I have been asking myself the question: how do we heal shame and guilt?

And I saw some interesting notes, talk about synchronicity!

Can there be coincidence in life?

Look at the messages i picked up along the way? Too beautiful and , coincidental!

I am reminded of one of the messages the community shared on this point

Guilt and Shame associated with lower back, root and sacral region—>affects imunne system, health issues, autoimmune prob, allergies,

Guilt and Shame, happening in our mind, creating mentally, your own story, you are running it and watching it, if keep doing this it does not serve any purpose, just feeling himself or herself, habit of looping and imagining, paying back with guilt and shame and hitting yourself.

Causes diseases, doesnt connect you to present,

Duality, another version of you , at war with yourself

immune system starts to get worse, neurological issues, autoimmune coz at war with yourself.

Things that have happened already past, there’s only present,

cannot change past, but can change present, then change past and future

Power of present, change in the present, past and future will change

we can connect with ourselves to present

dont connect to past anymore

you have power to change, in present power to connect and conceive

Release for back, inhale, got to cellular receptors, change vibration of being, release what baggage you are holding

Transformation: apply front and back, dont like the way you think, inhale

Royal Blend: Rose, Ylang ylang, royal Hawaiian sandalwood, jasmine, works instantly, apply front and back

Present Time, inhale , apply front and back, forehead

Aren’t they all answers for me?

Today after the rain, we went out walking. Was chatting with bf on healing. I asked him about his sessions and he shared some bits here and there, such as being led to a scene of the past and feeling what the younger self of him felt , what he would tell the boy.

I tried it as I walked. Applying these to my own experiences and I went back to the day before dad left. We were asked to get into his bedroom and dad said he had to go,

I asked myself how I felt-in there.

Apprehensive , lots of fear, what about us? Are you abandoning us? Is there any future? Are you leaving mom to this? How can you leave us -this way? What kind of father are you to be doing this to us? Do we deserve this at all?

There’s also anger, frustration, hatred, helplessness at how things have come on. All these were not expressed by the girl that was me.

Instead I saw her, sitting there, not really daring to face up and not wanting to hear what’s next or to know what is going on?

I shut down.

And if I shut down then, can I blame my dad for choosing to shut down too? Those ways we went–they seem to be the very ways we can afford with what circumstances and wisdom we had.

Instead of saying all those things, I shut down. And I allowed and consented to dad’s decision.

I actually allowed it and consented. This was my understanding as I walked today. At that time, by not saying anything, I have actually made a decision, I consented to letting him go, and taking up responsibility for and the uncertain future come what may!

Wow, what a realisation.

Wow

My soul chose it this way, and shouldered and soldiered on in the later years. Why I asked? Was there something I needed to learn? I thought about the concept of soul contract, like how we chose the people we were to meet before we came into this very existence for a certain fulfilment. I am proud to say then then my job is done and I tear away this soul contract with the soul who is my dad.

I think with this i can start embracing a new relationship with him, all over again, picking up from where we left off and I see myself being brought to the sandy beach or playground by dad.

I was asking myself how to heal guilt and shame, and i thought of a few ways, besides using essential oils to support and release, offering light to the areas of the body harbouring these and breathing in to these points . I thought of also building a new relationship or simply just making new experiences and memories with my father.

And to the girl then what would I say?

“辛苦你了。谢谢你！”

It been hard on you . Thank you for doing all you have done.

I remember – Mr Ng said it to me too.

And I m so proud to have come to this point.

As I walked, birds begin to swirl around playing in/with the sky. I am always touched by this sight. They reminded me of the time i was in the maldives and a server at The Alila told me this as he served me ice cold water at the sun deck.

“What is your name,” he asked.

“Yen, it means big bird”

“I think if you do what you like, you will be like flying in the sky”

Its so beautiful and so wise, it says so much. And later on, I have always, whenever possible to go on to include birds in my video works–to thank myself once again, for doing something I like.

Interestingly, in my shower I silently worded one of the above I saw by koya webb: to invite people places experiences that will support or uplift me

In the afternoon, HuaiHao was going to raindrop me as usual but my bottle of 3 Wise Men fell and broke

The essential oil spilled on the floor and not wanting to waste it. I was desperately trying to use both hands to wipe the oil up and to apply them- and the next moment, the word anoint came into mind.

Rather than getting angry or feeling like the oil is wasted, I m a breathing walking 3 wise men now.

Maybe I needed 3 Wise Men

I look forward to my next walk.