Month: December 2021

Thank You and Goodbye 2021

Thank You and Goodbye 2021

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My new year wish for 2021 came true.

“In the brand new 2021 ahead, let us mindfully breathe and experience the power of the breath. May we connect at a deeper level with our body and soul. Through this, (re)discover our innate intuitive abilities, our dreams and the richness of our experiences. May we always find beauty, hope, warmth and peace. May we be gifted with open mindedness, possibilities, inspiration, goodness. May we use each and every opportunity to speak our truth and chart new territories with grace and wisdom. Everywhere, let there be magical, healing experiences of light. I know that we will be always be guided, protected, and blessed. We’ll shine like never before. Happy 2021.”

Right till the end

Honestly I didn’t know if I have feelings of thankfulness for 2021. What I discovered of late seemed to erase whatever gratitude I might have in me.

I slipped into a low. It was as if a part of me fell asleep.

I struggled out of bed on the wee hours of the last day of 2021 to capture my thoughts

I wanted to . I felt it was the only way for me to get a handle over myself after my discovery

I subscribe to the logic that we manifest and choose things in this life.

Did I really choose this surprise discovery? What and how in the process —- made me manifest this?

I want to find out.

I asked god and the divine – what is it that you want me to know? Is it the feeling of deceit and betrayal? Maybe, so as to know the full spectrum of emotions ?

I felt like after so much effort, my attempts to steer myself away from my parents experiences have been futile

In the end, I came to experience deceit and betrayal and dishonesty like my mother have. She chose to give up on despair

Now the turn is for me to make my choice – and I m sure I deserve nothing less. So why should I crinkle and buckle under this?

And I should not give all my pursuits away because of this. This discovery shouldn’t have the privilege of robbing me or erasing anything else that I have been putting or planning out. No. I shall not be stopped

And is it about forgiveness I have to learn ? I came to realise and uncover that I have been angry at myself for submitting again and again

For not heeding my gut and internal feelings and to keep dishing out chances

Beyond forgiveness for another, the lesson seems to be forgiveness of self

I recount what I learned awhile ago

Affirmative statements of forgiving others and the self who have consciously or unconsciously intended and afflicted harm onto myself and others

I thought about this dajiujiu sent

Please look at the speech that was read two days ago by the Pope.
Regardless of religion, see how Pope Francis has beautifully written about the family.

FAMILY, PLACE OF FORGIVENESS …

©️ There is no perfect family.
©️ We do not have perfect parents,

  • you are not perfect yourself.
    We do not marry a perfect person or we do not have perfect children.

©️ We have complaints from each other. We can not live together without offending one another.

©️ We are constantly disappointed. Yes for so many reasons at different times we are disappointed with one another.

©️ There is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness

©️ Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. No matter the offence or who is the offender, without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a fortress of evil.

©️ Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick and unhealthy.

©️ Forgiveness is the asepsis of the soul, the purification of the spirit and the liberation of the heart. No sin is too big to be forgiven.
He who does not forgive does not have peace in his soul and cannot have communion with God.

©️ Unforgiving is evil and a poison that intoxicates & kills the one who refuses to forgive.

©️ Keeping heartache of unforgiving in your heart is a self-destructive gesture. It’s autophagy.

©️ Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill. And they will suffer in two ways.

For this reason, the family must be a place of life and not a place of death; a place of forgiveness, a place of paradise and not a place of hell; a healing territory and not a disease; an internship of forgiveness and not guilt.
Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has brought sadness; of
Healing where sorrow has caused disease.

A family is a place of support and not of gossip and slander of one another. It must be a place of welcome not a place of rejection. Shame to those who plant evil about others. We are family and not enemies.

When anyone is going through a challenge all they need is support.

¤ By Pope Francisco

And this, this uneventful discovery——seemed like a trial for me to show me what 2022 will be made of

I faltered slightly when I first knew of this uneventful discovery. But I stood my ground and found my footing . And I know I have passed the test

Wow 2021. What a twist at the end and what a surprise you have handed me now. And I know this too shall pass and I will ride through this unscathed

I thought about emptiness — that I could use this as an opportunity to practise and for mediation of emptiness and impermanence. To take it as if I am watching a movie perhaps.

I tried to associate myself with these thoughts to anchor my mind

The fact is this disturbance this shakeup makes me want to search deeper for a place of calm and balance . Where is it ?

But it is a fact that this discovery has taken a toil on me . Much as I felt so tired and so torn, I want to continue on my path

That was my intention and it was what made me go for my second jab. I want to call back my life and the things I love even with Covid

I m ready

I thought of my reiki teacher Stephan . And he WhatsApp me this: “Dear Pin Yen, indeed I was thinking of you yesterday. Move from your mind to your heart, your gut, feel your feet in the earth. Trust in your steps, but be tactfull. Does that mean anything to you?”

I can’t help but laugh at the point of being tactful

And to which I replied : “ Very much so teacher dearest! 2021 gave me a shock at its tail where I discovered that there had not been complete honesty . And I uncovered how much anger I have for myself too. I learned a lot these few days. And I asked myself – in fact I m curious how I manifested these all. I want to know.

Just- What did the source want me to learn in this twist it delivered to me?

Forgiveness? The spectrum of emotions ? Getting closer to my heart?

Recognizing my self and my precious TPY who deserves nothing less but the very best

And indeed I went to place my feet in seawater to feel the earth

I just went for a sound bath and slept like a baby

The therapist sprayed some mist which is intended for one to feel self love. I smelled the sweet scent of it

And I was happy with myself for doing the best I could for myself and my family

And still will, not give up love. I thank you!!!”

I thought about the December energy update by Lee Harris and he said something like arising fire energy, a deep remembering of our ancient energy, breaks and sharp cutting ties and gifts of magic and the heart. I just didn’t think it would be so abrupt

This turn. But as with life, nothing falls short of surprises.

He suggests we try and capture ourselves with 2 questions

What are you grateful for in 2021?

I am grateful for the healing inspirational energy giving sunlight

I am grateful for the breath I breathe the life I have

I am grateful for all the healing I have experienced

I am grateful for Dr Loo who has written letters to help me children not vaccinate

I am grateful for all the nice people who have popped into my life and given me a hand

I am grateful to walk and run and to have the opportunity to pick up running

I am grateful to be in touch with teachings from all the spiritual masters and teachers

I am grateful to myself and my body

I am grateful for huaihao and QinZhi and my support system made up by my nanny and my family who loved me unconditionally

I am grateful that QinZhi and huaihao got into the schools just below our flat

I am grateful for my wisdom my beautiful mind and heart

I am grateful for myself

I am grateful for this discovery which freed up the real me the life force in me

I am grateful for my father and I am grateful I have the sanity to build a new relationship with him

I am grateful for knowing and recognizing that I don’t want to be stopped by my husband anymore

Or for that matter by any thing of the past any person any ——thing

I am grateful for meeting my inner child and for all the big and little realizations or messages the divine sent me

What are you calling forth in 2022

I call for a new relationship with myself! With TPY.

I am calling in open mindedness and love and compassion like never before

I call in more and more, these beautiful pockets of quiet stillness inspiration

I call in my connection to the divine to my masters my angels

I am calling in my truth as I always have been and is gifted to my soul many lifetimes and in this life to be with me

I am calling forth consciousness and awareness

I am calling in my ability to manifest my wonderful future and the days and moments all inI

I am calling forth the most inspiring and beautiful traveling experiences

I am calling in love and lots of unconditional love to be showered on me because I deserve and this is my birthright

I am calling in lots of wonderful opportunities for me to express my gifts my gratitude my love my soul

I am calling in vitality great energy great health abundance of wealth like never before

And therefore calling forth my wildest dreams

I m calling in and calling forth my intuitive abilities and capabilities , my innate potential to be expressed by the talents and gifts I have, in a way I m familiar and comfortable with, using my experiences to share outwards the light and love , warmth and hope I have received

I am calling in and calling forth all of my guardian angels, the source the creation the divine , and all the resources and support , all the inspiration and light, all the energy I need to carry out the above

I call in and call for protection blessings support love to be showered upon every cell in my body every inch of my soul at all levels of my existence

I am calling in my life force my source energy and connections .

Thank you and so it is.

In the new fairy moments ahead, I have called in and called for all these wonderful opportunities, resources and support we need to be unreservedly you, me, us.

To be mindful enough to free ourselves from any restrictive programs or mindsets.
.
We miraculously discover, BE(COME) and ground in exactly who we are and what we are born for.

In doing so, celebrate and express our innate truth, gifts, talents. In doing so, share our light.

2022, you will be sparkling magic. Thank you—- in advance.

Bardo Teachings by Tsoknyi Rinpoche

Bardo Teachings by Tsoknyi Rinpoche

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Day 1

Bardo means duration in between (2 states)

If we prepare properly no need to scared

Live dignified die dignified and you know where to go

Dignified = confidence 

Confidence comes from realization which depends on correct information 

Once we have correct information we put that into practice 

When our practice becomes actualized, our confidence increase

Bardo teaching has 2 areas: bardo of dying and bardo of becoming 

Sadong 

bardo of dying

Bardo of dharmada 

Nangwa

bardo of becoming 

Bardo is a transition between one life and another 

Once we know something is changing and something is not changing something is dying something is unable to finish or exhaust 

One is essence and another is expression

The essence of our Buddha nature is beyond birth and death ie free of death

Expression is influenced by klesha karma and afflictions 

We are followed by our karmic expressions and that has birth and death ie effected by karma

We should know what is moving changing and regain our confidence and our nature of our mind

Whether we can manage the bardo depends on the bardo of living , which is happening with us right now ie birth till point of death is what we are in right now

We are in the bardo of living

We have some means of controlling this

We can find and recognize our unchanging nature

Recognization of rigpa is our ultimate protection 

Reflections are unreliable but we spend a lot of time on this

We can’t see the reflection is empty in form, we see it as real true nature

Key teaching of bardo deals with two areas: essence and expression/reflection 

Really happy is : not afraid of unhappy 

How to achieve this?

If we learn sadong and nangwa, we will have confidence 

Nangwa changes: Effected or manipulated by karma. Karma has a time and duration, karma has birth and exhaust

At some point if we finish the karma of human living a life, the five elements expire by the influence of karma and Nangwa starts to change

Sadong and Nangwa function together and indivisible 

What kind of Nangwa do we have now? 

Our Nangwa is bardo of living now : from birth to now, it changes a lot

Did you live well?

Do you have any regrets ?

What are you going to do with your Nangwa ? 

Impermanence is running in our life, sonnet or later it ends ie end of living bardo ie change of Nangwa 

And that time where is my refuge? Do you have that certainty in your mind?

Most important key is not the teachings but our confidence in the recognition of it 

Within the bardo of living there is bardo of dreams and bardo of meditation 

We have a choice with these 2 bardos of dreams and meditation ie practise in preparation for the other bardos

Most important of 6 bardos is the bardo of meditation 

Daytime we practise bardo of meditation and nighttime we practise bardo of dream 

It is time to spend more time with these two bardos 

If you read want smtg , spend time to do it ie regular discipline is very important . Regular means moment to moment not find excuses ie today is Xmas or new year and skip discipline that day/s ie self discipline is diminishing 

As a practitioner everyday is precious 

Combine the three points in everyday: 

Self discipline + regular + moment to moment 

ie use the moments in between work study etc to practise 

Day 2

Dream Yoga practice

-intention: that when i dream i know it is my dream, and I can practise my chanting my meditation in my dream = i know i m alive, i m practising my meditation. In awaking hours as in sleep application of teachings

Use sleep and dream to practise

In that dream: you remember and know you are in dream, without waking up, you recognise natural mind

process and how you meditate in sleep is similar or reflective of how you meditate when awake 

as soon as you recognise nature of mind, you wake up, that is good

When u see clear light ,either without perception, with perception 

Bardo of dreams is important in bardo of teachings, because when we know it is dream, and when we are in the bardo of becoming, we can transfer consciousness to pure land, you have ability to go ie everything is illusion and not real. 

in dream if you recognise rigpa (pristine awareness) and wake up, it indicates waking up from the bardo of dying

dying: there is a dissolution of the following in the order

form feeling perception formation consciousness 

the first to dissolve is form: earth element starts to dissolve, outer sign is what others perceive, the sign of elements dissolving ; inner sign that only you perceive ie you see a clear light in your experience ie you are going closer to mother luminosity because all the aggregates that are blocking you previously are dissolving

somewhere in the death process: there is mother luminosity pulling you ie some kind of mirage

secondly, feeling starts to dissolve: water element starts to dissolve you feel thirsty, inner sign is incense smoke, the clear light comes in a big Tibetan incense smoke

third, perception is dissolving and heat element is dissolving, the warmth in your body is concluding. Inner sign of clear light is like a spark that comes to mind

fourth. formation or wind, qi element is dissolving. Outer sign: hard to breathe, Inner sign:  candlelight happening

what do we do in this process? aware of clear light together with the natural mind

inner sign is mother luminosity 

resting in rigpa is child luminosity

just welcome and rest in natural mind

supplicate to teachers

consciousness dissolves and element of space is dissolving. You are closer to mother luminosity, like a space spaciousness happens, many pple come back to life there this space this openness  ie near death experience.

Inner sign: crystal clear pure experience

duration of these depends on your daily practice

up to here, you can still come back

after this point, no chance of coming back 

if your lifetime and karma not exhausted, you are revived but quite rare

whoever comes back comes back with this understanding and experience of openness and spaciousness

finally space dissolves into clear light ie your own clear light

at that moment death happens 

after death, 3 moments : 

-appearance (inner mind klesha concepts will cease, inner sign like a moonlight without clouds)

– increase (more openness emptiness, inner sign like a sunrise like a dawn)

-attainment (ignorance unknowing kleshas will cease, more openness emptiness, inner sign is sun almost arise then one black shutdown happens and inner death happens)

outer death has happened, and now the inner death happens and suddenly something opens and mother luminosity opens fully

that is like when you sleep something happens you knockout,  and  before dream happens you are in clear light

for higher practitioner , they sleep and knockout is like a blink, and  light happens

Day 3

1st chance : liberate to a rainbow body

when mother luminosity shows, child will recognise if child is healthy

when colours deities forms sounds appear, how long it last etc depends on how we relate to it, whether we see as pure phenomenal or perception depends on our practice

like when u go into amusement park, are you going to follow the sparks and go with the flow or follow you practice and not be distracted

keep your confidence : not closing your eyes not blocking your vision but moving and unmoving together 

stillness and movement together

if you follow the show, would you not have wasted the ticket?

People are scared because no information, no preparation 

2 things here: Actual truth vs (respect) Illusion

Realise : you are in emptiness and the magical display are expression of Sawa, spontaneous colour light

dharmakaya has 2 qualities, emptiness and form kaya

Just sit in your seat and watch the show and know it is form kaya and while form kaya is rising know it is the raise of dharma kaya

the show starts 

all the lights and sound happens and you are moving everywhere in the ocean hitting the rock etc—then you realise this is illusion, you are in the room, but it is so real you feel you are really going to hit.

time to time you refresh the emptiness

movement and stillness are both happening

if u r not afraid, because you are not there, your physical form is gone, your mind only, within mind no me also, also the poisons also gone, what you have is pure perception, accepting all this is dharma kaya

all are pure and at some point, if you are not clinging or sucked into it, all attachments and aversion, beautiful also not attach, ugly also never scared, just respect the kaya, at the end you liberate

if you are afraid, because karma not completely exhaust and we didn’t get the chance to liberate , bardo of becoming start to happen: scary sound, duality etc all area mental formation, projection of mind, because of fear attachments…..then whatever departed start to join. 

There’s a moment before rebirth of consciousness travelling = bardo of becoming normally is 29 days but can last longer or last

Klesha mind perception form all come back any thought comes and you r already there

you see all the things that happened in life just gone and see things that will happen in next life

its a sad moment for us – looking at rebirth

so here: how to help yourself and others

no need to be scared, be stable yourself, remember our practice: let it go, its the attachments that are making the suffering, think of positive less the negative . Talk, communicate, you have passed away, let it go

do puja pray

important to die a clean death

go with dharma and let go the rest: process everything properly will etc, so there is less confusion to next generation etc and therefore less confusion to yourself. so it does not affect you in the bardo

die with regret

want to say smthg do smitg but no more physical yet your mind still clinging–that is the worst thing for yourself

do a smart way of dying: clean death with preparation, dignified confidence integrity and joy

that will help you and your next generation

normal human beings have 3 major object of attachments : 

  • we are permanently living wth beautiful phenomenal as we call our world, we are not sure if we will come back, this magical display this world is quite beautiful and we like it, life is so amazing esp human life wa so beautiful- please appreciate now but it will not last so prepare also
  • family and loved ones: you will be living away from them so live well with family,, partners , friends, you might not live forever, try not to be overly sensitive in small things: use bodhisattva heart- strong compassionate heart, this has all the solutions . Love doesn’t mean you need to win all the time, losing is part of love, you don’t need to win. Basic respect is there but you don’t need to win, its ok to lose sometimes. Live well, die well
  • wealth: you earned it but didn’t use it, i was whole life stingy, now you feel regret , what to do? Be smart about your wealth, should not be because of wealth you get confusion in the bardo

When you are in the bardo of becoming, ie you missed all chance of liberation, 

-first thing realise:  know you are in the bardo: recognition is very important 

one of the easiest place to go is amitabha or avalokitesvara guru rinpoche etc-you still have to practice , at least you do not fall into samsara 

the best is recognition of natural mind

live well and when you live well, you die very well

What is it that you want to illuminate?

What is it that you want to illuminate?

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Loving alcazar’s message

https://www.thestargateexperienceacademy.com/christmas-2021

How fast you change is up to you. It is so easy to allow the energy of depression to be in your life.

But where do you put your energy ? What is it you wish to illuminate? What is it you wish to emphasize? What is it you wish to bring forth in your life? Put your focus on raising your vibration. Put your focus on living and allowing —— so that the separation that manifest in the world becomes less so in your life.

Drop the judgment on others and more importantly the judgment that you may have on yourself

You are powerful creators. You can create new realities

Running (xi)

Running (xi)

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Woke up bright and early on Christmas morning and saw this

How beautiful! Put on my active wear at the fastest speed wanting to chase the sun

This morning, I tweaked the process a little just to see how it feels. Instead of breathing in and flushing light out through my vitals, I just absorbed the light into me. Somewhere at the navel, I went to the time when I was a kid, and the navel was beautiful. I saw myself drinking milk from a bottle on the floor , my right leg crossing and resting on my left knee

I went a little deeper.

How does it feel? I asked.

I felt a lot of love. It was when everything was simple, and there was no concept of many things and everything. A void in conceptual terms and everything was of feelings. Direct and not complex. I allow myself to feel that a little more and carried on my run.

Breathing in the highest light for the upgrade of my cells, my being my soul.

May this light of Christmas warm you through and through . I intend that the days ahead, filled with light———- be merry and bright!

8 Yrs 11 Mths

8 Yrs 11 Mths

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The kids did a staycay at ah yi’s and got treated to supper of popcorn and Find Nemo! The next day, they walked and ah yi brought them to breakfast in a mall—after 3 months of not visiting malls due to covid restrictions.

We did our walks when dad is not working and then had breakfast of croissants and cruffins. We used to walk every weekend but these weekends during the holidays, the kids have been at ah yi and popo’s and been missing out on all this training. It’s no wonder that they left off and find it hard to persist. But the sun and light was so good. Then we went to pray and give thanks to blessings for completion of the academic year

On another morning, we went by the canal as Huaihao wanted to teach me how to cycle. He was very patient and gave me instructions and advice. I learned how to balance. Then we headed to a bookstore as the kids wanted to read

On yet another day, dad and mom went out for the morning walk before coming back to pick qinzhi and huaihao for some freshly baked croissants . And when it rained, I passed hao the paper bag and he improvised this way

That evening, we headed to ah yi and grandpa’s for our weekly dinner and the kids got treated to Godiva’s. Hao massaged ah yi as usual

One week Ah Yi wanted to carry him

This is the christmas deco ah yi bought for Huaihao

One night we headed to Orchard Road just to bask in the christmas atmosphere. Due to Covid restrictions we couldn’t enter malls but we are not going to be stopped. Enjoy we did walking down Orchard Road, then had ice cream!

Hao hasn’t really been drawing of late, but its so nice to him decorate his timetable – to which he spells out time for using the ipad.

Other times he would spend it on lego mostly and this is one of his latest creations. Everyday he would make one to two new ones and he would tell me about it.

And one of his latest pleasures is talking to siri

This day we received a letter from MOE to say that Huaihao has been recognised for his consistent excellent work. So happy for Huaihao! Keep it up dearest!

One morning, we went for a walk to millennia walk. Seeing Huaihao in front, was symbolic, he was like my guide. His little legs carried him step by step, from East coast all the way to the central part of Singapore.

Then I had to reward him with Shake Shack

On another day, we headed to Orchard Road and spent the whole day shopping! It was one of the first times the kids went to a mall after so long, a few months of skipping malls and restaurants because we were not vaccinated,

We had Ootoya, bubble tea which they loved

When we came back, we were dead beat!

Chatted at bedtime with Huaihao, and I asked if I should continue with the second dose of the vaccination, to which he said, “you should never go back, you should go forward”

I argued with him that what if, what if, going backwards is one way to go forwards? I gave him some examples, and spoke about the side effects of the vaccination. To which he said, then its not a good government ! They are ruling with an iron fist! How can they, they will not be able to pay back a person, they wouldn’t be able to because that is that one lucky sperm (which came to fertilise the egg) and a person’s life is god’s gift! How can they do that to god’s gift—so rude!

Bedtime with Huaihao another night. There was a zoom session and Huaihao waited for me. I had him to thank when i finally sank into the bed, with him next to me and he says he loves me to the monad back a trillion QI times.

Asked him what QI means and he says it is more than trillion.

I gulped this down and swallowed to which he laughed. Then i spoke to myself, my cells, to use this wonderful love and light to heal the keloids, the cyst, the inflamed gums and wherever needs healing.

On mid december, we went for our first family camp, and this is about the first time Huaihao had the chance to mingle with kids other than school mates. Its also one of the rare times he gets to express his feelings in public for us.

And its been a while since we went jogging and walking about together as a family

After which we headed to Huaihao’s first school, Alexandra School before heading over to his new school Ngee Ann Primary School

We got him his books and school uniform. And there’s an agreement he has to sign on his responsibility as a primary school student of this school. How cute this is!

And after so long, Huaihao finally had a new hairdo!

Loving it so much! I love you Huaihao!