Huaihao is beginning to look out of the windows more and more, and I really love that. Looking out and up, looking at nature and that gives him the opportunity to listen to the everything in between
One afternoon, he took a nap, and that was quite rare, but it reminded me of the times he was a baby and took naps and I would take pictures of him
Huaihao has been making transformers using his Lego and they are so amazing. He loves to come about and tell me about each and every of the figures he creates and show me how they transform, what moving parts they have and if they are the good or bad guy.
Because he did well, I bought him plant vs zombie books which he loves and he would wake up on a weekend to read and complete the books on his own, and said, “i love reading!”
so glad to hear he has found something he loves
these are the things he can keep coming back to to nourish him and comfort him, and, give him joy
Huaihao is on a spaghetti and cheese streak , loves it so much and would help prepare by slicing the ingredients and doing whatever he can
Due to rising incidences of covid, the kids were given ART test kits and he had the chance to try one
One day, i had the chance to pick him at school and head over to redhill to pick up lunch, mixed rice which he picks himself and misses. He used to eat this at redhill, his favourite and would pick his own side dishes.
On weekends, we typically walk to Marina area and Huaihao recently liked to have bento at Meidi-ya. He loves competitive races and would strive to be the first to reach, a whooping 10 plus km walk and to win an açai treat all by himself.
On another weekend, Qinzhi chose to walk to Jewel, so we had Shake Shack and ice cream
On the national day weekend, we rose earlier and walked to Marina area , daddy gave the kids a virtual reality game treat and then we had food in the open, because the rules at this time was no dining in for people who are not vaccinated. We watched fireworks with the crowd and this music be one of the most extraordinary time that huaihao and qinzhi will come to remember.
Teacher’s Day this year and Huaihao made cards for his teachers, most of all, Ms Thang whose class he loves
And these are nuggets of wisdom because I spent bedtime with Huaihao, so precious
Bedtime with huaihao and we talked about the time i gave birth to him, confinement and all the way up to him crying in the night wanting to suckle and we decided it was time to stop.
Huaihao initially felt sad, but I took the time to explain to him that he would suckle at pleasure throughout the night, and he said , “and i had teeth”
He was very understanding and said, “i m sorry i put you through this all”
and he massaged me and my hands till he fell asleep
Bedtime with Huaihao is always enjoyable, and healing perhaps. Somehow he spoke about the sperm that is 1 in zillions and met with the egg .
I said, if I got pregnant earlier, and he went, “it might not be me, and if you got pregnant later, it might not be me. SO its got to be that time, not even a millisecond early, or late”
And I asked him how we should celebrate this magic made in that 1 millisecond
“we kiss”
Huaihao wasn’t sleepy and we came out to the sofa for a short chat and some tv, although it was only 30min but it was good, i asked huaihao to massage my legs and he did until his hands were tired.
We chat, i asked him if the actress is pretty in this drama or the other one we saw earlier, and he says, mommy is prettier .
These few days , Huaihao has been hugging me lots, after raindrop, when i fall into sleep, he would come in and kiss me on my cheek.
Bedtime earlier, I asked if he enjoys to talking to me and he says, yes of course and keeps cupping my face in his palms. He says, I m his precious precious mommy
He spoke again about meeting me in this millisecond, that if I were to give birth any earlier or later we wouldn’t have met and we both agree this is nothing else but crazy magic.
I told him we can make this magic good by loving each other, and celebrating all the things we did together. And looking at what we have rather than what we don’t.
Hao says, “yes that’s what miss thang says, like we can use what we know to do what we don’t know in maths, and its like in Lego too, if you need a certain machine, u can make one out of what you have so you don’t have to buy the lego that specifically makes this thing”
I started by saying, “I m grateful for having this house where we could see the sunrise sunset moon and rain and wind.. grateful for having hao, zhi and dad with me, grateful for not having to work and can be at home with hao and zhi, grateful for being able to do the things i like”
And hao says, “yes, we should always do the things we like”
“So remember I told you I wanted to be a newscaster when I was young? So if I go and be one, I would be reading the news at dinner time, but wouldn’t be able to make you dinner and eat dinner with you. How should I choose?”
And hao says, “maybe gong gong can.. (he meant grandpa can help make dinner ) but i would love to see you on tv and reading news so do that, i would be so happy to see you”
I almost could not contain my tears, because I would rather choose to cook dinner for him every night and be with him for dinner. I explained this to him, that it would be joy for me to see him eat up the nutritious home cooked food I made.
Then he said again I m his precious mommy so precious he would love me millions of trips to the moon and back and I said I would be doing zillions.
I asked him how does loving someone feel?
And hao said, “feels happy!”
“yes and if loving someone doesn’t make you feel happy, probably it isn’t really right. ” I wonder if this advice will pop up to him somewhere in time later on in his life.
“Loving someone brings out the best in us don’t you think? like even if you wanted me to be home very much, you would rather choose that I pursue my dream and for me, I would let go of my dream and choose the option for your best “
We are both thinking of what is best for each other.
Bedtime with huaihao and I asked him if it was okay for me to go back to work. His reply: “ my happiness will shut down”
Bedtime with Huaihao.
we spoke about daddy’s low mood these few days. I asked huaihao if he is disturbed and he says, “i don’t know what to do about it”
and i asked if he feels uncomfortable with that feeling. he says, “kind of, “
i shared with him how i used to feel,
“i used to feel like there’s something wrong with me, and i would want to talk to him to get him to snap out of it, but these days i understand that everyone takes their time and we have to trust the process. so like if its not time u cant force it, or what you say might make him angry or whatever. so i learn to give him space and time and most importantly in the meantime, i do not get affected and keep my spirits high, i can choose how i feel”
and huaihao says, “but we need to move at the same time, we cant leave him behind “
huaihao told me the day the beds came , daddy told him about how his father didn’t quite talk to him when he was a child and had to abandon the family
huaihao asked daddy why his daddy had to abandon his family and daddy’s reply was that there were people chasing them
“he told me the day he felt proud was the day when jiejie was born and when i gave the speech during graduation”
we discussed the feeling of being proud,
i said daddy felt proud at the age of 35 when qinzhi was born, what about the times before?
“huaihao is 8 years old and there are already so many times you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing big and little things.”
huaihao then asked me how my mom passed away,
I told him it was because of a bout of bad flu gone the wrong way, virus went into her heart and she was sent to intensive care and in less than 2 weeks she was gone
and in the time she was gone, i had to be leader of the family, sister to my siblings. he asked me how old my siblings were then and said, “it must have been hard on you”
i told him about what qinzhi said this morning, she said , “i m born to fly”
i reminded huaihao that we all are, but life’s big and littlest event make us forget about how wonderful we are
makes us forget about trying (and flying, he added)
so i said to him that perhaps in a future, there might be a time he felt low and not confident, i hope he would bring to mind this little conversation we had and it could bring him warmth and light and courage and confidence
to believe that he is and always has been that magnificent
and he continued to massage my neck and shoulders
how amazing my boy is.
Bedtime with HuaiHao
And we talked about his bicycling trip with dad to parkway parade . He says riding feels free.
“It’s freedom! Like Wah!”
We went a bit deeper and I asked him how he learned to cycle and he explained to me how his dad taught him. And we reminisced the steps and how it felt.
The next morning, HuaiHao said, “ I want to teach you how to cycle! It will change your life!”
Bedtime with HuaiHao
We were talking about school . Earlier in the day, HuaiHao shared about a classmate who wanted to borrow his book and when HuaiHao refused . His classmate would say , “ curse you”
Huaihao asked me what does curse you mean? I didn’t have the heart to tell him the exact meaning and blurred it off with a general explanation such as “ scold you”
HuaiHao said when he heard the expression he felt rain on his head or pigeon poop. I smiled in my heart seeing his.
At bedtime we chat again about school and he said his results for maths was the best in class . One time his teacher saw him reading and asked him to do work. Flipped his book and saw HuaiHao already done with work. HuaiHao was so pleased he said he was dancing in his mind.
We then spoke about things we like to do and he asked me what? I said I would like to do videos that sparked hope and gave light and warmth
“Then do it. Go for it!” it sounded as if it were god talking to me.
I said I needed people to give me the opportunity.
“Then go tell people you want to do it!”
Bd he kept kissing me at bedtime and says he can’t get enough of me.
I asked him what is one amazing thing mommy does that makes him feel happy?
“You love me. If it weren’t for that sperm who swam to meet I wouldn’t be here. I love you my precious mommy!”
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