“Imagine at some moment two strong arms enfold you, two great wings rise above you, and you are suddenly lifted up. Lifted up from where you were standing, lifted up out of the shadows, lifted up and carried away. In that moment, imagine all of your cares falling away, your worries dropping like stones, until you feel lighter, as weightless as a feather caught on a breeze.
“Imagine you and the Spirit flying in a clear sky, flying for the sheer joy of it, far beyond the reach of any hurt or harm. Imagine what you believe and it will carry you to a place of strength, of hope, and of love.”
Huaihao had a chance to be alone in the house on my birthday. Dad went out not knowing I left the house in the morning with zhi. And Huaihao ended up being alone.
He called me and cried. It was his first, being home, alone.
And there’s the weekend morning runs and competitions, and Huaihao would do his best to win so as to get an açai on his own. One day, I said to Huaihao, who has won before: shall we let zhi have a taste of being the first? And he said, that is unfair to ask of him, because he would be working hard on his own and would want to see how far he can go too. One time he ran his best and won but afterwards ended up vomiting on the expressway, I held his hand and walked with him.
And typically we would eat after the runs and be goofing around somewhere
And we did popsicles at home
One morning Huaihao went bicycling with dad
And we had a picnic by the beach
His current faves at this point
At bedtime, HuaiHao asked if I feel better now that I am not working. I said yes and no because there’s the finances part which I might have to be careful about
And he said, “but what’s the point of money if you do not feel free ? There is no point in earning money right if you don’t even have time to eat lunch or do what you like. ”
Then he cupped my face in his hands and said “ keep well mommy”
I asked why and he said , “ because you are cute”
He says that daddy is always in a dungeon and in his own cave and he finds it hard to express himself. But why? “Just spit it out!”
When he saw me scratching my keloids, he said, “ don’t scratch, just breathe and think of other things “
On my birthday,Huaihao came to kiss me good morning and say happy birthday this morning.
I remember how huaihao sang the loudest when we have the cake and I kept looking at huaihao and he kept looking at me. At bedtime he said it was because its my birthday so of course he had to look at me.
And I told him that i almost felt emotional and want to cry and i felt like if i continued looking at him, we were almost locking eyes,, he would too.
To my surprise, Huaihao said, “let it out, don’t keep it inside, emotions are like the clouds and they will be blown away by the winds. So let it out, don’t keep on to them.”
We chat. Huaihao was saying happy birthday to me —with so much love and i felt so cherished —-at almost every juncture he could find. He told me about how he planned for my birthday.
“I told papa that mommy’s birthday is coming tomorrow so what should we get? Then I said mommy likes to write so maybe we can get a book. We went to Popular but did not find anything nice, I told papa, can we get something better for mommy?
HuaiHao chose this present for me because I told him I liked to write and that he told me I should do the things I like.
This month we celebrate PSLE —-experiencing it and getting over it. And then it’s all play, eat, sleep.
I bought a popsicle mould and get Qinzhi and Huaihao to make their own in a bid to get away from sugary ones outside.
Then we picnicked by the beach and played the frisbee. And headed out on weekends to run and walk. And have Shake Shack!
At home, Qinzhi and Huaihao did lots of device time. Sometimes stopping both was challenging.
So I went to Daiso and bought Qinzhi some handicraft materials hoping to get her to pen some thoughts for her friends and teachers before leaving the school she has spent 6 years of her childhood on. And thankfully, she put her hands to painting.
On my birthday Qinzhi wrote this for me. The best one could ever get….. I actually felt some elements of not living up to this. It was as if I couldn’t raise my head in front of her.
Because I once was shy being pregnant in my wedding dress. Those were thoughts I carried with me in my system even after so many years.
Looking back, I had so much fear of not knowing what to do. I guess I didn’t even know what to do with myself but now I have baby in me. And what do I do? How will I manage?
I feared responsibilities but now I have one I felt more precious and bigger than myself. I did not feel I was able to manage. But I did ! And Qinzhi was the one who helped me get to this I m today bit by bit.
Thankful to see this old me again and to feel how I felt to release this. Not needed now.
Time to let them go and really rise up to being the best mom Qinzhi ever gets.
I apologize unreservedly to you Qinzhi should I have been any lesser then what you thought, with what little wisdom I have in the circumstances I have been.
And thank you for showing up the way you did in my life, to give me strength whoever I was weak, to hug me whenever (i never knew) I needed. For loving me.
And the school had this commend your child initiative which asked parents to write letters to their graduating kids
Here’s what I have :
Caring , giving, gentle, generous, helpful, sensitive, determined. These very traits you exhibit will make you ever more wonderful. They will lift you out of anything and up to where you want to be. Be aware of them, use them in your everyday life to expand on them. Trust they will bring magic and more to you. And they will.
From Wikipedia: The drama tells of Lee Yeon (Lee Dong-wook) -an over 1000-years-old Gumiho and once the guardian mountain spirit of Baekdudaegan -now a city dweller. He works with Taluipa(Kim Jung-nan)-an agent in the Afterlife Immigration Office and the protector of the Samdo river- to eradicate supernatural beings that threaten the mortal world. He lives in the city where he is assisted by his loyal subject, veterinarian, and fellow Gumiho, Goo Shin-Joo.
What keeps Lee Yeon living is his dream of becoming a mortal —- even if it means losing his superpowers and his eternal soul , even if it means in human form, you have to experience the cycles of illness pain death——-so that he can be with his first love, a human. But foxes cannot fall in love with humans and the connection was damned in the past.
The two reconnect in this life as lovers and the plot goes on to show their ill fated path that is to repeat.
It goes to show that attachments and energetic connections and the very strength of it makes people come back again and again. It shows that unresolved issues come back again.
But you can choose a new reality . Your choice of a new belief and making new choices or creating new pathways is what creates a new reality for you and your loved ones. ie. Yeon became a mortal in the end.
What is lovely of the drama is that it shows you how one creates their reality with their thoughts, fears, values, past experiences—- with their inner world. And that what we see on the outside are but reflections of what is going on in our insides.
It shows how in spit seconds we can be in another reality —- if we will.
The drama captures what we grapple with daily with our subconscious and consciousness and puts it in a storyline for us to find better resonance. And above all, it puts the power back in us. To tell us: We can and have all the power to create and recreate our reality in any moment so that we no longer are bound by the past .
First as a child. Then in my professional career as a journalist to people from all spectrums in life. Now I direct them to myself and the source the greater or greatest creator and to life.
It didn’t really come to my understanding how powerful questions can be.
I thought what was to be pursued were answers . I have been pursuing answers all along. Waiting to hear back with the questions I asked.
But John has been talking about asking questions, and its the questions we ask that matter. And now this I saw from Michael Beckwith
“You see, we have to ask powerful questions. If there’s an issue, you have to ask a big enough question for the Universe to answer it.
So behind every problem, there’s a question trying to ask itself. And behind every question, there’s an answer trying to reveal itself. And behind every answer, there’s an action trying to express itself. And behind every action, there’s a way of life trying to be born.
If a person is chronically struggling with finances and they’re asking, “Why is this always happening to me?” That’s a disempowering question. You’ve got to ask a bigger question like, “What is the nature of prosperity?”
Perhaps write it down and think about it when you go to bed at night; sleep on it. The Universe will start to talk to you; it is already talking to you.
The broadcast is already going on; it just needs your permission to come in. The answer tells you, “prosperity is everywhere, prosperity is energy, energy is never created or destroyed, it’s invisible. Look at the leaves on a tree. Look at the grains of sand. Look at the stars in the heavens. It’s everywhere. There’s no lack anywhere.”
Yet, your mind will say, “Wait a minute, I’m asking because I don’t have money or prosperity.” And it will come back and tell you, “I said I’m invisible. I’m infinite. I’m not a thing. So give what you have, give a smile, help somebody. Put yourself in a position to serve.”
And then that action becomes a way of life.
So, if you wake up thinking, “How am I going to serve? How am I going to give? How am I going to circulate?” Then the Universe will support you in that, and prosperity starts to flow into your life because you’ve asked the right question.
How are you going to serve today? First, write your empowering question down and see what the Universe offers you. Then share your story with the community and me.”
This called out to me.
I tried asking myself, because suddenly, all my work on hand stopped. First, slowly, I let go of one, then two of what I was doing currently. The last one I held on to, let me know that they wanted to end the contract at the end of this month. AT first I was taken by surprise, what was I to do ——-Starting back at the point of zero income?
I asked myself the questions mainstream society would ask, such as, how can you be living without any source of income? How are you going to retire comfortably and such? Driven by fear, worry, inadequacy.
What is the universe trying to tell me or do?
Then it occured to me that things, were, are speeding up. The last thing I held on to out of fear or insecurity is stripped off me literally. And I realise, the universe is giving me a pat on the back and giving me the support I need so that I can elevate into the new.
In the new, these old strings cannot be with me as they served me no longer. My time to enter the new has come and the very things that will impede me or what I hang on to, old values, system, judgments, ways of living, earning my keep, thinking etc, can only be left behind.
I felt like the time has come.
While I walked on my own, I looked at the things which held me back, fear, worry, shame, guilt. I located them in my body and walked with them, looked at them, breathed with and into them, thanked them for teaching me and keeping me on my toes and bringing me to who I am, and waved them goodbye.
Then I saw and was drawn to this lotus in a pond
Then before I knew, a shower descended.
Run or walk?
I ran in the rain. Took shelter under a tree and felt rain slipping in and it was truly like a blessing of sorts.
And it felt so good.
As i reread “How are you going to serve today? First, write your empowering question down and see what the Universe offers you. “
I felt touched myself. It sort like I am aligning to the universe’s rhythm, entering a flow of sorts. I felt a response or a resonance of sorts in the air, nodding in my favour, as if saying, finally you are back you have come.
And i understand now why a lot of works they shine bright with light are channelled.
Aligning with the universe or the source or the creator or god, what does it mean? It means first and foremost to recognise to acknowledge and to treasure oneself, as one and only, and a part of the source—–never born and never will die, has been and always will be.
It means not to understand that we are created in the likeness of god but to feel that way.
And Qinzhi said just this afternoon :”I feel that I m god but why am I here?”
We are messengers of light, blinking and shimmering in our own right, each time we shine and acknowledge that god in us, the world shines ever brighter and will be even more so, as we express our truth and be the best we can be, showing the good we are here for.
Set in the seaside town of Gongjin, the story tells of Hong Du Sik, who has come back to Gongjin after spending 5 years in Seoul, carving out a career and facing the death of his good friend .
At his lowest, it was Gamri, and old granny who texted him when he was about to kill himself, who saved him. Unable to forgive himself for his friend’s death, he moved back to Gongjin and started out with life again, but hiding himself and his capabilities by doing odd jobs, living his life lesser than he is, contented with just helping out with meagre chores like catching anchovies and mending fish nets.
He meets Yoon Hye Jin, a dentist who has moved to Gongjin, and they fall in love. Not knowing that they have actually met more than once. The first time when she was a kid with her family, he tried to make her laugh when his grandfather was taking photos for her family.
Another time, she was angel who dialled for help when she saw his alone in patient clothes on a bridge.
When Dusik hid himself and refuses to acknowledge his feelings, thinking he is undeserving, Gamri said to him
“we all know you have had a tough time and we all appreciate how you go around helping people but go and live your life. Eat good food and be happy. Then you will be happy and your loved ones will be happy.”
In the last episode, Gamri wrote a letter to him when he find himself wrestling with his past.
Seeing what Granny wrote reminded me of myself, it made me think of the time i was in a wreck and how gor gor would prepare food for me and nurse me back to wellness and balance.
She said the same, that no matter what, eat I must.And i shouldn’t even skip a meal so that I have strength (to stand up back and go on.)
I was retrieved with the oats she cooked and the soups she warmed up for me every night.
And now I understood why, like granny, perhaps she felt that preparing food —and seeing that I ate well, was the only thing she could do for me.
I woke feeling and knowing I want to start a new relationship with myself—— with TPY
If there’s something I want, it will be this.
To be anew like a fresh piece of white paper. With no preconceived ideas and notions about what is and not , what can and cannot, what should and should not.
Huaihao came to kiss me good morning and say happy birthday this morning.
I woke up
😊
I rose and did the usual routine. Prepared ningxia red and the supplements and breakfast for Qinzhi. It wasn’t a chore but every chance to make her better.
Then I find myself at the beach doing a run.
With each breath I clean the insides and the run became slightly meditative in nature.
As I cleaned the area of the keloids the cyst the intestines I thought about the doctor’s appointment. No I do not need that!
That and the whole set of rules ideas fixations on how I lived my life, taught to me by people and their experiences and expectations. Impressed upon me by my experiences and circumstances, I thank them all for bringing me to where I am so I can say – that’s enough and from now, I want to start living as TPY and start this new relationship of figuring things out through the eyes of TPY, with as much awareness and as little of others’ experiences as possible.
So that I can experience myself! I think that somewhat answers my question of what it means to live.
If you don’t do you, you won’t be done. So—-are you who are you?
And I find myself seeing the clouds nearing the sun, as I did a time lapse of the process, I saw for myself how the clouds let the sun’s rays come thru.
Then sun is always there. Yet we are not always aware of its magnificence. We often cannot see the sun until there is something like a cloud which comes by and allows a contrast somewhat and that’s where the rays of light become obvious.
So it seems like we need the clouds to see the sun. We need something to see ourselves in and the very stuff we are made of.
And while the clouds are here, do we have the awareness that there are here to help get a clearer perspective? And we can remain impartial to them ?
Do we have the patience to wait for the clouds to pass by to reveal the sun which is always there? The sun in me as in you.
Let’s start anew, afresh! I am thankful for the opportunity!
I remind myself to be with the new,
To use my intuition and innate abilities and understanding to move forward
To use my skills and capabilities in the highest good to serve and for the betterment of myself and others
To be kind and compassionate to myself
To relate to myself as the most precious
To learn new things visit new places
To have new works that share light wisdom and wonder
I want to experience magic like never before
On this day, I honour myself and all of which I have experienced, all of whom I have encountered. I thank you all and most of all myself.
On this day, I want to embark to the new with the things I learned. Take flight and soar like never before.
Then dad called me in the morning to wish me happy birthday and so did my brother and sis
My nanny came last 2 days back and cooked me gado gado and gave me ang pows and oranges
In the evening, dad sis and brother came and we had dinner and cut a cake.
When we were singing happy birthday, dad and huaihao sang the loudest and I kept looking at huaihao and he kept looking at me. At bedtime he said it was because its my birthday so of course he had to look at me.
And I told him that i almost felt emotional and want to cry and i felt like if i continued looking at him, we were almost locking eyes,, he would too.
To my surprise, Huaihao said, “let it out, don’t keep it inside, emotions are like the clouds and they will be blown away by the winds. So let it out, don’t keep on to them.”
We chat. Huaihao was saying happy birthday to me —with so much love and i felt so cherished —-at almost every juncture he could find. He told me about how he planned for my birthday.
“I told papa that mommy’s birthday is coming tomorrow so what should we get? Then I said mommy likes to write so maybe we can get a book. We went to Popular but did not find anything nice, I told papa, can we get something better for mommy?
Papa said, ah i know where and we went to this high class shop at raffles city! first of all, i chose the colour of the cover to be pink, (why didn’t you choose yellow?) because there was none, and i m like , how can there not be yellow? then i chose the flap to be yellow, the button to be gold. Then we picked the words We Love Mummy, and inside there is a Happy Birthday 2021. The male assistant said he normally suggest the words to be behind so there is a surprise and I took his suggestion. (so why didn’t you write your name and jiejie name behind?) because each row of words cost $10. The book needed 40 minutes and so we went down to buy water go to muji and then went to pick it. (did you like it?) yes. then we went to Tarte (by cheryl koh) but it was closed! aiya! then we went to cedele. And I chose the ondeh ondeh cake because you said you liked it. Then we came back to hide it in the storeroom really inside. (did you chat?) yes, we talked about when to give you the present, who will be here and all these…”
My tears were wetting his pillows and he popped out to get a tissue and wiped my tears
Huaihao said his wish for me is “happy birthday , happy birthday to my precious precious precious precious precious precious mommy. I wish you to be healthy happy and to live forever and never to die.”
I said a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big thank you to huaihao.
And he asked :” what did i do?”
“you planned for my birthday, gave suggestions for my present and designed the book for me”
And he said, “but papa paid for it, “
Huaihao asked me if I liked my present, if I liked the cake. I said I did.
“this book is like a custom made one by huaihao. and no two is the same. even if the words are the same, the colours would be different. “
and Huaihao said, “even if the words and colours are the same, it is still different because this one you have carries my love.”
I thank Huaihao again for the love, for teaching me what it is to cherish and what it means to be precious. If I didn’t know previously, I know now how precious I m. I cannot imagine how precious I m or what I mean to him. But he let me know.
Thank you Huaihao and Qinzhi of course!
Happy birthday TPY! You spectacular being! You precious one!
The set is waiting for the newsmaker or the interviewee to tell his or her story
And I don’t mind that I m waiting so long just to do the interview. I also do not mind that the money isn’t good.
It means I like this work.
I begin to see no dream —- of me taking helm of a magazine and steering it . It will be a magazine exemplifying goodness wellness and has information about living an abundant spritely life.
A few thoughts came to mind:
I have been using what I know to balance myself back in the recent shocks I experienced
And I managed to
And I m gaining confidence about this innate ability
I have been feeling that the words I repeat are keeping me in the old. It means I haven’t been ready previously but now I know I am. Maybe , not maybe but I should start a new commentary.
Instead of saying to myself to release all the fear shame guilt in me, I m beginning to see myself bye away from this and beginning to love saying —- let’s build and create health, happiness, vitality , healthfulness, longevity
And I hear kyron’s message
Release or drop everything that was ever taught to you
Drop everything that defines you is about you
Drop it
You will not survive well in the new if you have energies of the old
Come in fresh without any of the baggage of what you think is right and wrong true or false
Everything you have been taught has been in the dark room
Stop deciding what others think about you
Drop the perception that you need them
The old tools don’t work anymore
Do not let the past dictate the future
Don’t let the disappointments of the past pace into the future because things will change
Learn to relax with life
2 steps forward 1 step back
There will be things that will derail you but don’t be discouraged
You don’t take on others problems and let them bog you down
You are the light of this planet don’t let anyone put it out
Set aside all the anxiety the fears and let your feet be washed
Think higher
Reboot into enhanecment not surrounded by processes of old energy
I asked my kids. Qinzhi said , to live is to learn. HuaiHao said, to live is to be free. And they are but 12 and 8.
Then HuaiHao said, “ you should do what you like. ”
I said that I like to do interviews, write , listen to people’s stories. Do videos.
I told him what it means to be free. Comparing my life previously when I was working till now, I can now choose what I want to do or not do- I certainly feel free-ier even if I m earning way much lesser
And he asked, “ don’t you like to be with me?”
And I said I was waiting for him to ask me this.
But am I living my life? Doing what I want? Am I living my truth ? and is at peace with me?
I saw this quote by Michael Beckwith, “ if you don’t do you, you won’t be done.”
I watched a Korean drama and in it and old granny told a young man “we all know you have had a tough time and we all appreciate how you go around helping people but go and live your life. Eat good food and be happy. Then you will be happy and your loved ones will be happy.”
In this video, kyron talks about dropping the karma we all believe we have. About stepping out of what we were into the new.
And yesterday in my shower, I thought of something ——- everything can be forgiven, not just this lifetime, but everything and on every of my existence.
Why?
Because I am alive.
And the others isn’t at all important. Looking at the clouds drift by made me think of something- is this living ? Have a started to live? Am I living my life?
What is to live?
I probably passed through days previously, I was doing things for my family, for anyone else but me. And I saw this just now:
From Trinity Esoterics this morning:”The biggest power move you can make on your enlightenment journey is making the shift from knowing about spirituality to living spiritually. Your seeking is a wonderful thing and for many of you a precursor to your embodiment, but ultimately it is your beingness that declares who you really are. Knowledge is often a precursor to action, a springboard, if you will, to how you wish to be.
Simply put, reading about love is wonderful, but one loving action allows you to experience yourself as the love, and it is the expression of those spiritual traits you are really seeking.”
Hear us when we say you do not need to wait until you reach some level of attainment in order to live your life in an enlightened way. Every demonstration of love, every prayer, every moment of gratitude, every observation of beauty, every word of encouragement to another, every peaceful choice, every kindness – all of it is spirituality in action. What we wish for you to know is there are many, many of you on the planet who simply express who they really are, beautifully and consistently, without any knowledge at all of the ascension process, and that makes just as much of a difference as the actions of those who have studied for their entire lives.”
Do you see? The prep work is valuable but don’t get stuck in the habit of being a perpetual student who never quite feels ready to apply their knowledge because the world needs you and your loving actions now, and there is also great joy for you when you allow yourself to step into the experience of being who you came onto the planet to be.”~Archangel Gabriel through Shelley Young.
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