: why don’t I pour my efforts to create love instead? Instead of this crippling victim mentality that is sending me down?

Why don’t I create opportunities of love and care instead?

Why don’t I be responsible for my own happiness ?

Like Mingyur Rinpoche says: obstacle becomes opportunity; problem becomes solution

I have all I need

There is nothing I don’t know